Escape from the Hellhole

Thursday, November 25, 1993

8:15 pm

It was Thanksgiving day, the day before we were supposed to go to Disneyland. We was Jerry (my stepdad), Susan (my mom), Andy (me), Brady (my brother), and Cary (my stepbrother). I was 14, Brady was 12, and Cary was 9. I’d spent most of the day being sick, and was really hoping I’d be better by the next morning. Cary and Brady seemed more interested in a borrowed Sega game than our impending mega vacation. Miss Cat was enjoying not having the dog around (Punkin was at the Steins’). Jerry was rejoicing to the strains of Sting’s “Still Know Nothin’ Bout Me”. Our bags were packed and waiting by the front door.

Friday, November 26, 1993

We were doing it! We were escaping the hellhole! We had to get up at the crack of dawn, though. Despite Brady’s need to put a quart of gel in his hair and Jerry’s sudden interest in our rugs, we were soon on our way to the airport.

5:54 am

Our taxi cab got us to the airport in one piece. Mom had to use one of her clever ruses to discourage the cab driver from breaking into our shack while we were absent. She mentioned quite loudly that Uncle Mike would be staying in our house for the next week. Just in case the cabby tried to break in and steal some of our dry rot.

Apparently, someone read that you should be at your gate one hour before boarding. Somehow, I doubt that applies to flights leaving before the sun comes up. We sat in a deserted flight lounge for one hour. Mom catnapped in a lounge across the way, and we couldn’t find her.

Cary faced a major dilemma: where to store his multicolored suitcase, aka The Bingo Shit. Brady and I took to calling it that, but we’ve never known why. Jerry was no help: he was busy filming himself with the camcorder.

As we left Portland, Brady had the windowseat. Just as I always get the last of everything, Brady always gets the windowseat. During the flight, I got a terrible ear ache. However, it did not keep me from staring obsessively out the window looking for the Knots Landing cul-de-sac. I never did see it.

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