Chapter Fourteen: Hard Promises
Carly pushed the door of the chapel open with authority and stepped out onto the
sidewalk. She walked straight to the curb, getting as far away from temperature
controlled air, the fluorescent lights of the lobby, the pervasive smell of
lemon, and took a deep breath, sucking real world air into her lungs. There was
a warm wind pushing its way along the street, making the air feel thin and
insubstantial. It was contaminated with the smell of cigarettes and fuel
exhaust. She raised her head, looking up at the sky, hoping to find something
sharper, less tainted, in the heavens.
She was losing her battle. From the moment she'd seen Nikolas at the hospital
that afternoon, she'd been gripped by a panic that she had no words to describe,
and a diminishing ability to fight. Now, with everything said and done, vows
spoken, papers signed, it was threatening to leave her stranded in anxiety
forever.
Her eyes were losing focus and the lights along the street all blurred. The
lights, all of them, were luminous, with crosses of light pointing out in
compass directions, rotating a little when Carly cocked her head to one side.
The sky looked artificial, like a translucent tarp tossed over head. The color
was faded from the light pollution and there were no stars. She breathed in
again, the same dirty and infected air.
It didn't make her feel any better. She felt the lights dim again, just as they
had in the chapel, and she began pushing the air out of her, only to pull it
back in out of necessity. She didn't want to be here. She wanted, suddenly and
desperately, to be transported anywhere else. She needed to think, and she
wasn't going to be able to do it here.
“Are you all right?”
“What the hell did we just do?” Carly expelled the words from her chest along
with a ragged breath, as she turned on the pavement to face her new husband. He
was standing, framed in the doorway for the chapel, looking at her with concern.
Nikolas let the door slip from his fingers. He heard the chimes sound, hopefully
for the last time, as the door swung shut. “I don't know. But it feels good.”
Carly gave him a weak smile and held her breath, refusing to let it escape
again. She tried to ignore the pedestrians who passed in the gulf of sidewalk
between them.
“So now what?” The quake in Carly's voice didn't translate over the distance,
but she looked down, spinning her bouquet in her hand, trying to avoid his eyes
anyway.
“That's up to you.”
More people passed between them, causing Nikolas to miss her reaction to the
statement. He glimpsed her bite her lip and looked away, her shoulders tensed.
She knew the right answer to this question, even if it did grab her with an
unreal sense of fear.
“We have to go back,” she stared down the street, suppressing an urge to shiver.
Nikolas' expression twitched ever so slightly. “I know.”
Carly turned back to face him, her eyes meeting his. “So why are we standing
here?”
Nikolas stepped away from the door and moved across the walkway towards her. He
reached her and took her free hand in his examining the back on her hand while
he tried to figure out how to make his suggestion.
“Because… There's another choice.”
* * * *
Carly fell against the wall, hitting her back hard, and allowing the air rush
out of her lungs. It was stale and processed, this time. Treated air… was
nothing just clean in this town? Or was she the force behind all this bad
oxygen? She closed her eyes, bringing more air in, picturing it gathering in her
lungs, mixing with the sickness, the anger and the guilt… definitely the guilt.
She pushed it out of her again, hearing the key turning in the lock of the hotel
room, and pictured little cells of bad feelings floating off down the hall to
ambush some unsuspecting soul. She smiled slightly at the idea, of being able to
affect the day of someone who hadn't even had the misfortune of meeting her, let
alone marrying her. Her eyes snapped open and she turned, still leaning against
the wall, to look at Nikolas.
“Ready?” she asked, her voice betraying more than a touch of boredom. Nikolas'
face clouded immediately. Carly was being strange. Even for her, she was being
strange. It had started the moment they'd stepped out of the chapel, and he mood
had stilled and become very distant over the course of the cab ride to the
hotel. She'd agreed to this readily, but Nikolas now found himself replaying the
conversation over in his head, looking for any signs of coercion or undo
pressure on his part. He slid the key into his pocket.
“We don't have to do this.”
Carly laughed slightly, rolling her eyes. “Oh, of course we do.” She reached
over and twisted the doorknob. “You might as well get what you paid for.”
With that, she opened the door and walked into the darkened room, leaving
Nikolas, stunned, in the hallway.
Deep breath, he told himself. She was probably just… adjusting. Still. He'd
probably be adjusting too, if he weren’t so busy watching her adjust. This
wasn't so out of character… After all. If there was one thing he'd managed to
learn about Carly thus far, it was that she was defensive. Defensive to the
degree that he wondered if she was devoted to raising it to an art form. He saw
the light in the room turn on, and shook himself, following her into the room
and pulling the door shut behind them.
