Written by: Sandra Bondelier
This is dedicated to everybody who remembers what it was like to be teased or harassed as a child. Let us learn some unforgetable lessons about what sometimes happens to the outcasts and what they may become. Let us all reach out a little more often to the unpopular and the unloved. In my heart I believe we will all benefit.
I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call a geek
A little girl who never smiles
Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last.........
"Hey... Belle.... look at that weird kid over there... doesn't she look funny?" asked Brady, unthinkingly, pointing at the girl who wore a scarf all the time. This time the scarf had fallen off her face and underneath was a vision of ugliness the little boy had never seen
Belle giggled slightly and then looked away, and they snickered nervously as the child in question worked hard to act as though she hadn't heard them laughing at her. Of course she did.... she could always tell when the other children were talking about her appearance... She'd been scarred from burns and was facing years of reconstructive surgery. It had taken every ounce of strength she had to go back to school... and this was how she was treated.... but she wouldn't cry now.. she wouldn't give them all the satisfaction, so she forced the tears down and acted as though she hadn't heard the giggling and the whispered words spoken so insensitively by the other children on the playground. She was strong as steel and she would get through the day... but when she got home... she would collapse on the bed and cry her little eyes out...
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same......
Marlena, who came to pick up Belle and Brady from the after school program, caught the tail end of what the group of children was saying and happened to glance over as the little girl was battling the Spring winds, trying to adjust the scarf over her unsightly scars. It nearly brought tears to Marlena's eyes... the poor little girl must have suffered so... Immediately she went to the child who was so clearly fighting for her composure... not wanting to cry in front of the unkind classmates who teased her unmercifully. Marlena approached her slowly... offering to help her with the scarf. The waif of a girl looked up at her and nodded tearfully when she said softly, "Could I help you with that?"
Marlena's heart was breaking for her... "Honey.. are you allright? I'm sorry the other children aren't being nice to you... they just don't understand."
Fighting back tears for different reasons, because of this woman's kindness, she sighed with weariness beyond her years and said, "I know... My Mommy says I shouldn't be mad at them.. that I should try to forgive them... even when they... tease me and make me cry... cause that's what Jesus would do.."
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me..........
Marlena wept in response... Nodding as her empathetic tears fell, she said, "Oh yes... sweetheart... that's right... but it's very hard to do isn't it?"
She nodded sadly, saying, "The hardest thing of all... I just want to have some friends... but everyone is afraid to play with me... do you have any children... you seem like a nice Mommy."
"Oh.. thank you... yes I do... they're right over there," she said pointing in the direction of Belle and Brady."
"Oh..." It was all she had to say... From the disheartened look on her face, Marlena realized that her babies had contributed to the pain... her usually sensitive children had been teasing this little angel too... She smiled warmly and said, "I'll be right back... there's something I need to do.. will you be allright?"
"Sure.. thank you for helping me with my scarf."
"You're welcome..." she said with another caring smile and a comforting pat on the girl's arm.
Marlena approached her children and spoke with an admonishing tone even as she asked the question, "Belle... Brady... were you laughing at the little girl over there?"
They felt instantly ashamed of themselves... seeing in their mother's eyes that what they had done was cruel.. They knew better... she taught them that everyone was equally valuable, equally loved by God and should be treated as such. They nodded almost imperceptively, and then Brady answered for them, "Yes.. Mommy we were."
"Can't you see that you've hurt her? Those scars on her face.. they mean she was horribly burned... she's been through lots of operations that hurt very much... and being laughed at makes it so much worse.. I want you to go over there and be nice to her. I want you to apologize to her for laughing and to ask her to play with you... allright?"
"But Mom..." Belle said in consternation.. that was too much to ask... the other kids might laugh at *them* for playing with the funny looking new kid.
"But nothing... march... right on over there... but before you do... take a minute to think about how you would be feeling if you were in her place."
"I guess I would feel pretty sad..." admitted Brady, thinking how much it must hurt to be burned so badly. He remembered one little spot on his finger from touching a candle flame, something he had to learn the hard way not to do, even after being warned several times.
Belle was trying to picture it herself and then added another feeling, "And lonely too.... I don't like to be lonely... Come on, Brady... let's go play with her..."
More cheerfully, he agreed, "Okay.. I'll race you..."
Marlena watched intently as the two of them ran until they were a few feet away... when they slowed to a walk, approaching the girl hesitantly.
Brady wasted no time... saying with slightly forced friendliness, "Hi.. I'm Brady and this is my little sister, Belle... We want to say we're sorry... we shouldn't have laughed at you. Our Mom helped us understand what happened to you and we're sorry we hurt your feelings."
