Giles and Willow emerged from the bookcase they had been hiding behind as they had watched the vampire Buffy, Xander and Angel. As soon as the cellar had slammed shut Angel sank back down into the same chair he'd been sitting in earlier that night and rubbed at his eyes, desperately fighting the tears that were threatening him again. God, how weak had he become? Giles, Willow, Xander, they'd all been able to hold it together a thousand times better than he had, all he could think about was that Buffy, his sweet, loving Buffy, was gone . . . replaced by a demon inside her. He supposed it was because he'd let himself grow attached to her, allowed her to become the only thing in his godforsaken life that had any meaning, and now she was gone, replaced by a demon that still had some of her personality traits but was, by no stretch of the imagination, her.

"Did you find anything?" Xander asked Giles eagerly.

"Yes. No. Well . . . kind of," Giles replied.

"What do you mean kind of, you either did or you didn't, which one?"

"Well . . . I'm not sure if it will work. It's never been documented."

Angel looked up in surprise. "You actually found something?" he asked.

"Yes . . . um, according to the book it only works if the vampire is less than two weeks old and has not tasted of human blood," Giles replied hastily, not wanting Angel to come to any false hopes about his own condition.

"So what's the problem?" Angel asked, excited. The thought of a cure for himself was far, far away, concern over getting Buffy back taking precident. "Buffy's barely a day old, vampire wise, and she hasn't tasted human blood, she's been doing nothing but complain about it the whole way over."

"As I said . . . it may not work. It's never been tried, really . . . it might . . . it might kill her."

"But it's a shot," Angel argued. "Anything at all that might help her we have to try."

Giles sighed and looked towards Willow for support.

"There are a few tiny complications," Willow licked her lips, obviously not happy with being the bearer of bad news.

"What?"

Giles took over. "The ritual requires that . . . well . . . it requires the blood of her sire."

"Not the sire thing again!" Xander moaned.

"Oh, I'm sure Spike will be happy to volunteer," Angel said darkly.

"Anything else?" Xander asked, still not sure where the problem was.

Willow sighed. "She'll also need . . . the blood of the Slayer."

Angel and Xander looked at each other, than at Willow. "*What*?" they said, simultaneously.

"When the ritual was written, several hundred years ago, it was written for a Slayer whose sister had been turned," Giles explained, "The Slayer captured her sister and demanded that they do anything they could to bring her back. They tried this spell, which was found in a book lost over a century ago, and, according to her Watcher, it worked."

"I thought you said it had never been tried," Xander questioned, confused.

"It hasn't . . . exactly. There is no proof that it will work, and, as I said, the spell is several centuries old."

"What else?" Angel asked, sure there was more to this ritual than Giles was telling them.

Giles shrugged. "That's basically it. We must combine the Slayer's blood and Buffy's sire's blood, along with a few other ingredients, and somehow make her drink it at precisely midnight. If this book is correct, she should be cured almost instantly."

Xander looked relieved. "This is good," he said. "This is something to focus on."

Willow cleared her throat. "I have another thing to focus on," she said slowly. "Neither one of us has been home tonight and school starts in less than five hours."

Xander's eyes widened. "Parents, school, I'd forgotten all about them!" He turned to look at Giles suddenly. "What are we going to tell Buffy's mom? She's going to be back from her trip this afternoon, obviously Buffy can't go home."

Giles shook his head. "Nothing . . . we have no idea where she is. If this ritual doesn't work Buffy will be dead . . . and if it does she won't be."

"We knew that Giles. Point please?"

"Anything we tell Mrs. Summers may be influenced by the . . . well, the outcome of the ritual. If it works we'll think of something to tell her then."

"And if it doesn't?" Xander asked grimly.

Giles simply shook his head again.

Parents were called and worries were assauged, all but Joyce Summers', that is. The gang gathered once again in the library and read through every inch of the book before them, memorizing every detail of the ritual that perhaps, just perpahs, might bring Buffy back to the living, where she belonged.

