Part One - Monday

Chad Price wasn't the sort of guy to pry.  But the behavior of his roommate
Xander was tempting him to give up his policy and beg for info.  Ever since
Xander had returned from a camping trip with some old friends five weeks
ago, he seemed like a different person.  A person who had experienced a
life-altering moment and wasn't sure what to do about it.   He suspected it
had something to do with Xander's friend Willow.  Chad noticed how her
picture had taken the spot of prominence on Xander's dresser immediately
following the trip.  And he was surprised to see another picture appear on
his nightstand a few weeks later of both Xander and Willow, curled into an
embrace and sleeping peacefully on the ground somewhere.   Whatever had
turned Xander into a home-body zombie definitely had something to do with
Willow and that camping trip.

Chad sighed as he thought about the impending conversation he would have to
have with his roomie.  Chad and Xander weren't especially close, although
they got along really well.  They helped each other through exams,
commiserated about women together, and generally had a good time whenever
possible.  The serious conversations were few and far between.  So Chad
felt uncomfortable knowing that he would have to approach Xander soon and
force him to spill his guts to find out what was wrong.

Chad moved to his bookshelf in their small apartment and removed his one of
his textbooks.  He was planning on studying until Xander came back from
class.  Then it was Talk Time.  He settled into their couch and flipped the
book open to the page he wanted.  Then he jumped slightly as the phone
rang, and reached for it before it could ring a second time.   "Hello, Chad
and Xander's Den of Debauchery.  What's your pleasure?"

"Uh, Xander?"  A female voice asked uncertainly.

Chad sat up, slightly embarrassed.  "No, this is Chad.  Xander's still in
class.  Can I take a message for him?"

"Sure.  Could you tell him that Cordelia called, and that he needs to call
me as soon as he gets in.  It's about Willow."

Cordelia.  Cordelia.  Chad searched him memory banks briefly and recalled
that Cordelia was also one of Xander's friends from high school.
Ex-girlfriend if he remembered correctly.  She was also on that fateful
camping trip.  And she was Willow's roommate.  "Willow?" Chad repeated,
scribbling down the message hurriedly on a scrap piece of paper.  "She's
okay, right?  Xander would flip if anything happened to her."

"Oh, yeah," Cordelia rushed on.  "She's fine.  Except that she's about to
make the biggest mistake of her life!"

"Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?" Chad began, not sure how she
would react.

"Shoot.  Just make it quick before Willow finds out who I'm on the phone
with."

"What happened when you guys went camping?  Xander's been really messed up
since then.  He doesn't sleep, he's lost weight.  Even his grades taking a
dunk in the toilet.  What's up?"

"Really?  He's not eating?"  Cordelia's voice sounded pained.  "Look,
Xander and Willow had a discussion that didn't turn out the way either of
them hoped.  Oh!" She made a small noise as if she were surprised.  He
could hear another female voice in the background.  "Look, you'll have to
ask him for the rest.  I've got to go.  Bye!"

The phone abruptly went dead in his hands.  He replaced it in its cradle
and thought about what Cordelia had said.  So, basically, a big
conversation with his best friend in the whole world had made Xander
screwy.  He felt even more confused than before.  Xander had been looking
forward to that trip for weeks beforehand, eager to see Willow for the
first time in a long while.  What could have gone wrong?  Had she ended
their friendship?  That would explain a lot.

Chad's speculating was interrupted by the sound of a key in the door
followed closely be none other than his long-lost roomie himself.

"Hey," Xander said in way of greeting as he closed the door.

"Hey." Chad lowered his text and leaned forward.  "Someone called for you a
little while ago."  He grabbed the small scrap of paper off the table and
handed it to Xander.

"Cordelia?"  Xander spoke aloud as he read.  "I'd better call her."  He
began to move towards his bedroom quickly.

"Xand, wait," Chad still wasn't sure how to broach the subject, so he
decided to meet it head-on.  "What happened with you and Willow?"

Xander stopped in his tracks and turned slowly to look at Chad.  His
roommate was regarding him seriously, and with concern.  Xander sighed
heavily.  He'd known Chad had been worried about him for days now.   He
took one step back towards Chad.  "Uh, well, it's kinda complicated," he
began.  Chad nodded for him to continue, so Xander said, "Well, Willow
sorta broke up with me, only I didn't know we were together until she did.
And then once she did, I realized that breaking up was the last thing in my
life I ever wanted to do.  Only she won't believe that.  And really, after
all this time, I'm not sure I even have the right to try and convince her
of the fact."  Again Chad nodded understandingly, and Xander could see that
he completely grasped the situation.

"Okay, so now you're just gonna be all lovesick and wish for
could-have-beens?" Chad prompted.

Xander smiled slightly.  "Well, I'm gonna see her again this Christmas, so
I'm hoping to maybe win her over then.  Make her see that I really meant it
when I told her I loved her."

Chad stood up and regarded Xander grimly.  "Then you'd best take better
care of yourself.  She's not going to want a withered, haunted boyfriend."
He clapped Xander lightly on the shoulder and moved past him into his own
room.