"Yea.. she said you were burned... does it hurt much?" asked Belle, hoping she didn't say the wrong thing.
Their schoolmate shrugged and said calmly, "Sometimes, when I have operations.. it hurts real bad... I try hard not to, but I cry sometimes... "
Belle could certainly understand that... she cried all the time when she got hurt... "That's okay... we cry when we get hurt too... right, Brady?" she said, nudging her older brother to help her out.
"Only sometimes.. " conceded Brady... who was already cognizant of the male way of handling pain, which was to deny it publicly... Belle shot him a seering look of condemnation for fibbing to the girl when they were suppposed to be trying to help her feel better.
"Anyway... would you like to play with us?" asked Brady, wanting to move on to other subjects.
"You really want me to.. or did your Mommy make you?" asked the girl eyeing them suspiciously. That had happened before and it never worked out. The children were only pretending... and they usually didn't ask her again the next time when their Mommy wasn't around.
"Well... at first she did.... but we do want to be friends.. if you do.." said Belle, hoping that it was enough to convince the girl to give it a try.
For the first time there was a smile on her face... this sweet sounding blond girl seemed to be telling her the truth. "Sure, I'd love to... What do you want to do?" she said feeling wonderful to be included.
"How about the swings.. they're my favorite... I can go real high," exclaimed Brady triumphantly.
"I bet I can go higher, " said the brown haired, hazel eyed girl.. "By the way.. my name is Angel," she called out as she headed for the swingset. "Nice to meet you Angel... Let's go play!" Belle said excitedly as they rushed off to jump on the swing and travel toward the bright sun and brilliant blue sky of early Spring. It was chilly, but suddenly much more cheerful; it felt good to make someone smile, just like Mommy always said it did.
Marlena was gratified to watch her children overcoming their discomfort in being around someone who looked so different. This was the way things should be and it warmed her heart to see it happen. They were befriending a little girl who had no playmates because of her outward appearance, something that in the ultimate sense meant nothing. They were learning to reach out a helping hand to others in pain, a quality she had been trying so hard to instill in them.
I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat.......
He hardly noticed the man standing there struggling to pull his winter coat around himself, freezing on the late winter morning... for he was caught up in his own problems... his past, his memories...
Lately, it was all about him. If he'd only seen what was right in front of him, he might have helped the man who just needed a little special attention, a new coat, a warm pair of gloves... some boots to keep his feet warm and dry. After all, John Black was a billionaire at this point, without ever really having done anything to earn his wealth. If he'd been paying attention, he might have reached out to the man in need. The fact was, however, John was quite self absorbed at this point, a quality he ordinarily loathed. As he walked along one of the streets near the waterfront, there was this nagging feeling inside him that there was something important he was supposed to be doing... maybe even someone he should be helping...
John spun around in a circle... thinking he heard the words, "Help him, John... help him... he could be you... he could be you if you don't start paying attention to the people you say you love so much.... help him, John...he needs someone to care about his pain." He looked everywhere... but there was no one there... no one at all... not that he noticed anyway...
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet..........
I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone crossed that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind.........
Suddenly... his heart was struck with an overwhelming, crushing sense of aching loss... pain such as he'd never known, as if in one fell swoop he lost everyone he held dear... and there was a vision that followed the feeling.....
It was Marlena... and Belle and Brady... they were in the park.. a car had come careening around the corner, on the run from the police... Sirens were blaring... and horns screeching... The car jumped the curb of the roadway through the city park... speeding out of control toward the playground.. barrelling down on Marlena and the children... He heard the crunch of metal on flesh.. the dull thud of bodies rolling up on the windshield... and then the images of the three people he loved most in all the world lying still and silent in the dirt.. their bodies crumpled and bloody. He knew they were dead.. In an instant, they were all gone, taken without warning, without having a chance to say goodbye. His vision was SO real, John felt his heartbeat pounding inside his head... his pulse was racing and his breathing was rapid and shallow. John was sorely tempted to call Marlena's cell phone to check on them.
And right now I'm holdin'
This little cardboard sign.......
Finally, when he was able to talk himself into realizing that it couldn't possibly be happening... John opened his eyes and saw the man huddled awkwardly against the piling a few feet away from him. He was holding a weathered sign, begging for help... wearing a ragged coat, beat up shoes... Even though it was early Spring, there was a chill in the air... the man was freezing cold, and hungry... that much was obvious.
So...
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain.......
