This story is sad, so I'm giving y'all fair warning to bail right now, however there's a strong possibility that there'll be a sequel, becauseI strongly dislike sad stories. I haven't really decided yet, though because at the time I wrote it, it felt right so I may just let it stand. If you guys have any input, let me know. Thanks!
She took his hand and led him along the path through the woods.
*****…It had been five years since they’d all last been together. They were seniors now, in college. A lot had changed in those years. People grew, life forgave and things got better. Well, some things.
Willow and Cordelia had attended college on the east coast together and had become like sisters. Buffy stayed in California, unwilling to abandon the sunny weather after the Hellmouth closed, not to mention her vampire boyfriend. His duties as Watcher fulfilled, Giles had returned to England. And as for Xander..well…Xander had been a bit of an enigma to the rest of the group. He lived in Texas for the first two years of college and then moved to Colorado. He hadn’t kept in touch with anyone, really, except for maybe Willow. The two best friends wrote to eachother regularly and spoke over the phone on occasion. Willow had served as a link for all six of them. She kept them all appraised of eachother and of herself. The years had flown by, each fairly absorbed in their own lives. But now they were all back, all together once again.
The camping trip had been Buffy’s idea. Most of the group had gone abroad their junior year and no one had spoken to eachother in over six months. The trip was a way of bringing everyone back, maybe an attempt to bond them as they had been in High School. In a way, it was working. The entire group, minus Giles, had arrived early the morning before at Buffy’s house. There, they had spent hours catching up with eachother and laughing over their lives and misadventures.
Slowly, the tension evaporated as each stood back and realized that nothing had changed.
Granted, the experience was a bit different for Cordelia, who had excluded herself from the rest of them while in High School. She initially felt a lot of trepidation over returning. In fact, her embarrassment and guilt over how she’d acted almost kept her in Boston. Fortunately, Willow’s insistent prodding finally convinced her to come along, and she hadn’t regretted it for a second. She was embraced warmly by everyone.
They’d all grown up. They understood that and accepted it, not only in themselves, but also in eachother.
It was true, things had changed. Old wounds healed and old enemies became friends. All of the loose strings from adolescence had finally been tied…well, almost….
*****
He darted an admiring glance at her. The gentle red-head had grown taller and more graceful as she had matured. The gawky clumsiness of youth was gone from her strong and elegant features.
"Do you remember when we used to come here back when we were kids?" she asked softly.
Her voice sounded strange to him, "Yes, actually I was just thinking about that."
"Remember that first summer? Gosh we must’ve been..what? Five or six?"
"Yeah, that was when I gave you that flower and you got stung by the bee right?"
She smiled at the memory, "Yeah, I got stung and *you* started crying."
He looked sheepish, "I felt guilty, I mean it *was* my flower which got you stung. Not to mention the fact that you’re allergic to bees."
She grinned, "But when we got to the hospital, *I* was okay, they only had to administer a couple of shots to lower the swelling. They practically had to *sedate* you, though," she giggled at the memory. The tiny dark-haired boy had pounded desperately on the two struggling interns as they tried to hold him back from the doctor. She recalled just sitting there, her legs dangling off the chair as she stared at him in fascination, so absorbed in his fight that she hadn’t even felt the shots. For a little guy, Xander sure had inflicted some serious damage.
"Well, what was I supposed to think?" he asked, grinning back at her, " I didn’t know what was going on. That doctor was injecting you with something. Sure, they kept saying, ‘Calm down, Xander, Willow’s going to be fine, we’re just giving her something to make her feel better.’ But how was I supposed to know? That’s what they said right before they put my cat to sleep. For all I knew, they were putting you to sleep, and it was all my fault," the grin faded, "Gosh Wills, I wouldn’t ever want anything like that to happen to you."
She didn’t reply. < Don’t make this any harder on me, Xander > she pleaded silently.
He seemed to hear her prayer and stayed silent for the rest of the walk up to the lake.
*****
"Hey, Cordy, can you hand me that pole?" Buffy said, blowing a stray strand of blond hair out of her eyes as she struggled with one of the tents.
"Sure thing, Buffy," the dark haired girl responded. She stopped unpacking the food and stooped to pick up the wooden stick, "So, when’s Angel getting here?"
Buffy checked her watch, "Probably in about half an hour when the sun finally sets."
"I wish Giles could’ve come," Cordelia said wistfully.
"Me too," Buffy replied, "But he couldn’t make it this time. He promised to visit for Christmas, though."
"Fantastic! I’ll have to come back then, and I’ll bring Willow with me. It’ll be great! Maybe we can even con Xander into coming back, too. Gosh, I can’t wait to see Giles again."
Buffy smiled at her, "He’ll be really proud of you, Cordelia."
