Pacey’s shocked brain finally reminded him that kissing Andrea McPhee was a definite no-no, now that he and Joey were officially going out. He pushed her away from him and looked pitifully at Joey, only to realize that she was not looking at him.

Andie smirked. “I told you before, Joey, that I wanted Pacey back. But you had to go and steal him away from me before I could convince him I still love him.”

“He chose me, Andie,” Joey gritted out. “He loves me. He came to that conclusion long before your addled brain decided to get its priorities in order.”

“I decided I’m going to change his mind,” Andie retorted. She smiled nastily. “It’s the Fourth of July, and that’s my resolution.”

“Hey, you rich-bitch dumb-as-hell blonde Barbie, resolutions are for New Year’s,” Joey jeered. “And he won’t change his mind. He has me, he doesn’t need you.”

“Hey, girls, ‘he’ is standing right here,” Pacey objected.

“Shut up, Pace,” Joey snapped. She averted her eyes from Andie to Pacey for a moment, fixing him with a glare that could melt metal. “Or I might remember who was on the other end of that liplock.”

Pacey wisely shut up.

“He was my first love, Joey,” Andie reminded her smugly. “That’s more powerful than you can imagine.”

“So what, Andie? Dawson was my first love, and look where he is now,” Joey retorted. Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were blazing fire. “Pacey loves me now, not you. Get over it.”

“How do you know he loves you?” Andie asked spitefully, mirroring Joey’s posture. “He was kissing me.”

“Wrong,” Joey contradicted her. “*You* were kissing *him*, not the other way around. I know that Pacey wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t cheat on me with the slutty ex-girlfriend who couldn’t keep her legs closed long enough to get back to Capeside.”

“Why you-!” Andie’s eyebrows shot straight in the air as she lunged for Joey. “I can’t believe you said that, you little whore! Pacey and I dated for months before we had sex, you guys only waited a few weeks!”

“Yeah, but at least *I* was dating the guy I screwed,” Joey taunted back, dodging Andie’s thrashing arms. “I didn’t screw him in a mental institution, either.”

Andie fairly hissed as she swung at Joey. She almost connected until Joey threw up her arm and blocked it. In retaliation she threw a wicked right cross at Andie, connecting solidly. Andie howled in pain and rage as she stumbled back.

“You little bitch!” she screamed, charging once more.

Pacey finally got over the stunned haze that had clouded his mind when he witnessed the first cat fight he’d ever seen, outside of when one of the cheerleaders accused another one’s boyfriend of getting her pregnant. What made it even funnier, though somewhat more disturbing, was that it was his ex and current girlfriends who were getting into it-and over him.

“Girls, girls,” he soothed, grabbing Joey’s arm before her fist slammed into Andie’s nose, pulling her back out of Andie’s range. “Fighting is not a good option here.”

“What are you talking about, Pacey?” Joey asked incredulously. “The little hooker just kissed my boyfriend and I’m supposed to ignore her?”

“No, but you’re supposed to trust me enough to realize that I won’t let it affect me,” Pacey said softly. He put his arm around her shoulder and continued walking backwards, away from Andie, who was still glaring malevolently at Joey and nursing her wounded eye.

Joey nodded reluctantly, glaring back at Andie and raising her fists, indicating she was still willing to fight should Andie even think about going near Pacey again.

“Come on, Jo,” Pacey instructed gently. “We have to back to the apartment. Remember? Buzz is moving in with Doug and me for a while, while his mom goes to Europe on her honeymoon. We have to help him move in.”

“All right,” Joey caved. She followed Pacey, but not before giving Andie a predatory smile and kissing him full on the lips.

“Let’s get drunk.” The abrupt announcement surprised Jack. He looked skeptically at the blonde sitting next to him.

“Dawson, are you really sure that’s a good idea?”

“Sure I’m sure,” Dawson insisted. He watched through the window as Joey decked Andie. He smirked. Although he was mad at Joey he still thought it was funny, watching her chick-fight with another woman. “I need to get drunk. I’m still pissed at Joey and Pacey.”

