In Memory Of The Late Sean O'Leary

Sean O'Leary was well pleased with his life. He enjoyed a good story and a good song. He loved a good whiskey and a young, willing body writhing in pleasure beneath him. He sat close to the campfire and watched the young man swimming in the cold lake.

'He is so like my Jamie when we were that age' he thought. He was aware of heat spreading through him as the object of his admiration left the water and started to dry himself. Taking another sip of coffee, Sean allowed himself the pleasure of imagining his hands, rather than the towel, rubbing across that well muscled body. He sent a silent prayer to his lover thousands of miles away in Ireland. 'I'm so sorry, Jamie. But if I can, I'll have to break my promise to you.'

He hadn't been too sure that Benton Fraser was the right choice for a guide through the Territories. The lad was only 18. But, then, he had been the only one to answer Sean's advertisement for a guide in the local paper. And after two days, Fraser had proven his ability. He had lived in this area his entire life, mostly with his grandparents, occasionally with some of the Native People. His knowledge of the area was impressive. As a guide, Sean could have found none better.

His concentration returned to Fraser. He was tall, well muscled, his blue eyes a shocking contrast to the dark brown hair. Sean's eyes roamed across the broad chest and tight abdomen, lower, until they found what he had been looking for-the lovely cock, pale against the patch of dark curls. Sean ran his tongue against his lower lip. He took deep breaths to control himself as the lad, now dressed, walked back toward their camp. Fraser moved with fluid grace, a grace that was natural and not practiced.

''Untouched' Sean thought. 'I'd wager the royalties from my next novel that he's untouched.' And, oh, how Sean wanted to be the first to touch him.

"Good morning, Mr. O'Leary. Did you sleep well?" The boy shot him a radiant smile.

"Yes I did, Fraser. Thank you. Would you like some coffee?" Pouring a cup, Sean walked to where Fraser was sitting and handed it to him, making sure that their hands touched in the process. He looked deeply into those blue eyes. "I don't see how you can swim in such cold water so early in the morning" he said , sitting down next to the lad. "Your hair is still a bit damp." He took the towel and quickly passed it across Fraser's wet curls. Throwing caution to the wind, he leaned over and kissed Fraser on the neck, just below his ear. He sensed the lad's body tense instantly.

"Mr. O'Leary!" he pulled away. "I don't..well, what I mean is I'm not.. I'm sorry. We'd better go back. You'll have to find yourself another guide." Fraser was close to shock. He'd never had an experience like this before and wasn't sure how to handle the situation. He'd never been touched like that by a man before. Well, truth be told, he'd never really been touched like that by anyone. There had been a couple of girls in school he might have wanted to kiss, but his grandmother would have tanned him for that. So now he didn't know what to think or how to react.

"That won't be necessary, Fraser. Please, accept my apology. I don't think I could find another guide quite as good as you are. I promise, I will not make another advance towards you."

Fraser considered the man. "Allright" he said. But he made a mental note to himself that there would be no more morning swims, something he would miss.

The next few days passed with a sameness. They assumed a polite distance - employer and employee. Fraser expounded in great detail every aspect of the landscape as they passed through it. He explained all he could about surviving in the Territories. In the evenings, Sean worked on notes for his manuscript while Fraser just sat quietly. This evening was no different. Sean was working on sketches of the area when he was suddenly aware that Fraser had hunkered down in front of him.

"Yes, Fraser? What is it?" He returned to his work.

"Mr. O'Leary," the soft voice answered him. "Would you?.." Sean looked up and noticed that Fraser was looking down at the ground. He almost didn't hear the soft question "Would you kiss me again?"

__________

It was a difficult question for Fraser to ask. Sean had been as good as his word and had stayed away from him. Time during the days was easy to fill. His employer listened eagerly and took notes as Fraser guided them through the bleak land. This was his home and he loved it, so it was easy for him to speak endlessly of the Territories. The evenings were a little harder. They seldom spoke in the evenings. Sean had his work to keep him occupied, leaving Fraser entirely too much time to think. He couldn't remove the memory of the morning by the lake. He looked across the campfire at the older man. He was tall, well built, with deep auburn hair and emerald green eyes. His speech was the lilting accent of the Irish, pleasant to listen to. Fraser felt lonely, had in fact been lonely most of his life. He unconsciously reached up to touch the spot where Sean had kissed him. It really hadn't been so bad. In fact, it had been rather nice. He just hadn't expected it. No one had kissed him since his mother died. His grandparents were not physically affectionate people, nor was his father. Suddenly, Fraser wanted to be kissed again. His decision made, he moved around the campfire and hunkered down in front of Sean O'Leary.

