Chapter 12
Jason brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. He no longer wanted to be
supportive. He was about to ask her to hold of making a commitment to Shane,
then decided against it. “Of course I support you. I just don't want you to get
hurt. I also wan you to know that if things don't go well with Shane, I'll be
there for you.”
Caroline hugged him. “I know, and I love you for it. You're the best friend I
could ever ask for.”
Jason returned the hug, enjoying the feeling of her in his arms. “I love you
too,” he said softly.
The door to the Penthouse opened. Over Jason's shoulder, Caroline saw Bobbie
walk in. She separated herself from Jason, and fixed her sweater, which had
bunched up during the embrace.
“Bobbie! Hi!” Caroline said nervously.
“Hi,” Bobbie said, looking back and forth between her daughter and Jason. “What
is going on here,” she thought to herself.
Bobbie went towards Caroline and hugged her. “I'm so glad you're out of that
institution. Now Michael has his mother back, and I have my daughter back.”
Caroline, smiled, loving the warm feeling she got inside as Bobbie said those
words. Even though she was happy that Bobbie had accepted her as her daughter
she didn't know if she had fully accepted Bobbie as her mother. When she had
first found out that Virginia Benson wasn't her biological mother, she began to
resent her, and resent herself. For some reason, she thought that Virginia
hadn't loved her enough, or COULDN'T love her enough. She often rebelled against
her mother's wishes, and ignored her mother's attempts to turn her into a
“southern lady”. She never realized how much Virginia Benson was in fact her
true mother, and how much they loved each other, until she died.
The night of the blizzard was one night Caroline would ever forget. She had held
her son for the first time, was rejected by her biological mother, and had
reunited with her real mother. Even though she and Bobbie had a special
connection, and she accepted Bobbie as her mother, she knew that she and Bobbie
still had a long way to go.
“I'm glad I'm back too. You have no idea how much I missed real food, and the
wonderful luxuries of home,” she said, returning Bobbie's hug.
“I would have been here when you first came home, but I was away with Lucas for
the weekend. I had no idea that you were back until Amy told me last night.”
“Amy?”
“Yeah. She said that she saw you in the park yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah. I was.”
Jason cleared his throat. “I think I'll give Michael a bath,” he said, knowing
that the two women would want some time alone.
“Okay. Bye, Michael!” Bobbie said, giving her grandson a kiss.
Caroline and Bobbie sat on the couch and looked at each other. They both were at
a loss for words. Each wanted desperately to be close to the other, but there
was still a mystery which separated them.
“So, how've you been?” Bobbie asked, breaking the silence.
“Fine. I'm glad to be back at home with Jason and Michael. I could do without
Robin, but otherwise, everything's going okay.”
Bobbie looked at her daughter, and realized that she looked different. She
seemed more mature, more grown up. In her eyes there was a mixture of happiness,
excitement, and wistfulness. Bobbie immediately thought back to the day when she
had first realized that her daughter was in love with Jason.
“Carly, I know how upset you must be that Jason and Robin are living together. I
don't want to seem nosy, but I'm just concerned for you. I know that you're in
love with Jason, and that you hoped that you, Jason and Michael would become a
normal family,” Bobbie said gently.
Caroline flinched inwardly at Bobbie's words. “You're right. I do love Jason,
and I wanted Jason and I to have more together, but I know that it will never
happen. I have to move on,” she said, avoiding looking at Bobbie. “Oh, and, um,
I have decided to use my real name from now on. I think that its time for me to
grow up, and stop pretending to be someone I'm not.”
Bobbie smiled faintly, and touched her daughter's arm. She had the feeling that
Caroline was trying to cover her hurt. “Car-o-line. Caroline, that's such a
pretty name. I'm glad you're using it.” She was silent for a moment, as she
thought about how she was going to word what she was going to say next. “I know…
that you said that you want to move on, but I don't think that you should just
try to bury your feelings for Jason.”
“I'm not burying anything. I'm facing reality. That's what's everyone's telling
me to do, and I'm doing it. I know I have feelings for Jason, and I'm trying to
deal with them. I'm also trying to sort out my love for Shane, and figure out
what I want in life. I'm not going to get what I want or reach any level of
contentment in my life if I just stay in one spot, waiting for something to
happen,” Caroline said not wanting to listen to what Bobbie was saying.
“Shane?”
Caroline closed her eyes, and covered her face with her hands. She raised her
eyes, and looked at Bobbie. “Shane is my ex-fiancée. He's also Carly's twin
brother, and we all grew up together.”
Bobbie looked at her, wide eyed and shocked. Besides hearing a few comments, she
had never heard Caroline speak of her life in Florida. She was about to say
something, when she noticed the expression on her daughter's face. It was a
mixture of happiness and sorrow, as if she was fighting to control her thoughts.
