Well it’s been three weeks since Buffy disappeared and we have no idea what happened to her or Angel. I am so worried. I just wish I knew. I mean if they were both dead, I would be sad, but at least I would know. If we just knew, maybe our group could get back to normal. Everyone has been acting so different since she has been gone.
Oz has been distant and won’t come into the library anymore. That’s probably my fault. Since she’s been gone I’ve sorta pushed everyone away. Oz and I don’t go out anymore and barely speak but we continue our relationship out of fear that if we break up we’ll have no one left. Cordelia reverted back to her old ways. She broke up with Xander and went back to the same mean spirited person she had been before she became friends with us. As shocked as I am to admit it, I miss having her around. And at least she made Xander happy. Xander has tried his best to keep the mood up but it’s hopeless. He told me one night that he blames himself for what happened. I tried to ask him what he meant, but he just changed the subject. And Giles. It’s almost as if the Giles that we knew died that night. He hardly ever leaves his office, and when he does, he’s very cold and distant. He says that he’s keeping up on the prophecies, but I wonder that even if one was coming, he might not care. He doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore. I don’t know what’s happened to us, and I wonder if it will ever be the same again.
I guess I never realized how much Buffy held us together. Sometimes, even though I hate to even think this, I wished that we had never met her. Our lives would be so much simpler. Who knows, maybe even Xander and I would be together. But I know that it is wrong to think this. Buffy is our friend and the strength of our group. And if she hadn’t come we would be ignorant fools just like the rest of Sunnydale. I miss her so much.
As silly as this sounds I never thought that one of us could die doing what we are doing. But I suppose that it could happen. The other day I thought, what if it was me? What if I was the one who died? I guess I hope that it would be quick and painless and that I never knew what was happening. And I hope that everyone else would know how special they were to me. I hope that Oz would know what a great guy he was, Cordelia would know that she was special to us, Giles would know what a role-model he was, Buffy would know what a good friend she had been, and Xander would know how much I loved him. I guess these people should know this already but I bet they don’t.
We are falling apart. And I don’t know how to save us. I only can hope
and pray that things get better before they get worse. Well it’s getting
late and I better go to sleep.
Later.
Willow
Xander closed the book and just sat on Willow’s bed for a few moments and let the tears fall. Suddenly he felt very claustrophobic. He got up and ran out of the house as quickly as he could. He soon found himself walking towards the cemetery.
His mind wandered back to a week ago. Buffy had reappeared, offering no explanation of where she had been. She said that Angel was dead and she needed a break but now she was back. Things had returned to normal. Then the unthinkable happened, one of them died.
****
Xander watched as Buffy dusted the vamp. He had watched her a million times before, but this time was different. She wasn’t fighting with the same passion she used to. He looked over at Giles who was writing in the journal and then at Willow, Cordelia, and Oz, who were watching Buffy fight. He was lucky to have such good friends because he knew he didn’t deserve them. Especially Willow. He watched as she played with her hair absent-mindedly. He was in love with her. He had been for as long as he could remember. But he could never tell her. At first it was fear that she would reject him and that he would loose her, but then it was because he knew that she deserved much better than him. He sighed and turned back to watch Buffy. Suddenly he felt himself being lifted off the ground and thrown. Vamps. About ten of them were now about to pray on the unsuspecting group in the bushes. But, they were ready. The fighting commenced and continued on until the last vamp was dusted. That was when Xander noticed Willow.
She was lying near the bushes and bleeding quite badly. "Willow!" Xander screamed running to his best friends side. She was breathing very slowly and seemed to be losing consciousness. Giles took in the situation and quickly reacted. "Cordelia, Oz, go and call 911," they both stood there looking at Willow in shock. "Now!" Giles shouted with force. They were startled out of there paralysis and ran out of the cemetery. Giles looked back at Willow. Xander was cradling her in his arms and rocking her back and forth. Buffy was just standing there, staring, not knowing what to do.
Xander was panicked. He was losing her, he could feel it. "Come on Will, you gotta stay with me. You can’t leave," Xander was pleading with her.
"Xander," Willow voice was barely above a whisper. Xander leaned
down closer to her. "Xander you have to be strong for me okay?"
"No, you can be strong for yourself because you’re not going anywhere!"
Xander was on the verge of tears.
"Promise me Xander, promise me that you’ll be strong okay?" Willow said.
"Okay," Xander had begun to cry. "Willow, I love you."
"I know Xander, I know." Buffy turned away from her two best friends. She couldn’t take it. Giles carefully wrapped his arms around her.
The original four stood there together one last time, And then Xander watched, as his best friend, the love of his life, died in his arms.
*****
Xander snapped back to reality as he reached Willow’s grave. He wished that she was still here with him. He wished he could hold her in his arms one last time. He closed his eyes and felt a breeze pass over him. "I miss you Willow but I know you’ll always be here," he said as he put his hand on his heart. He fought back tears as he ran his hand over the cool stone and read the inscription for the billionth time.
Willow Ann Rosenburg
1981-1998
"The world is a better place because of her."
He smiled and softly kissed the top of the gravestone. Then he turned
and walked away.