__________

"Would you kiss me again?"

Barely controlling his suddenly rapid heartbeat Sean asked "Are you sure, Lad? Are you sure you know what your asking?" Again, he almost didn't hear the soft, shy "Yes."

Laying his sketch pad aside, Sean reached his hand to cup Fraser's face and leaned toward him. He kissed the boy again, as he had earlier, on his neck. Fraser wasn't tense this time. Sean gently brought their lips together. He drew back chuckling softly "Benton, lad, have you never kissed before? Your lips should be relaxed."

"I'm sorry, Sir. No, I've never , I've never..."

"Oh, Lad, I think you can call me Sean now."

Sean leaned forward again, placing both hands on Fraser's face and tilted his head. He drew Fraser to him pressing their lips together gently. He carefully massaged the lad's mouth with his own, gently drawing the lower lip in between his teeth.

Fraser's lips softened as he leaned into the kiss. A small moan of pleasure escaped from him as Sean's tongue slid slowly into his mouth caressing the hot, moist interior. He tentatively returned the favor and tasted Sean's mouth.

Sean regretfully pulled away from that first, sweet kiss as he started lavishing kisses across Fraser's face. He kissed up the jawline, sliding his tongue into Fraser's ear, eliciting more moans. The boy was breathing faster now.

Fraser was feeling...he didn't know what he was feeling. Well, in a sense he did. Adolesence had been difficult for him. Living with his ever watchful grandparents, he'd had to be very surreptitious when taking things in hand, so to speak. But no fantasy he ever brought to mind had made him feel like this. "More" he whispered.

"More what, Lad? More kisses? More than kisses?"

Fraser couldn't answer. He kissed Sean hungrily, hesitantly taking Sean's hand and placing it against the bulge in his jeans. He hissed a deep breath as Sean began to massage him. His hips moved, pushed against Sean's hand.

'Oh, Jamie love, forgive me' Sean thought as he lowered them both to the ground. He pulled Fraser's shirt loose and caressed the nipples with his hands as Fraser closed his eyes and ran his tongue across his lower lip. Sean kissed the nipples, licking and nipping at them, until they hardened. Then he kissed and sucked at the side of Fraser's neck, raising a bruise that would leave a brand in Fraser's memory 'I'm your first.' Returning to kiss the now quivering lips he heard the entreaty "More."

"Your clothes, Lad" Sean said in a husky voice, "Take off your clothes."

Both quickly stripped and Sean looked at Fraser. The white skin was now slightly flushed, the nipples still hard, the cock stiff and dripping. Sean resisted the urge to kneel down and take it in his mouth. They had plenty of time, he could take things slowly. They lay down again and Sean took Fraser's surging cock into his hand, massaging gently up and down the length of it.

Fraser was lost in the sensation. His hips pumped up and down. His back arched. He threw his head back and held his breath as Sean's skilled hand drew him to his climax.

Sean watched Fraser's face. It was a thing of beauty as he came. How quickly it happens at 18. But then, at that age, it also happens often. "What about you?" came the whisper in his ear. Sean guided the strong hand down to his own raging cock and curled Fraser's fingers around it. Fraser ran his hand up and down the length of it, kissing Sean as he did. 'Oh, this one learns quickly' Sean thought as Fraser's strong fingers drew him to his own climax.

Then Fraser did something totally unexpected. He raised his hand to his lips and licked Sean's semen off of his fingers. Kissing Sean deeply he said "I like how you taste."

Twice more during the night they made love, once again with their hands. Then Sean had lain on top of Fraser. With their cocks touching, they had moved, pumping against each other. Sean had tried to control things, but the young, hot body beneath him refused to cooperate. Fraser was too overcome by the new sensation. Sean tried to remember what it had been like at 18 when he and Jamie were so hot for each other and their lovemaking was always over too soon. Fraser had his legs wrapped around Sean now and was thrusting hard and fast. His body was coated with sweat, his eyes closed tightly in concentration. Suddenly, he threw his head back and arched his hips against Sean one last time. Sean kissed him deeply, thoroughly as Fraser's climax carried them both away. Fraser slept the rest of the night curled against Sean's body.

