The Haze Reviews
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Message: 1 Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1999 20:21:22 +1000 From: "Vanessa Beanland" <nemesis@xxxxxxxx.xxxxSubject: Re: the haze Dear Julia,I don't know what else to say but that your story was great! I liked how you had mick there at first, and then Frank! And going on about the Brissie girls, that was kind of funny. =)Also, I loved this last line: >“Hey there sleepyhead” he said, releif evident in his smile. HisRachel had >come back for him.Yes, she's HIS Rachel!! lol. =) I guess after this success we'll be hearing more from you...Vanessa |
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Message: 4 Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 21:27:38 +1000 From: Jaye Reid <jayereid@xxxxxxx.xxx.xxxSubject: Feedback: The Haze Julia!!!!!! Welcome..... I am only new here too but I can tell you right now, you will have a brilliant time here!!Like it? Julia it was fantastic. Even more impressive that it was your first fic.... Yes, and some fics are even better if you just ignore some little *facts*. Julia Webster wrote:> From: "Julia Webster" <yunadax@xxxxxx.xxx.xx>> > Title: the Haze> Author : Julia > Authors note: hey this is my first fic so be kind! my ideas are harebrained > and weird so > you’ll just have to bear with me. On a personal note I’m just going to deny > that Kaddish > ever took place, I mean we ALL know that the hero never dies! An alternate > ending to A Day At The Office writen kinda from personal experience, I mean > waking up from anesthetic and the recovery phase where one gets their > bearing. I dunno what you lot are going to think.. but please let me know on > ways to improve my writing! > Disclaimer: okayokayokay I don’t own them.. I’ll return them to the sandbox > after I> finished!>> The Haze.> > *Pain. what the hell? God this HURTS!* Rachel Goldstein thought. She doubled > over, > clutching the evil thing protruding from her stomach, her knees gave out, > sending her > crashing to the iron walkway below her. She saw a face, then heard running > steps. > *Jack?* she thought desperately as the pain intensified. Her vision swam and > Jack’s face > appeared over hers, yelling something about ambulances and backup. Suddenly > she was in > the air, Jack’s strong arms wrapped around her, but it didn’t stop the pain. > “David...” she cried desperately, she needed to know he would be taken care > of, just in> case. The pain erupted again. > *This is the end* she thought *this is it*. More thoughts came racing before > her mind. > *Frank, David, Jack* She saw David’s gorgeous face before her, smiling and > waving as > she said goodbye to him at school, *oh God, what’s gonna happen to my baby?* > she> thought. > Jack was desperately saying things to her, she heard parts of this, but her > concentration > was on each breath as it became harder and harder to draw them in. The pain > was tearing > her apart, the sharp object sliced into her palm as she gripped it in an > effort to control the > agony ripping away from the inside. She could see the blackness approaching, > it looked so > inviting, so peaceful and calm, temptation began to overwhelm her. She heard > a voice> again, Jacks. > “I love you Rachel” the words bounced around her scull, and the blackness > was pushed > away for an instant, then the pain returned, screaming at her from inside. > Each breath was > torture, an effort requiring all her energy and attention. Time seemed to > stand still, then> the blackness engulfed her.> Oh this was a great portrayal of the scene... The emotions and the panic involved. > The blackness receded and a haze of drowsiness seemed to take its place. > *hrm* she thought *am I dead? Is this what its like when you’re dead?* an > annoying> presence made itself known in her stomach, the pain returned, not as > intense, but there > was no doubt that it was there. *Pain? there isn’t any pain when you’re > dead...unless...no.. > I cant.....hang on.. I’m alive...I’m ALIVE!* the thought mingled with other > less interesting> thoughts in her drug hampered mind. > As the haze lifted Rachel became more aware of other things, cool air on > her skin, > something sticky attached to her side, the pain, voices, someone touching > her face, the > pain, something in her ear, the pain, something on her finger, more pain, a > pinprick in her > arm, then no pain. The haze returned and Rachel fought to stay with the > sensations she > had, she concentrated on the voices, trying to distinguish them. > “ Rach, I dunno if you can hear me, but you’ve gotta come back, Tayler’s a > mess and > Jack’s lost it completely. He needs you Rachel, we all do.” *hrmmm sounds > like Mick* Now this was nice that you included Mick in here..... Not just going for Jack or Frank straight away... > she thought as the haziness receded some more. Another voice spoke, this one > more> familiar, more....intimate. > “Rach, g’day mate. I made it to Brissie, not that that’s important right > now, but I came > back as soon as I heard what happened. Rach, you gotta do this mate, you > gotta fight this > and come back to us. I promise I’ll keep my side of the office tidy!” > *Frank!