My teeth hurt. A visit to the dentist hours ago had taken its toll. I was sprawled on my unmade bed, staring up at the ceiling. My room attested to the temper tantrum I had thrown earlier. There were clothes and books and paper scattered all over the floor. My desk chair was lying on its side on top of the desk. Basically the room was trashed.

  The music of pain blared from my stereo. Something or other about Strawberry Wine and being seventeen was what I heard. But I wasn't really listening.

  < I don't understand. > Things had been fine between Cordelia and I. Up until this morning, when she broke up with me. My fists clenched. A light flush spread up my neck and face.

  It wasn't working out, she said. We're just too different, she said. I'm seeing Randall McWaters behind your back-she DIDN'T say. But at lunch, she was practically in his lap, feeding him off of her fork. I ate in the library. Willow ate with me. I think she felt sorry for me.

  Shania Twain's rich voice drifted over the radio waves.

**(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.)

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missn'

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong.....**

 
  I snorted bitterly. With a capital B. Cordelia Chase was NOT 'the one'. But a certain phrase (**We beat the odds together**) made me think of Willow. I picked up my cordless and turned down the radio.

  "Will?" I knew her voice when she answered; evidently she knew mine.

  "Xander!" She sounded surprised.

  "You busy?" What could she possibly be busy with?

  "Um, no!" She was lying. Straight through her teeth.

  "What am I interrupting?"

  "Nothing." More lies. Must be something big.

  "Seriously, Will, so I know if I need to get off or not."

  "Xander..." Exasperation. Lots of it.

  "I'll let you go then..." I left my sentence hanging in the silence, expecting her to immediately jump in and beg me not to go.

  "Talk to you later, Xander." Dial tone.

  "Bye?" I questioned redundantly. I hit redial.

  "Rosenburg residence," a painfully familiar voice greeted me. Anything I might have been able to say got stuck in my throat. I froze.

  "Hello?" I took a breath and told myself to just ask for Willow. My mouth moved, but no sound came out.

  "Is anybody there?"

  I hung up. Quickly.

  My thoughts bounced around in jumbled confusion. Cordelia. Willow. Cordelia at Willow's house. I didn't remember seeing any pigs with wings today. Hmm.

  I sat up, fuming by now. Willow was MY friend. MY confidant. She was MY Willow. Cordelia had no right to invade my pouring-out-my-troubles time with Willow. I pulled on my jacket and ran out of the house, making a beeline for the house three blocks away.

  I was in quite a state by the time I got there. I burst in the front door without knocking, sprinted up the staircase, and barged into Willow's room. Immediately, I tripped on a pair of red clogs lying on the floor.

  From my position flat on my back, I slowly looked up into Willow's face.

  "Xander," she half-sighed resignedly. She reached out her hand and I took it. She peeled me off the carpet.

  I looked around the room. It resembled mine. Obviously discarded dresses were everywhere. Makeup littered Willow's dresser and shoes covered the remaining space. My gaze turned to the other occupant of the room.

  "Willow?" I do believe my mouth was hanging open. Willow wore a peach dress that was obviously Cordelia's. It was short and had a low sweetheart neckline. Her feet were encased in matching four inch spiked heels. Her hair was pulled up in some kind of fancy 'do, with a few tendrils curled around her face. Her face was flushed and her eyes shone.

  < Willow is a hottie. >

  I swallowed hard at this realization. Surely I hadn't just thought of my 'best bud' That way. I started stammering out of embarrassment. "What... are... h-have you... uh, been doing?"

  Willow blushed. I found it becoming. So I blushed too. "I was thinking of going to the- that dance on Friday."

  "With who?!"

  "Well, Bobby Akins asked me... but I told him no. So if I do go, I'll be going stag." I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Then my memory kicked back in and I sat down on Willow's bed, going numb.

  "What?" she asked me worriedly, leaning over me. She placed a hand on my shoulder.

  An idea struck me like lightning. I looked up into Willow's eyes. She did have pretty eyes. "Willow, you have to go to the dance with me!"

