Chapter 10
Caroline sat on the couch in the Penthouse, while crying and eating out of a
small carton of chocolate ice cream. She couldn't stop thinking about Shane's
ultimatum. “If you want to give me another chance, I'll stay. But if you're sure
you want Jason, then I'll leave. You have to tell me, ‘cause I'll be damned if I
stay and watch you pine away for Jason.”
She had never thought that she would ever have to THINK about choosing between
Shane and another man. She had always thought that Shane would be the man for
her. The man who would make all of her dreams come true; the man who she would
grow old with, but most importantly, the man who would love her unconditionally.
Yet, she didn't understand why she hadn't asked Shane to stay right there when
they were in the park.
She put another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, and closed her eyes. Deep
down inside, she knew why. Her feelings for Jason were stronger than she had
realized. Since she had come to Port Charles, Jason had been her only real
friend. He had accepted her, taken her in, and helped protect and raise her son.
The night she had snuck into his room wasn't because she only wanted sex; she
had also wanted love.
Caroline looked up, and saw Jason and Robin enter. As soon as Jason saw her
face, he rushed toward her with a concerned expression. “Caroline, what's wrong?
Did Shane do something? Are you hurt?”
“She can't be *that* hurt if she's eating ice cream,” Robin muttered, scowling.
Caroline wiped her tear-streaked face with the back of her hand, and cleared her
throat. “I'm not hurt, don't worry,” she said, putting on a smile.
“How can I not worry? You're crying. Did Shane do something to you?” he asked
for the second time.
“Why would you think that Shane did anything?”
“Why? Caroline, you're not the happiest person I know, but you wouldn't sit and
cry over nothing. And since you spent the day with Shane, he's the most logical
reason for your tears.”
Caroline looked at Jason helplessly, then glanced at Robin. Jason turned to look
at Robin, with a pointed stare. “Okay, okay. I can take a hint,” Robin said more
to herself than to anyone else.
As soon as Robin was out of sight, Jason turned toward Caroline. “Are you going
to tell me what's wrong?” he asked gently, taking away the ice cream, and
holding her hand.
Caroline took a deep breath, and looked at Jason. “Shane asked me to give our
relationship another chance.”
Jason took a sharp breath, then spoke slowly, as he looked at the diamond ring
on her right hand. “Do you want to?”
Caroline focused her eyes on a piece of lint on the couch. “Part of me wants to,
but the other part wants me to… move on.”
“What's the story behind your relationship. Yeah, I know you dated, but there's
more,” he said not admitting to overhearing her conversation with Shane earlier.
“Shane and I grew up together. He's Carly's twin brother. We started dating when
we were fifteen, and we were each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend. After
Carly died, we depended on each other even more. Carly had been a part of both
of us, and her death left a void in our lives. I guess we tried to fill that
void by focusing all of our attention on each other. He was everything to me. He
gave me comfort, happiness, love, and a sense of security I had never felt
before. On my 21st birthday, he proposed to me, and I accepted. When I said yes,
I really thought that the rest of my life would be perfect. But I was wrong.”
Caroline stopped, took a deep breath, then closed her eyes. “A week after we got
engaged, I found out that I was pregnant. We were both ecstatic about the baby.
We hadn't planned to become parents that early, but we both knew that we wanted
this baby more than anything. In my eight month of pregnancy, I gave birth. He
name was Eleyna Grace, and she was beautiful.”
Caroline stopped again, stood up, and walked slowly to the window. “She was born
with many complications and… and she fought so hard. Shane and I stood by her
incubator night and day. We held her, kissed her, sang to her, and talked to
her. But two weeks after she was born, she died. She died,” Caroline said, her
tears starting to fall again.
Jason walked over to her, and put his arms around her waist from behind, and
kissed her hair. “Is that why you left after Michael was born?”
Caroline sniffed. “Yeah, I guess. I couldn't bear to hold or get close to
another baby, only to have him die. It was like Eleyna all over again.”
She wiped away her tears. “The months that followed her death were the most
painful that I've ever experienced. Shane and I didn't know how to deal with her
death. When we were together we would stay quiet. Shane started going out to get
his mind off of her, and I stayed home, not wanting to face anyone. One night,
Shane got drunk, and didn't come home. He had spent the night with some girl. He
didn't even know her name.”