__________

To Fraser, time seemed to have stopped. He thought not at all of his past and cared little about tomorrow. He concentrated entirely on the here and now. Sean had found a part of him that he didn't even know existed. For the first time in his life, he was truly happy. Sean made him laugh, made him feel totally alive. As the days passed and their journey continued, they exchanged Irish and Inuit tales. And Sean told Fraser the plots of some of his books, bringing a little more of the outside world into his life. He was in love, completely and hopelessly in love with Sean. He'd never said it to Sean, of course. And wondered if Sean loved him in return. His mind wandered back over the past couple of nights when Sean had made love to him. His body tingled with the memory of the pleasure. He was learning where and how Sean liked to be touched. It was nice, this touching and caressing and loving. Fraser wanted it to go on forever.

It was evening again and they were sitting by the campfire. Sean was working on his notes. Fraser came up behind him and, kneeling down, kissed the back of his neck. Sean laid his notepad aside and leaned back, resting his head on Fraser's shoulder, eyes closed. Fraser's arms embraced him. 'Oh, Jamie' he thought, 'this might just be the one to take me away from you if I let him. Jamie, I miss you so.' The thought of his lover of twenty years and the knowledge of how good this boy was with his hands sent a searing heat through his body. He stood and held out his hand to Fraser. "Come, lad. Let's see what magic we can make tonight."

For three nights they had made love using only their hands. 'Now's the time' Sean thought. Naked, close together, Sean kissed Fraser hard and deep. His hands traveled across the lad's body caressing all the sensitive places he'd found. He'd gotten Fraser accustomed to the idea of his kissing as far down as his navel, so what he was doing now was nothing new. He glanced back up toward Fraser's face. Ah, good, his eyes were closed. Hoping he was right and the lad was ready for this, Sean quickly took all of Fraser's cock into his mouth. Fraser tensed for an instant and then relaxed. Sean began to work his mouth up and down. He used one hand to caress Fraser's thighs, moving it ever closer to Fraser's balls. He knew that there was no way he could prolong the pleasure of this first time, especially not for an 18 year old. Besides, there was plenty of time. He grasped Fraser's balls gently and began to massage them. Fraser's hips were moving, thrusting, his breathing fast and hard. Sean sucked as hard as he could and Fraser exploded into his mouth. Sean swallowed what he could. There was so much of it at this age. He slowly ran his tougue around the head and gave it one soft, gentle kiss.

Fraser's mind was reeling. He was breathing fast and his heart was beating hard. He felt Sean take him into his arms and kiss him tenderly. 'He does love me. He wouldn't do what he just did if he doesn't love me.' His breathing slowly returned to normal. "Sean, that was - that was - "

Sean silenced him with a kiss. "I know, Lad, I know."

"Sean? Do you think that I could, what I mean is - "

And again he was silenced with a kiss. "Only if you really want to Lad."

Fraser pumped Sean's cock with his hand, kissing him and tasting himself in those kisses. Then he moved and slowly, tentatively took Sean into his mouth. He sensed, rather than heard, Sean's sharp intake of breath. He ran his tongue around and across the head, tasting Sean as he did. He carefully moved his head, drawing his lips up the length of Sean's cock. His confidence building as Sean began thrusting into his mouth. Oh, this was so good. He felt Sean's hands touching him and stretched out. He sucked harder as Sean pumped into his mouth faster. Sean's hand was on his cock and he felt his own heat rising again. Suddenly he felt himself engulfed in hot moistness as Sean took him again. Fraser was overwhelmed by the sensation. He wanted to make it last, but he had no control over himself. A second time, he felt his cock surge and release itself into Sean's mouth. At the same instant, he felt Sean's own release and swallowed, almost choking.

Sean gathered the weak and trembling boy into his arms. "It's allright, Lad. You didn't know. I should have warned you." He planted tender kisses on Fraser's temples and eyes, running his hands down Fraser's arms, helping him to relax. He moved so that Fraser's head was on his shoulder. "Sleep, Lad, sleep."

And so the days and the nights passed. Under Sean's guidance, Fraser was becoming an excellent lover. 'Almost as good as Jamie,' he thought. He was beginning to miss Jamie and the greenness of Ireland. This country was beautiful, but far to barren for Sean. Soon they would have to start back, but not until Fraser's education was complete.

"Fraser" he whispered. Fraser stirred in his arms and snuggled closer. "Would you like to try something a little different tonight?"

"Different?"

"Yes, Lad. I want to feel you inside of me." What he was really aiming for was to be inside of Fraser, but he had learned early, let the other one know how it feels first. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Fraser was not at all sure about this, but he loved Sean and would do anything for him. He started kissing and touching Sean in the ways he had learned Sean enjoyed the most. "Just tell me what to do."