  She stepped back and started shaking her head. "Uh, no. No way. Bad idea. No."

  I put on my best 'puppy dog' face. "Please?" I begged. "Willow, you HAVE to."

  Willow began to relent. "Why do I HAVE to go with you?"

  I scrubbed my face with my hands. "I was supposed to go with... You Know Who. Now if I go alone, she'll think I didn't want to get a date. If I don't go, she'll think I felt too bad to go without her. So will you go with me? Just so Cordy won't think I can't get over her?"

  I suddenly remembered my earlier phone conversation. I cautiously glanced around the room. "She left," Willow informed me, nervously shuffling over to her laptop. "Right after you called."

  "She knew?" I avoided Willow's gaze studiously.

  "Yeah. Shocker."

  I chuckled weakly. "So?"

  "So, what?" Willow sidestepped the question.

  "Will you go to the dance with me?" I briefly wondered why my stomach was twisted in knots. I watched Willow's face as the emotions played across it.

  "OK, I'll go." I felt something flow through me at her soft words. I didn't know whether it was relief, or something bigger.

  I got up and did one of my patented Xander dances. Willow giggled, and shook her head at my antics. She moved to the window and touched the pane reverently. Her forehead lolled against the glass, her eyes searched the darkness for some secret thing. She grew silent; her face became solemn. Her eyes lost touch with reality and in their depths was something sacred. I wondered if she was thinking about Oz. He'd gone off to MIT a few months ago. I knew they'd broken up, at the time, Willow had said as much. I also knew that it was a really easy breakup for her. Not so for Oz. I never told her, but I'd seen him walking the streets alone one night. He was talking to himself and I couldn't hear everything, but his point got across. He didn't want to leave her.

  When Willow continued in her trancelike state, I got nervous. "Uh, Willow?" She turned to me, her face lightening. That look that scared me disappeared.

  "Yeah?"

  "Where'd you get that dress anyway?"
****

  I paced nervously around my room. The big night had come. Now all I had to do was pull it off. Make Cordy think I was totally over her. I told myself the butterflies cluttering up my stomach were for that reason. I tugged on my blazer. It was black, my shirt was white. My clothes closely resembled the ones I wore on the Valentine's Day when Cordy and I broke up for the first time. I finally stopped procrastinating and walked out to my car.

  When I got to Willow's house, I ran up to the door and knocked lightly. I fidgeted with my cuffs and my lapels. I thought I was prepared to see Willow looking her best. I figured she'd be wearing the peach dress. But when she opened the door I was surprised once again. She was wearing another Cordy dress. This one was red crushed velvet and flared from the waist down. It was strapless and clingy in all the right places. I picked up my lower jaw and cleared my throat.

  "Hi, Xander!"

  "W-Willow. Wow." My mental facilities seemed to be on leave of absence.

  "You like the dress?" Willow asked, an amused smile on her lips. I nodded slowly.

  "Should we go?" Willow motioned to my car after I remained comatose for nearly a minute.

  "Uh, right. Go. We should." I mentally kicked myself. I turned to walk back down the walkway and stumbled down the steps. Why was Willow's presence affecting me this way? Too afraid to discover the answer to that, I left the question unresolved in my mind.

  I held open the passenger door for Willow. My palm left a smudge of sweat and grime on the door. I quickly wiped it off with my other hand.

  The Bronze's parking lot was packed when we got there. I took that as an omen of how it would be inside as well. I helped Willow out of the car. She smiled at me, and I felt my brain turn to mush.

  When we arrived inside, I found Willow and I a table, and we got some cappuccinos. At the first sip I took of mine, my teeth protested with howls of pain. I swallowed the burning liquid and pressed a hand to my cheek.

  "Ah, ow!" Willow turned her curious gaze on me. "My teeth," I explained, the throbbing lessening. Barely. "Dentist," I reminded.

  "Oh," Willow nodded. "They still hurt? Let me see." She leaned in and I obediently opened my mouth. "I don't see anything..."

