Donald VS Scrooge
By Trevor Lake and Robert Brown
The Nephews, Donald Duck and Scrooge McDuck are copyright Disney
"Welcome, folks, to this very special battle between two of the most famed
ducks in the history of cartoons and comics. This will be a mask and snorkel
match, to further test the natural skills of these two. Tell us who they
are, Robert."
"First up is Disney's most well-known duck, even if he's not the most well-
understood. Everyone's favorite squawker, Donald Duck! And his opponent,
though far more understandable, is not quite as well liked. Not that he
cares mind you, all he cares about is gold. Donald's uncle, Scrooge McDuck!"
"Also, we have some very special audience members, in their youngest nephews,
Huey, Dewey, and Louie! They'll be watching their uncles fight in the tank
ahead of them. The two combatants are just about ready to go..."
"And there's the starter! Both ducks are swimming very slowly, looking for
an opening while not revealing one to their opponent. These two know each
other so well that this might take a while."
"This is going to take a long while to get going, I think. Like Robert just
said, these two just know each other well enough that it'll take some time
for one of them to dare to launch any kind of attack. They're now getting a
little closer to each other, trying to make something happen."
"Donald dives in, but it's only a feint, and Scrooge didn't bite. Now
Scrooge does the same, with the same result. And now they both go up for a
breath. Not that they need one, just don't want to be caught if someone
decides to make a move."
"This isn't exactly all action... oh, finally! Scrooge's dived under in a
major hurry, and Donald's confused at not seeing his rich uncle anywhere...
and we all know what'll happen... yep, Scrooge just pulled Donald under!"
"Donald's gasp of surprise made him lose some of his breath, and Scrooge is
making things even worse by dragging him all the way to the bottom."
"You know Donald's not going to go down quite that easily, people, and he's
showing that by pounding Scrooge's head many times with double axhandles!
His rich ass uncle is forced to let go, and Donald's going for the surface to
recover the breath he lost by getting pulled down there."
"Scrooge is also backing off, surfacing far away from Donald to get some air
and recover from those blows. Still no clear advantage for either fighter
yet."
"Donald's not going back down right off the bat though, and he's waiting for
Scrooge to come up, I think... he's trying to get over Scrooge's surfacing
point, but he doesn't get there in time! But Donald's now fighting Scrooge
at the surface!"
"This is rather unusual. I don't remember the last time we actually had a
fight at the surface. But up there the water itself becomes a weapon as both
ducks are splashing each other hard, trying to disorient their opponent."
"Normally, that wouldn't take too long, but the masks are helping them
keeping an accurate apprasial of what's going on, and now they're trying to
shove each other underwater! Man, it's not too long before Donald overpowers
his counterpart and pushes him under, below his snorkel length."
"Ah, but Scrooge is a wily one. He's got hold of Donald's weight belt and
turned it on full power! Donald's dropping now, right onto Scrooge's knee.
No doubt about it, that one had to hurt."
"I hope Donald's happy with helping to raise the nephews, because he's sure
as hell not having kids after that one, ouch... actually, as Scrooge tries to
choke out his nephew. Robert, did you know ducks have six eyelids? 3 for
each eye? Donald told me that before the match."
"Interesting bit of trivia there Trevor, but what's more interesting are the
elbows Donald is viciously jabbing his uncle with, forcing him to let go.
Donald turns now and is moving in...ooh, payback! Let's see how Scrooge
likes it."
"Well, Scrooge was a little old to have kids anyway... so as Donald quickly
surfaces for another breath, he must clearly he planning to drown the old
duck... what do you think, Robert?"
"I don't know why, that's often the most difficult way to win. But there he
goes again, just trying to hold Scrooge under the water and not let him get a
breath."
"Especially to a duck... does Donald not only plan to beat his uncle, but
humilate him as well? Oh, not this time either, as Scrooge slips away again
and breathes... neither duck's breathhold has really been tested yet.
Neither one seems willing to risk anything."
"It goes back to what we were saying before. They both know each other so
well that one mistake will be enough to end this. Scrooge looks a little
determined to create his opening though as he dives back under the water."
"And there he goes, trying for a flying punch the second both of them get 5
feet deep... and Donald looks surprised to see this baby coming, and he can't
completely get out of the way, and gets clipped by his unc as he passes by!"
"Donald's usually a lot quicker than that, but he'd better get his act
together because Scrooge is moving in fast, connecting with a foot to the gut
followed by an uppercut to the chin."
