"Hey, Will," Xander said, slowly making the walk up to Willow's gravesite. The
flower Angel had left there a year ago was gone, swept away by
wind and
time.
The only visible marker was the headstone and the patch of flowers
that had
sprung up during the year.
"I'm sorry I haven't visited you since that night. I know I should
have...I
wanted to, but I just couldn't. I guess I was still in denial."
He smiled,
"Sometimes I think I still am." What do I tell her now? he thought.
He
stared at the headstone, hoping it would reveal some answers.
But nothing
came.
"It's been real lonely without you. I miss you so much. Funny
thing is, I
feel like you're always with me, that when I'm at my loneliest
you're suddenly
there beside me." He touched the marble stone, tracing her name
with his
finger as he did that last night a year ago. How can I tell
you how much I
loved you, how much you meant to me? With you gone, I can't
even show you
how
much I loved you.
He silently studied the flowers covering her grave. They were
so fragile, yet
resilient, meant to grow year after year. They were so much
like her. She
was fragile, yet strong. She held the group together when things
got rough;
she kept them from breaking apart with her kind and loyal nature.
And yet, in
the end, it was that nature that had gotten her killed. He sighed.
He gently picked one of the flowers. It's red petals felt soft
and fine in
his hand. So much the color and feel of her hair. He smiled
as he remember
the reason for his visit. "The rest of the gang should be here
soon. I
wanted to come and see you by myself first. We got permission
to plant a
willow tree here as well as add a small token of our appreciation.
The
Watcher society heard about your deed and Giles has it recorded
in his diary
and the official Watcher journals. Nobody will ever forget you
Willow. As
long as there is a Slayer and Watcher, you will never be forgotten.
And as
long as I have a beating heart, I will always love you." He
felt the tears
coming again, but held them back. The others would be here soon,
and he
didn't want them to see him cry.
He picked up the backpack he had with him and pulled out a large
blanket.
He
set it at the foot of her grave, careful not to crush the flowers,
and laid
down, gazing up at the darkening blue sky. It was a bit warmer
than usual,
unlike the coolness that had been in the air a year ago. He
could still
remember that day with perfect clarity. How the light danced
off the few high
clouds that lazily made their way across the sky. How the breeze
seemed to
pick up just enough for him to feel the streaks left by falling
tears. The
sound of the casket being lowered. It would stay with him forever.
"Xander?" a familiar voice called out softly.
"Willow?" Xander whispered. He sat up halfway and turned to find
Willow in a
flowing white dress sitting among the flowers next to him. He
hastily got up
and backed away. He just looked at her. Her hair gently moved
around her
face as an unfelt breeze brushed it. She smiled sweetly at him
and extended
her arm to him.
He moved towards her, hesitant. "My god, Willow, is that you?"
She nodded
and sat still. How can this be? he thought. She's dead, she
shouldn't be
here. She's a ghost, that's the only explanation. Is she going
to haunt me
now? Does she blame me for her death? He looked into her eyes,
her
beautiful
loving eyes. No, he thought with relief, she doesn't hate me.
He stretched out his hand to touch hers, and as it touched, it
went through,
yet it felt as if a part of him had actually touched her. He
felt so much
peace and love it brought tears to his eyes. He saw Willow's
face fall at the
sight of his tears. She got up from her sitting position with
a grace and
ease that would have been lacking had she been alive. It was
an eerie,
ghostly grace, but to Xander, it suited her perfectly.
"Shh...Xander. Everything will be fine," she said softly. "I
miss you too. I
miss all of you. Tell them all I said hello, but that I have
to go. I wanted
you to know that nobody is to blame for what happened. Call
it Fate, call it
Destiny, it doesn't matter. Just know that my love and faith
in you will be
with you always. That is what is important for you to know."
She gently
stroked his face, a cold chill indicating where she had touched
him.
Her touch was cold to his skin, yet warmed him on the inside.
His heart
filled with pride. Yes, he was proud of Willow. Not just because
she saved
his life, but because she was willing to sacrifice so much of
herself for
others. Had it not been him in trouble, he was sure she would
do the same for
whoever was in trouble. She worked so hard with Giles and continued
to do
so
even though everyone, especially him, took her for granted.
She was always
beside them, unquestioningly loyal and so dependable.
The feeling of tears being wiped away brought him back from his
thoughts.
She
gave him a crooked smile, as if wondering what he was thinking.
But, he
thought, somehow I think she already knows. Her smile became
one of
amusement.
Her ghostly hand touched one of his tears and he felt it disappear
off his
face, which was an odd feeling. It was there one second and
gone the next,
only a slight patch of cold told him that his Willow took it.
She ran her
finger across the streaks left by his tears, his face suddenly
becoming dry.
He watched in quiet fascination as she pulled off several strands
of her
gorgeous red hair and put it into the hand she used to wipe
away his tears.
She held her hand closed and shut her eyes. A few moments later
she
opened
them and inside was a clear diamond pendant with the stands
of her hair
arranged into a heart in the middle.
He was shocked. It was so beautiful. He stared at it, not knowing
what to
think. It was made from his tears and her hair and was transformed
into
something new. "Xander?" a voice shouted across the graveyard.
He didn't
answer, he just looked at Willow. He felt that if he looked
away or said
something, she would disappear. He had to keep her with him
as long as
possible. He didn't want to lose her again.
"You could never lose me, Xander," she whispered as she faded
from view.
"Tell
them for me..." and she was gone.
Xander felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to get away
from it. He felt
fresh tears on his face, but ignored it. He curled up into a
ball on the
blanket and...blanket? He lifted his head. It was darker now
and the sun was
just beginning to disappear below the horizon. A dream, he thought.
He sat up, unclenching his hands to support himself. He felt
something fall
out of his hands. He picked up the object and studied it. It
was Willow's
gift. Somehow, the diamond seemed to glow a soothing red. Taking
a closer
look, he realized it was the neat strands of hair that were
glowing, pulsing
as if alive. It took his breathe away and he heard Buffy's shocked
gasp. What
was she trying to say? he wondered.
He turned to Buffy, who stared in wonderment. He smiled and passed
Willow's
gift to her. It pulsed just as strongly as it did when it was
in his hands.
But, when he let go, he felt a sudden loss, like he was giving
a part of
himself away.
The noises of more people drew his attention away from the pendant
and to
his
other friends. They all wore sad smiles. Giles had two large
books in his
arms, Angel had the willow tree, Cordelia and Ms. Calendar each
had a picnic
basket. Xander's feeling of sadness and loss vanished as soon
as the rest of
his family,- yes, family was the right word-, arrived. They
were the ones
that supported him the most through her death, through all the
strangeness
that pervaded Sunnydale and the Hellmouth. The ones he had come
to rely
on.
The ones that made him feel loved.
The others had gathered around Buffy, asking what she had and
gazed upon
the
diamond in quiet contemplation. They all turned their eyes upon
him. He
smiled. He wouldn't have believed what happen, had it not been
his
experience
with the supernatural. He brought out another blanket and set
it down next to
the first one. He circled everyone around him and began their
evening with
the tale of Willow's gift.
As the evening progressed, Xander noticed that even though the
weatherman
had
reported the temperature would be in the cool 60's it had remained
an even,
comfortable temperature. He didn't give it much thought. The
night had been
strange enough, though it was a good strange. Willow would have
enjoyed it.
He glanced at the diamond, which was still pulsing a dull red.
Maybe she is,
the thought floated across his mind. Maybe she is...