  Willow's closeness made my mouth go sandpaper dry. I asked myself why I wanted so badly to kiss her. I blinked a couple of times and turned my head away. Willow sat back, looking a little embarrassed.

  I scanned the crowd. The first person I saw was Cordelia. With Randall. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up.

  Willow placed a hand on my arm sympathetically. "We should dance. Take your mind off of her." I turned and stared at Willow. She was actually volunteering to dance? Color me stunned. I let her lead me to the packed dance floor. The song immediately changed to a slow one. Willow looked up at me, flushing a little.

  "We can wait for the next one... if you don't want to-"

  I cut her off. "Nah. This is fine. Lesser chance of you stepping on my feet." Willow rolled her eyes, and stepped into my arms. I gulped. We began moving to the music.

  "So..." My attempt at making conversation fell flat.

  "Xander, is something wrong?" Willow would have to ask that.

  "No. Not at all. Why?"

  "I dunno. You're just acting kinda weird. Are you sure you're ok?"

  I faked a grin. "Fine. Just fine." I exhaled deeply, trying to rid my lungs of the stench of smoke. Smoke? Where did that come from? I shifted my gaze and began searching for the source of the smoke. A few people coughed. Willow looked up at me, questions in her eyes.

  "What is it?" I looked down and fell into her eyes. I shook my head to clear it.

  "Smoke," I murmured, turning us so Willow could see the majority of the smoke.

  "Uh, Xander, that's not smoke," she said into my ear. Her warm breath on my neck distracted me for only a moment. "It's a fire."

  I released Willow and whirled around to see what she was pointing at. An orange glow peeked from the Bronze's back rooms. Couples closer to the back soon realized what was happening and rushed the rest of us. Some screamed, some cried, some just plain ran. I grabbed Willow's hand before we could be separated, and pulled her close to my side.

  More and more people began panicking and now there was a traffic jam around the doors. Glass broke somewhere. People started to get rough. Someone pushed past Willow and I, causing me to lose my hold on her. The crowd swallowed her up. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

  "Willow?" I cried out. I heard my name through all the ruckus. "Willow?!" Desperation tinged my voice. "Willow?!!" My voice cracked. I swallowed and pushed someone away and there she was. I don't know if she threw herself at me or if I pulled her off her feet and into my arms but somehow she ended up there. She wrapped her arms around my neck so tightly I almost lost circulation to my brain. But a hole inside of my got filled up.

  Then the lights went out.