She waited patiently for Caroline to go on.
“He was my first. My first everything, basically. I never really dated anyone
but him. When we were 21, we got engaged. We both knew… or thought we knew, that
there wouldn't be anyone else for either of us,” she continued. She stopped to
wipe away a tear, which was on the verge of falling.
“A week later, I found out that I was pregnant. We were both so happy, and
thought that this baby was God's sign that our marriage was made in Heaven.”
Caroline was crying openly now, and barely noticed that Bobbie was holding her
hand.
“She was born early. She was so small, and so frail, but Bobbie, she was so
beautiful… Her name was Eleyna Grace, and she was an angel.”
Bobbie started to cry, and put her arms around Caroline, as she heard her
daughter use the past tense.
“She only lived for two weeks… two precious weeks. Shane and I spent all of our
time with her. She had so many problems, and couldn't survive…” Caroline broke
off, and sobbed uncontrollably. It was so hard to talk about her daughter, and
she had to do it twice in the past twenty-four hours.
Bobbie hugged her daughter and sobbed with her. She knew exactly how Caroline
felt. She had felt the pain of losing a daughter twice. First when BJ died, and
the second time, when Luke had told her that Caroline was dead. She also finally
realized why Caroline had done some of the things she did, especially concerning
Michael. She had probably been too afraid of losing Michael, so she wasn't able
to bond with him when he was born, and her post partum depression made it worse.
She also thought that the reason why Caroline had shot Tony and was concerned
about Robin, was because she didn't want to lose another child, and would do
anything to keep her baby.
Caroline looked up to Bobbie's tear stained face, then looked away. She wiped
her own face, then continued softly. “After her death, Shane and I drifted
apart, and eventually decided to break up. We still loved each other, but we
just couldn't BE with each other. Since I left we have communicated through
letters and phone calls. Whenever I went to Florida, we would visit, but we
never did anything to deal with how our relationship ended. He came to Port
Charles two days ago, and yesterday we spent the day together. He knows that I
have feelings for Jason, but he still wants me back. He wants ME, and I know he
always has. So I said yes.”
“YES? What do you mean ‘yes'? You're not going to marry him, are you?”
“No, I mean that I agreed to give him another chance. We want to see if we can
fix what tore us apart, and get back what we once had.”
“Caroline, honey, don't you think you're rushing this? If you go into a
relationship without thinking, it’s only going to mean trouble! Believe me, I
know. I don't understand. Why don't you and Shane just be friends for a while?
Why are you so determined to make this into a romance? You said that HE wants
you back, but do YOU want him back? Are you just doing this because you think
you owe him something?”
“I don't owe Shane anything. I owe US, as a couple. Bobbie, I just left. I
didn't know how I felt about life anymore, so I left. I gave up. Shane didn't
want me to go, but he didn't stop me either. I let my guilt, anger and sadness
keep me away from him. I owe it to the both of us to try and work out our
problems. If we fall in love again, great. But if we need some sort of closure,
us trying again will accomplish that.”
Bobbie sighed, then spoke up. “Are you sure you're not just giving Shane another
chance, because you can't be with Jason?”
Caroline was about to protest, then thought better of it. “Maybe. But I don't
see anything wrong with it. As I said, Shane knows I have feelings for Jason.
Bobbie, I just want to be happy. Why is it that nobody can understand that?”
Caroline stood up, and went to pour herself some water at the bar.
“Caroline,” Bobbie said, “How do you expect to start a relationship with
someone, if you're in love with someone else?”
Before Caroline could answer, the door opened, and Shane appeared. Bobbie turned
around to look at the handsome stranger, who had made Caroline's face light up.
Caroline walked toward Shane, hugged him, and then kissed him softly on the
lips. “Bobbie, meet Shane Roberts. Shane, this is Bobbie Spencer, my biological
mother,” she said turning around.
Shane smiled at Bobbie, walked towards her, then gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Hello Ms. Spencer, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Now I know where Caroline gets
her ravishing beauty from.”
Caroline rolled her eyes, and tried to sniff a laugh. Shane was a nice guy, but
he wasn't the type to suck up to anyone, and she had no idea why he was laying
it on so thick.
Bobbie looked at him, up and down, then smiled in spite of herself. “Hello
Shane. It's nice to meet you too. Oh, and please, just call me Bobbie.” Bobbie
raised her eyebrows and smiled at Caroline. “Damn! I wanted to be objective
about him. Why the hell does he have to be so polite and drop dead gorgeous? Oh
well, two points for Shane. Mama's gonna keep score,” Bobbie thought to herself.
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