"Do you like that one?" a soft, amused voice asked.

"Gah!" he screamed, whirling to face the speaker.

She laughed, and her voice drifted across the room like music. Calming himself, Xander took a moment to assess her as she walked towards him. She was nude, which caused Xander to remember that he, too, was sans clothing. He blushed again, but continued to examine her. She was on the short side, maybe five foot even, and what most fashion magazines would call fat. As far as he was concerned, though, she looked great. She was round in all the right places. There was a word for the way she looked, he knew. He wracked his brain, but came up empty.

"Rubenesque," the woman supplied, laughing again as she came to a halt a comfortable distance away from him. "And thank you! You're very sweet to think so."

Xander's blush deepened. "You can read my mind?"

"I can," she informed him. "But that's rude, isn't it? Please forgive me."

Looking into her chocolate brown eyes and wide, sincere smile, Xander knew she honestly felt bad about intruding on his thoughts. "Sure," he said, feeling lost. "No problem. Happens all the time. You're, uh, Addrilanne, I take it?"

"Indeed I am," the woman agreed. "And you are Xander Harris, here to take my tests in place of Carl Wray. Very pleased to meet you, Xander," she finished, offering her hand to shake.

"Likewise," Xander responded, even more confused. "So, um, how's this work? Do you try to kill me now?"

Addrilanne sighed. "Not just yet," she assured him. "I wish I didn't have to do it at all, believe me. It's just that D'Hoffryn's spell forces me to do his bidding. I truly am sorry," she said, sounding sincere once again.

"That's all right," Xander said automatically, then thought for a moment. "Well, not all right in the sense of, you know, all right, but all right in the sense of I know it's not your fault." He paused, then confided softly, "This is about the weirdest thing I've ever been involved in, to tell the truth."

"Welcome to my world," Addrilanne said, laughing once more. Xander was surprised to find himself laughing along with her. When they stopped, Addrilanne smiled up at him. "Come," she said, "let's get something to drink." She walked straight into the portal and disappeared.

Xander shrugged and followed her. With no more feeling than passing through an ordinary doorway, he found himself in a small room that appeared to be a kitchen. Everything was made of white marble, but he found it surprisingly cozy.

Seeing his assessment, Addrilanne said, "Glad you like it. It's not much, but it suits my needs. Coke or Pepsi?"

"What?" Xander asked, as he leaned his spear-staff against the wall. "Oh," he went on, when he realized what she'd asked. "Coke, if you have it."

"A man after my own heart," she murmured, turning to open a cabinet. She came out with two glass bottles of Coke, and handed one to Xander. He raised his eyebrows in question, and she said, "Hey, I like Coca-Cola. Sue me."

Xander sighed. "Okay, would you please tell me what the hell is going on here? I mean, I'm naked, and you're naked, and there's two girls in a coma back in that dorm room, and I come in here to get tested by a woman Anya says is at least a thousand years old, but you're giving me a Coke and a smile and saying 'Sue me' instead of making with the forsooths and prithees."

Addrilanne laughed before responding. "First of all," she said, "I want you to know that I have never said prithee in my life. Forsooth, I'm not so sure about. It might have slipped out, now and again." She saw the look on his face and went on. "To actually answer your question, you're right, I don't speak the way you'd expect from someone who's been around as long as I have. But neither does your Anya. We've both interacted with people for a long time. After awhile, it becomes second nature to pick up the mannerisms and speech patterns of the people you're talking to. And the telepathy helps quite a bit, of course."

"So you're still reading my mind?" Xander asked nervously.

"No," she assured him. "Not really. It's more a passive thing. I can just tell how you're used to talking with other people." She smiled. "To be honest, even I don't know how to describe it much better than that. It's magic, after all. It's not always easy to explain."

"Okay," Xander said slowly. "I guess that makes sense. As much sense as anything else tonight has, anyway. But none of this is what I expected. I mean, I'm here to be tested, right? And if I fail, I die. I figured I'd get killed the second I stepped through the portal, but..."

"But you came through anyway," Addrilanne cut in softly.

"Huh?" Xander asked, his line of thought derailed. "Well, yeah, I guess. Otherwise, those two girls would die. Someone had to do it."