***(Switch to Willow's pov.)***

  I was finally where I had wanted to be for so long.  I was in the arms of Xander Harris.  Unfortunately, in my dream scenario, we weren't in the Bronze, nor was the Bronze on fire.
  “Xander,” I whispered.
  “What?”
  “We have to get out of here!”
   Xander returned my feet to the floor.  He grabbed my hand and tried to lead me to safety.  We ran around the Bronze frantically for a while, trying to find a door.  It was amazing that, as many times as we had been there, we couldn't find our way out.  We rounded a corner blindly, and I ran directly into a hard, cold body.
  As I fell to the ground I lost my grip on Xander's hand.  In that moment I lost my sense of security.  My world felt like it was crashing down around me.  I was laying on the ground, limp and scared.  Every ounce of courage in me was gone.  I didn't even fight when a pair of strong, cold hands pulled me to my feet.
  “Hello, love!  Miss me?” asked an all too familiar voice.
  As I looked into his eyes, I felt as if I was standing face to face with the devil himself.  He wore a cocky grin that could belong to no one else.
  “Spike,” I said, flatly.
  He grinned.
  “Glad you remembered.  Come on love, we've got to be leaving.”  Spike grabbed me and began to drag me off to God knows where when a strong blow caused both of us to topple to the ground.
  “You aren't going anywhere with her Spike!”  Xander yelled, and he picked me up.
  “Xander!  Hurry, before he gets up!”  I cried.
  Xander took off and miraculously found a door.  We hurried outside where the chaos only increased.  Xander set me down, and we scanned the area.  Spike had followed us out, but he ran past us, merely giving us a glance.
  By this time firefighters and the police had arrived.  Xander and I wandered through the crowd.  There appeared to be no more vampires so we just stood with our classmates and watched in horror as the firefighters hurried to put out the fire that was destroying the Bronze.
  “Willow,” Xander said, taking my hands.
  “Yes?” I was staring into his eyes.
  “I know this isn’t the time or the place, but I have to say this before I lose my nerve.  Willow, I --”
  “Xander, wait!!”  I said, knowing full well what he was about to say.  “Before you say anything there’s something you have to know.”
  “Will, I --”
  “It’s about Cordelia.”
  Xander stiffened immediately at the sound of her name.
  “What about her?” he asked, his voice lowered.
  “The real reason she broke up with you. . . .”  I trailed off.  If I told the truth my relationship with Xander, at least my romantic relationship with Xander, could easily be destroyed.  If I was to have him, though, I would have to be honest with him.
  “What about the reason she dumped me?  It’s because I didn’t fit her elitist social standards.”
  I swallowed and shook my head.
  “Xander, it had nothing to do with you.  It had to do with me.”
  Xander looked at me, completely baffled.
  “You?  I don’t understand.  How?”
  “Cordelia and I have become very close, Xander.  Ever since Buffy left we’ve been growing closer.  When Oz went to school, she helped me get over him.  I told her everything, Xander.  How I felt about everything. . .and everyone.  Even you.  She knew that I was. . .That I cared about you.  She knew it hurt me to see the two of you together.”
  A painful look slowly came into Xander’s eyes.
  “You mean Cordelia. . .”  Xander couldn’t bring himself to say the words.  Neither could I.  Cordelia loved Xander.  She only broke up with him because she realized how much it hurt me to see them together.
  “What about Randall?”  Xander asked, barely loud enough to be heard.
  “Part of the cover.”
  Xander let go of my hands.
  “Why are you telling me this?  Why?”  He asked, angrily, “She dumped me because you love me?  I don’t understand!  That isn’t at all like her!  If she loved me she’d hold on to me and never let me go!”
  “She loves us both, Xander.  She let you go because she loves you.  She thinks that’s the way things have to be, the way they were meant to be.”
  Xander stuffed his hands in his pockets.  His world was backwards now.  I could tell from his face that he was confused and hurt, but I couldn’t tell by whom.
  We stood there in awkward silence, oblivious to the pandemonium that surrounded us.  Neither one of us knew what to say.  It seemed like the silence would last forever.
  “Willow!!” a voice yelled.
  I turned around and saw Randall McWaters running toward us.
  “Randall, what is it?  What’s wrong?”  I asked.
  “Cordelia. She. . .we. . .we were standing there, and this blond guy grabbed her and ran.  She screamed and told me to tell you.  She looked more terrified than I’ve ever seen anyone.  The guy was strong, and fast too.  I couldn’t even catch him, and I’m all conference in three events in track!”
  Xander snorted at Randall’s interjection of his athletic accomplishments.
  “Do you know this guy?  Do you know where he’s taking her?  Do you know how to help her?  How to save her?”  Randall asked, worriedly.  Maybe he did really care about her.
  I nodded.
  “We’ll find her, Randall.  As soon as we do you’ll be the first to know.”
  “If there’s anything I can do to help. . .”
  “We’ll let you know.”
  Xander suddenly spoke up.
  “Randall, actually there is something you can do.”
  “Anything.”
  “You can take Willow to the Chase’s and wait there.  I’ll take care of Cordelia.”
  I glared at Xander.  He had no right to make important decisions for me.
  “Xander are you crazy?!  You can’t face Spike alone!”
  “Willow, you have to trust me.  I know what I’m doing.  I have to save her.  It has to be me.  I. . .I owe her. Do you understand?”
  I nodded.  I understood perfectly.  Especially since I felt the same way.
  Xander kissed me on the forehead and headed off in the direction of his car.  Randall and I walked in the opposite direction toward Randall’s BMW.
  I was scared.  I was more scared than I had ever been in my entire life.  Spike had Cordelia, and soon he’d have Xander too.  I couldn’t just stand by and watch, but what else could I do?  Xander knew just as much about slaying as I did.  I couldn’t call Giles, since he was out scouring the world for Buffy.  Angel would have been another good choice, but he was missing too, one way or another.
  I sat in Randall’s car on the way to Cordelia’s house.  We were silent the entire ride.  Cordelia’s parents weren’t home, and I knew where they kept the spare key.  I let us into the house.  Randall went into the living room and blankly turned on the TV.  I needed to be alone, so I went upstairs to Cordelia’s room.
  I sat on Cordelia’s bed.  I thought of the number of times I’d sat there over the past few months.  Cordelia had become my confidant and vice-versa.  We knew everything about each other.  She knew how I felt about Xander, and I knew how she felt about him too.
  We were both in love with him.  In order to prevent him from coming between us, we had mutually agreed to let Cordelia and Xander’s relationship run its course.  That was what Xander seemed to want, after all.
  Cordelia breaking up with Xander that morning had come as a complete shock to me.  I had been angry with her for hurting him.  I had been even angrier with her for going against what we had decided, but she had merely said, “You and Xander were meant to be.  Who am I to stand in the way of that?”
  My mind was racing.  All I could think about was Xander, Cordelia, and myself.  What if I had lost Xander forever by letting him go after Cordelia alone?  What if I lost them both to Spike that night?  I’d lost way too much that past year to survive that.  First Angel, then Ms. Calendar, then Kendra, then Buffy, then Giles, and, finally, Oz. I suppose I hadn’t really lost Oz.  We still e-mailed each other frequently.  He was at MIT, and had a new girlfriend. I was happy for him.  Our parting had been completely amicable, and I still considered him one of my closest friends.
  I sat and pictured my life without Xander and Cordelia.  If they died, with each of them, a part of me died too.  I loved them more than I loved anyone else in the world.  I loved them in two totally different ways, but I loved them both equally.  I could never choose one over the other, nor would I want to.
  I lay down on Cordelia’s bed.  My mind was racing.  I was exhausted.  I slowly let my eyes close.  Soon I fell into the peaceful darkness of sleep.
  “Willow!  Willow!”  Randall was shaking me, almost violently.
  “Huh?  Whaaa?”  I rolled over.  “Oh my God, what is it?”
  “Xander called.  They’re okay.”
  I sat up and hopped off the bed in one swift motion.
  “Are they on their way?”
  He nodded.  I ran downstairs to meet them, Randall at my heels.
 

