Xander stood among the many stones that made up the Sunnydale
  Cemetery. He
  gazed longingly at the darkening sky which had been a beautiful blue earlier.
  The day had been obscenely clear, crisp, and breezy with a hint of Fall
  coolness in the air. But now...now the sun was setting, covering the sky in a
  blood red.

  He knew why she had asked that it be done after sunset. Why it was
  important to have this final memorial, a final goodbye. Asking such would be dangerous,
  but it was for the benefit of one member of their group. One who couldn't be here till the
  sun was safely below the horizon. She had wanted him to be present, she wanted
  them -all- to be present, for she knew that they'd need each other now more
  than ever.

  But, she was the person he needed more than anything. She was always
  what he
  needed and now she was gone. She was his heart, his soul, his home, and
  now
  she was gone forever. She would never be returning. She would never surprise

  him when he wasn't paying attention; and, more importantly, she would never
  know exactly how much she meant to him.

  In skies of frozen snow
  Where winds of sadness roam
  Red's sun burning low
  You were my home
  Where I would go

  The small group huddled closer as the sun sank below the horizon. He would
  never see another sunset with her again. Never hold her close. Never wrestle
  with her or tackle her on a sunny weekend with the rest of her friends.

  Xander watched the last tendrils of light retreat, the immaculate green grass
  becoming dark. It reflected the feelings in his heart. It all seemed so
  unreal, so unnatural. A dark, horrible mistake. A nightmare come true. But
  the longer he stared at the tombstone before him, he knew it was no dream.
  No
  matter how much he wished it was.

  In green fields
  Now unknown
  Your name upon
  The standing stone

  Angel arrived a few moments later, dressed in black as always. He had with
  him a yellow rose. The rose of friendship. He laid it carefully upon the
  fresh grave. She had been buried earlier in the day, but in an unofficial
  will she had requested that we have this private gathering.

  She was always thinking of others, why couldn't she have thought about
  herself
  for just one moment? Xander wondered. If she had, she'd still be around
  today. If only she hadn't tried to help him. If only he hadn't gotten
  careless for one moment...

  Love invites
  One last call
  When death from life
  Begins to fall

  One of the vampires had been slowly backing him into a corner. It held a
  stake clutched in it's hand, ready to bring it down on him. He started
  reaching out blindly for things to throw at it. She had seen his trouble and
  rushed over to help him.

  He stumbled backwards, turning his back to the vampire for one second. One
  long, terrible, heart shattering second. He remembered everything as if it
  were in slow motion. The slow, time consuming way the vampire raised it's
  arm. The way it found a target and brought the stake down. It's slow descent
  towards his chest. He could swear he heard the displaced air as it came at
  him. But before it hit him, she pushed him out of the way screaming his
  name.

  The stake dropped down through her chest.

  He never did find out who staked the vampire, but it turned to ashes as he
  held her in his arms. The time that had been so still now seemed rushed and
  hurried. His mind was in a whirl, the only thing he could think was that his
  best friend was dying. That his love was dying.

  He remembered smoothing her hair back, the blood on his hands blending
  easily
  into her long locks. Rocking her gently, he was desperate to believe that she
  wasn't really dying, that she'd miraculously heal before his eyes. He knew it
  wasn't going to happen, but all he could do was hope.

  They all knew she wouldn't survive long enough for help. And she knew best of

  all. She had put a bloody finger up to his lips, silencing him. He hadn't
  even noticed that he was talking. She gave him the sweetest and saddest
  smile
  he had ever seen before she whispered, "I love you, Xander."

  His heart missed a beat to hear those words. She didn't love him as just a
  friend or like a brother, it was more. And only now, with her dying in his
  arm, did he realize he loved her just as much. The fact tore at his heart.
  Joy and grief warring with each other. He finally found his voice and replied
  with his own declaration of love.

  Her smile at his words was so bright it was hard to believe she was dying.
  Her
  eyes slowly fluttered, then shut for the final time. He felt her body go limp
  and could have sworn he felt a cold rush as her spirit left.

