Misguided Mare'
Heart-Strung Thorns
November 14 or 15, 1998
Three Hours
This Isn't Love
Menthol Mercy
The Ascension of Venus de Christy
False Connection
My Bed In The Window
Vida de Dios
As If It Were Rain

Misguided Mare'

misguided lighthouse
lost me at sea
bright light of home
blinded my eyes

misguided sails
fill the breathless wind
with unsubstantiated hopes
and sweetly professed sin

misguided mast
reached, stretched for the sky
but fell short
with a snap, a creak, and a sigh

my misguided stern
cut sternly through the waves
but could not sever
my longing, fruitless days

my misguided ship
with me at the helm
faltered, floundered far adrift
of silky lands overwhelmed

by your massive beacon
calling me
from far beneath
the salty sea

Heart-Strung Thorns

my want of you.
less noble than those i know
have died of a thousand pin-pricked
roses floating in A-minor
tempest gale shimmering
in heart-strung
softly sung
celestial psalms
raining like leaves
in falling, passing
by like so many pages of what
is another story...

November 14 or 15, 1998

I've suffered no cruelty
As biting as your caress
And seen no brighter beauty
Than the wind laughing with your dress

And the sun playing hide and go seek with your hair
Dancing circles through each sandy strand
That floated like the smile that you wear
When I held on tight to your hand

And you laughed a silent laugh
Because I didn't know what you should be thinking
About my heart, bitten in half
And your head was swimming, and my heart was sinking

And we were flying, laying there half asleep
And the tears that I wished I could weep
Weren't enough to carry you away
And the lights swimming above us could never hear you say

That you wanted me there
Because I wanted you where
I could see the wind laughing with your dress
And where there would be a you for me to caress

Three Hours

My stomach hurts
With pain and flirts
That never seem to go away
Cause I can never make them stay

A stick in the ice
At the whim of the dice
That soon make it known
That I'm all alone
When all that I want
Is a place to call home

But I've searched all around
And seem scatter bound
By vows that I never made

But I'm lost and unfound
By that black and blue sound
That my love never justly forbade

And I'll no longer exhale
For fear I might fail
To ensure I don't miss
That tender breaths' kiss
In that peaceful tempest's gale
That mercifully drags me down
Where love's sweet sorrow
No longer needs my faith
To drown

This Isn't Love

it's not love
when she asks me how i feel
it's not love
at three in the morning
when she sends me
a fuzzy grey warning
it's just not love
when these wounds don't heal
it can't be love
when i kneel
upon her heart
and she crumbles
but doesn't break
never cracks
could never take
the time to come back
to stop me
please stop me
i want to be alone
she doesn't want me
to be alone
but she doesn't want me
she wants me to be happy
but she doesn't want me
and i don't want to want
or want to want to be alone
or be the one
that stands guard
over countless souls
just like me
alone, alone, alone, alone,
still alone, still still
still alone,
still lost in you
some guide you are…
can't even lead me
through yourself
can't even lead me
away from you
even though the path's so clear
even so clean
but never so clear
as what i don't know about
what i don't know that
i feel for you
or just forget it
forget about me
i did, you will, but i never could
i guess i never really meant the things that i said to you
but i never meant to not mean them
just lost something
but everyone does
and i'm just like everyone
or so you told me
that i wasn't
like everyone else
but i am, and
i've been here before
time and time again
and time, and time, and time
is mine, and fine, and lying
and lays there
beside the fire
fuel for thought
and distraught like me
for you and yours
and all your wars
that never won
a one
or two
but three for me
and none for you
so long gone
am i from you
the fool i am
is wiser still
than your unused pills
on the window
but silly am i
when i couldn't die
once, just once
with no remorse
or thought
as fuel, to fill
the void that strings
these fragile things
together through their hearts
that couldn't now
and never would
rend their pretty pieces
apart
so i guess it isn't love
cause i don't want to talk about it
and you only want to ask about it
and i only wish for it
but you say that there is no middle
everything or nothing
give everything
and lose it all
give nothing
and gain the same
but you're not insane
when you feel this way
not that you ever would
so calm, and quiet, and composed
you feel no pain
but it hurts so bad
because you feel no rain
on your shoulders
she feels no pain
but for my own
and mine is enough for us both
but i feel hers too
and carry it for who
she doesn't know
she feels it for
but it's oh so light on my heavy shoulders
and i'm floating
in dead weight
dead water, sinking
the waiting rising
faster than i had thought
but slower than i sought
to teach myself to have patience
but it's so long
and this is so long
but I don't care
because she feels no pain
and this isn't love
because i don't want to think about it
and she doesn't want to think about me
but i'm there anyway
and i don't want to say
that this isn't love
because love is death
and i
want to die