John knew in his soul that this street person was the reason for the strange feeling inside him and for the vivid traumatic daydream... He was compelled to help the dirty and disheveled man get whatever he needed. Food, shelter, clothing, shoes, medical attention. Planning to be helpful in a way that allowed the man his dignity, John was cautious in his approach... When he was standing close enough to hold a conversation, he was silent for a few moments... letting the man get comfortable with his presence...
Finally, he said something... "Pretty cold out here isn't it?"
The man only nodded... wary of the good looking well dressed stranger. If he'd wanted to help, he would have given money already... so what did he want? the man wondered.
"Listen... I can see that you have some.. needs... and I was wondering... would you let me help you?"
"Depends.... on what you want from me... I ain't leavin the streets mister... if that's what you're trying to do.. I live out here... I go the shelters when it gets real cold.. but I likes my freedom..."
"That's okay by me... I'm not trying to get you to change. I just want to help where I can. How about if I take you for a nice hot meal... get you a place to get a hot shower and crash tonight... And, then.. maybe we can go get you some new clothes... a warmer coat and some boots to keep your feet warm and dry. How's that sound?"
In God's eyes we're all the same....
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me.........
How should he take that? The offer had come out of the blue... totally unexpected. He knew he should accept without question, but he couldn't... It was too good to be true and there was some measure of pride left. "Why... why should you want to help me?" he questioned in spite of himself.
He replied matter of factly at first and then some hint of old emotion touched his voice, "Because you need it... and well.. because.. I've.. been where you are," John said, suddenly remembering how he felt when he was all alone with nothing, and had not even a name to call himself.
"You... oh, come off it mister...I ain't blind you know... You're drowing in money.. that much I can see by your clothes... by that fancy Jeep you just climbed out of...I've seen you around here lots of times... you ain't never been where I am.. "
Thinking how he'd never even noticed the man it dawned on him that it was because he wasn't paying attention to other people much in recent months, he said, "Really... it's true... when I came to this town I had nothing... just the clothes on my back. Things have changed but I didn't do anything to earn it...I.. inherited some money... so I like to... help people... only lately.. I've uh...I've been sort of caught up in something, and you just reminded me of what's most important in this life."
"Oh.. yea... and what's that.. playing do gooder to the poor and unfortunate? Does that help you sleep at night?" the man asked snidely. He'd had his fill of that type.
"No... meeting needs when I see them... you gonna deny that you could use a little help?" John asked, feeling a tad defensive.. he did feel good when he helped someone... was that so bad? he wondered.
"No... I just like to know who I'm dealing with... What's your name... Mine's Ben Stillman."
"I'm John Black... nice to meet you," John said with his right hand extended and an inviting smile on his face.
"John Black? *The* John Black? The man who has so much money he doesn't know what to do with it? I read that article... said you were looking for projects to spend it on."
Glancing downward, strangely embarassed, he told the truth, "Uh... yea.. that'd be me... but don't let that turn you off.. I'm no stuffed shirt like the papers make it seem."
"Oh... yea...sure you're not.... prove it," the man challenged.
Making a move to do just that, he said, "Allright.... I will... Here.. take my coat... swap boots with me... show me what it's like for you out here... I want to know... take me to your friends... tell me what you need... Maybe we can.. make some changes in this town... What do you say?" John asked, feeling more vital and purposeful than he had in years. Maybe in helping someone else, he could regain his focus... become the man he started out to be all those years ago... when he landed all alone in this typical midwestern city.
"I say.. you're crazy.. but I'd be even crazier to turn you down..." said Ben, gladly accepting the warmth of a smooth black leather coat on his back.
John shivered instantly as he placed the threadbare jacket around his shoulders, and slipped his feet in moist boots with holes in the soles. Not wanting to make the other man feel bad, he dismissed the unpleasant sensations and gestured, indicating he was ready for his tour of life on the streets in 1999.
"Allright.. mister.. you asked for it... come on.. I'll show you what it's like... " said, Ben... ready to give the man exactly what he asked for.
"Call me John.. please.." John said with an endearing tone and warm blue eyes.
The other man actually smiled back at him. It'd been so long since someone looked him straight in the eyes. Maybe...just maybe this man was different from the rest.. "Okay.. John it is.... follow me......" Ben replied, heading off in the direction of an old abandoned warehouse in which he and several of his friends had been making a home. John followed eagerly... feeling suddenly invigorated by the prospects of learning what the real needs of the homeless were from the people living that life, rather than the often inaccurate assumptions made by well meaning but often condescending "do-gooders" as Ben termed them.
