Authors note: All it took was the nervous smile on Willow's face
and the
smile in her voice as she said "Remember the eigth grade cotillion...
and
your clip-on?" and my mind was awhirl. I hope you like my vision.
Thanks so
much to Rebecca for beta reading this for me. I hope you like
it, girlfriend.
Part 1
Willow stood at her closet, chewing on a strand of auburn hair...
contemplating her clothes. She considered telling her parents
that she was
sick, or had twisted her ankle or... she tilted her head to
the side,
considering, and then... no... she tossed out the thought as
she tossed
aside her hair. Willow was a very bad liar. Her parents probably
wouldn't
mind if she didn't go to the cotillion, even though it was a
practically
mandatory school event. But they would want to have a heart
to heart with
her about the reasons why, and that would be worse than going.
She went
back to looking in her closet, standing on one foot and then
the other.
She so wanted to look different. Her most secret of dreams, kept
only in
her heart, was that she would find a beautiful dress hidden
in the closet
that would make her look amazing, and would make Xander suddenly
notice
that
she was a girl. Well, Ok, he already knew that she was a girl,
but that was
only when he was teasing her about frogs or spiders. Other than
that, she
was just a pal. Maybe there was hope, at least he didn't seem
to like any
other girl, she consoled herself, and she didn't know of any
girls that
liked him.
Of course, how could she know that? She hardly ever talked to
any other
girls. She watched them at school, giggling and putting on makeup
and
talking about going to the mall. Every now and then she wanted
to join in,
but was far too shy to speak. Why did things have to change?
She'd always
been so happy when it was her and Xander and Jesse, her two
best friends.
But, now things were changing, and it wasn't them, so it must
be her. She
was lonely, and longed for something else, both with them and
away from
them. To make matters worse, there was no one that she could
talk to about
it. She couldn't even safely write in her diary because they
knew where she
hid it. She wished that she knew how to to talk to people and
that she had
more friends, she would love to have just one girl friend. One
that she
could talk to about fun and gossip and daydreams and Xander.
She sighed and pushed her hair behind her ear, going back to
the matter at
hand. What could she wear? Her mom wanted her to wear the one
that she
wore to her Bat Mitzvah, and it was pretty, but she'd worn it
before. It
wasn't magical, Xander had already seen it and it hadn't turned
her into a
princess. Maybe that was hoping for too much, but maybe... just
maybe he
might ask her to dance. She'd just gotten her braces off, she
ran her
tongue across her teeth happily, and she was going to wear her
hair up and
oh! if only she had a pretty dress... She lifted her foot up
behind her,
scratching at her ankle, absentmindedly.
Just then there was a slight tapping at her door. "Honey, can I come in?"
"Sure, Mom." Willow turned around to face her.
Her mother poised halfway through the door. She had that enthused
look on
her face, the one usually reserved for birthdays and surprise
trips to the
museum. "Your Aunt Emily heard about tonight and sent something
to you.
She said that she hopes that you like it, and that she hopes
that all your
dreams come true." Willow sighed, the only dream she wanted
to come true
was that Xander would ask her to dance... Her mom was holding
something
behind her back, and Willow held her breath. <Please let
it be something
wonderful, because I have to act excited, anyway, I can't disappoint
her>
Her mom pulled her arm around to her front, and there it was...
the dress.
It was gorgeous. It was a pretty deep green, just the color
of Willow's
eyes, with satin trim. It had a high waist and a skirt that
looked perfect
for swirling, and there were tights and a purse and shoes.
Willow smiled her sweetest Willow-smile. "Wow... oh, Mom, wow..."
Her
mother smiled, saving up the details of her cherished only daughter's
expression to describe to her sister, and silently sent a whisper
of thanks
to her. She loved her daughter so much, and it was so hard to
watch her
painful shyness. Thank goodness for Jesse and Xander. She blossomed
around
them, and maybe going to the dance with them, she would open
up and have
a
good time.
Willow and Xander and Jesse were all going together. The boys
figured that
there was strength in numbers, and no one had asked Willow.
Jesse had
asked
a couple of girls, but after a particularly scathing rejection
by Cordelia,
he decided not to try any more, and just have fun with his pals.
Xander's
mom was driving, picking up Willow, and then Jesse. She was
glad it was
going to be that way. For just a few moments, she'd be able
to pretend that
she and Xander were going together.
Part 2
Xander knocked on the door, knowing that the Rosenbergs would
have the
camera warming up, ready to go snap happy. He tugged at his
collar
uncomfortably, snapping off one side of his clip-on tie, so
that it hung a
little crazily. Willow answered the door, and blushed. <he
looks so
handsome in his suit and tie, Oh... it's loose> Unthinking,
she put her
hands up and clipped it, tightly.
"Um, thanks, Will." What had his mom said to do? Oh, yeah...
