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one of Bart's Blackboard Intro of SIMPSONS

Ralph Won't "MORPH" if you squeeze him hard enough


An open box of donuts sits on the bar of the Wiggum household.

Trivia Question of the WEEK

How much does all the Teacher's Edition Books in Springfield Elementry cost?

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Ralph Wiggum

Ralph Wiggum is an 8 year old and in his first year of fourth grade.

Heart Broken:

Its Valentine's Day and everyone in Lisa's class recieves cards except Ralph. Feeling bad for Ralph, LIsa quickly signs a card and gives it to him.

Lisa's Valentine to Ralph says "I CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE YOU" with a little train on it.

Ralph is instantly smitten with her. After school, he walks Lisa home, but Lisa has no feelings for him except pity. She tries to avoid him at school but they are chosen to perform in a play together.

Miss Hoover: Martha Washington will be played by Lisa Simpson. George Washington will be played by Ralph Wiggum.

Rex: What? This is a travest! Everyone knows I'm the best actor in this ridiculous school!

Hoover: Sit down, Rex.

Rex: I will not sit down!! Someone's gotten to you deceitful COW!!

Hoover: That's absurd, Rex. Ralph won the part, fair and square.

(Miss Hoover crosses to the window and opesn and shuts the venetian blinds repeatedly. Out in the parking lot, Wiggum, Lou, and Eddie see Miss Hoover at the window.)

Chief Wiggum: That's the signal. Take the boot off the car boys.

Lisa is exasperated with Ralph, but when he asks her to go to Krusty's anniversary show with him, she is conflicted. She really wants to go but does not want to give Ralph the impresson that she likes him. homer advises her to go and enjoy the show. Arriving at the theater, Lisa is paranoid about being seen with Ralph. Durin the taping, Krusty interviews members of the audience. When Ralph is questioned, he introduces Lisa as his date. Horrified, Lisa blurts out that the only reason she gave Ralph a Valentine card was because she felt sorry for him. Ralph's heart breaks.

"Now you listen to me! I don't like you! I never liked you, and the only reason I gave you that stupid valentine is 'cause nobody else would!!!"

Lisa's direct quote, breaking Ralph's heart.

Ralph FUNNIEST Quotes of all time!

Recent episode lines by Ralph Wiggum on 11/22/98

: I hope i don't meet that weird elf Hi Lisa~

Is this my house? No Ralph, you live in a different house Chooo CHooo CHOOoo (runs out of the house)**

Yay!! she is going to call my name!

Yay! I got a B!!

The FUNNIEST Line in that Episode by Ralph Wiggum is.. "HI MR. SUPER-NINTEDNO CHALMERS!


Oh Canada!!

WHEN YOU CLICK ON A SOUND FILE, please click "OPEN THIS FILE FROM ITS CURRENT LOCATION" for a faster and better quality sound.. thank you

I'm Idaho!.

I bent my Wookie .

My cat's breath smells like catfood.

My doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose-bleeds if I kept my finger out of there .

I ate all my caps.

Me fail English, that's Unpossible!!

My face is on Fire!!.

When the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life..

What's a diarama?

My cat's name is Mittens.

I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids!

My parents won't let me use scissors..

Would you cook my dinner for me? .

Ms. Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.

What's a battle?

It tastes like ....BURNING!!

Ms. Hoover? There's a dog in the vent.

This is where i met the leprechaun. He tells me to Burn things.

Ms. Hoover, I don't have a red crayon. .... i ate it.

Thanks for not eating me!

When i grow up, i am going to Bovie University .

I like your toys Bart, mine is all gooey and sticky.. oops (drops his ice cream on the toys)

(Marge opens the closet and finds Ralph) Shhh.. i am playing Hide and Seek, I was in here for 2 hours.

LOOK BIG DADDY, there's Regular DADDY!

My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it...can I have another one?"

Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

"Principle Skinner, I got carsick in your office."

"I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant."

"I think I wet my bed."

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.

Ralph: I'm a boy!

Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Lunch Lady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?

Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?

Director: Next!

Ralph: Chicken necks?

Ralph: Can you open my milk, Mommy?

Hoover: I'm not mommy, Ralph. I'm Ms. Hoover.

Miss Hoover: You see, class, my lyme Disease turned out to be psychosomatic.

Ralph: Does that mean you were crazy?

Janey: No, that means she was faking it.

Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both. Sometimes when a deisease is in all the magazines, and all the news shows, it's only natural that you think you have it.

Miss Hoover: Now, here's an oral extra credit question: What was Christopher Columbus actually looking for when he discovered America?

Lisa: (raises hand) Ooh! Ooh!

Miss Hoover: Anyone besides Lisa for a change?

Ralph: Oh! Eh! Eh!

Mis Hoover: Ralph, this better not be about your cat.

(Ralph sadly puts down his hand)

Lisa: Hey Ralph, Want to come with me and Allison to play anagrams?

Allison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

This site has won the
Reverend Lovejoy: I know one of you is responsible for this. So repeat after me, if i withhold the truth, may I go straight to hell where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola...

Ralph: ..Where fiery demons will punch me in the back...

Bart: (ignoring)..... where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers, ...

Nelson: I heard a witch lives there

Ralph: I heard a Frankenstein lives there.

Milhouse: You guys are way off. It's a secret lab where they take teh brains out of zombies and put them in heads of other zombies to create a race of Super-Zombies!

Nelson: That's the house??!!

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and i saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

Chief Wigum: Baby looked at you? Sarah - Get me Superintendent Chalmers!

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