"You're right," Xander replied, his eyes never leaving Buffy. It was a strange thing really but the part of him that was so desperately in love with her had fallen numb as he gazed at her. All he could think was that this one of his best friends and she was hurting and somehow, someway, he had to help her.
Willow took his arm,"Come on." She led him away from the room and then shut the door behind him. At the bottom of the stairs she turned to Joyce,"She'll be okay." It was odd to be reassuring an adult and yet it felt like she was the one who should be doing it. Like she was the one who should be the calming force when Buffy was incapable of it.
Joyce nodded her thanks and then showed the kids out. And despite what Willow said, she continued to worry.
The fight had been vicious. Yelling, screaming..even a little breakage. Mostly on her part of course. She hadn't meant to lose it but when she'd realized what her mother had done it had finally tripped the wire that was holding her sanity in place. And now she could hear her mother softly crying in the other room while she lay on her bed clutching her teddy-bear to her as if too might turn it's back on her. No, that wasn't fair. None of them had betrayed her. Especially not her mother.
"You want to talk about it?" Angel said from the window. Buffy glanced up at him and waited for the normal surge of emotion to overtake her but all she felt was emptiness.
"Talk about what?" Buffy replied, still squeezing the stuffed animal.
"Well, that was certainly a fight." Angel said softly. He didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was which really wouldn't be all that difficult. The girl was a mess.
"No," she replied evenly. "What's to talk about. I'm pushing everyone I love away from me. It's a good plan."
"Then why aren't you happy..I mean..if you're getting what you want?"
She spun on him, "Who said this is what I want? I love my mom..it's killing me to hear her.."
"Then go to her," Angel suggested. "Let her be there for you." He stepped into her room, "Let us be here for you. We can help you through this." He touched her face and lifted her chin so that their eyes met.
She almost gave in. And then she heard the echo of her own voice, "..If I have my way, you'll be the last lover I ever bury." She shoved away from him. "It's better this way.."
"For who and do you really think that you can push us away so easily. Really, Buffy, you must have more faith in us than that. We're going to stick with you. We're going to help you through this."
"You can't," Buffy insisted. "You don't understand. There's nothing you can do to help me. I'm the Slayer..I'm a killer. That's my job..I accept it. Me..I..just me."
Angel shook his head, "That's not your decision to make."
She slammed her fist into his chest. "Yes, it is!" So completely posscesed was she by her anger and pain that she didn't even realize how much force she threw behind her punch until she saw Angel double over in pain. "Angel?" she gasped dropping down beside him.
He looked up at her through clenched teeth, "Ouch, that's it, from now on you have to wear toilet paper around your hands to soften the blow." In spite of herself Buffy giggled which in turn made Angel smile. She had such a beautiful laugh that it was a crime for her not to allow herself to feel joy enough to sound that laugh. He grazed his hand over her face and then pulled her down to her butt next to him. "We will get through this but we have got to do this together..all of us..you can't just walk away and think the pain's not going to be there anymore. That's not who you are and if you think you can just turn off your emotions, you're lying to yourself. It's unnatural, it's not you. Besides, Willow and Xander will never accept you blowing them off. I get the feeling that you could tear them each to shreds and they'd still stand by you."
After a moment she replied in soft voice," I know and that's what scares me."
"Let it reassure you," he suggested. "In the meanwhile, let me help you." He turned her towards him. "Please." He could tell that she was still searching for a way to push him away but finally, reluctantly,she gave in. The pain wasn't gone and the emotional scars were just as deep but at least now she was willing to allow them to heal.
"Buffy?" Joyce murmured as she gently shook her daughter out of her dream. "Honey?" Somewhat hesistantly she sat on the bed next to Buffy who was just beginning to rejoin the world of the living. The fight the night before had been awful but the worse part of all had been seeing the betrayal in the girls' eyes. Sometime after midnight, once her own tears had subsided, she'd slipped into Buffy's room and spent the entire night watching her daughter sleep. Almost as if to reassure her that her baby was okay."Buffy? It's Monday morning."
"Mom?" Buffy murmured, rubbing her closed fist across her eyes. The girl was groggy and unaware. Joyce took Buffy's fist and helped her to sit up. Buffy blinked as the image of her mother become clear through sleep deprived eyes. And then without further warning she leaned forward and hugged her mother tightly. She pressed her face against her mothers' shoulder and whispered, "I'm so sorry."
Joyce smiled and continued holding her daughter to her until Buffy broke away. "It's okay. If you need to talk, I'm here...you can talk to me about anything..."
"I know. I love you, mom. I love you so much." And then she hugged her again. A moment later she rose to her feet and said, "School on the other hand..that's a different story."
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