

ne thing
that surprises me about modern-day BG fandom is the seemingly unquestioning
enthusiasm about Richard Hatchs BG novels, Armageddon and Warhawk
(co-written with Christopher Golden). Aside from some reader comments on Amazon.com,
youre going to search long and hard for any criticism of these books. There are
possibly three factors at work here; the long dearth of pro (as opposed to
fan) BG novels, fan desire for a revivalany
revivaland the inability of fans to separate their understandable liking for Richard
Hatch from his books.
Upon reading Armageddon,
I was immediately reminded of a particularly bad SF movie roasted on Mystery Science
Theater 3000 a few years back, an incredibly awful Donald Pleasance vehicle called Puma
Man. The Puma Man, you see, is an unassuming doofus who, after a likable South
American Indian priest throws him out of a window, finds out that he is in fact the
Puma Man, possessor of assorted amazing and useful powers. In Armageddon,
the unassuming Apollo finds out, after he discovers a holographic recording left by Adama,
that he is in fact a direct descendant of the Lords of Kobol and is the possessor of
assorted amazing and useful powers.
You have to
wonder if Richard realizes what a white malealmost Aryanpower fantasy
hes written (in fact, I wonder if Richard had anything to do with this book at
all, which is why Ill begin referring to the author). Apollo is the
savior of the fleet not because of his leadership qualities or experience, but because he
is, unbeknownst to everyone else, of pure Kobollian blood. According to the holo left by
Adama, the fleet would perish if led by anyone else, so God help poor Tigh or anybody else
who isnt of that pure Kobollian blood (um, shouldnt pretty much everyone in
the fleet be of pure, Kobollian blood? Just asking....) or, needless to add,
female, like Athena (Athena has exactly the same ancestry as Apollo! Why
isnt she as special? Wrong genitalia, perhaps.).
Poor Athena!
While Apollo spends the book goofing off, Athena is in command of the fleet. Of course as
soon as Apollo returns from his peregrinations, hes promptly thrust into command
because of that whole pureblooded Kobollian business. Heil Apollo, I guess!
Also bizarre is
the way members are chosen for the Council of Twelve; not by election or some kind of
selection process in their tribe, they're picked by the other Council Members!
While I never assumed that Colonial society was particularly democratic, this kind of
dictatorship is beyond the pale.
One of the worst
features of the novel is the way that, after 18 years, literally nothing about the
character relationships has changed. Starbuck is still bouncing from Athena to Cassiopiea
(with whom he has a daughter), Apollo is still vaguely involved with Sheba (they are
planning to finally, after all these yahrens, get sealed at the end of the book), and so
on. Also unsurprising is that the author romantically involves Apollos son Troy
(Boxey) and Starbucks daughter Dalton (who is, by the way, a total jerk). What an
astonishing piece of character development!
It might be
possible to overlook the Aryan inanity and the fossilized characterization if the author
had gotten one, single detail from the series right. Admittedly there wasnt a lot of
evidence about Colonial history, but there was some, and the author doesnt
use any of it, preferring to create things as he goes along. Characters come from strange
tribes (I always thought Boomer was Caprican, but evidently tribes are more segregated
than the American south 40 years ago!), tribes have different physical characteristics
(Scorpians are almost albinos, Gemons are tall and blonde and very nearly as Aryan as the führerI
mean Apollohimself), and one tribe even has (get this!) fur. This is
attributed to divergent evolution, but I have to point out that the Colonials havent
been on the Twelve Colonies long enough for anything of the sort to have happened. The
author succeeds in mixing up centons and centares. He misspells felgercarb
throughout the entire bookthen spells it correctly in the glossary (!!). He invents
new colonialese terms (navi-hilt for control stick,
ascensior tubes for lifts or elevators, and on and on and on). Hes
redesigned the uniformits black and red now, not beige and brown (bridge
officers are apparently still stuck in those blues). He has Starbuck dissect a Cylon and
make Wonderful Discoveries. Amazing how the Colonials have fought the Cylons for a
thousand years and Starbuck, of all people, is the first one to find out what makes those
creatures tick.
I could rant and
rave for centares (hours), but this thing is really a mess. Like I said, so much
so I wonder just who wrote it. But since Richard has his name on it he has to take some
responsibility. Lets hope if theres a third installment he finds a new
coauthor.
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