"This Time Around"
By: gb
Chapter 32
Gillian waited anxiously for Jake in the solarium at Pine Valley Hospital. She was kind of tired from her night with Ryan but in a good way. Being with him now suddenly seemed new and exciting even though they were hardly strangers physically. Funny, she thought, but they were finding out more and more about each other all time, emotionally. That was what had gone so horribly wrong when they had been married. They had made love to each other and spent time in the same house, but didn't bother to find out anything about the person that they had married. Everyone from Dimitri and Eugenia to even Hayley had been right; she and her 'Six pack' were intimate strangers in this world and they should have seen that without communication with each other, all their love had not been able to build a foundation that could withstand the beating that eventually tore their union to shreds! Still, she insisted, love was definitely there and this time, they would make it! They were both determined to see to that! Checking around the corner for the third time, she was relieved to see Jake there now.
"Hi, Gillian." he told her. He smiled, but it was a nervous one that suggested he didn't know what Gillian's response would be after last night's sideshow at SOS and he wanted to be cautious.
"Jake, hi," she said politely. "I was waiting for you. We need to talk."
He joined her at one of the tables.
"I know what you're going to say," Jake said quickly. "And I agree with you. I was way out of line the other night and I was stupid for picking fights with Ryan in public like that."
"Ryan saw you try and kiss me while we were dancing. That's why he went...NUTS!" she hoped to prove her point by putting emphasis on the last word.
"I figured that."
"Did you mean for him to see?" she asked pointedly.
"No-no," he supplied quickly. "But I'm not sorry he's upset, either. Look, Gillian, if you must know, I was hoping that by spending time together, you'd see that you actually prefer me. What do you say?"
"To what?"
"I know you and Ryan are going out. But is there any reason why we can't see each other once in a while too?" He suggested.
"Jake," she began gently. "Ryan and I aren't just going out- we're very committed to our relationship. Neither of us want to see other people...we're in love."
"Are you sure about Ryan not wanting to see other anyone else?" Jake's tone was bitter at the last part of her remark.
Jake was not by nature a mean spirited person at all, Gillian knew, but when had he become so- what was the word?- PETTY? Maybe she just never noticed, she thought to herself.
Aloud, she said, "I'm sure. I'm sorry, Jake. I'll understand if you don't want to be friends anymore."
"Oh,no," he said kindly again. "I still want to be your friend. I'll always be here for you. I want you to be happy, Gillian. I hope you know that."
She smiled warmly at him now. "Thank you for understanding."
"Hey, how could I not?" he asked, trying to sound content. "Ever since we became friends, I've known how much Ryan means to you. I just want you to know you can always come to me for anything."
Gillian hugged him then and she could not see the frown Jake was wearing as he returned her gesture.
Gillian left a few moments later and Jake was about to go for rounds when he saw
Hayley staring at him across the sunroom.
She was coming out of an AA meeting and now slowly walked up to him.
"What's up, Hayley?" he asked her and gestured for her to join him at his table.
"Obviously not you," she returned in her quick worded style. Then, more soberly,
"Sorry. And I was not evesdropping, but I couldn't help overhearing. Not a slick move,
Jake, what happened at SOS."
"Oh, and you'd know all about that, wouldn't you? After all, you and Ryan had plenty of practice there." he almost sneered.
She was taken aback and he was sorry for being so bold. "Sorry, none of my business."
"That's right." she agreed, but her eyes softened. "Jake, Ryan and I managed to hurt a lot of people- Gillian was only one of them. I'm not denying that."
"Very big of you," Jake shot back, sarcastically. "Look, Hayley. Gillian was not just another person- she was Ryan's wife; at least in her heart. you two devastated her! I think you're taking this too lightly."
"Wow!" she exclaimed. "You really do care about her! Gee, I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't realize."
"She means alot to me." he allowed.
"Then I think I should tell you something." Hayley told him carefully. "I feel really bad for you here, but honestly, you have no chance here- you never did. Ryan and Gillian are a part of each other- they always will be and I think you know that."
"Things could change..." he insisted quietly, though his tone said otherwise.
"Not for them, it won't," she said trying to set him straight. "All the time Ryan was with me, it never went beyond a certain point. For me, it was my love for Mateo. For Ryan, he just couldn't turn from Gillian. He felt that they split up, he was betraying her somehow. He wouldn't talk about it much at all, but I know that's what it was."