"You look
nice." He stopped and peered at her closely for a minute. "You're
not
wearing sneakers." Well, the sneakers thing wasn't part of what
he was
supposed to say, but she wasn't wearing them, and it was the
first time that
Xander could ever remember that she wasn't. In his mind it was
worth
noting. About a thousand pictures later, they escaped into the
car to pick
up Jesse. Willow spent the next 10 minutes in heaven. Xander
had paid her
a compliment. Maybe he was noticing after all!
For the next couple of hours, poor Willow was not anywhere near heaven, and
she was mostly trying to hold in her tears until she got home.
They were
sitting on the bleachers away from the other kids. Xander and
Jesse were
kidding around and trying to outdo each other with stupid guy
tricks.
Willow played her normal part, watching on and smiling. Sometimes
they
would get up and talk to other people and then come back and
sit near to her
teasing her and telling stupid jokes. It didn't take her long
to realize
that they didn't really have any intention of dancing, and no
one else asked
her. Her cheeks burned in humiliation.
When they weren't paying attention, Willow let her gaze wander
out over the
floor watching her classmates. They were talking by the punchbowl
or
swaying roughly in time to the music. She felt so out of place.
She
watched Cordelia laugh at something that Chris said, flipping
back her hair
with one hand, and laying the other on his shoulder. <Wow.
How did Cordy
learn to do that? Was there a class? Did I miss it?> Little
known to
Willow, at the beginning of the night, more than one boy was
drawn by her
eager winsome face and big hopeful eyes. As they got closer,
though, and
just as her heart would start to pound and her palms would start
to sweat,
they always veered off and asked someone else. <Whenever
they get close
enough to see my face, they leave. The dress is pretty, but
I must look
hideous.> Towards the end of the evening they stopped coming
over at all.
She looked over at Xander, who was obliviously getting more
of the snacks at
the buffet. <Well, at least one of us is happy. There's free
food, after
all.> She choked back a laugh, afraid that if she let it go,
it would come
out as a sob. I'm the only girl here who hasn't danced. She
looked back at
the dance floor, mortified.
The DJ was announcing that the dance was almost over, as Xander
crossed
the
floor towards her, doing a little goofy dance-walk. He stopped
dead in his
tracks, caught by Willow's enormous wistful eyes. What was going
on?
Willow was unhappy! He *hated* it when Willow was unhappy! It
made his
stomach go all funny and made him want to hit someone, which
was weird
because he usually never liked to fight. Xander tried to think
this
through, which was not his specialty... Ok *why* would Willow
be unhappy?
He and Jesse knew how she hated talking to strangers and so
they had made
sure that no one asked her to the dance, so that they could take
care of
her. They had sat with her all night, either one or the other
of them,
goofing off and scowling at other boys, keeping them away...
Wait... It
hit him like a flash. Oh no! What if Willow actually wanted
to dance? She
might be nervous and scared and dread it, but maybe she really
wanted to be
out there with the other kids on the floor. What could he do?
He looked
around desperately, ready to force one of the boys that he'd
previously
driven away to go and ask her to dance, but they'd all either
left already
or were dancing. Jesse was over by the punchbowl, trying to
let on that he
wasn't watching Cordelia. Xander felt trapped and out of time,
and Willow
was unhappy! He had to do something, now.
Well, he thought... I know it's not what she wants, but maybe
it would help
a little bit if I dance with her, anything to brighten up those
sad eyes.
His decision made, he sprinted over to her and skidded to a
stop, suddenly
unsure. "Um... Will... you wouldn't want to... I mean, um, would
you
like to dance? I mean, the dance is almost over, and all, and
we could..."
He trailed off, kicking at the floor and then lifted his eyes
to her face.
Her eyes had indeed brightened and her face lit up. He was so
relieved.
They walked out to the dance floor, not touching, and when they
got out
there, they put their hands in the dance position they'd learned
in classes,
clumsily doing a box step. They were about as far apart as two
people could
be and still be dancing together, but Willow didn't care. She
was
dancing... with Xander.
It only lasted for a couple of minutes, but she kept it in her
heart, for
always. Her first dance with Xander! The nervous anticipation
and the
whole horrible lonely night were worth it.
When the song ended, they dropped their arms, silently.
Almost immediately afterwards the DJ announced the last dance,
and it was
a fast one. Jesse came bounding out on the floor and he
and Xander kind of
bobbed her in between them, making her laugh. This time the
sound reaching
her heart, and not just the surface cover up sound she had been
doing the
rest of the night. She felt sparkly and fun and joyous. Ok,
so she wasn't
a princess, and maybe Xander hadn't fallen in love, but there
was time. She
knew now that dreams could come true if you wished hard enough.
She was
only 13, and she was with her two best friends in the world.
Things change
and people change and maybe even they were changing, but she
would
always have them. Nothing bad could ever really happen
as long as they were
together.