"That's not true. A lot of people wouldn't have done it. But you did."

"Okay," Xander agreed slowly, then shrugged. "So?"

"Just making conversation," Addrilanne said with a smile. "Drink your Coke before it gets warm."

Xander shook his head and took a drink of Coke. "When in Rome," he muttered, then smiled. "Tastes great," he said.

"Also less filling," his hostess informed him. "That's diet."

"Really?"

"Yep," she assured him, her smile widening. "One of the benefits of magic."

"Man," Xander griped, "how come Willow can't do stuff like this, instead of turning my TV antennae into real rabbit ears? Anya wouldn't even go into the living room for a week."

Addrilanne laughed, then drained the rest of her soda. "They seem like good people. Good friends. Buffy, too."

"They are," Xander said. "Best in the world."

"I'm glad you have them," Addrilanne said.

"Me, too," Xander agreed. "And I'd very much like to see them again. Which, not so coincidentally, brings us back to the pass-or-die portion of the evening."

Addrilanne shook her head ruefully. "You're not going to let go of that anytime soon, are you?"

Xander grinned wryly. "Death tends to stick in my mind, yeah," he agreed. "Also my craw," he added after a moment.

Addrilanne sighed, and a frown darkened her face. "That's not my idea," she said. "I know I already told you that, but I want to make it very clear. If I were running the show tonight, we'd sit down with some Cokes or beers and chew the fat for a while, then you'd go home, hopefully happier and wiser."

"But D'Hoffryn stuck his nose into your business," Xander said.

"He did that," Addrilanne agreed. "He certainly did that. He never liked me, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind," she said, shaking her head. "I tend to ramble as I get older. We should just get the tests out of the way, I think."

"If you say so," Xander said half-heartedly.

Addrilanne gave him an encouraging smile. "I'm sure you'll do fine. Follow me."

She turned and walked through the portal once again. Xander grabbed his staff and followed her.

They emerged in a stone corridor. It was about ten feet wide, and the ceiling was eight feet high. The floor and walls were free of dust, but Xander had a sense that this place was old, and hadn't been used in a very long time. There wasn't much to see where they were standing. About thirty feet in front of the portal, the corridor branched into a T-junction.

Xander turned to Addrilanne. "I'll bite," he said. "Where are we?" He turned and looked back down the corridor. "And for that matter, where's the light coming from?" He scanned the walls and ceiling, but saw nothing to indicate the source of the soft, even light that illuminated their surroundings.

"Second question first," Addrilanne said. "The light is magic, of course. All the best lights are. As for where we are, this is an exact replica of the Labyrinth of Minos." She turned to him expectantly.

"Minos, huh?" Xander said after a moment, realizing a reply seemed necessary. "It's very... nice?" he ventured.

Addrilanne sighed in exasperation. "Don't they teach you children the classics anymore? Minos! Theseus! Ariadne! The Minotaur! Any of this ringing any bells?"

"Oh, *that* labyrinth!" Xander exclaimed. "Yeah, okay, I think I remember the story. Willow was always into mythology. Theseus went into the maze and fought the Minotaur. Big, bull-headed monster, like that guy who fights Daredevil and the Hulk."

"If you say so," Addrilanne said dubiously. "At least you've heard of it," she conceded.

"Right," Xander said. "Two points for Xander, then. But what's this got to do with anything?"

"There are three tests," she explained. "Mind, Body, and Heart. This is the test of your Mind."

"Okay, I get it. Make it through the maze and I pass, is that how it works?"

"Exactly," Addrilanne confirmed. "But I'll warn you, it's a tricky one. Back in the old days, a lot of people starved to death trying to get through it. The ones the Minotaur didn't get, anyway."

That brought Xander up short. "There's no Minotaur in this one, is there?" he asked.

"Not exactly, no," Addrilanne said. "Which I realize is less than reassuring. For now, just worry about the maze, okay?"

"You're the boss-lady," Xander muttered. "How do I do this, then?"

Addrilanne shrugged. "Find your way to the other side," she said.

"Fair enough," Xander said. "See you there?"