Xander stood still for a moment longer and then he remembered the note in
his hand.  He had to call Cordelia.   He tossed his books on his bed as he
entered his room and then reached for his phone in one swift motion.
Sitting on his bed, he hit the first speed-dial number and waited for
someone to pick up on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"  Cordelia's voice greeted him.

"Cordy.  It's Xander.  What's up?  Is Willow okay?"

"Oh John! I'm so glad you called.  Can you hold on for a minute while I get
the phone in my room?"  Cordelia exclaimed.

"John?  Cordy what's--?"

She cut him off with a low hiss.  "Shut up.  Play along."  He heard the
phone hit a table and then female voices talking in the background.

Moments later, he heard soft breathing on the line.  "Uh, hello?"

"Cordy will pick up in just a second.  Hold on please," Willow's voice
washed over him, making him feel again the acute and exquisite pain of
knowing exactly how much he had lost.  God he loved her.  He'd been so
stupid.

"Yeah.  Sure, uh, I," he stammered hopelessly, wanting to say so much and
tripping over his own tongue in his haste.
 
He was interrupted with Cordelia's terse, "I've got it Willow. You can hang
up now."

"'Kay.  Bye." The soft sound of the phone clicking as she hung up made
Xander almost wince.  She was gone.

"What the hell were you yammering about?" Cordy exploded.  "That was really
smooth, Xander.  What if she recognized you voice?  Geez, you are so
dense!"

"I'm sorry," he squeaked in a small voice.  "Sorry." He repeated.

Cordelia sighed.  He sounded so – lost.  And hurt that she had snapped at
him.  "It's okay, Xander.  Don't worry about it.  Listen, the reason I
called is that I think you'd better come out here to Boston for
Thanksgiving next weekend.  Willow's –" She paused, searching for the right
words.

Xander immediately panicked at her silence.  "What?  She's sick?  Is she
dying?  She's okay, right?  She's gotta be okay—"

"Xander!" Cordy interrupted his tirade.  "She thinks she's in love!"

Xander felt as if he'd just been punched in the stomach.  He felt sick and
clammy.  And for just a second, he was sure he was going to throw up.

"Xander?" Cordy called quietly into the phone.  "Are you there?"

"Who?" He managed to spit out.

Cordelia felt the pain in his voice.  "This guy she met in the coffee shop
here.  His name's Jason.  He's a computer programmer and he works part-time
at our school.  She's been seeing him almost every night for a month now,
and—"

"A month?!  She fell in love with him in one month?!  What, is he like, Don
Juan or something?!"  Xander felt so hurt, and underneath that, betrayed.
How could she be in love with him for almost fifteen years and then turn
around and love someone else in a month?  He for one knew that the depth of
his emotions for her would last a lifetime, maybe longer.  He wanted to
love her everyday for the rest of his life.  And he would too, whether she
acknowledged that he did or not.  He couldn't help how he felt.  Once he'd
realized that he loved Willow – that he'd loved her all along, every other
woman seemed almost repulsive in comparison.  None of them had Willow's
eyes.  Or her smile.  Or her laugh.  Cordy was saying something.  He willed
himself to concentrate on her voice.  "What?"

"I said, she's not really in love with him, she just THINKS she is."

"How do you know Cordy?" He asked.

Cordelia sighed on her end of the phone.  "You remember the picture I took
of you two on the camping trip?  Well, she's got it on her nightstand.
When she thinks I'm not looking, I see her pick it up and stare at it.  For
like hours.  And sometimes she cries.  She still wants you Xander, she's
just afraid to believe.  Wouldn't you be?  I mean, she's loved you forever.
 If she accepted you and then it turned out that you didn't really love
her, she'd be destroyed.  She's afraid of that."

"But Cordy," Xander, said, tears rising in his throat as he thought of
Willow crying, "Why does she think she loves this guy?"

"Because he's nice to her.  Because he's been telling her that she's
special and that he cares for her.  She doesn't love him – she just wants
to.  She wants a normal relationship.  And she's grasping for Jason because
he's interested.   That's why I want you to come back for Thanksgiving.  I
want you to remind her that she doesn't really love Jason."

"But, she won't believe me.  I've tried.  She doesn't reply to my letters,
she just mentions that she got them.  She cuts our phone conversations
short the minute I say anything non-friend-like.  How am I supposed to get
her back?"

Cordy's voice surprised him with her conviction.  "You have one weekend to
prove it to her.  Jason's going back to Chicago to spend Thanksgiving with
his family.  He asked her to go, but she didn't want to leave me alone.
Come to Boston Xander.  For both of you."

Xander thought about what she had said for a few seconds.  He couldn't bear
to lose Willow.  The hope that he could someday change her mind had been
all that had kept him going for these past weeks since the trip.  He'd
rather be dead than lose her again.  "I'll call you with my flight number
and time," he told Cordelia.  "And Cordy, thanks!"