Reluctantly, Jack followed Dawson’s lead. He watched with interest as Dawson headed towards the same bar he and Andie had gotten drunk in on his birthday. Jack was surprised that Dawson would want to go back, let alone get drunk again, after his last experience there.

The two walked in and were pleasantly surprised to find Jen already sitting in the bar. She waved them over and smiled when they sat down.

“So, what are you two fine lads doing this evening?” she asked cheerfully.

“Getting drunk,” Dawson announced without preamble.

“Ooh, goody,” Jen giggled. “I wanted to drink but I didn’t want to drink by myself. I just came for the music, for the most part,” she said, indicating the karaoke singers on stage. She glanced at the bartender. “The bartender is really cool. I talked to him for a few minutes while I was getting a coke. He’s English, and his accent kicks ass.”

“Then let’s go meet this cool bartender and see if he’ll give a couple kids some beers,” Dawson commanded. The three of them stood up and made their way over to the bar. Jen took charge of the situation, knowing how most effectively to get this guy to give them alcohol.

“We want some beer,” Jen confessed shyly, giggling a little. She leaned in towards the bartender, showing a little bit of cleavage. He was near fifty, but he was still a man. And sexy to boot. The smoldering look in his eyes when they flicked over the top of her cleavage was enough to tell her that she could get anything she wanted. “But we have a problem. We’re only seventeen. We can’t legally buy it.”

“Then how about illegally, love?” the bartender asked with a wink. Jen smiled prettily and nodded. The bartender reached down and produced three Coors. “So what’s your name, love?”

“I’m Jen,” she said. “This is Dawson, and that’s Jack,” she continued, indicating each boy in turn. They tipped their beers in acknowledgement.

“Hello Jen, Dawson, Jack. My name’s Rupert Giles, but I hate that name. Makes me sound like a fuddy-duddy Englishman,” the bartender scoffed. He winked at Jen again. “So they call me Ripper.”

“Ripper, huh?” Dawson asked. Ripper nodded. “What the hell is a Ripper?”

“I’ll show you what a Ripper is,” Ripper announced. He grabbed various bottles and began flipping them expertly, under his leg, behind his back, from hand to hand. The three teenagers watched in amazement. All the while he was flipping, he was pouring. When he was done he handed Jen a Long Island Iced Tea.

Jen took a swig and nodded her approval. “Pretty good, Ripper,” she complimented. “I take it you’re a bad boy, then?”

“Bad as I want to be,” Ripper cracked. “Yeah, I must say I was a bit of a hell-raiser in my day,” he mused. He made a face as a red-headed teenager walked in the door, looking around with distaste and unease. “Bloody hell,” he muttered, quickly putting the bottles back in place and jumping over the counter.

“Giles, what are you doing in here?” the girl asked reproachfully.

“Just talking to a few friends, Willow dear,” Ripper replied meekly. Jen, Dawson, and Jack watched in amusement as the girl, who only looked to be a year or two older than them, scowled.

“You were serving alcohol again,” she reprimanded. Ripper rolled his eyes. “You’ve been doing that at every stop! Come on, we’re supposed to be on the road in the morning. Buffy and Xander are already sick of trying to find Oz, I don’t need you jumping ship. Come on, let’s go,” she insisted, pulling Ripper towards the door. He waved good-bye to the three Capeside kids and disappeared from sight.

“Well there goes the alcohol vendor,” Dawson sighed.

Jen shook her head. “Look, Grams is back there. She’ll probably help us out.” Dawson and Jack swiveled to stare at the old woman in amazement. To their surprise, the woman looked only to be about forty and had bright red hair. “Had you all fooled, didn’t she?” Jen laughed. “She’s actually a real firecracker.”

Grams spotted the three of them and walked over. As she approached she grabbed four beers and handed three of them to the kids, then took one for herself. “So, did you like my new bartender?” she laughed.

Jen nodded. “Where did he come from?” she asked.

“Oh, he approached me, wanted to know if he could serve for a while. We worked out an arrangement,” Grams replied with a shrug.