“I'm supposed to carry you over the threshold,” Nikolas forced his voice to
remain steady, even light. He wasn't going to let this escalate. This was their
wedding night. For all the insanity of how they came here, it was still
important. Maybe more so.
Carly didn't respond. She was staring at the room. She had expected it to be
nice. Just… not like this. There was a large picture window at the far end of
the room, the curtains pulled back to reveal a breath-taking view of the city.
The lights moved with a hypnotic speed, flashing… reaching out and retracting.
Once she tore her eyes from that, she was faced with a decor that was so slick
it left her unnerved. The furniture… all of it… was black, with inlaid glass,
spotless… No streaks, no dust… It didn't seem plausible. The bed… which was
itself larger than some apartments she'd lived in… was laden with pillows of so
many shapes and sizes, it appeared that they were breeding. The comforter, like
everything else in the room, was black, but the sheets, and half the pillows,
were gold in color… silk. It was opulent. And impossible to miss.
She looked back at Nikolas, who was watching her with apprehension that was
giving way to dread.
“Carly…” his voice was soft, prodding. She felt her body turn with the rest of
her to face him, but she managed to stay grounded to the spot, not stepping
towards him. This was a mistake, coming here… Allowing him to talk to her into
it. She hadn't even argued. A part of her wanted to be here so badly, had wanted
this moment more than any other one of the night. To be alone with him, to know
he was with her, caring for her, and that he wasn't going to go leave. He wasn't
going to turn away. And even if he decided everything was wrong and he'd made
the biggest mistake of his life, it wouldn't be a simple thing to get rid of
her.
But she shouldn't have given in. That she knew and couldn't avoid. Her brain
wouldn't stop screaming at her for it. She had no right to this. It was too
perfect, it was too rich, it was too… Much. She felt a bitter, cutting laugh
push it's way out of her.
“Well. I guess this is as good a place to seal the deal as I could hope for,”
she stepped back from him, tossing her hair and gave him a quick wink. “Very
classy. I hope my body doesn't reject it.”
Nikolas shook his head slightly, an old feeling, one he had promised himself he
was never going to allow himself to feel again, stirring in him.
“What are you doing?” his voice was so quiet he had no way of knowing if she had
heard him. She was still studying the bed.
“But… It's an important part of the game plan, right? I mean… We can't have any
loops holes,” her voice shook a little on the end of the remark. Nikolas closed
his eyes, leaning back against the wall.
“Stop it.”
“Oh, look!” Carly turned away from him quickly, moving to the sideboard at the
other end of the room. “Fruit.”
Nikolas, his head beginning to spin in a way he didn't like at all, nodded. “It
comes with the name. Apparently.”
Carly pulled the bow off the top of the cellophane and nodded, glancing at the
contents. “Exotic.” She looked around for another distraction and saw the ice
bucket, complete with chilling champagne. She didn't allow herself to look at
the name or vintage, turning back to him.
“Champagne…” she twisted her mouth. “You know… Some couples have songs, special
places… We have an alcoholic beverage.”
Nikolas pushed himself off the wall, fighting against the overwhelming anger
that was beginning to grip him. She wasn't supposed to do this. This was
supposed to be over. He'd married her, for God's sake… what else was it going to
take to get her to stop pushing him away?
Carly ran her fingers lightly over the edge sideboard, smiling in a way that
suggested she was feeling no amusement or joy at all. “How do you do this?”
“Do what?” The words contorted in his mouth without permission, coming out with
a much harsher edge than he'd intended. Carly continued, unfazed.
“Make a phone call and have stuff like this just appear?” She looked up at him,
widening her eyes. “How do you swing that?”
Nikolas tensed his jaw. The cavalier manner Carly was displaying cut through him
like a hot blade. She seemed determined to make this as unimportant and casual
an encounter as possible.
“How long were you and Jason together?” The question came out before Nikolas
could really consider it. He continued with unapologetic bitterness,
nonetheless. “I mean… You lived with him. Doesn't Jason make things just
'happen'?”
Carly didn't flinch. Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, and crossed
the room, stopping right in front of him.
“I know how Jason got things done,” she smiled at him in a way that was almost
threatening, and slid her hand under his jacket, up his side, and around his
back. She tipped her head up to meet his eyes. “Nope. You're clean.”
