BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER QUOTES I plan to have more quotes, as I watch the same episodes over and over, and watch new episodes soon to come in late September. It's currently under construction, so please, bear with me. ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Okay, I'll just hop into my time machine, head back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy so you can take in diner and a show."
BUFFY: "Okay, now you're abusing sarcasim ----------------------------------------------- XANDER(to GILES):"Are you ready to get down you funky party weezel?" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "You're that guy that sold us those Haloween costumes and nearly got us all killed."
ETHAN: "Yes, but you looked great.(BUFFY PUNCHES HIM)So, now we're even?"
BUFFY: "I'll tell you when we're even. What are you doing here?"
ETHAN: "Snooping around."
BUFFY: "Honesty, nice touch."
ETHAN: "It's one of my virtues...Not really" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Must we have this noise during your calistenics?"
BUFFY: "It's not noise, it's music."
GILES: "I know music, music has notes, this is noise."
BUFFY: "I'm aerobicising and I must have the beat."
GILES: "Wonderful, you work on your muscle tone, while my brain dribbles out of my ears."
------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Have I ever let you down?"
GILES: "Should I answer that, or should I just glare?" ------------------------------------------------ OZ: "I spoke to Giles, he told me to lock myself up during the full moon. Only he used more words than that, and a globe." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Looks like Giles has some schooling to do."
GILES: "Yes, I must admit, I'm intrigued. Werewolves, it's one of the classics."
BUFFY: "He needs to get a pet." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Here comes Buffy, now remember, discretion is the better part of valour."
XANDER: "Couldn't you have just said, Shhh, what are all you Brits, such drama queens?" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on."
MISS CALENDAR: "I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander."
XANDER: "Check, cancel spanking!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Is everyone all right?"
CORDELIA: "Super, I kicked a guy."
XANDER: "Dead guy, here, interrupted our tutorial. Been meaning to thank you 'bout that." ------------------------------------------------ MRS. SUMMERS: "Hello?"
GILES: "Hello?"
MRS. SUMMERS: "Oh, Mr. Giles. Have you seen Buffy?"
GILES: "No, she hasn't shown up. I've been meaning to talk to her myself."
MRS. SUMMERS: "This is so typical of her."
GILES: "I'm sure she doesn't mean to..."
MRS. SUMMERS: "She never means to, but she seems to... anyway. Do you have any children, Mr. Giles? Should I whisper?"
GILES: "No. And no, I don't have any. Although I feel as though I do, working here."
MRS. SUMMERS: "They're just such a...well, I don't want to say burden. Actually, I do want to say burden."
GILES: "Feel free."
MRS. SUMMERS: "Bristos and Demons?"
GILES: "Yes, a book, having absolutely nothing to do with Buffy in any way." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Kappiche?"
CORDELIA: "Kappiche? What are you, World traveler now?" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Could you just stop Molouch by entering some kind of computer virus?"
MISS CALENDAR: "You've seen way too many movies" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Oh, forgive me your swim teaminess!" ------------------------------------------------ MISS CALENDAR: "The first thing we need to do is form the circle of Kayless, right?"
GILES: "Form a circle. There's only two of us, that's really more of a line." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "You're going to think about that later, Mister, and you're going to laugh." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "I don't think it's fair that just because they're a part of the swim team, and they can get automatic Ds on the test, and people like us have to work really hard for our Ds." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Something ripped out his insides and ate him?"
WILLOW: "Like an oreo cookie...without the cookie goodness." ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "You didn't like how the swim team was treating you, so you conjured up a sea monster that would destroy them."
JUSTIN: "No, I just snuck in last night and peed in the the pool."
WILLOW: "Oh, OH! EWWWW!!!" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "There's no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home."(to Giles) ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "Clean clown!...I have my own fun." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: (to BUFFY)"You're having parental problems, you're having parental problems!"
WILLOW: "Xander!"
XANDER: "Froyd would have said the same thing. Except he would have edited out that little dance." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Buffy, I think..., I think it's slaying time, yes?" (She slays him) "You slayed him."
BUFFY: "That's my job, I slay vampires."
GILES: "But you've never beaten them into quite such a bloody pulp before, is there anything wrong?" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Non vampire. Plus two." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "My life flashed before my life. I need to get a life." ------------------------------------------------ ANGEL: "Uh oh, this does not look good for our hero." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Take a walk, over-bite." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Yes, well, we'll slay those vampires later...It's best to humor them when they're in this state." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: (to XANDER) "Shhh, hospital sounds, no singing." ------------------------------------------------ CORDELIA: "While she's here, she might as well have that thing removed."