“What kind of an arrangement?” Jack asked curiously.

“Well, I’ve been lonely ever since Jen’s grandfather died. . .” Grams said slyly.

“Oh. OH!” Dawson exclaimed, finally getting it.

“Joey, why did you want to come here?” Pacey complained, following Joey in resignation. “We were doing perfectly fine at the B&B.”

“Alexander bothered me,” Joey replied, shrugging. “Besides, I want to get plastered off my ass and then go have wild jungle monkey sex with you later.”

“Okay,” Pacey replied. He couldn’t find a flaw in that logic.

Joey smirked. “Guys are so easy,” she snickered. “Mention sex and they agree with anything you say.” Pacey glared at her and she smiled sweetly in return.

The two of them entered the bar, where they saw Jen and Dawson dancing around like lunatics while Jack drunkenly ascended the stage.

“And our next performer is Jack McPhee, who wants to dedicate this song he’s about to do to Ethan. He says to Ethan, ‘Kiss my ass!’ All right, once again this is Jack McPhee, doing “What U See (Is What U Get)” by Britney Spears!”

Jack lurched over to the microphone and began blaring out the lyrics. “What you see is what you get/This is me/Hey you/If you want me don’t forget/You should take/Me as I am/’Cause I can promise you/Baby what you see is what you get!”

Joey looked over at Pacey in shock. Pacey was laughing hysterically, clutching his stomach as he wiped away the tears. “Oh my God,” he choked out between fits of laughter. “I never thought I would see Jack McPhee doing karaoke!”

Joey laughed too, appreciating the silliness. She led Pacey over to Jen and Dawson, who were making out by that point. “Hey guys, come up for air,” she commanded. They broke apart and looked at her blearily. Dawson was about to say something when Joey waved her hand, indicating it wasn’t important. “So, who’s got the beer, and is anyone sharing?” she asked.

Grams walked over and produced another six pack of bottles for them. Joey grabbed one and chugged it while she watched Jack continue to strut on stage. When he was done he bowed to the raucous catcalls and cheers that were coming from the audience.

Jack returned to the table and grabbed another beer. “I’m so much better than Britney Spears,” he bragged, slurring his words slightly. Joey nodded in agreement, downing her second beer in five minutes.

“Yeah, and she’s *sober* when she does that shit,” Dawson snorted.

Pacey sighed when he saw Andie walk in the door. Or, more to the point, stumbled in. Great. A half-drunk Joey, a completely drunk Andie, and the rest of their friends, all drunk as well, and all in one place. Just what he needed. He headed towards Andie, hoping to head off a confrontation, when Dawson grabbed him.

“Come on, man, we haven’t danced all night!” Dawson cried, swinging him out onto the dance floor. Pacey stared his best friend in the eyes, dumb-struck. Before he could say anything, Dawson stopped and wagged his finger. “I get to lead. And I know you can follow ‘cause you always let Joey lead when you were at the Starlight.”

Pacey groaned while Dawson did a bad imitation of waltzing. Pacey finally managed to get away from Dawson just as Andie saw Joey.

“You little whore,” Andie slurred. She wobbled over and swung her fist in a half-hearted attempt to slug Joey. Joey easily ducked it and then tossed her beer bottle at Andie. It hit her in the forehead and she wailed in pain. The force with which it hit her also knocked her on her ass.

“Come on, girls, time to get you out of here,” Pacey said with another sigh. He helped pick Andie up off the floor and passed her over to Dawson. Dawson started kissing her while Pacey checked on Jack and Jen, made sure they were stable enough to walk, and then herded them as well as Joey out the door. He’d almost gotten to the sidewalk when he realized Dawson and Andie were still in the bar. Pacey hurried back and broke them apart, then pulled them outside. He stared in amazement as he saw Jen pulling her clothes off in the middle of the street.

“God, Jen!” he hollered. “You’re going to get arrested for indecent exposure!”