"And as Donald recovers, Scrooge is now swimming under him, and his locking
Donald's arms with his hands, and is trying to choke Donald out with his
legs! Jeez, any more moves, and Scrooge will be doing the Charleston...dun
dun dun... da dah..."
"Scrooge has a lot of leverage here, but Donald's still too strong for this
to work. Donald's swimming up to the surface strong and breaks through to
the air, but the position Scrooge is in is keeping him from getting any
himself...and Donald's holding him down there!"
"Still, I doubt Scrooge will succomb to this kind of tactic, even at this
point. Donald's really gotta supplement this move with something actually
doing some damage. (Wait a couple of minutes) Donald actually still has him
down there... what do you think, Rob?"
"I think Scrooge is playing possum here, and even Donald's thinking that as
he tries to peer at his uncle's face.... Bad move though, Scrooge just
nailed him with a foot to the beak, making Donald let him go."
"And Scrooge finally breaks through for air himself. And right afterwards,
he trying to tackle Donald under again! Scrooge is really trying to make
this into a pure underwater piece of combat, Rob."
"So it would seem. And it looks like Donald's letting him, even initiating
some of the combat himself. Neither one is giving an inch, and I don't know
who's going to be the first to break."
"This match is starting to get close to 15 minutes. In these mask/snorkel
only conditions, most would've broken long before now. Whoever wins, know
that both of these warriors are great at this, folks. Hmm... I think
Donald's finally getting a bit of an upper hand, Rob."
"Maybe, but don't count Scrooge out yet. Donald may have age and strength on
his side, but Scrooge has years of experience and wisdom on his. There see?
Scrooge just caught Donald's foot on an attempted kick. But it backfired as
Donald hits a somersault kick right under his uncle's chin. That shot
knocked out his snorkel!"
"Add another thing Donald seems to have on his side: Luck. Donald now has a
huge advantage with the loss of his uncle's snorkel, and he's quickly trying
to take advantage of the situation by forcing the fight further and further
down into the tank."
"He'd better not get too eager though, Scrooge is a long way from done yet.
That shot might help though as Donald literally spears Scrooge down to the
bottom of the tank."
"Ow... Scrooge literally bounces off the bottom of the tank following that
spear. It's also forced a bit of the air out of his lungs, and stunned him
some... what is Donald doing... it looks like he's trying to sit on Scrooge's
face."
"That woke Scrooge up and he madly scrambled away, making a break for the
surface again while keeping an eye out for his snorkel. Donald's in hot
pursuit though."
"Man, he sure came to in a hurry, didn't he? Your opponent trying to sit on
your face has a way of doing that in this league. Donald's slowly catching
up, but it looks like Scrooge is going to just make the surface, considering
the current rate of speed... and he does! Still no snorkel though."
"Donald's coming up fast underneath him, and just avoided Scrooge's foot
aimed right at his head. Oh wait, Scrooge is making a grab for Donald's
snorkel as he passes!"
"He's got a grab on it too, but Donald was able to grab it himself just in
time. You know he's not going to let his advantage go very easily, folks.
The fact that Scrooge is minus a snorkel gives Donald an advantage in the
later stages of this fight. They're still fighting for it on the surface...
are they arguing?"
"It sounds like it, though I can't really make out what Donald's saying. Not
that I ever could, mind you. But the audience seems just as bewildered as we
are. This isn't the time or place for a verbal fight."
"This isn't like either of these two to lose focus like that during a fight.
Then again, I guess it's sorta different when you're fighting your own blood.
Wait, Don's just ripped the snorkel away and whacked Scrooge over the top of
the head!"
"And now Scrooge retaliates with a thwap of his own. This fight is breaking
down fast, maybe one of us should step in and get them back to business. I
nominate you, Trevor."
"Aw, let's just let them be... this could get interesting. Besides, this
could be good for a few laughs, you know? Besides, this isn't a true fight
if one of us tries to break them up... I mean... now they're back under, and
Donald's wearing the snorkel!"
"That's a relief. Not for Scrooge though, who as we speak is swimming over
toward his snorkel. Donald's moving to cut him off though, and here's where
his youth will come in handy."
"And Donald's cut off Scrooge just as he's about to reach out and grab it.
Donald's got Scrooge in a bearhug type move, and is dragging his uncle back
down towards the bottom again! This does NOT bode well for the elder duck."
"Scrooge is trying to headbutt his nephew to get free, but Donald's head must
be harder than even he realized and it's just getting him nowhere."