XANDER: "What thing?"
CORDELIA: "You know, that thing. Am I the only one that's noticed that thing!?!?" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Flowers for m'lady."
BUFFY: "I think they call those balloons."
XANDER: "Yeah, stick them in water, maybe they'll grow." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Your mom's bogarting the 'Cheesy Chips', what's that all about?" ------------------------------------------------ CORDELIA: "What does this do?" (after annoying him with constant questions about what each monster does)
GILES: "It asks stupid questions and annoys everyone so no work may be done!"
CORDELIA: "Wow, there's a monster for everything!" ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "Oh my god, Frogs, frogs, get them off."
NURSE: "Not her, the other one."
WILLOW: "No more frogs!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coronor's office, one would assume that this is entirely legal?"
WILLOW: "Yes."
BUFFY: "Of course."
GILES: "Yes, well, wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Couldn't you wrest something from that dread machine...that was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: (after BUFFY didn't return a book) "Oh, no, you're not getting off that easily."
BUFFY: "Boy, you must really love your work!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "You've enslaved yourself to this, this, cult?"
BUFFY: "What? You don't like the colors?" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Can I just say, ahhhhh!"
BUFFY: "I'll see your ahhhhh, and raise you a nuhhhhh." ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "Well, someone's going to have to disect it."
XANDER: "Here ya go, Buffy."
BUFFY: "Why me?"
XANDER: "You're the slayer."
BUFFY: "I did my job, I slayed, my work here is done, here you go."
XANDER: "No, I almost ate one of those things, I filled out my gross out factor for the decade." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "While the mere fact of you wanting to check out a book would be grounds for a National Holiday." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Giles, it's a library, people check out books, and they find out stuff."
GILES: "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: (to GILES) "You're like a textbook with arms." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "So, Giles, got anything that can make this day worse?"
GILES: "How about the end of the world?"
BUFFY: "Knew I could count on you." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "We may, in fact, stand between the earth and it's total destruction."
BUFFY: "Well, I gotta look on the bright side, maybe I can still get kicked out of school."
WILLOW: "Maybe you could blow up something. They're really strict about that."
BUFFY: "I was actually thinking about the more subtle approach. You know like excessive not studying."
GILES: "The earth is doomed."
------------------------------------------------ GILES: "You were right all along...well, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pikanise." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "That's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth. There's a virtual cornecopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage...Pardon me for finding the glass half full!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Well, there's sort of a Machiavelli inginuity to your transgression."
XANDER: "I resent that! Or possibly thank you." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "This is just snake-a-licious!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "We have to work on your calistenics."
BUFFY: "Great, I brought a really great CD. Come on, say it. You know you want to."
GILES: "It's not music, it's just noise."
BUFFY: "See! Feel better?"
GILES: "Yes. Bay City Rollers, now that's music."
BUFFY: "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Okay, so what do we know?"
XANDER: "Dog spit is cleaner than human."
BUFFY: "Besides that!" ------------------------------------------------ CORDELIA: "I'm going to be scared and swollen. Why didn't it just kill me?" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "What do we do now?"
GILES: "Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Giles, don't mention it. It was my pleasure to make the world safe for humanity again." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "It should simply be plunge and move on, plunge and move on." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "My calculations are precise."
BUFFY: "They're bad calculations. Bad!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Follow your hormones if you want." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "I don't wear my button that says, "I'm a vampire slayer, ask me how!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "She is the strangest girl." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "He's like Super Librarian. Everyone knows that knowledge is the ultimate weapon." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "They came after me, but I was more than a match for them."
BUFFY: "Meaning?"
GILES: "I hid." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "I had definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocier." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "If it is to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um, smelly." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Giles, to every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."
GILES: "If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least helped."
BUFFY: "Nah! I think I'll take on your role, and watch."
XANDER: "And mock."
WILLOW: "And laugh." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "My investigation is somewhat hampered by a life of the theatre."
BUFFY: "Uh, priority check, Giles...talent show...murder!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Damn!" ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "What are you going to do?"