***(Switch to Xander's pov)***
 

  The stars shone brightly down. They seemed to defy the fear and uncertainty that still hung around the edges of our unconsciousness. Cordelia sat stiffly in the passenger seat, carefully elevating her injured ankle.

  "You ok?" I asked, turning to her while we sat at the stoplight notorious in Sunnydale for taking a full fifteen minutes to change.

  "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine." Cordy briefly met my eyes, then looked away.

  "Cordy, we need to talk."

  "Not now, Xander." Her voice rose hysterically and she swallowed painfully.

  "It's now or never," I said, turning her head to face me. She blinked slowly, and I could see clearly the tears pooled in her eyes. I inhaled sharply. "I *never* imagined..." my whisper dropped off. Cordelia's lips formed a bittersweet smile.

  "I know. I tried not to let you know."

  I brushed some strands of dark hair out of her face.

  "There's still time for us," I said quietly. I ignored the pang in my heart. Willow's name resounded through my head. I focused on Cordelia, who was gently shaking her head.

  "No, Xander. Too much has changed. We all have."

  "We could make this work!"

  "Xander. Don't make this harder than it is already."

  I exhaled.

  "I mean, it's not like you can deny that you felt something tonight with Willow."

  I began to protest.

  "Xander. Honestly. Ray Charles could've seen what I saw."

  "What exactly did you see?"

  Cordelia touched my cheek lightly.

  "Xander, you love her."

  I shook my head vehemently.