"I'll walk with you, if you don't mind," Addrilanne said. "It's not often I get to talk to people who aren't bothered by all the magic around here. Do you mind the company?"

"Not at all," Xander assured her. "That'd be great. Give me someone to talk to. I don't suppose you can give me a hint or three?" he asked hopefully.

"No," she answered sadly. "Part of the binding."

"I figured," Xander said. "Okay, let's go."

He started walking down the corridor, using his staff as a walking stick. He kept his speed down, in deference to Addrilanne's shorter legs. At the T-junction, he went left.

"Tell me something," he said after a moment. "Back in the kitchen, you said that D'Hoffryn never liked you. What's that about?" The corridor branched, giving him a choice of left, right, or straight ahead. He turned left.

Addrilanne shook her head. "He's the reason I got started in this line of work, actually. Do you really want to hear the whole story?" she asked.

Xander was fairly sure he detected a hint of eagerness in her tone. He gestured towards the walls with his staff. "We've got plenty of time, don't you think?" The corridor turned to the right, with no other options, and he followed it.

Addrilanne nodded. "Well, if you insist." She fell silent for a few moments, then said, "I started learning magic when I was younger than you. I got myself apprenticed to an older sorceror. Much older, in fact. He was at least fifty. Which was a fairly impressive age way back then, especially for someone involved in magical research. The experiments that go wrong tend to raise the mortality rate pretty drastically, you know."

"I can imagine," Xander said. The corridor came to a dead end. They turned around and started walking back the way they'd come.

"He was a good man," Addrilanne went on. "Stern, and distant, but kind. And smart. Brilliant, really." She smiled and looked down at the floor.

"And you fell in love with him," Xander supplied.

She looked up at him, startled. "How did you know that?"

Xander shrugged. "You've tested the feelings of people in love for a thousand years. It was a pretty easy guess."

Addrilanne laughed. "I suppose it is. Yes, I fell in love with him. Madly, desperately in love. You're not so far out of your teens, you know what I mean."

"Oh, yeah," Xander agreed. "Did he love you?"

She snorted derisively. "He barely noticed me. I was just the apprentice. He was very kind, as I said, but he obviously didn't think of me as a woman."

"And that pissed you off, pardon my French," Xander said. When Addrilanne looked at him in astonishment again, he smiled. "Seems like a natural reaction, doesn't it? And besides, I already know D'Hoffryn is mixed up in this somewhere." They came back to the corridor the dead-end passage led off from. He turned left.

"You're smarter than you let on," Addrilanne said.

"Almost have to be, really," Xander said with a chuckle.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" he asked, confused.

"Put yourself down," she told him. "I don't like it."

Xander snorted. "You sound like Willow. And Anya and Buffy, for that matter."

"They're obviously smart women," Addrilanne said. "You should listen to them, and to me. Don't put yourself down."

Xander opened his mouth to make a sarcastic reply, then closed it. "Okay," he agreed with a shrug.

"Good," she said. "And yes, one of D'Hoffryn's vengeance demons approached me and got me to make a wish."

"It wasn't Anya, was it?" Xander asked in sudden alarm.

Addrilanne laughed. "No, it wasn't Anya. There are a fair number of demons working for D'Hoffryn, actually. I can't remember the name of the one who came to me."

"What'd you wish for?" Xander asked. The corridor branched so they could go right, or straight ahead. He kept walking straight.

She sighed. "I wished that he would love me the way I loved him."

Xander looked down at her, puzzled. "That seems pretty safe, actually. Better than most of the wishes Anya's told me about."

She nodded sadly. "In most lines of work, you'd be right. If we'd both been farmers, I imagine we'd have lived a long, happy life together."

"Oh," Xander said, whistling in realization. "He got distracted, did he?"

"Yes," she agreed softly. "At first, it was wonderful. He started spending more and more time with me, teaching me all sorts of things. I learned more in the six months after the wish than I had in the two years I'd been with him before it." She sighed.

"But yes, then he was distracted. He was showing me an elemental conjuring. We were calling up Fire. I don't know how familiar you are with the elements, but you should always, always pay close attention when you're dealing with Fire. It doesn't care about you, and it doesn't give you a chance to correct your mistakes."

