Babar VS Rataxes, Part 1
By Bumper and Robert Brown
"Welcome, ladies, and gentlemen, to a very special match-up today. Here we
are, at Lake Celeste in Celesteville, where we shall see two titans of
kinghood do battle below it's blue. First, in the gray rowboat, we have our
king of the elephants, Babar! In the red rowboat, we have the king of
Rhinoland, Rataxes! These two have been desirous of having it out for ages
now, and now, in front of 2,000+ on the shores of the lake and on giant
videoscreens underwater, they now have a chance to have it out! A lot! I'm
Jumbo, and here beside me is Horner. Tell the viewing audience the rules,
Horner!"
"Well, Jumbo, the rules are very simple. First king, and I use the term
loosely to describe that pompous elephant, to score 2 out of 3 victories wins
it all. 15 minutes between rounds for...ah...medical attention. As always,
there can be no outside interference, although I stress it this time so all
the elephants can understand it. Babar is allowed to use a mask only because
of his trunk, while Rataxes can use both mask and snorkel. That should even
it up, don't you think?"
"For once, one sided partner o' mine, I actually agree with you. One thing...
notice they're wearing their crowns to this battle... wassup with that?
Anyway, it looks like the ref from the shore is finally about to fire the
starter's gun for this thing to finally start. I warn you people, this will
be ugly, bloody, and not at all nice. We elephants will get to see a new side
of our king, and you rhinos will see.... actually, probably nothing at all new
out of yours. There's the gun, and they're both in like a shot! Let's switch
on the underwater cameras now."
"Rataxes is wearing his crown because he's proud of being a king. Babar's
wearing his to cover that spot on his head that's more grey than it should be.
Hey! No fair! Babar didn't even wait til Rataxes was in the water fully to
slap him with that stupid trunk of his. Hey ref! Are you even watching
this?"
"No, Horner, because once that gun is fired, virtually anything goes in there.
Well, they finally dragged each other under... they're really grappling
already! This is great stuff, folks! Ooh, Rataxes caught Babar with a solid
knee to the gut, a nice set-up move. Now a double elbow to the back of the
head! Babar has hit the sediment in a shallow part of the lake in a daze,
folks. Rataxes is coming after him.... let's see if he can't capitalize on
this early advantage."
"Oh look! He's grabbed hold of Babar's trunk and it looks like he's trying to
twist it off. If Babar can't breathe right through that trunk, the real King
will have a huge advantage the rest of this fight. Might as well start
writing the impostor's obituary Jumbo."
"You're probably right about that, but it won't be so easy to do that... ooh,
check it out! Babar just started kicking him in the gut... the twisting is
slowing down as Babar keeps kcking away. Look at that, Rataxes has let go,
but Babar's trunk is hurting... he needs to start swimming off for a while and
fight defensively. Looks like he's actually doing that somewhat, padding back
a little... oh, my! Rataxes has him again!"
"He's got him in a headlock now, squeezing him and....hey wait...oh no! He
forgot to take a breath! Now he's gotta get to the surface to breathe. Aw
man, he had Babar right where he wanted him.... But hey, it looks like Babar
has the same idea, and Rataxes isn't letting him get to the surface."
"Rataxes is taking a major, major risk here, folks... he seems to be betting
on him outlasting Babar in holding breath. This is pretty tense stuff,
folks... whoa! Babar is slowly pulling the Rhino king with him to the
surface! Babar's really stretching that trunk... but will he make it, our
will one of them drown first? Only they have an idea of what's truly
happening right now, ladies and gentlemen. Remember, of course, this is two
of three."
"Of course it's two out of three; I told them that, remember? But you gotta
admit, whoever gets the first victory has a big edge in the rest of the match.
Why that dirty no good elephant, he poked Rataxes in the eye! And now Babar
is getting his breath back while holding Rataxes underwater. Come on! Let
him up you coward!"
"Yeah, I wonder how you'd be reacting if their postions were reversed.... a
win's a win. In a fight like this, that holds especially true, and you just
said yourself whoever gets this first win will have a big advantage. Ow! Now
THAT'S a cheap shot! Rataxes just nailed Babar right in the people's jewels!
He's taken his breath, and he's not wasting any time whatsoever in dragging
him back under."
"And like you said, there's no such thing as a cheap shot. Rataxes is trying
to get Babar in a bear hug so he can squeeze the breath out of him. But
Babar's gut is so huge, he can't get the right leverage on him. He's gotta
try something else before Babar can recover."
"Rataxes has released the hold, and is now punching furiously at Babar's
gut.... probably a smarter idea. Ah, Babar's finally recovered from the below
the belt shot, and has now actuallyu reversed one of Rataxes' punches, turned
him around, and all of a sudden, he's now got him in a chokehold from behind,
trying to throttle all of Rataxes' air out of him! This getting to be a lot
of what we expected, folks.... lots of grappling, close-up, in your face
stuff. Rataxes is still struggling in that chokehold. He's in tough again."
"Ahh, Rataxes has grabbed hold of Babar's arm and looks like he's going
to....? What the hell? He tried to whip Babar off, but since they're in the
water, all he managed to do was flip them both around a few times. And
Babar's still hanging in with that hold...oh no! I think Rataxes can't tell
which way is up! If he doesn't figure it out soon, he's a goner."
"Along with screwing up the direction sense, they're also deeper now. It
looks like 25 feet, and, indeed, Babar held on fast... well, Rataxes looks
like he's regained his sense of direction, but he's already clearly straining
desparately for air. Wow, a last ditch elbow in the gut finally frees
Rataxes! However, as he swims, I doubt he'll make it...."
"He definitely didn't make it, Horner.... Babar has broken the surface of the
water, and this makes him the winner of this first round. The records record
this round as ending at 5:23 with Rataxes' drowning. There are the crews,
dragging out Rataxes' body as Babar swims for his boat for relax for the next
15 minutes. We will take a short break, folks, and we'll be right back!"
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