Sean got up and rummaged around in his back pack for the tube of lubricant that he always carried-just in case. Returning to lie down beside Fraser, he began kissing him deeply, passionately on his lips, across his nipples. Working his way down, Sean took Fraser into his mouth and sucked and tounged until Fraser was hard and writhing beneath him. Then he applied some of the lubricant to his hand and coated Fraser's throbbing cock. Lying on his back, he lifted his legs. "Now, Lad, now. Just go in, a little slow at first."

"Won't it hurt?"

"Not this time, Lad."

Fraser took a deep breath and guided himself to Sean's opening. Slowly he pushed himself in. It felt so - so good. Sean seemed to be ok with this, so Fraser started moving in and out. Oh, this was wonderful. He gave himself over to lust that shot through his brain and body. As Sean thrust up against him, Fraser increased the speed and rhythm of his thrusting until he could feel the need to climax building, growing, gaining momentum from all parts of his body - until he could feel his balls tighten and send his fluid shooting deep into Sean. He pumped a few more times, until there was nothing left and collapsed onto the bedroll. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

Sean urgently massaged Fraser's muscles, afraid the boy had cum so hard he may have hurt himself. "Speak to me Fraser. Are you allright, Lad?" A sharp intake of breath reassured Sean and he held Fraser close,

When Fraser could think and speak again he lifted his head and kissed Sean. "Do you want to, you know, do that with me?"

"Yes, Lad, but only if you're willing. I've wanted to for so long, but I won't push you into this."

"I think, I think I'd like to try." Anything for Sean.

Sean rolled Fraser over onto his stomach and lifted his legs until he was on his knees. "It's easier this way the first time, Lad." he whispered. "Now, it may hurt some, but I'll be as gentle with you as I can."

Sean needed no foreplay now. The thought of Fraser's climax in him was all he needed for his cock to surge to life, throbbing with lust. He generously coated himself and slid a coated finger into Fraser. He felt as Fraser willed his muscles to relax before inserting a second, and then a third. He moved his fingers in and out, and from side to side, stretching Fraser as much as he could. Finally, he removed his fingers and guided himself in. Fraser was still unbelievably tight. He stopped and let Fraser become accustomed to the feeling. Hearing a quiet "I'm ok" he began a slow and gentle pumping in and out of Fraser. Soon the lad was moving in tandem with him. Sean let himself go with the sweetness of being the first one to give and receive pleasure from this lad. Feeling his climax close, he leaned across Fraser's body and reached around to grasp Fraser's cock in his hand pumping the boy to completion with himself. Sean began to thrust harder and faster until he could hold back no longer and shot his milky fluid into Fraser sending Fraser over again.

__________

It was evening, and another month had passed. They were two days from town. It was time for Sean to end this. It was time to go home. Sean was sitting with Fraser's head cradled in his lap, running his fingers through dark hair. Fraser was telling him about his childhood, his mother's death, his father's absences, his lonliness. Something sparked in Sean's mind and he realized, as he never had before, just how vulnerable Fraser was. Something was telling him that maybe this had all been a mistake. That something was Jamie. 'One of these times Sean, you're going to end up hurting someone besides me.'

"Why can't I go to Ireland with you, Sean? I love you, I thought you loved me." Fraser was hurt, confused.

"You'll find someone else, Lad. Take your love and what I've taught you and find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else, Sean" Fraser was openly crying and made no attempt to hide his pain. "Why can't I go with you?"

Sean decided that there was no easy way to do this. He looked Fraser straight in the eyes and said "because Jamie is in Ireland."

"Jamie?"

"Yes, Jamie. He's been my lover for twenty years. It's Jamie I love, Fraser."

"And me?"

From experience, Sean knew that Fraser would recover from his heartache more quickly if there was a little anger to go along with it. "You? Oh, Lad, you were just someone to fuck."

__________

Fraser woke from his nightmare to find Ray Kowalski shaking him.

"You ok, Frase? Ya had me a little worried there, Buddy."

"Yes, Ray, I'm allright. I was just dreaming about Sean. Good Lord, I haven't thought about him in years."

"Sean? Oh yeah, I remember you tellin' me about him earlier this evening. I guess it musta really hurt when he left you like that."

"I was 18 and in love. I was so hurt and angry that I went back out into the wilderness again, by myself. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I sulked. I didn't even know that he never made it back to Jamie for a long time. When I finally returned to civilization I read an article about the plane crash in a two month old newspaper article. By then I had come to terms with what had happened, at least enough to feel a little sorry for Jamie."

"Frase? Ya know, I'll never leave you?"

"Yes, Ray, I know."

"Think we can get a little sleep here?"

"Yes, I think so. Ray? Before we go to sleep, would you kiss me again?"