Nikolas felt himself tense at the comparison. He realized he'd invited it, but
it stung all the same. Jason. He didn't want that name anywhere near this night.
However, it seemed clear, that he was not going to get what he wanted here. She
wasn't going to just let this night be. She wanted to complicate it as much as
humanly possible, to keep him as far away from her as she could. He could see it
in her eyes, in the challenge behind the smile. He felt her press against him
and his arms closed around her waist of it's own volition as she raised herself
up to meet his lips. Nikolas felt himself drawn into her for a moment. He
couldn't be this close to her without sinking into a deep desire to touch her,
kiss her for all he was worth. Instead he forced himself to turn away, causing
Carly's lips to meet the strong line of his jaw instead of his lips. She opened
her eyes in surprise, but was not to be put off. She kissed his face softly,
bringing her hand up to his other cheek and turning him to face her again.
She caught her breath at the expression on his face… his jaw tight, eyes dark,
boring into hers.
“I'm not Jason,” the words came out as an almost growl. Carly opened her mouth
to respond, but only air escaped. Nikolas tightened his grip around her waist,
dropping his lips to her neck and running them down to the base of her throat.
Carly felt her heart pick up speed, pounding with alarming force against her rib
cage as her head dropped back of it's own accord.
“I don't handle things like Jason does…” Nikolas' voice was tinged with anger,
as he pulled the strap of her sundress down off her shoulder. He planted a soft
kiss on her collarbone, a gesture that seemed to contradict his demeanor. “I
don't threaten people like Jason does…” his other hand moved up her bare arm as
he continued, his voice like gravel, “And I'm not going to treat you like Jason
did.”
Carly swallowed hard, staring up at the ceiling.
“What do you know about how he treated me?” she asked, unable to force any anger
or defensiveness into her words. Instead her voice was thin and high pitched.
Nikolas lifted his head and looked down at her, trailing his fingers up and down
her arm. Once again, she found her eyes had lost all ability to focus. His mouth
came down on hers and he gave her a long, deep, sensual kiss. Carly felt any
desire she had to keep him away, to stay in control, melt away in a moment. She
could feel herself surrendering to him, willing suddenly to give up anything,
just to see what kind of difference he was capable of making. All her concerns,
everything she was holding so tightly, using to fight off what she really wanted
this night, came crashing down around her as she felt Nikolas bend to lift her,
in a sudden and unpredicted motion, up into his arms. She gasped, opening her
eyes as his lips left hers. He had a look of ever so subtle triumph, having her
in the posture she'd ducked out of at the door of the room. She felt her head
spin, unprepared for the unabashed romance of the gesture, as he carried her to
the bed and laid her down with great care.
Carly let herself sink into the bed, her hands slipping from Nikolas' neck, and
onto the pillows, as she looked up at him. She was aware, somehow, that she had
probably never allowed herself to look this overwhelmed, this open and
vulnerable, in front of any man. Not at a time like this.
Nikolas sat down on the bed beside her, his eyes still trained on hers, not
breaking eye contact for a moment, while his hand moved reverently down her
body. Carly, feeling herself begin to tremble, closed her eyes, trying to block
him out, to escape.
She felt Nikolas’ hand move back up her body and his knuckles gently graze her
cheek. She opened her eyes, turning her head to look back at him, fighting back
a wave of self-loathing. He was looking down at her, his expression blank, his
eyes intense, full of injured determination. She didn't understand him, she
realized. Profoundly, on some level, was unprepared for the sort of depth he
felt things with. She didn't know anyone else who took everything so to heart.
When she played games with Jason, he got annoyed, or angry. Nikolas got hurt.
Her hand moved quickly from where it had been lying, limp against the pillow,
and circled his neck. She saw him swallow, his eyes finally breaking from hers.
She rubbed her hand against the back of his neck slow, feeling her chest
constrict. He didn't look back. Carly sat up, putting her hand to his cheek and
again, and turning him to face her. His eyes, containing a glimmer of anger and
coldness, previously, were now rich with unabashed hurt. Exactly what she hadn't
wanted to see. She felt herself lift up from the bed, and brought her lips to
his, and kissed him gently.
Remorse wasn't an emotion Carly traded in freely. She avoided it at all costs,
coming up with excuses, reasonings and bargains to avoid it. As she kissed
Nikolas she could feel herself contracting with him in her head… kiss me back,
stop looking at me like that, forget about it… I will if you will.
The problem was, he wasn't.