"I'll call Kendra's watcher. She is the also a Slayer, maybe her blood will be, well, maybe her blood will suffice."

"How much blood does this ritual need from Spike?" Angel asked.

"Um, it's not as bad as the ritual you were involved in, Angel, so we don't have to worry about going to that extreme. A pint should be enough."

Angel smiled. "I think I can handle that." He glanced at his watch. "When should we perform this thing?"

"Tomorrow night," Giles said firmly. "It will take that long for Kendra to get here, assuming she'll come. And you will have to wait until nightfall to go after Spike . . . um, do be careful, he's beaten you before."

Angel gave Giles a dark look. "I was previously incapacitated, or he wouldn't have, I can assure you."

"Still, he will doubtlessly be well guarded . . . "

"I'll go," Xander interrupted, aware that three pairs of eyes turned to stare at him. "*With* Angel, ya know, backup, or whatever."

Willow swallowed. "I'm going to."

"Will . . . "

Willow shook her head stubbornly. "I can't just sit by and hope for the best, Xander. I need . . . I need to do something, too."

"There's one small matter I'll have to take care of first," Angel told the two with a slight growl.

"What?"

"Willy. I think Buffy's right, I do need to have a few more recent regrets."

"Angel!" Giles scolded.

Angel sighed. "I won't kill him," he promised. "I wouldn't toss away a hundred year vow for a piece of slime like that. I'll just . . . have a little chat with him."

"Well," Xander said after a moment, standing and yawning. "I have classes and stuff . . . I'll see you guys later." He left the library, Willow following a few minutes later.

"Okay . . . " Angel said slowly, reaching for Giles' book. "Let's go over this ritual one more time."

"Don't you think you should get some sleep? We're going to have a long night ahead of us."

Angel shook his head. "I'll sleep when Spike's dead and Buffy's human," he said coolly, and began to read the book for the twelfth time.

Xander slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to see Buffy standing in front of him. He blinked, certain it was a dream.

"It is a dream, Xander," Buffy said with a small smile. "If it wasn't, I would *not* be wearing this extremely short skirt and this very tight shirt."

"It can't be a dream," Xander said with certainty. "You're not moaning or panting or doing . . . well, anything else you usually do in my dreams."

"That was more than I ever wanted to know about you, Xander."

"Well, if it's not a dream what is it?"

"Call it a vision, if you want," she answered with a shrug. "Us vampires have some pretty neat psychic tricks."

"Okay, now I know it is *definitely* not a dream, a nightmare maybe . . . "

"Xander, please, listen to me. It's me, I swear not . . . whatever's in me. You have to be careful, Spike knows about the ritual to restore me, in fact, he was counting on it. He's planning an ambush, he wants to get rid of you, Willow, Angel . . . anyone who threatens him and Drusilla."

"You don't sound like you," Xander said suspiciously.

"Xander! This is *serious*! You are going to die tonight if you go after Spike, I'm sure of it."

"Look, Buffy, if it really *is* you, you know I have to go through with it, we all do. We owe you too much not to."

Buffy smiled softly. "Thank you, Xander. But if you insist on going you must promise me something."

"What? Let the poor little Buffy-vamp bite my neck?"

Buffy laughed. "If only *Willow* had fallen asleep," she said with a sigh. "Angel would have been best, but no, he has to be Mr. Awake man. Anyway, promise me that when you get the opportunity you'll stake Spike."

"I can't, Buffy! We need his blood to save you!"

Buffy shook her head. "The only thing that can save me now is death. My death. Before I can hurt you . . . or Angel . . . or anyone else. I'm not doomed yet, Xander. Please don't make it beyond my control."

"Buffy listen to me, we'll get his blood, we'll get some of Kendra's . . . then you'll be okay and everything'll be back to normal."

"Xander . . . I'm a vampire. Is there anything normal in that? No, there isn't. It's over and done with. There's nothing left of *me* in that person down in the cellar. She's not who I am. It's up to you, Xander. Willow won't be able to help me, neither will Giles. Kendra might not get here in time to stop me from doing something . . . something terrible. And Angel . . . well, he's kind of a non-issue. That's why he lost that fight last night, he didn't want to hurt me, he still seems to think that I'm locked in there somewhere, and he's *wrong*, Xander. I know it's going to be hard, but you have to remember that I am *not* me."