“Aww, come on, Pace, live a little,” Jen giggled, punctuating it with a hiccup. She twirled away from Pacey’s grasping arms and then proceeded to swing her hips back and forth. Still giggling, she slowly unzipped her skirt, pushing it down her legs and then bringing it back up slowly. Finally she dropped it completely and stepped out of it, twirling it around her foot.

Jen was halfway done unbuttoning her blouse when Pacey finally grabbed her gyrating body and planted her firmly on the ground. He gripped her shoulders and scowled at her, though he was pretty sure it didn’t have any effect since she was staring off into space somewhere beyond his left shoulder.

Groaning, he wrapped one arm around Jen, the other around Joey, checked to make sure that Andie and Dawson were still with them, tilted his head at Jack, and started for the nearest house, which happened to be Dawson’s.

“I hate being the sober one,” he muttered as he opened the door.

Pacey deposited his five drunk friends in Dawson’s room and made for the movie closet. He was not about to let them start talking, God knew what that would lead to, so the first thing he did was stick a movie in the VCR. He didn’t even know which one it was, he didn’t even care. Just something for them to watch.

“Oh, look, it’s ‘Teaching Mrs. Tingle,’ ” Andie babbled. “You know, that girl reminds me of Joey,” she spit out, looking at the attractive brunette who was smiling on-screen. “Stupid bitch who acts like a goody-goody, pretending she’s so sweet and innocent, so dedicated to being the best. She even steals away the guy who her friend likes, too,” Andie added, glaring at Joey, who stuck her tongue out in return. “Gee, now she really *does* remind me of you,” Andie cracked.

“Should it surprise you?” Dawson interjected. “Look at who she’s with. The king of back-stabbers. She only did it to you once, he did it to me twice.”

Jack looked on in interest. “How’s that?” he asked.

“Back during our sophomore year, their science teacher asked Joey to help tutor Pacey in biology,” Dawson explained. “They had to spend a lot of time together working on it. One day he screwed the whole thing up, surprise, surprise, and so they had to spend all day together trying to fix it. Pacey decided Joey was hot, and so he went and kissed her. This at the same time I was trying to decide where our relationship was going.”

Pacey sighed and hit the eject button as Dawson finished trashing him. Wrong movie. He selected “Varsity Blues” next, figuring that no one could get mad about a bunch of football players who were actually good guys.

“Hey, it’s Dawson with a bad accent!” Jen crowed. “Look at him. Sappy little shmuck who gets walked all over!”

Dawson snarled and lunged for the VCR. “I’m not sappy!” he insisted, throwing the tape out the window.

“But you sure are a shmuck,” Pacey muttered below his breath, finally cracking a smile. He glared at his friends in frustration. What else could he pick? He slid the video from the “Dick” box and prayed that no one would notice that the biggest twit looked a hell of a lot like Jen.

“Hey, look, it’s Jen in glasses!” Jack exclaimed. “She’s so dumb, what a blonde.” He promptly passed out in the corner, about two seconds before Jen launched the “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” videocassette at him.

Pacey just about growled at his friends. “I’m going to try one more time, and if you guys don’t quit insulting each other about the similarities of these Hollywood characters to the people in this room, I’m going to dunk each of you in a cold shower,” he threatened. “Don’t think I can’t or won’t do it,” he warned when it looked like Dawson was going to fire off a less-than-snappy retort.

Pacey studied the video collection. He didn’t want anything Spielberg, sappy, or memory-riddled. He glanced at the movie that happened to be one of his favorites, then figured what the hell. He grabbed it and slid it in the VCR.

“Ooh, ‘The Mighty Ducks,’ ” Joey said happily, pulling Pacey down next to her and snuggling against him. “I love this movie.”

Pacey sighed in relief as his friends settled down and watched the movie. They were all quiet until the kids first appeared on the screen. “Oh, look, that Charlie Conway kid looks exactly like Pacey did when he was younger!” Dawson cried, pointing at the TV. “Butt-ass ugly and wussy as a mother-”

Joey promptly whacked him over the head with the video box. “I always thought Charlie was cute,” she defended.

“Yeah, when he was in the second and third ones,” Jen commented. “But in the first one he was all shaggy and he looked like a mutt.”