She moved on the bed, not letting her lips leave his, and pressed herself closer
to him. Her hands slid up into his hair, her eyes closed tightly, and she ran
her tongue lightly across his closed lips. After a moment, Nikolas’ mouth
finally relaxed against hers, and she pulled him down onto the bed with her,
kissing him as deeply as he'd allow. She felt him begin to give in. His own
hands started to wander over her body again, his mouth finally moving against
hers. Carly felt her guilt begin to release as she pulled him down on top of
her, letting her hands slide around his back, pulling his jacket down over his
shoulders. He made no move to assist her, however, and after a moment, pulled
away from her, lowering his head and breathing against her neck, but not making
any other movement.
Carly turned her head towards him, pressing her lips against his neck. She could
feel his pulse thundering through him. He wanted her. She knew that. So why the
hell was he doing this?
“Nikolas,” she murmured his name, twisting herself beneath him. She brushed her
lips back and forth across his jaw, trying to lure him back into the moment.
“Nikolas, come on…”
Nikolas pushed himself up on his arms, suddenly, and looked down at her, the
same hurt expression on his face that had been there when she had started
kissing him. Carly felt her stomach plummet.
He descended on her quickly, kissing her hard. Carly responded in complete
confusion, her eyes not even closing, faced with his, which were squeezed shut.
She felt his hand start to slide up her leg, pulling her skirt up her thigh. She
closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the physical sensations and blocking
out the fact that she was profoundly disturbed by his behavior. Nikolas didn't
act like this. He just didn't.
Sure enough, Nikolas broke the kiss as suddenly as he'd begun it, and moved away
from her, rolling to the other side of the bed. Carly sat up quickly, gasping
for air and looked over at him. He was lying on his back, staring hard at the
wall, his chest rising and falling rapidly with his breath. She struggled with
her own breath.
Carly slid over to him, determinedly, looking down at him. He closed his eyes
again, shutting her out. Carly bit her tongue to stop herself from pointing out
to him that he was, even by her standards, bucking for 'freakiest guy' she'd
ever encountered. She reached down and took his hand in hers.
Carly brushed her fingertips over the back of his hand, then turned his hand
over in hers. She undid the button at the cuff of his dress shirt, and blew
lightly on the inside of his wrist. Nikolas shivered. She smiled to herself,
feeling her confidence return, and unhooked he clasp on his watch, slipping it
over his hand, before lowering her face to kiss his palm.
When she raised her head, he'd opened his eyes and was looking at her, his lips
parted slightly. She knew the look. It was the same way he'd looked at her that
first night when she'd been teasing him with the champagne bottle. Carly felt
herself relax, and she stretched her body over him, dropping the watch blindly
onto the night stand, and sunk into another kiss, while working on parting the
buttons of his shirt.
This time Nikolas responded immediately, griping her with his hands, while
exploring her kiss, hungrily, the kiss intensifying as she ran her hands up and
down his chest. He moved his lips away from her lips, and trailed them down her
neck.
“Nikolas,” she moaned approvingly.
His hands grabbed her arms and he rolled her onto her back in a sudden movement,
leaving Carly, once again, gazing up at him, stunned and breathless.
“Nikolas…” her laugh was tinged with confusion. Nikolas shook his head hard. He
had to get this out, and he had to get it out now.
“I promised…” he stopped, gazing down at her, at the apprehension on her face.
He realized how hard he was still holding her, and took a deep breath, relaxing
his grip. He looked away, staring at a spot across the room, as he struggled to
string his thoughts together. “We made promises to each other tonight.”
Carly nodded, mute. God, what was this about? “I… I promised to take care of
you.” He looked back at her, meeting her eyes. “And I'm going to keep those
promises. I don't even care if you can't keep yours, Carly, just…” he stopped,
struggling visibly for a moment. “Keep one.”
Carly reached up and grabbed the headboard, using it to slide herself out from
under him and sit up. She stared at him, still without words or understanding.
“Keep one?” she repeated, the words making no more sense in her mouth as they
did in his.
Nikolas nodded. “Make me one promise and never break it, that is all I ask.”
Desperation began to creep into his voice. “I'll do anything for you. I'll make
sure no one EVER hurts you again. Not Tony Jones, not the Quartermaines… no one.
Just promise me this.”
Carly felt her mouth go dry. “What?” she managed to push out.
Nikolas looked away a moment, as if he was battling some sort of inner turmoil
against voicing the promise he seemed to need her to make so badly. When he
looked back at her, there were unmistakable tears gathering in his eyes.