BUFFY: "I'm going to talk to the expert on wierd." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "She makes quite an impression, herself." ------------------------------------------------ MISS CALENDAR: "I know our ways are strange to you, but soon you will join the 20th century, with 3 whole years to spare." ------------------------------------------------ MISS CALENDAR: "Well, I think you'll be very happy here with your musty old books."
GILES: "These musty old books have a great deal more to say than any of your fabulous web pages!" ------------------------------------------------ MISS CALENDAR: "Snobby!" (about GILES) ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "It's been nice talking to you."
MISS CALENDAR: "But we were fighting."
GILES: "Yes, we must do it again sometime. Bye, now." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "What's in cyberspace right now, is less than devine." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "Once, twice,..."
XANDER: "Three times a fishie." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Too much research, need drink." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Grape-orange? Orange-grape?" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "No, no, the mouth is more downward. Like this:" (makes a strange face) ------------------------------------------------ CORDELIA: "Admit it, you saw that thing, and you ran away like a woman."
XANDER: "Hey! If you saw that thing, you'd run away like a woman too." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "What can I do?"
CORDELIA: "You can go to the parking lot and practice running like a man." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "I'm undercover."
BUFFY: "Not under much." ------------------------------------------------ COACH: "Harris, flirt on your own time!"
XANDER: "Okey dokey, coachie." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "What do you do in here? You can't breathe. You can't read, fi you did the pages would wilt." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "...Wheat germ, breakfast of champions." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Not they, we. WE got to find an anecdote." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "I can't believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me!!!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Let me be sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "You saved my life. You were a god." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "That's what cryptic guy said, fork guy."
GILES: "I there are too many guys in your life." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Yes she's lovely...in a common, extremely well porportioned sort of way." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "You just run along to class, while I wait for the feeling to return to my arms." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "It's devistating, he's turned into a 16 year old boy. Of course you're going to have to kill him."
BUFFY: "Giles, I'm serious."
GILES: "So am I. Except for that part about killing him." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "She live very much in the 'now,' and well, history's very much about the 'then.'" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "...I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the idiot box."
MISS CALENDAR: "That's TV. The idiot box, is TV. This is the good box." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "I'm going to be cleaning back in the Middle Ages."
MISS CALENDAR: "Did you ever leave?" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Things involving the computer fill me with a child-like terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such, I would be more in my element." ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "...Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles."
GILES: "Destroy the world's economy."
BUFFY: "I think I pretty much capped it with the nuclear missile thing."
GILES: "You're right, yours was better." ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian would minimize said contact, but he would have none of it." ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "He's dead, right? I did hear something snap."
BUFFY: "That would be his neck."
XANDER: "You're not going to yack on me, are you?" ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "What are you guys doing?"
BUFFY: "Just playing a game of 'Anywhere But Here.'"
XANDER: "Ah, Amy Yipp at the Waterslide Park."
WILLOW: "You never come up with anything new."
XANDER: "I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yipp - Waterslide Park."
WILLOW: "Do you think Giles ever played, 'Anywhere But Here'?"
XANDER: "Giles lived for school. He's probably still bitter that there are only 12 grades."
BUFFY: "He probably sat in math class thinking, 'there should be more math'. This could be math year!"
WILLOW: "Come on, you don't think that Giles ever got restless?"
BUFFY: "Please, his diapers were tweed. Giles! Hey, good morning. Say, is that tweed?"
GILES: "What? Oh, yes." ------------------------------------------------ WILLOW: "Feel the passion?"
MISS CALENDAR: "Willow?"
WILLOW: "Coughing, not speaking." (cough, cough) ------------------------------------------------ XANDER: "Those poor schlubs have to go to school on Saturday."
MISS CALENDAR: "Nine AM, okay with you, Xander."
BUFFY: "You got a little bit of schlub on your shoes."
MISS CALENDAR: "Cordelia is going to be meeting us there."
XANDER: "Did you hear that guys? A bonus day of school plus Cordelia, mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!" ------------------------------------------------ GILES: "Cordelia!"
CORDELIA: "What? Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf, I can take a hint. What's the hint?"
GILES: "To come back later."
CORDELIA: "Yeah, after you've visited decalf land!" ------------------------------------------------ BUFFY: "I can't understand why Giles isn't here."
ANGEL: "Maybe he's late."
BUFFY: "Giles, who counts tardiness as like the 8th deadliest sin!?!?" ------------------------------------------------ back