  "NO! No!! No! No."

  Cordelia smiled wearily.

  "You know, I'm glad that you and Willow were friends for so long. Kinda makes the transition easier."

  I flushed a little and kept my eyes from straying to her side of the car. The light changed and I stepped on the gas. Cordelia's voice grew serious.

  "Promise me you'll treat her right. To make up for all those lost years."

  I swallowed the lump that seemed to be the size of Texas in my throat.

  "I promise," I whispered as we turned into the Chase driveway.
 

***(Switch to Willow's pov)***
 

     We were waiting on the porch when Xander’s car turned into the driveway.
  I watched as Xander got out of the car and walked to the passenger side.  He opened the door and picked Cordelia up.  Her ankle was red and swollen, and she had blood on her.  She protested and he let her walk - hop - on one foot.
  I couldn’t stand still any longer.  I ran to Cordelia and hugged her.
  “I’m so glad you’re okay!”
  “Yeah, me too,” Cordelia laughed softly.
  Randall came and helped Cordelia inside.  He really cared about her, I could tell.  He seemed like a nice guy.  I just hoped Cordelia would return his affection someday soon.
  Cordelia stood in her doorway.
  “Randall, could you excuse us for a minute?” Cordelia asked.
  He nodded and headed toward the kitchen.
  “Willow, Xander and I talked.  Everything’s okay between us.”
  The words stung me.
  “You mean you’re back together?”  I asked, trying not to show how much that hurt me.
  “No!” Cordelia cried.  “We’re friends.  The feelings are still a little raw, Willow.  I won’t deny that, but it will be okay.”
  I smiled, and Cordelia turned around and closed the door behind her.  Things would definitely be okay between us.
  I turned my attention to Xander.  He stood by his car, somewhat nervously.
  “Want to go home?” he asked.
  I nodded.  It had been a long night.
  For the third time that night I sat in awkward silence in a guy’s car.  Not being able to stand it any longer, I broke the silence.
  “How did you get Spike to give you Cordelia?”
  “It was a fair trade.  I had Dru.  I ran into her, sneaking into their hideout.  She’s weak again, I don’t know why, but it worked to my advantage.”
  We lapsed into silence again.  We had spoken, but not about what really needed to be said.
  “So you and Cordelia talked?”  I asked, tentatively.
  “Yeah.  We did.  Things are cool,” Xander said.  I could tell he wanted to leave things at that.  I knew that I would never be told what was said in their conversation.  I didn’t care.  What went on that night between Xander and Cordelia was private and intensely personal.  I loved and trusted them both.  What was said that night didn’t matter, at least not to me.
  Xander pulled into my driveway.  My parents were away.  It had been the first time they had been away since Acathla nearly rose.  Unlike Cordelia’s parents, mine didn’t go away a lot.
  We sat in my driveway for what seemed like hours.  It was actually only a couple of minutes.
  “I’d better go,” I said, finally, opening the door.
  “Yeah.  Okay.”
  I got out of the car and walked to my door.  I was rummaging through my purse for my key when I sensed a presence behind me.
  “Willow?”
  I turned around to face Xander.  Before I had a chance to react he pulled me into his arms and kissed me the way I had wanted him to for years.  When I finally broke our kiss, he wouldn’t let go of me.  I laid my head on his chest, and Xander uttered the words that would soothe me more than he would ever know.
  “It will be okay, Willow.”
  And I knew it would.  For the first time since Angel had lost his soul, I believed that things were going to be alright.
  I knew we’d have to face the wrath of Spike without Buffy and Giles.  I knew it would be hard for Cordelia to see Xander and me together, even though she’d do everything she could to cover up her pain.  I knew that Xander still cared for her, and I knew part of me missed Oz more than I was willing to let on.  None of that mattered. Nothing mattered.  Any problems we had to handle, any obstacles that arose, we would deal with them together. That made me feel secure and happy.  I was happy.  Xander and I were happy, together.  Finally, my world was the way it was meant to be. It was the way I wanted it to be.

END

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