In order of finish: Dat Phan, Ralphie May, Rich Vos, Cory Kahaney, Tess Drake, Geoff Brown, Dave Mordal, Rob Cantrell, Tere Joyce, Sean Kent
In the House
Rich: There was a rumor going around that other people were gonna vote for Sean. I know nothing about this rumor, even though I started it and made it happen.
Rich: (about Ralphie May's girlfriend) Ralphie got a perfect 10 while I do 150 crunchies a day and I can't even get a 4 to call me back.
Dave: Once you make it to Vegas, you have a pretty good shot at making it into the house, unless, you know, you do something stupid, like rob a gas station in Vegas, you don't need that.
Dat: Kwai Chang, your kung fu is quite good.
Rob: Dat Phan, your punch lines are quite lame.
Dave: I need a contest I can win, something I'm good at... skinning an animal... chasing old people... a footrace with Ralphie.
Dave: (after catching the rat) Happy Birthday, Dat. I know you wanted a dog...
Ralphie: (about his weight) I didn't get like this through osmosis.
Ralphie: I have trouble deciding whether someone is a punk-ass bitch or a bitch-ass punk.
Rob: (in the voting booth, picking Tere) I had a dream last night about a big, spiky monster coming towards me.
Rich: (talking about Dat Phan) He's just someone you wouldn't want to clone.
Dave: (about Dat's journal) That's the kind of thing that if you found it in a bus station, the FBI would have to be notified.
On the Stage
Rob: I will dance and frolic with my Fronkeys from here to eternity.
Rob: You don't know what a semi-colon does... sort of like my act.
Rob: Can I get a little Bobert chant? (audience chants) OK, forget that name, I'll never get laid with that name. Nobody wants to screw a Bobert.
Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn: with guests Rich, Dave, Cory and Rob
Rob: I just got back from LA, and I saw Dat Phan on Sunset Strip with a sign that said "Will Work For Material".
Dave: I wonder who wrote that sign for him.
Rob: I got booted out third, but to me LCS was a lot like Rambo II...I don't really remember much...there was rats, people bombing, screaming, yelling, and a middle aged guy with a shaved chest got beat by somebody from the Viet Cong.
Season 2
In order of finish: John Heffron, Alonzo Bodden, Gary Gulman, Kathleen Madigan, Tammy Pescatelli, Jay London, Corey Holcomb, ANT, Todd Glass, Bonnie McFarlane
Season 3
Dave: The only way Season 2 can lose is if Season 1 writes their material.
Dave: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it needs money.
On the Stage
Dave: You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an animal rights activist.
Gary: Dat Phan couldn't do the roast because Jay Mohr doesn't do an Asian accent.
Season 4
In order of finish: Josh Blue, Ty Barnett, Chris Porter, Michele Balan, Roz, Kristin Key, Rebecca Corry, Gabriel Iglesias, Bill Dwyer, Joey Gay, April Macie, Stella
Heckling Challenge
Chris: That's not what your mom said last night.
Josh: My mom's dead!
Chris: No, she's not. She just doesn't call anymore.
The Roast of Gabriel Iglesias
Josh: They say you are what you eat. That poor Vietnamese family...
Jim Norton: (to Josh) How many people see you when they're high and immediately quit?
Ty: The only shorter than Rebecca is Gabriel's options as an athlete, or Josh's options as a sniper.
Michelle: It's a good thing as a Mexican you were born in this country because I can't see you climbing that fence.
Kristin: I'm a young comic and I'm having trouble getting my foot in the door but then I thought about Gabriel and he has trouble fitting through the door, so I let it go.
On the Stage
Jay London (Guest Performer): I'm not worried about identity theft. Nobody would want to be me.
Season 5
In order of finish: Jon Reep, Lavell Crawford, Gerry Dee, Amy Schumer, Ralph Harris, Doug Benson, Matt Kirshen, Debra DiGiovanni, Gina Yashere, DanteHeckling Challenge
Doug: (about Dante) If you look up funny in the dictionary, you'll find him... watching someone who's funny.
Amy: (after heckle from diminuitive Matt) I thought I took care of you in college.
Season 6
In order of finish: Iliza Shlesinger, Marcus, Jeff Dye, Jim Tavare, Louis Ramey, Sean Cullen, Adam Hunter, Ron G., Papa CJ, Paul Foot, Esther Ku, God's PotteryTV quotes: A-C // D-J // K-P // Q-Z
Last Comic Standing // Title List
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Last Updated: October 1, 2008