Pacey rolled his eyes and clicked the remote. Checking his watch, he saw that it was almost ten o’clock. “Oh shit,” he groaned. He’d forgotten that everyone was supposed to meet at the Leerys’ restaurant for a fireworks-watching picnic. Pacey stood up and looked at his friends. They were all in various stages of intoxication, but with the exception of Jack they were conscious.

Dawson must have recalled his parents’ decree at the same time Pacey did, because he bolted to his feet as well. “Guys, we have to get to the restaurant,” he insisted loudly. He shook Jack. “My parents will be wondering why we’re not there.”

It only took a few minutes to get everyone up and out of the house, acting semi-sober. They made it to the restaurant at exactly ten. Mitch and Gale were excited to see everyone and pretended not to notice that Pacey was the only one not drunk off his ass. It was kind of hard not to say something,though, when Gale had to remind Jen that the flowers on the tables were tiger lilies and not roses, which Jen kept insisting they were, and Jack kept singing, “New York, New York, we’re going to New York.”

Pacey kept a firm watch on Dawson and Jack, afraid that Dawson would say or do something stupid to get himself in trouble, and concerned because he’d never seen Jack drunk before and didn’t know how well he held his alcohol. He neglected to pay attention to Jen, Joey, and Andie. At about ten-thirty he realized he had no clue where they were.

Pacey drug Jack and Dawson with him as he searched for the girls. He didn’t have any idea where they could be, but Dawson reminded him of the small TV room his parents had built on the side, so that the staff could take breaks there. The three guys approached the room and were startled when they heard loud moaning.

“What the hell?” Pacey muttered before he swung the door open.

All three guys’ mouths dropped in shock when they saw what was going on. “Debbie Does Dallas” was playing on the TV, and the three girls were glued to it, watching avidly.

“Joey, Andie, Jen, what the hell are you doing?” Pacey exclaimed.

“We’re watching a porno,” Joey replied, without removing her eyes from the screen. “I should think you’d recognize it, I stole it from your personal collection.”

Dawson and Jack hooted with laughter while Pacey stalked over and switched the VCR off.

“*Why* were you watching a porno in the back of the Leerys’ restaurant?” Pacey asked sternly.

Jen shrugged. “We got bored.”

“And two of us aren’t getting any,” Andie put in, glaring at Joey. Joey glared back.

“Besides, I thought I could use it for future reference,” Joey giggled, purring at Pacey.

Pacey rolled his eyes. “Come on, we need to get out there,” he reminded them, helping to pull the girls to their feet. He glanced back at the TV and noticed that it was now displaying the last few seconds of a hockey game. He checked the score and saw that one of his favorite teams, the Detroit Red Wings, was beating the crap out of the Colorado Avalanche. “Come on, Yzerman,” he hollered, watching the Wings’ captain fly down center ice with the puck. He cheered when the puck went in and the Avs’ ass-kicking was completed.

“Are you finished?” Joey asked dryly when his victory dance was over.

“Yes, Jo,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

The six of them headed through the front dining area and out into the patio seating that was on the side. The fireworks were just starting. Gale and Mitch had set up tables of food, but Andie went straight to the dessert table.

“Look!” she squealed. She held up little brown objects. “Chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. This was the first candy Pacey ever bought me,” she reminded everyone mournfully, glaring for the millionth time at Joey. Pacey rolled his eyes at Andie’s melodrama, but was proud of Joey for not reacting, for once.

He was not so proud when he turned his back and Joey grabbed the bowl of potato salad, took the spoon out, and flung a spoonful at Andie.

Andie howled angrily, then picked up the Jell-o mold and hurled it, bowl and all, at Joey.

“Food fight!” Jack cried out happily, seizing the pork and beans and extracting a handful, which he threw merrily into Dawson’s hair.

Pacey threw up his hands and walked back into the restaurant, ignoring his friends who were energetically covering each other in the food the Leerys had prepared. He looked out the window, watching the colorful fireworks explode in the air. “Happy Independence Day,” he chuckled to himself.