"What if it works, though?" Xander argued. "If there's even the slightest chance . . ."

"No, Xander. That's not how it works. I'm a *vampire.* That's *it*."

"How many times did I say the exact same thing about Angel?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Xander . . . this is very, *very* different. Angel has a soul, I don't. Not anymore. The body downstairs isn't me, so stop treating it as if it were."

"Then where are *you*?"

"Now, Xander. We're getting into all that life, death stuff. Far too complicated. Maybe you should be paying attention in class instead of sleeping, you *are* in the ancient religions section of your friendly History textbooks."

"Buffy, are you sure the ritual won't work?"

"No," she replied, honestly. "But I'm sure that if it doesn't I'll never be at rest, and the demon in my body will go on to kill hundreds, maybe thousands. Is that a chance you really want to take?"

"For you? You're goddamned right I do!"

"Xander, don't be stupid. Please, listen to me. Tonight I want you to kill Spike. Don't take his blood. Take a stake and ram it into his heart. And then do the same to me."

"Buffy . . . "

"You have to, Xander! You are the *only* one who can."

"Please don't make me do this, Buffy."

"If I had a choice I wouldn't. But there's no one else I can go to. I already explained this to you."

"What about Cordelia?"

Buffy laughed. "Xander! Cordelia? Slaying vampires? She'd get dust all over her designer outfits!"

Xander had to agree. He reached out and caressed Buffy's cheek gently. "I'm gonna miss you, you know," he said, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'm gonna miss you, too," Buffy said, her falsely normal facade faltering a little. "Tell Angel I love him, will you? And tell my Mom I'm sorry for . . . for so many things. And . . . " Buffy stopped, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She looked at Xander and he felt his heart break at the sorrow he saw in her eyes. "I don't want to die, Xander . . . " she said softly. "I really, really don't."

"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Xander exclaimed. "Something . . . "

Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry, Xander. You shouldn't have to see me like this."

"I'm your *friend* Buffy. You should share your emotions with me."

"I have to go," Buffy said, getting to her feet. "Xander, please, do what I said. Kill Spike, and kill me, too."

"I don't know if I can," Xander answered honestly.

"You don't have a *choice*, Xander."

"Buffy!" Xander cried. "I *can't*! Goddamn it, Buffy, I love you, all right. I've loved you since the day we met, more than anything in my entire life! I can *not* kill you. I may be strong, but I'm not *that* strong."

Buffy paused in the midst of her retreat and turned back, the sunshine of the dream gleaming against her blonde hair, her blue-green eyes sparkling with tears. Xander was struck by how beautiful she was, how beautiful she'd always been. "I know . . . Xander. You have no idea how much I wish I felt the same way. I'm sorry. But someone else does love you, Xander. Hopefully you'll realize that in time. Can I . . . can I ask you one more favor? It's kind of, well, mean. Nasty. Cruel. All those things."

"Anything."

"Take care of Angel for me. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, like go sun-bathing or something. And . . . take care of Sunnydale, too. Help Kendra, when she gets here. Protect her, if you can. I know this is a lot to ask, but . . . "

Xander nodded. "Like I said. For you, anything."

Buffy smiled. "Thanks, Xander. Please, do what I'm telling you to, it's for the best, in the end. Tell Angel . . . no, tell everyone I love them. I love you too, Xander. You've been one of the best friends I've ever had, you and Willow. I'm going to miss you." She smiled again, the same falsely calm smile she'd had on her face throughout most of the conversation. But Xander could see her pain and fear and sorrow reflected in her eyes.

"I'll miss you too, Buffy." *But not for long*, Xander silently vowed. This hallucination, dream, vision, whatever it had been, had only strengthened his desire to save Buffy. He didn't know if what she'd said was true or not, all he knew was he couldn't live without her.