  Everything in his world went silent. It felt as if the world had stopped,
  holding it's breathe for one long moment. Suddenly, he screamed in pain and
  outrage, breaking the silence. Through the waves of pain and anger one
  unwavering fact remained, she was truly gone.

  He continued to rock her body in his lap, gazing upon the gentle face of his
  love. A faint smile remained on her face as if she had died happily. If it
  weren't for the blood and the stake in her tiny body, she looked as if she had
  simply fallen asleep.

  She should be asleep, he had thought. She should be in bed, far away from
  all
  this. She shouldn't have risked her life...and lost. It just wasn't fair.
  He finally found the love of his life, only to have her die in his arms at his
  realization. He was too late. He was always too late...

  The streams no longer go
  To tides of distant seas
  No love can grow old
  Without memories
  Your arms my home
  Where I would sleep

  The tears came again, falling unashamed as he looked upon her tombstone.
  He
  fell to his knees before the grave and cried.

  How can I live without you? he silently cried. I don't want to be without
  you! I need someone to show me how to do my math, to prod me to do my
  work,
  to be there when nobody else is. I needed you to stay, I needed to return
  your love. You had always been there, but always overlooked. I took you for
  granted and now I'll pay...

  Tears
  Now unfold
  How can I now
  Alone grow old
  Dusty Stars
  Shed their lights
  When death from life
  Slips silently to the night

  The night became darker and the danger increased. The moon lit up the
  graveyard, shining it's light upon such a dark occasion. As Xander cried, he
  felt Buffy came up behind him, putting a comforting arm around him. Though
  he
  was grateful for her presence, it wasn't the same as if she was here. Buffy's
  touch was caring and gentle, but it lacked the love he knew only she could
  give. He wept harder, his eyes burning.

  Xander saw through tear filled eyes as Giles knelt on his other side, Ms.
  Calendar standing behind him. Giles didn't say anything, just knelt beside
  him and put an arm around his shoulder. Xander blinked in surprise when he
  thought he saw her next to him. She was always helping Giles in the library,
  always by their side...

  He looked up in surprise as he felt two other hands on his shoulder. He
  looked up to see Cordelia smiling sadly at him. Her eyes were red. Of all
  the people she had invited, he never thought Cordelia would come. She who
  had
  tormented his Love since she was a young girl. She who had slowly worked
  her
  way into their little group. Funny, he thought, she did seem to be the least
  harsh on Cordelia. Why was that? he mused sadly.

  Xander finally stood, looking at the last member of their group. Angel. The
  only vampire with a soul. The only vampire she trusted enough to defend when

  the rest of us had doubts. She was always so trusting...she was a great
  influence on those around her and she didn't even know it.

  God, why did she have to leave me? he silently cried. His sobs began again
  and he felt the others close in around him, enveloping them all into a hug.
  There was only one person missing in their group hug and that fact made
  Xander
  hug his friends tighter.

  The group slowly dispersed, but Xander, Buffy and Angel staying behind.
  Xander
  was grateful to Buffy and Angel. They would make sure he got home safely,
  but
  they also let him have some personal time with her. It was time for him to
  say goodbye, but to do so made it feel so real. She was really gone. My God,

  she's dead, his mind screamed at him. She's not coming back to you again.

  Maybe it's better this way, he thought. Maybe this was his punishment for the

  pain he knew he caused her. And he was sure he had caused her much pain
  by
  ignoring her love, tossing it aside without a thought. But he was wrong...so
  wrong. And now, he'd pay.

  He sighed as he studied the marble tombstone one last time before leaving;
  his
  hand following the carved letters of her name. Her name...why can't I say her
  name? he asked himself. It's a lovely name. I told her as much once, when
  we
  were younger. So why can't I?

  "Goodbye, my Love," he whispered softly. He couldn't bring himself to say her

  name out loud. Perhaps one day he could...

  He glanced at the stone one last time before leaving. The light of the moon
  made it so easy to see the inscription...

  Willow Ann Rosenberg
  November 26, 1980 - October 15, 1997
  Beloved Daughter and Friend

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