Caroline looked at Jason. “Maybe that's why I agreed to our no name sex. I guess
it was my way of getting back at him. Anyway, the next morning, he came home,
and told me what had happened. We had always been honest with each other, but I
really wished that he hadn't told me. When he did, something inside me died. I
don't know if I blamed him, or if I was really mad at him. I just felt as if the
bond, the purity… the sacredness of our relationship didn't exist anymore. I had
depended on Shane for everything, and I wasn't sure if I could do that anymore.
I wanted to leave and start over. He didn't want me to go, but he understood,
and we broke up,” Caroline said moving over to a chair at the table.
Jason followed her. “And now he wants you back.”
Caroline just looked at him, but didn't answer.
“Maybe you shouldn't go back to him. Your life has changed, YOU have changed.
You have Michael, and you are just starting to get close to Bobbie. I don't want
you to invest your heart and your soul into this guy, only to have him hurt you
all over again,” Jason said.
“Jase, Shane would NEVER hurt me on purpose. He would rather die than hurt me.”
“That may be, but you're hurting an awful lot right now,” Jason said, looking
into her eyes. For some unknown reason, Jason felt as if every cell in this body
wanted to go toward her.
Caroline looked away. “I would still hurt, even if I chose not to be with him. I
don't know what to do. Maybe we ended our relationship the wrong way. We didn't
really have closure; I just left. Maybe I should have stayed and tried to work
things out.”
“Does that mean that you're going back to him?” Jason asked cautiously.
“I don't know. I f I agree to give us another chance, I may be missing out on
the chance for something else…”
“What?” Jason asked, studying her. He felt as if Caroline was going to tell him
something more. Something that would involve him.
“YOU,” Caroline thought. “Nothing. Just… just something else,” was all she said.
She got up. “I think I should go to bed. Maybe sleep will help me clear my
head.”
Jason got up also. “Caroline, I don't want you to get hurt, but whatever you
decide, I'll support you. I just want you to be happy,” he said and kissed her
on the forehead.
Caroline smiled. “Thanks,” she whispered, and went upstairs.
********************
That night, Caroline tossed and turned, thinking about the two men in her life
who she loved. She dreamt about her marshmallow fight with Jason, him rescuing
her from those two guys who wanted sex, him letting her live with him, and
waking up and finding him beside her hospital bed.
Caroline got up when she heard the baby monitor, and went to check on Michael.
As she changed Michael's diaper, she remembered more details and happenings,
which fed her feelings for Jason. As she rocked Michael, she remembered the gold
key chain Jason had given her, and the fact that is had CAROLINE… not Carly
written on it. She remembered the comfort and support Jason had given her when
he had accompanied her to Florida. Perhaps the m out bonding experience was when
she had shot Tony. Jason had grabbed her, and when she was in shock, trying to
face the reality of what she had done; he had been there, holding her hand and
standing up for her. The whole event was mostly a blur to her, but she
remembered crying and looking into Jason's eyes. In his eyes, she saw that he
was crying too. He hadn't wanted nor approved of her shooting Tony in open
court, but he had understood it. He too had suffered through days of worry and
despair when Michael had been kidnapped. She closed her eyes and saw Jason's
smile. He didn't smile that often, but when he did, Caroline couldn't help but
smile back.
Caroline put Michael back into his crib, and went back to her room. While she
was sleeping, her thoughts of Jason were replaced by thoughts of Shane. She
dreamed about her childhood, when Shane had teased her about having cooties and
girl germs, and how he would stand up for both her and Carly. She thought about
their first dance, first date, first kiss, and the first time they made love.
She and Shane had spent most of their lives together, and Caroline's dreams were
a replay of years of memories.
For the second time that night, the baby monitor woke her up. When Caroline
reached he crib, she saw that he was just lying down, looking at his mobile.
Caroline smiled and touched her son's hand. “Michael really is my life and my
reason for living,” she thought to herself.
As soon as she thought this, she realized that whoever she picked would have a
big effect on Michael's life. As she looked at Michael, she again noticed the
similarities in looks between him and Eleyna. The difference between him and his
sister was that Eleyna was born with two parents who loved each other, and
Michael didn't have that.
“Maybe someday he will,” she thought as she headed back to her room. Her mind
was suddenly clear, and she knew exactly who she needed to be with.
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