* she thought > *my God he’s come back!* she tried to move, to open her eyes and see his > face again, but > nothing would move. She felt him take her hand, he continued to speak, to > tell her where > he’d been and all his adventures in Brisbane. As he spoke she concentrated > on her hand, > willing her fingers to move slightest bit, just something to let him know > that she’d be > alright. Something must have happened when he stopped “this big boobed > Brissie girl...”> He paused. > “Rach?, Rach can you hear me????” She tried to move her fingers again and > felt her limp > hand move the slightest amount. He squeezed her hand back in return and > called out to > someone. Moments later there were more people in the room, she could feel > their eyes on > her, their scent in her nose. The voices talked about ‘coma’s and blood loss > and other > medical terms her drug hazed mind couldn’t cope with. She drifted into the > haze again,> weary from her efforts with Frank. OH I do think we have another Frank and Rachel devotee!!!!! Yeah! Of course he would be back, and I just grinned and grinned at her reaction to him being there. I liked your description of Rachel trying to get his attention and then her drifting back sleep. > The next time she returned from the haze she heard another familiar voice, > Jack’s. > He was talking about some new Detective they had working with them, some > young > upstart named Alex. A kiss on the forehead and he left, leaving her to drift > on the haze> again. Hmm, definitely Frank fan! Poor Jack must have realised that he didn't stand a chance once Frank came back.... And well Frank wouldn't be hiding his feelings for Rachel....... Maybe Jack and hook up with Alex?? > Frank’s voice came up next, the hand returned, this time stroking her > hair, brushing > it out of her closed eyes. He murmured reassuring things to her and rested > his hand on her > hair. She tried out the moving thing, this time it was easier, a squeeze in > return. *alright, > now for the eyes* she thought, demanding her mind and muscles to open her > eyes to see > his face again. Brightness assaulted her weak eyes, but she saw his outline > against the > harsh light. She opened her eyes again, leaving them open so they could > adjust. His face> moved into view. > “Hey there sleepyhead” he said, releif evident in his smile. His Rachel had > come back for him.> Oh my god, oh my god <vbg> Such a Frank sort of comment..... and the last line "His Rachel...."I am grinning so much my jaw is aching!!!!> Finis :) > hope you liked it!> Julia I loved it!! Congratulations..... now when is the next one coming out??> |
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Message: 11 Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 16:59:28 +1100 From: *Esme* <erinwilson@xxxxx.xxx.xxxSubject: Feedback: THE HAZE Julia!! it's about time! (I was just thinking the other day about you and fanfic). anyway, the story...>Title: the Haze>Author : Julia >Authors note: hey this is my first fic so be kind! my ideas are harebrained >and weird so >you’ll just have to bear with me. On a personal note I’m just going to deny >that Kaddish>ever took place, I mean we ALL know that the hero never dies! you and me, we're in this denial thing together!>The Haze.>nice title. >*Pain. what the hell? God this HURTS!* Rachel Goldstein thought. She doubled >over,>clutching the evil thing protruding from her stomach, her knees gave out, >sending her >crashing to the iron walkway below her. She saw a face, then heard running >steps. this was such a great beginning! I knew as soon as I started reading that I was gonna love this. it was really interesting, coz I don't remember anyone else writing these first few moments from Rachel's view before.it's good! >*Jack?* she thought desperately as the pain intensified. Her vision swam and >Jack’s face >appeared over hers, yelling something about ambulances and backup. Suddenly >she was in >the air, Jack’s strong arms wrapped around her, but it didn’t stop the pain. >“David...” she cried desperately, she needed to know he would be taken care >of, just in>case. The pain erupted again. >*This is the end* she thought *this is it*. More thoughts came racing before >her mind. >*Frank, David, Jack* She saw David’s gorgeous face before her, smiling and >waving as >she said goodbye to him at school, *oh God, what’s gonna happen to my baby?