Jake was adamant." Ryan Lavery never had a successful relationship in his life- including the best one he was ever given which is Gillian. He WILL hurt her again- it's only a matter of time. Why should she have to suffer because he doesn't know how to love her? I once tried to help them because I really thought they could make it and she wanted it so bad, but he's hopeless! I don't want Gillian to get her heart broken again!"
"That's her choice. You can't decide that." Hayley tried to make him understand. "She loves him- all you have to do is look in her eyes to see that when she sees him or talks about him. And maybe you don't want to hear this, but despite the fact that Ryan has some serious issues about what's happened while he was growing up, he loves Gillian! He's REALLY in love with her- hearts, flowers, violin music when they kiss- the works! The stuff they write in mushy romance novels and good country music songs!" she tried to joke.
Jake didn't speak, so she continued.
"Look, one time I was over at his place and I needed change for something and Ryan went to get his wallet. He opened it up- I swear his mood up until that point was ok- and he looks at something in it and then his eyes just went blank, like he'd passed out or something. He gave me the money without a word and threw his wallet on the couch. I picked it up and I saw this little picture of Gillian."
"Ok, so he has some memories." Jake said slowly.
"It's so much more, Jake. Ryan and Gillian LIVE for each other. It's like an addiction. I know that that's not why they were married, but that's where it is now. You're right, I make light of it because I don't want to face what I did. He was literally freezing her out so he could go on without her all those months! He knew if he allowed himself to feel and think about her, he'd cave! I'm sure Gillian was the same way- total emotional shutdown. Love does that to people. They've become each other's- I don't know- reason to go on. You can't compete with someone's soulmate."
Jake couldn't bring himself to admit that Gillian had behaved exactly as Hayley described.
"With everything and everyone else, they slept through life. For each other, they awoke. I know it's sounds crazy, but it was meant to be." Hayley said quietly.
Jake nodded sadly and Hayley felt badly for him.
"I'm sorry, but you're just gonna end up hurt if you pursue this. They're never gonna be over...even after that fat lady sings."
Hayley reached out her hand to him and he grasped it in his own. "Ryan's never gonna let her go no matter what he ever says and Gillian will never give anyone else the heart she gave him already."...
Ryan was going over some acts that he was lining up for SOS when Mateo came into the room with a carton of liquer which he took over to the bar.
"Good acts coming up?" he asked.
He had to admit that hiring Ryan as promoter was definitely the right decision even if they could never be friends. Ryan really knew how to bring the best acts to SOS.
"You bet," Ryan said. "This weekend's group should really bring them in here!"
Mateo nodded and was about to leave when Ryan called him back.
"Look, man," he said awkwardly. "I think I should thank you for not punching me out the other night at The Valley Inn when I was spying on you and Gillian and also for starting that fight with Jake here."
Mateo thought a moment. Ryan was really having a hard time apologizing here.
"Forget it," he said. "People in love do crazy things."
"Yeah, I was really out there and you have no reason to be doing me any favors."
"You're right, Ryan. But Hayley and I are trying to work things out and part of that means accepting you as her friend. You and I arent' going to be buddies, but you're a good friend to her even if I don't like it."
Ryan agreed. "Gillian thinks of you as a great friend, too."
"I'll tell her that I feel the same way about her when I see her for our next meeting tonight."
Ryan looked down at his papers and was about to go back to his work when Mateo said,
"Ryan?"
He looked up.
"You screwed up big time with alot. But, you've been given a second chance that you don't even deserve with Gillian and this one's got to last you your whole life 'cause I don't think she'll take you back if you blow it again...she's a good lady- it would be too bad if you had to go through life without the one and for you, I think that's her...think about it..."
Mateo walked away. He was always a man of few words and didn't usually like to give advise on other people's lovelives, but in this case, he had made an exception. Gillian had become a good friend and Ryan had all the power in the world to hurt her and he didn't want to see that happen. He had his doubts about Lavery, but Gillian loved him and Hayley still called him her buddy, so Mateo was basically stuck. He might as well make the best of it.
Ryan didn't acknowledge Mateo, but thought about what he said for a long time afterwardsas he stared at the finger of his left hand- the one that used to wear the gold band that Gillian had given him on their wedding day.
He thought it strange now that it just occurred to him that although their marriage was supposed to be pretend only, until he had found out about Gillian's fling, he had never taken off his ring, even when he was alone in his room and no one would know if he was wearing it or not...
end of part 32
(To be continued...)
Next time: Gillian starts to feel strange and Ryan thinks he's heard of Alex Merick before- what's going on?...