“Don't use me.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, blinking back the
tears that were threatening, as if this was only a minor request. He didn't
succeed in keeping the tremor out of his voice. “Ever.” He slid a hand behind
her neck, holding her head so that she couldn't look away from her. Carly felt
herself go cold, as if he was staring right into the center of her. “I'll give
you anything, whatever you want… but you HAVE to promise that we are in this
together. Don't push me away, don't hold me at arms length, and don't try to
manipulate me.”
Carly couldn't even bring herself to blink. “What happened to you?” she
breathed, in horror.
Nikolas dropped his hand, looking away. “Just tell me…” He let his voice trail
off, unable to make himself repeat it again. His head was beginning to hurt,
combating memories he was refusing to let in. He didn't want to think about
them. All he wanted was her, to look at her and know she was safe, that she
wasn't going to betray him, or make him think she felt one way while plotting
behind his back. Every second she didn't let him in he could feel the pounding
in his head get louder. He wanted to shake her, was using every ounce of self-
control he had not to. He closed his eyes. “God, do you even want to be here?”
Carly, still in a state of shock, felt something crack in her at his words. She
moved forward, towards him, and immediately circled her arms around him,
“I want to be here,” she whispered to him, feverishly as she began to lay moist
kisses down his neck and onto his chest. “I don't… I want to be with you.”
Nikolas struggled against the overwhelming urge to just surrender to this, to
let that be enough, and let the rest of the night take its course. He found
himself helping Carly release him from his shirt and jacket. This was so easy.
Why the hell was he making it so hard?
An image, clear as day, and completely unbidden, flashed before his eyes. A
woman, turning, lowering her eyes, and giving him that smile… He shuttered and
pushed Carly away, looking down at her.
“Tell me why you're acting like this.”
Carly shook her head, tears beginning to threaten. She was fighting crippling
guilt on two fronts now, and she had no other way to show him how sorry she was.
She leaned back against him, caressing her shoulders with her hands.
“Don't.”
Nikolas closed his eyes. “Carly… I have to,” he slid his hands to grip her
shoulders and pushed her back so that he could look at her. “I have to know.”
Carly squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face. God, how the hell
had she gotten into this? She didn't want to talk about it.
“I promise, ok?” her voice shook. “I promise, I promise, I promise.” she opened
her eyes and looked at him. “I'm not going to use you. You want this to be a
partnership… then it is.”
Nikolas swallowed hard. “Then tell me what all of that stuff was about.”
Carly leaned forward, cupping his face in her hands and smiling at him sadly.
“Later.” Nikolas felt his heart drop into his stomach. He wondered mildly if she
was ever going to be able to understand what it did to him, when she smiled at
him in a way she could believe.
She leaned over and brushed her lips against his lightly. “Later… I promise. I
just want…” she stopped talking as she felt Nikolas’ body relax, relenting. He
moved slowly towards her and they sank together back into the pillows on the
bed.
“What do you want?” his lips moved against hers, the words coming out in a thick
whisper. Carly felt herself shiver beneath him, feeling a current run through
her.
“You,” she spoke, arching closer to him. “Just you.”
Nikolas propped himself up on one elbow, to look down at her. He brushed her
hair out of her face, carefully, just staring at her, taking her in. “I promise
not to hurt you,” he said finally, stating the words like they were another vow,
an unspoken part of the words the minister had recited with such a complete lack
of enthusiasm. “Believe that.”
Carly reached up and trailed her fingers down his upper arm. She had no response
to that. It was like being asked to believe that pigs could fly, or that Elvis
was still alive. She nodded, unable to find her voice.
Nikolas leaned down slowly and gave her a long and purposeful kiss, his hand
lightly stroking her cheek. It seemed to announce that they were starting this
moment over again. That what had come before didn't matter now. She closed her
hand around his arm.
His lips moved from her lips, down her body, and she felt the rest of the room
begin to fade away, an ache in her begin to diminish, as he made love to her.
There was something different about him tonight, something being held back,
measured out. It was in his touch, in a way it hadn't been before. Despite his
bizarre behavior, despite his running hot and cold, she could feel something
different about the way he was with her tonight. It was like he was marking
something. His touch was worshipful, and full of respect. Carly wasn't sure
anyone had ever touched her like this before. She opened her eyes, staring up at
the distant ceiling as Nikolas began to slide her dress off of her.
“Nikolas?”
Nikolas was intent on laying soft kisses along her shoulder. “Mmmm?”
Carly took a deep breath, letting her arms slip under his, to slide around his
back.
“I do believe you.”
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