She was quiet for a long time. The corridor turned to the right, then came to another four-way intersection. Xander went left. He was about to prompt Addrilanne, when she started talking again.

"He burned," she told him, and the effort it took to keep her voice calm was obvious. "He burned up right in front of me. They say it's the worst way to die. I'm not sure if that's true, but I never want to find out. I froze in terror when Fire got loose from our control. I know now that I wasn't nearly powerful enough to have done any good, even if I'd been able to act. But I felt guilty about that for a long time, believe me. I still feel guilty about the rest."

"What's the rest?" Xander asked quietly.

"He saved me," she whispered. "Even as he was screaming in agony, he cast a spell that banished Fire and saved me. He could have saved himself. I know he could have. But he chose to save me. He died to save me."

"Because he loved you."

She nodded. "Because he loved me. It was my fault he died," she said, then stopped and looked up into Xander's face as he stopped and turned to face her. "If I hadn't made the wish, he wouldn't have loved me. If he hadn't loved me, he wouldn't have made the mistake. Or even if he did, he would've saved himself, or maybe both of us, instead of just saving me. It's my fault he died."

"Yeah, it is," Xander agreed softly. "That's what you want to hear, isn't it?"

She laughed harshly. "It was," she agreed. "It used to be I couldn't hear it often enough. It was my fault. It was all my fault. I told myself that again and again and again."

"And now?" Xander asked.

"Now," Addrilanne said, "I only tell myself once in awhile. I've come to terms with it, mostly. But not entirely."

Xander considered that. "That's what this is all about? The tests of love? You're making up for your mistake."

"Trying, at least," she agreed. "I want to make sure no one else tries to steal love the way I did. I decided the best way to do that was to help people realize when their love is true, when it's requited, when it's real. If it's not, I try to help them deal with that."

"You've been making amends for a thousand years?" Xander asked. "After this long, I'd say you've made up for your mistake. Just my opinion, of course."

Addrilanne smiled. "I know," she said. "Logically, I know. Even emotionally, I know, most of the time. It's not just about making amends. Not anymore. I help people, or try, anyway. There aren't very many people who can do what I do, Xander. It's good to be needed. Makes me feel like I'm contributing something to the world, I guess."

"And you take business away from D'Hoffryn," Xander said.

"Every goddamned chance I get," Addrilanne agreed grimly. "That's why he hates me. The binding spell is just one of the ways he's tried to hurt me. He knows that killing people who are in love would be the worst thing I could possibly do."

"That well and truly sucks," Xander said.

"Tell me about it."

"I wish there was something I could do to help," he told her.

She looked into his eyes. "I know you do, Xander. Just knowing that helps a lot, believe me."

"Okay," he said, trying to make himself believe it. "There's one thing I still don't get, though. How'd you go from a grieving apprentice to a thousand year old love-goddess?"

She laughed, her mood light again. "I'm not a goddess, but I know what you're asking. It's a very long story, and one I'm not going to tell you. Suffice it to say that it took a long time, and a lot of favors that I'm still paying off today."

"Favors from who?"

"All sorts of folks," she told him. "Including one or two real gods and goddesses. And no, I won't tell you which ones," she said, when Xander opened his mouth to speak.

"Fine," he said with a mock pout. "Be that way."

"I will," Addrilanne informed him. "Now, don't you think it's time we started walking again? And is it just me, or am I detecting a pattern in the way we've been going?"

Xander nodded. "Always go to the left," he said. "Willow taught me that one. When you're in a maze, or whatever, if you always follow the left-hand wall, you'll get out eventually."

"You'll hit a lot of dead-ends, though," Addrilanne said skeptically.

"Sure," Xander agreed, "but so what? How big's this maze, anyway?"

"A little over four miles on a side."

"That's what, eighteen, twenty square miles, maybe? And a lot of it's solid rock between corridors. It might take a while, but I'll get through this thing," he said confidently.

"Yes," Addrilanne agreed, "I believe you will. Right, then!" she announced, clapping her hands and gesturing at the wall. Immediately, the now-familiar black portal appeared. "Let's go," she said, walking into it. "You've passed the Mind test."