"And considering that, Donald retaliates with a headbutt of his own, and that
seems to hurt his like-feathered opponent some as they finally reach the
bottom of the arena... wonder what Don plans to do now that they're here?"
"Well, he was trying something before, and with Scrooge far more weakened and
dazed this time around, it should work. Uh oh, here we go. Donald's lining
up his butt again....I can't look."
"If he's doing what I think he's doing.... and he just sat on his unc's face!
This by itself can't possibly hurt him at all, but... yep, there's a fart
from Donald! And indicators say that finished Scrooge off!! When did Donald
learn to do that?!"
"I don't know, but I do know I need a new stopwatch. This one only goes up
to 20 minutes, and we've far passed that. You have the time, Trevor?"
"Getting data now.... the official time of the fight the league will record
is 25:44."
"By far our longest fight, and these fans are letting their appreciation be
known. Donald's soaking it up like the ham he is. Guess I can't blame him
though."
"True, but he could at least be a little more humble about it. His nephews
are in the audience. I think we should interview them and then Donald...
come on, Robert." *Gets up*
"We'll be right back with the interviews, right after these words from our
sponsor. *follows Trevor*"
Interviews
Trevor: "Folks, we've just witnessed a fight for the gods. We've decided to
do some post match interivews, starting with the nephews of the combatants,
Huey, Dewey, and Louie, who also compete in the junior division of out
contests. Hello, boys."
All three: "Umm, hello."
Trevor: "Boys, you've just witnessed a fight between your two uncles that
will have people talking for ages to come. It went over 25 minutes. I
really need some comments from you guys. Let's begin with you, Dewey."
Dewey: "Umm, what do you want to know?"
Trevor: "Well, shall we start with your general reaction?"
Dewey: "What do you want first? My disgust or my horror? I mean, both of
them are my uncles, I don't want to see them fighting. And what I just
witnessed....I don't even have words for it."
Trevor: "I can understand your sentiment, of course... but you gotta
remember, neither of them are really doing anything physically harmful in the
end. Besides, it was on the card. What did you expect to see?"
Louie: "To be honest, my brother didn't even want to be here. Me though, I
love this stuff. This is exactly the kind of fight I like to see. Lot of
action, and a great finish too. Can't beat that."
Dewey: "Yeah, you guys made me come... I can stand it with you guys and
myself, but not my uncles... man..."
Robert: "What about you Huey? What's your take on all this?"
Huey: "Well, I wasn't exactly crazy about coming here to watch probably two
of the four most important people in my life come to beat each other up, but
I admit it was a good fight."
Robert: "That's a fair enough outlook on things. What do you think of your
brothers' squabbling though?"
Huey: "Nothing we're not used to. We fight all the time."
Robert: "That's true. This almost seems like the type of fight we could
settle in a scuba war.... What do you say? You three up to at at some
point?"
All three: "Would we?!"
Robert: "All right then, it's settled. We'll set it up for you in the
future and let you know what we come up with, right, Trevor?"
Trevor: "Most definitely. I'll see to it myself. Hey, Donald's just
climbing out of the tank! Excuse us, boys..." *Heads towards Donald*
HLD: "See you later!" *they start arguing about who would win*
Trevor: "Hey, Donald. Congrats on the hard fought win down there."
Donald: "Thanks. I knew Uncle Scrooge would put up a fight, I just didn't
realize how much a fight he'd put up. I almost didn't make it a few times."
Trevor: "Your uncle still shows he can take care of himself down there...
but when did you learn to fat like that?"
Donald: "Well, I've been watching some tapes, and it seems that most times
someone farts, they win. I wanted to see if I could use it."
Trevor: "But what made you think you had it powerful enough for it to work?
Not everyone can do that."
Donald: "I didn't know for sure, but I couldn't lose anything by trying.
After all, nothing else was working."
Trevor: "Well, wanna know how it registered?"
Donald: "Sure, it'll help me know whether or not I should use it more"
Trevor: "Well, it didn't register all that high. Only about a 7.5. Enough
to be fatal if you sit right on someone's face though."
Donald: "That's all I'll need it for, won't I? I'm not gonna use it from a
distance now. That just makes no sense."
Trevor: "Well, gonna use it for a finisher?"
Donald: "I'll think about it."
Trevor: "Leaving things to chance are we... well, that's all the time we
have, folks. This has been a great night, folks. Wanna take us out, Rob?"
Robert: "Sure thing Trevor. I hope you've all enjoyed this fight, as it was
clearly one of the best. We look forward to bringing you more of the same
action next time. Until then, take care everyone."
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