Menthol Mercy

I don't smoke
But I burn like a moth
Attracted to a flame
That burns from deep within
Myself

I can't fly
But I fall like a feather
Attracted to the earth
That can't stay aloft
Forever

I won't float
On this putrid pond
But I can sink like the air
That tries so hard to escape
The deep, dark, depths that are it's
Destiny

I don't breath
In the smoke that drifts
But I'll not suffocate myself
For a lost flame, a lost cause
That never really burned all that bright.
We never did really burn like moths
Anyhow

The Ascension of Venus de Christy

artificial venus
strolling through
my forced smile
forced heinous
things you
left a while
ago

artificial mars
stayed behind
kept company
with kept stars
in compliant signs
adrift a wide sea
pacific

artificial peace
stagnant there
in sweet poignancy
of tears sweet
and eyes fair
perfumed complacency
rests
in her heart

False Connection

loose wire
flailing through
a live fire
living and burning
wanting and yearning
for a connection
but there's no outlet
and the inlet
is still in doubt
the connection seems right
but by now i think
she must be out of sight
or out of time
because i'm out of reason
and out of line

My Bed In The Window

dark is roses
and twice as bright
bright as moon light
on a cloudy night

night is roses
and deprived of sight
lost and lonely
high as a kite

red is roses
the color of blood
fire and passion
but cooled by the flood

love is roses
marred by thorns
hidden in sunlight
and grown in storms

we are roses
intertwined
as our petals
come unwind

Vida de Dios

this contest is stupid,
people will submit their poems
in hope of winning your money
and fame

they'll write to you
and whine and whine
about love lost
or never had
hatred, regret, insanity
and pain

not because they really feel it
and not because they
want to share
their viscerally deep thoughts
with anyone
who doesn't care

but because they like
to pretend
that they are poets
(who really don't exist)

the poets or the people?
who receives our imagination?
the poets or the steeple-
who deceives our souls?
the gods or me-
who relieves me of my role?

the questions bring more offerings-
who'll make of me a paradigm?
i'll become immortalized-
a venerable martyr of rhyme

but only if you find me worthwhile
to walk on water
and if i walk several miles
in your sandals
maybe i can find my place
at your side
and you, my poetic creator
may find that i lied

so i entered this contest
because i am stupid
(i entered this contest
however reluctant)
and i submitted this poem
To win your money and fame
(why do you taunt me with
heaven's everlasting reign?)

As If It Were Rain

woke up this morning
to the sweet sound of rain
pouring down on the earth
as if it were caressing
a long forgotten lover

woken up this morning
by the insistent sound of rain
pounding on the earth
as if it were knocking on the door
but found it's way barred

took a walk this morning
through the cool ethereal rain
dripping down on me
as if it wearing down
an old remembered friend

led along this morning
through the cold unflinching rain
beating down on me
as if it were murdering
an unfaithful acquaintance

woke up this morning
to the sweet sound of rain
shoveling the earth
as if it were burying
a long forgotten lover

Copyright Dorian 1999

Visit Dorian's site at http://www.angelfire.com/in/somethingmeaningful