* >she>thought. >Jack was desperately saying things to her, she heard parts of this, but her >concentration >was on each breath as it became harder and harder to draw them in. The pain >was tearing >her apart, the sharp object sliced into her palm as she gripped it in an >effort to control the >agony ripping away from the inside. She could see the blackness approaching, >it looked so >inviting, so peaceful and calm, temptation began to overwhelm her. She heard >a voice>again, Jacks. >“I love you Rachel” the words bounced around her scull, and the blackness >was pushed >away for an instant, then the pain returned, screaming at her from inside. >Each breath was >torture, an effort requiring all her energy and attention. Time seemed to >stand still, then>the blackness engulfed her. wow, I'm just lovin' it! it all seems so real (probably coz it is real - that was the way it happened). but I just love all the bits about the pain, they are really well written. >The blackness receded and a haze of drowsiness seemed to take its place. >*hrm* she thought *am I dead? Is this what its like when you’re dead?* an >annoying>presence made itself known in her stomach, the pain returned, not as >intense, but there >was no doubt that it was there. *Pain? there isn’t any pain when you’re >dead...unless...no.. >I cant.....hang on.. I’m alive...I’m ALIVE!* the thought mingled with other >less interesting>thoughts in her drug hampered mind. > As the haze lifted Rachel became more aware of other things, cool air on >her skin, >something sticky attached to her side, the pain, voices, someone touching >her face, the >pain, something in her ear, the pain, something on her finger, more pain, a >pinprick in her >arm, then no pain. The haze returned and Rachel fought to stay with the >sensations she>had, she concentrated on the voices, trying to distinguish them. >“ Rach, I dunno if you can hear me, but you’ve gotta come back, Tayler’s a >mess and >Jack’s lost it completely. He needs you Rachel, we all do.” *hrmmm sounds >like Mick*very interesting that Mick is the first to speak. he usually gets forgotten. >she thought as the haziness receded some more. Another voice spoke, this one >more>familiar, more....intimate. >“Rach, g’day mate. I made it to Brissie, not that that’s important right >now, but I came >back as soon as I heard what happened. Rach, you gotta do this mate, you >gotta fight this >and come back to us. I promise I’ll keep my side of the office tidy!” >*Frank!* she thought >*my God he’s come back!* she tried to move, to open her eyes and see his >face again, but >nothing would move. She felt him take her hand, he continued to speak, to >tell her where >he’d been and all his adventures in Brisbane. As he spoke she concentrated >on her hand, >willing her fingers to move slightest bit, just something to let him know >that she’d be I love how she is SO determined to try and tell him she can hear him. >alright. Something must have happened when he stopped “this big boobed >Brissie girl...”>He paused. >“Rach?, Rach can you hear me????” She tried to move her fingers again and >felt her limp >hand move the slightest amount. He squeezed her hand back in return and >called out to >someone. Moments later there were more people in the room, she could feel >their eyes on >her, their scent in her nose. The voices talked about ‘coma’s and blood loss >and other >medical terms her drug hazed mind couldn’t cope with. She drifted into the >haze again,>weary from her efforts with Frank. > The next time she returned from the haze she heard another familiar voice, >Jack’s. >He was talking about some new Detective they had working with them, some>young >upstart named Alex. A kiss on the forehead and he left, leaving her to drift >on the haze >again. Frank’s voice came up next, the hand returned, this time stroking her >hair, brushing >it out of her closed eyes. He murmured reassuring things to her and rested >his hand on heroh, Frank's such a cutie! >hair. She tried out the moving thing, this time it was easier, a squeeze in >return. *alright, >now for the eyes* she thought, demanding her mind and muscles to open her >eyes to seethis determination is so Rachel-like. it's perfect! >his face again. Brightness assaulted her weak eyes, but she saw his outline >against the >harsh light. She opened her eyes again, leaving them open so they could >adjust. His face>moved into view. >“Hey there sleepyhead” he said, releif evident in his smile. His Rachel had >come back for him.> that is such a Frank line. it's sweet that he kind of jokes with her, but he's obviously SO relieved that she's back. I also love the last line, coz we always write stories about Frank coming back for his Rachel, but this was good that His Rachel was coming back for him.>>Finis :)> hope you liked it! yes!! of course I liked it! I loved it! I thought it was brilliant! for a first attempt, this is just amazing!! I always knew you had it in you!! now I'll have to start pestering you all the time about writing more!talk later esme |