"All righty, then," Xander said to himself as he followed her.

When they emerged from the portal, they were in a circular room that was roughly forty feet in diameter. The ceiling was twenty feet high, and the floor was covered in sand.

"What's this?" Xander asked. "Looks like an arena."

"It is," Addrilanne informed him. "Time for the test of Body. Heads up!"

She turned and gestured towards the portal. From out of its stygian depths, a human figure emerged. It was a man, apparently thirty years old, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. He looked at Xander and smiled, then charged as a vampire's demonic appearance overtook his face.

Xander looked at Addrilanne in disbelief, then took a firm grip towards the base of his staff. He held it like a sword as the vampire got closer, then quickly stepped to one side and swung it like a baseball bat at the back of the demon's head as it stumbled through the space he'd just occupied.

The vampire screamed in pain as the hard wood shattered against its skull. The momentum of the blow flung it head first into the stone wall of the arena with enough force that it bounced off and fell in a heap on the sandy floor.

As it shook its head in confusion and pain, Xander dropped to one knee beside it and plunged the sharp end of his broken staff through its chest. He quickly removed the stake, and stood up and stepped away as the vampire screeched in agony. He watched as it disintegrated into a cloud of dust.

Excited applause caused him to turn around to see Addrilanne clapping and grinning.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded, as her applause ran down.

"A vampire," she said slowly. "Which would have killed you if he could have."

"That was supposed to be a challenge?" he asked scornfully.

Addrilanne looked at him. "How well do you think you would have done if Anya hadn't realized you could bring a wooden staff with you?"

Xander opened his mouth to reply, then shut it slowly. "Okay," he conceded, "good point. Still, though, that was pretty easy." He looked at her shrewdly. "Almost as if the person administering the tests didn't want me to get killed."

Addrilanne fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Why, Xander, I don't know what you're talking about. I tested you against an enemy that could have killed most normal humans. That's all I had to do."

"If you say so," he agreed easily. "I'm not going to argue."

She smiled. "I said you were smart, didn't I?"

"I guess so," Xander said. "Now what?"

"Well," she said, "first of all, you can get rid of the rest of the staff. You're not going to need it any more, I promise."

"Okay," he agreed instantly, dropping it to the floor.

"And now, it's time for the test of your Heart. Come with me." She walked into the portal once again.

This time they came out into a very small room, no more than six feet on a side, and barely tall enough for Xander to stand upright. All of the walls seemed to be made of the same black substance as the portals they'd been traveling through, but except for the one they'd just emerged from, they didn't have the red, rune-encrusted frames.

"How's this Heart thing work?" Xander asked nervously. "I have to admit up front, I don't love Angie or Linda."

"Don't worry about them," Addrilanne told him, dismissing his concern with a wave of her hand. "You came here to take the tests in the first place. That's more than enough to pass the first part of the test."

"There's more?" Xander asked.

"I'm afraid so," she told him. "This is the big one, the most important test of all. Luckily, though, I can tailor this test specifically to you. That's why your feelings about Linda or Angie don't matter that much."

"Well, that's good to know," he said. "But what do I do?"

"It's easy," Addrilanne said, and swung her hand through the air to indicate the glassy black walls.

The wall to Xander's right cleared, and he was looking at Anya. It was clearly a view of the dorm room he'd started out in. She was standing in front of the portal he'd left through, waiting anxiously for him to return.

The wall in front of him cleared, and he saw Willow. She was reading through the spellbook, and he knew she was looking for something - anything - that could help him. As he watched, she glanced up at the portal, wiped at her eyes, and went back to reading the book.

The wall to his left cleared, and Buffy filled his view. She was bending down over Linda, checking her pulse again. She looked at her watch, then over to the portal. Her mouth moved, and although he couldn't hear her, Xander could easily tell what she was saying. "Come on, Xander. Please."

He turned to look at Addrilanne. "I don't get it," he said. "What am I supposed to do?"

Her friendly smile had disappeared. She looked at him, and there was no emotion at all on her face or in her eyes.

"Choose," she ordered sternly. "Choose which woman you love the most."