I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind
Hey aren't we all?
So...
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain........
Later that night.... when they were lying in bed... both of them thinking back on their encounters earlier in the day... John and Marlena started to speak to each other of their experiences at the same time.. "Doc.. there's something I want to...." "John.. something happened today..."
They laughed and then Marlena deferred to John this time. He sensed where she was leading and told her of his interesting new friend, "I met a homeless man today, Doc... his name was Ben and he made me remember what it was like to be all alone in the world... I spent the day with him.... he introduced me to all his friends.. showed me how he lived... everything... I know what I have to do now... I know what my next big project with the foundation money is going to be.."
"Oh... and what's that, honey?" she asked enthusiastically... guessing internally, but wanting him to have the chance to tell her instead. It was so good to have him excited and focused on something other than putting the pieces of his missing years together.
"Well, I'm going to try to get all the shelters in town to work together... and I'm going to fund all of them much more liberally. I want to make sure there are special places for families with little children... plenty of toys.... books, games, computers... easy access to medical care, all of it. I don't know why I...." He stopped... yes, he did know... he didn't think of it before because he had been so self focused he couldn't see the needs of others around him. Sitting up in bed to face his wife, John shared his conclusion out loud, "No... I *do* know." He paused for a moment, recalling his horrid vision of losing her and his babies in less a minute's time... and that vision blurred with the one Ben described.
Looking his lover in the eyes, John spoke of the lesson he'd gleaned from the day, "Marlena, being with that guy today... it really woke me up... he told me how he ended up in the streets. His wife and little boy were.. killed in a drunk driving accident... he just couldn't handle it... lost his job.. ended up broke and homeless... Talking to him... it taught me some things and reminded me of others..." Reaching out to caress her soft alabaster skin, he made a confession, "Fact is, Doc... I've been neglecting you and the kids... I've been so absorbed in this thing with my past.. and I want you to know something... it's going to stop... right here and right now. I love you and there is *nothing* more important to me than sharing my life with you and the kids. From now on... I'm going to make sure you never have reason to doubt that."
It touched her heart to hear him speak so passionately... and she felt tears of joy and relief forming in her eyes, "Oh.. John... I had a day like that too... We met this little girl today.. she'd been badly burned and none of the kids would play with her... they laughed at her... "
He hated when kids were treated that way... he just had a heart for the downtrodden.. when he let that quality shine through... "Ah.. man.. that's awful Doc... so what'd you do about it? Did Belle and Brady play with her at least?"
"Yes.. with a little prompting. At first they teased her too. But, once they got playing.. they all had a really good time together... she's going to come over to the house this weekend."
He smiled and his blue eyes sparkled... the Evans Black household was doing some changing for the better... "That's great, Doc..."
"Yes.. and the best part is... she left with a smile on her face... she was laughing and happy..... because we cared... because we.. took the time to reach out to her. It made me realize something, John... how much time you and I have wasted with this... tension in our relationship.. when we should love and trust each other. I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive of your search for answers and that I snapped at you about helping Hope. I want you to learn about your past if it's important to you... Don't let my fears hold you back, honey."
He chuckled at that and said, "What a pair we are.. this is what I love about us... we try to give what the other person needs... Do you know how much I love you, Marlena Evans... soon to be Black?"
"Yes... we are quite a match... we're meant to be together... I'm more convinced of that than ever. And, I think I know how much you love me.. but I wouldn't mind at all if you care to show me..." she said with twinkling hazel eyes and a slightly seductive expression, one that made him swoon.
Taking both of her hands in his, planting a soft kiss on each of them, John spoke quite tenderly, "Me too, Doc... I know we're destined to be together... that's the other part of what happened to me today... I wanted you to know how much I value my life with you and Brady and Belle. I won't neglect you again and I won't let anything or anyone come between us, I promise.."
She nodded and gave him a contented smile. "I know..." she said in a tearful whisper, seeing that he meant it. Meeting a homeless man in great need had been a life changing experience for her fiance... taking him back to the man she had fallen in love with so long ago. He leaned down over her and kissed her with infinite tenderness... the embers of love starting to ignite, quickly becoming a roaring fire...
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me.....
As they laid quietly and waited for sleep to claim them, John and Marlena thought about how ironic it was... two strangers in need had served to bring them closer together in a way that nothing else could, serving someone else's needs reminding them of how blessed they were to have each other and their two beautiful children...that to have love was truly a gift bestowed upon them from the heavens, something to be cherished. They smiled and held each other tight all through the night, once again realizing that God truly does work in mysterious ways.....