She returned the smile, shyly, "I only hope he can forgive me for being…well..such a bitch to him back in High School. I dunno, I just wasn’t used to teachers caring about students. I guess I was too self-absorbed back then to really notice anything at all. He helped me so much, not to mention the fact that he saved my life on more that one occasion, just like you," she paused, "I never thanked you, did I?"
"Don’t mention it," the blond girl said, shaking her head.
"No, I have to, Buffy. I have to say once and for all that I’m really and truly sorry for the way I acted and how I treated people. I mean, I look back, and I can’t believe that I did some of he things I did, it’s…it’s like I’m watching a totally different person. I can’t get over how totally insensitive and..well..inconsiderate I was."
Buffy walked over and hugged her former enemy, "We all have faults, Cordy. You can’t keep beating yourself up about them, you have to move on. You’ve changed, and you’ve proven that to me and to everyone else. That’s what counts."
There were a few moments of silence as the two girls stood in the middle of the camp, lost in their own thoughts.
"Not bad," Buffy said, breaking the moment as she swept her hand around the site, " I must say, this place looks pretty good: tents in order, food almost all unpacked, supplies for a fire ready and waiting. Not bad at all, considering the fact that we did it *alone*," she put her hands on her hips in mock anger, "Where is the manly Xander Harris, anyway? Not to mention Willow?"
Cordelia sighed, "Willow," she began, but then stopped for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. She grimaced in pain as she remembered the conversation the two girls had shared, weeks ago…
*****
"This camping idea of Buffy’s is fantastic!"
"Yeah."
"I mean, I’ll get to see everyone and talk to them, and maybe finally get to thank Giles, and of course I have to see Angel and Xander and-," she broke off, "Are you sure they won’t mind my coming?"
"No, of course not. " Willow responded distractedly.
"Wills, are you okay?" Cordelia asked, pausing to sit next to her best friend.
"What was it like to kiss him?"
The question came out of nowhere and felt like a cold slap across Cordelia’s face. She paused, stunned for a moment as her cheeks flushed an embarassed red, "I-I Willow, I don’t understand, what-," she grappled for the right words.
"Cordy, I don’t mean it as an accusation, I’m just honestly curious, what was it like?" she asked, trying to be as gentle as possible.
They stared at eachother for a few seconds.
Cordelia couldn’t quite meet her gaze.
Sighing softly, Willow felt a pang of regret for asking the question in the first place. She didn’t want to make her best friend feel guilty or sad, but she had to hear the truth.
Cordelia’s eyes filled with tears, the guilt of what she’d done to the girl sitting next to her was almost overwhelming. She had *known* at the time that Willow loved Xander and had consciously chosen to go after him anyway. She had purposefully set out to date him, regardless of the repercussions her decision would have. She suspected for quite some time that if he had ever known how Willow felt, he would have run to her instead. Hence, Cordelia had made sure that he’d never found out. He had only been a challenge to her at the time. Something to be toyed with and then discarded, pure and simple. When she had grown bored, she had dumped him without so much as a backwards glance.
< Dammit. I was such a selfish bitch > she thought viciously. Looking deeply into Willow’s eyes she gatheresd the courage to answer her question.
"I-It was..incredible."
She couldn’t-*wouldn’t* lie to Willow. As much as the truth in those words killed them both, they had to be spoken.
"That’s what I thought," Willow responded with a sad smile.
"Look, Wills, this ‘get-together’ might be a good thing," Cordelia rushed on, "I mean, you haven’t seen eachother in the longest time, and well, people change. Gosh Willow, he’s your best friend, he *already* loves you. I *know* he does, he just needs to realize it. You guys can talk when you see eachother and then maybe…" her voice trailed off when she realized that the fragile red-head wasn’t listening, "Willow?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry Cordelia," she shook her head, "Look, I know that you mean well, but I’ve already thought it through and I know what I’m going to do."
"And…?"
"Don’t worry about it Cordy. It’s just something that I should’ve done a very long time ago. Let’s leave it at that. We’ll talk later."
With that, she stood up and walked into the adjoining room, leaving Cordelia sitting alone on the couch, staring after her.
*****
"Cordy?"
Buffy’s voice jolted her back to reality.
"Oops, sorry Buffy. Well, um…, " she took a deep breath, "Willow is doing something tonight which is going to be fairly…difficult. I only hope she doesn’t end up regretting her decision."
Buffy nodded slowly, as the words sunk in. She wasn’t quite positive what Cordelia meant, but she had a pretty good idea.
The dark haired girl stared at the ground for a moment before finally sitting back down to resume her previous chore.
*****The sun was setting as they arrived at the lake. It painted the sky brilliant shades of purple, pink and gold. A few birds still sang in the trees, but were slowly being overcome by the chirping of crickets. As the light rapidly diminished, fireflies appeared, lazily blinking in and out of existence. The fading light reflected off the water, making it sparkle almost magically.
Blocking out the beauty of their surroundings, Willow tried to concentrate on the task at hand.
"I, um, I don’t know why I brought you here," she began, immediately wishing she could take those words back. She *did* know why she’d brought him here.
"Willow? Are you okay?" he asked gently, his dark brows furrowing in concern.
She kept her face as neutral as possible as she fought desperately to keep from breaking down right then and there. < Hold it together, Willow, you can do it, just hold yourself together a little bit longer >
"I’m fine, Xander," she replied, managing a forced smile, "Actually I just wanted to tell you something."
"Remember that time we came here the summer before our freshman year?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject.
She glanced at him, puzzled for a moment, "Um, yes, I do. You got poison ivy that year…"
He grinned, "Yeah. I still don’t understand why our parents kept bringing us here considering how disastrous things always seemed to turn out. Anyway, that was the year that I was all macho and cocky about being a ‘big bad ninth grader’. Remember Celia Watson?"
"Yeah…" Willow said cautiously. How could she forget? She was Xander’s first real crush.
"Gosh," he laughed softly, completely lost in the memory, "I had it soooo bad for her. I remember, I worked all summer to get the courage just to kiss her on the day we were leaving. I had it all planned out. Then, right before I was supposed to do it, I got poison ivy. She wouldn’t come *near* me for the rest of the time we were there," he shook his head slowly, "She was really nasty. I haven’t a clue what I ever saw in her. I remember that I was really upset about it at the time, though." he paused, "But you know what?"
She gave him a puzzled smile and shook her head.
"Remember the night before we left?"
< Oh no, that wasn’t *that* summer was it? > Her face paled suddenly. < Oh God, oh God don’t do this to me, Xander….. >
"…You came into my room, " he continued thoughtfully, " I didn’t know why you were there, I mean, I was still contagious and all and told you to leave. I was so *mean* to you. Gosh I’m so sorry, Willow," he broke off, glancing at her, " It was mainly because I was still pissed about Celia. Heck, I even threw my comic book at you to get you to go away. But you just dodged it and kept coming closer. You refused to leave. And then…and then you came to my bed, leaned over and kissed me."
He stopped talking and looked at her. She couldn’t return his gaze.
"That meant so much to me, Wills. You know, you were my first kiss."
She casually tried to turn away from him as she bit down on her lower lip as hard as possible to prevent from crying. Quickly wiping away a stray tear with the back of her sleeve, she turned back to him, her face a mask of composure. It was now or never.
"Yeah, we were pretty cute kids," she responded, coolly, "Anyway, Xander, like I said, there’s something I have to tell you…"
< Here it comes > she thought anxiously. She gazed seriously into his dark eyes, the same eyes she had looked into for the past twenty years. The same eyes she had studied for so long, desperately searching for something, *anything* to indicate he felt the same way about her.
She never found it.
Feeling her resolve strengthen, she opened her mouth to continue speaking, "I just wanted to say, that no matter what happens…"
< Ohmigosh, I’m really going to do this once and for all > her hands started shaking. She was honestly going to do it right here. Here, as they stood in the middle of the place where they had shared their childhood…
"I-I’ll always be there to…to support you, because…"
Here, as they stood in the middle of the place they where they had shared the secrets, the games, the laughter and the tears of their friendship…
"..of the way I feel about you…"
Here, as they stood in the place she had cherished throughout her life, the place she had fallen in love with him, the place she dreamed about kissing him…
"you’re my best friend."
Here…she was letting him go.
"And you’re mine, Wills!" Xander exclaimed, embracing the red-haired girl.
They hugged eachother for a few seconds. It was dead quiet except for the rhythmic sound of the crickets.
She closed her eyes, painfully, "Xander, why don’t you go back to camp. I’m going to see if I can find some fire wood."
"I’ll help you!" he said, drawing away from her, trying to get a good look at her face.
"No," she cut him off a little too quickly, "I can handle it, thanks though." She turned and started walking in the opposite direction.
"Willow-," he began.
"Xander, not now," she said, sharply, without turning around. Her tone softened a bit, "I’d just like to be alone for awhile..please."
He nodded even though she couldn’t see him, "Sure, I’ll see you back at camp then."
He spun around and started to make his way back. She turned to gaze after him.
It killed him to just leave her there when she was obviously hurting so much, but she had asked him in no uncertain terms to leave. She’d made it clear that she was in pain and wanted to be alone…although he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.
"Oh gosh, Xander, why didn’t you stay?" she whispered softly as she watched his retreating form get farther and farther away…
< Something big just happened back there, I only wish I knew what… > he tried to decipher her words < there *has* to be something else going on >
After a few minutes, he shook his head in frustration < I don’t get it, maybe she’s just going through something else in her life right now. I should probably talk to Cordelia >
…She let out a choked sob…
< No, it probably has nothing to do with me… >
…and ran in the opposite direction.
< then why is it that I feel like I just lost something? > he paused for a moment, glancing back towards the lake, but couldn’t see her. Sighing, he shook his head again before continuing onwards, never looking back.