The First Annual Brownie Bake-Off and Rootin' Tootin' Jamboree
By Pete Meilinger


When I heard the explosion downstairs, all I could do was put my book down and cradle my head in my hands. I should have known letting those three loose in my kitchen was a bad idea. But Xander and Willow have always been so good at cheering Buffy up, and lord knows she needs it. She's been having such a hard time getting back into the swing of things. I suppose a summer spent hating yourself for sending the man you loved to Hell will do that to a girl. Not to mention the way I'd treated her before she left, the things I'd said. I still cry myself to sleep thinking about that, some nights. All I want is for her to be happy again.

So when Xander and Willow showed up at the door this morning and announced that the stars were right and it was time for The First Annual Brownie Bake-Off And Rootin'-Tootin' Jamboree, I just laughed and let them in. It sounded like a wonderful way to draw Buffy out of the funk she's been in the past few days. And it got Xander and Willow away from their so-called home lives. And since I fully intended to eat my fair share of the brownies without having to do any of the work or cleanup, I figured I was three for three. So I came upstairs and left the three of them alone down in the kitchen. My poor, defenseless kitchen. In my own defense, I certainly never expected them to blow anything up! I admit I fully expected Xander to set fire to the curtains again, but I've never really liked those curtains anyways. So I thought everything would be fine. I really should have known better.

I figured I'd given the shrapnel enough time to settle down, so I got up to go downstairs and inspect the damage. I wasn't looking forward to replacing whatever Xander (somehow, I knew it was Xander) had broken, but I was looking forward to hearing his explanation. That boy is just so darned cute when he's all flustered and apologizing. I've never understood why Buffy didn't fall for him.

I heard Willow yelling as soon as I got to the top of the stairs. That girl has a set of lungs on her.

"What did you do?!"

"I don't know! It just blew up!!" Xander, of course.

"What do you mean, 'it just blew up?!' Electric mixers don't just blow up, Xander!"

Over both of their voices I could hear Buffy, cackling like a fiend. I was at the bottom of the stairs now.

"Well, this one did! I didn't do anything!"

"You must've done something ya big galoot!"

Galoot? People still say galoot? Who knew? I was coming up to the entrance to the kitchen, and I could actually see all three of them in the mirror on the wall there. Buffy was still howling, I was afraid she was going to fall off the stool she was sitting on. Xander and Willow were standing by the counter, both covered in brownie batter. They were trying to wipe it off and pick up the pieces of my electric mixer, but not having much luck with either. I stopped dead and just stared for a few seconds. How the hell did that boy blow up my mixer? I'm fairly certain there was no dynamite inside of it. I'd like to think I'd have noticed a big fuse coming out the side.

I was just glad no one got hurt, really. A mixer I could replace, but if my house ended up on the front page of the Gazette under the headline "Three Teens Dead In Bizarre Baking Explosion" I knew I'd never live it down.

While I was thinking, Willow was still yelling at Xander. They'd grabbed towels and managed to get most of the batter off their faces, but they still looked ridiculous. I wasn't sure I wanted to go in and ruin the fun.

"I swear, Xander, this is so you! It's just like the time you superglued yourself to..."

Unfortunately, Xander interrupted her before she could finish. His face was red and his eyes were more panicked than they were when those zombies attacked the other night.

"Stop! We have sworn never to speak of the superglue incident, Willow. You know that. Fluids were exchanged! Bodily and carbonated!! Break not the fluidic compact!" He looked scared, which of course just made me want to hear the story even more. I decided I definitely wasn't going to interrupt, so I leaned back against the wall and settled in to watch the show I knew was coming. I had a pretty good view of the kitchen in the mirror, and no one had noticed me yet. I didn't even feel guilty about eavesdropping since they'd just blown up my mixer. I figured I was due some entertainment and I didn't want to stop them before it got interesting. Buffy was being quiet and holding back too, I could tell she was thinking the same as me. But she was having a hard time stifling her giggles, and I couldn't really blame her. Xander and Willow were trying so hard to look dignified, but it's not easy when you've got brownie batter in your hair.

Or maybe dignified wasn't what was on Willow's mind. She leaned back against the counter with an evil grin on her face. "Well, maybe it's time the truth came out, don't you think? I mean, Buffy's our best friend and all, doesn't she deserve to hear your secret shame?" She thought for a second. "Well, one of your many secret shames?"

Buffy nodded frantically in happy agreement. "Oh, I think I deserve to hear about all of his secret shames. Spill, Will!"

Willow opened her mouth to dish, but Xander beat her to the punch. "Well, in that case maybe she deserves to hear all about the exciting origin of your frog fear too. Don't you think?"

Buffy certainly thought so. She looked like a kid set loose in a candy shop, trying to decide what to eat first. Her face was a joy to see after everything that had happened, and I just wanted to kiss Willow and Xander for being such good friends and for putting that smile on her face. But first I wanted to hear all the dirt.

Willow looked terrified. Her face had gone pale and her eyes were wide, and I'd swear I heard her whimper a little bit. But she rallied quickly, I'll give her that much. Standing up straight and glaring at Xander she hissed "You wouldn't dare!"

Given how long she and Xander have been friends, you'd think she'd have realized that was exactly the wrong thing to say. Xander smiled ominously and glared right back at her. "Oh, I'd dare much, little lady. I boldly go where few dare. To go. Except eagles. They dare to go. But not as much as me." He sounded like a babbling idiot, but this is Xander we're talking about. He does that. It's one of the things that makes him so adorable. I swear, if I were twenty years younger...

Willow's eyes burned with righteous fury, and Xander's with joyful vengeance. They started stalking each other while Buffy and I watched with glee. They circled around and ended up facing one another with about six feet in between them, glaring daggers at each other. Willow was flexing her fingers and Xander was shaking his hands out, and for a few seconds I had absolutely no idea what they were doing. Then it hit me, and I almost whooped with laughter and gave myself away. It was a showdown! I swear I could hear the Clint Eastwood music in the background.

Oo-ee-oo-ee-oooooo...

Waah-waah-waaahhhh....

Buffy was biting her hand to keep from cackling, and I wasn't doing much better. Finally I saw Willow's eyes crinkle up as she squinted and fired off her first shot. "In that case maybe Buffy should know about your whirlwind third grade romance with Becky 'Boom Boom' Myers!"

Ooh! A hit! But not enough to put him down for the count. Xander's face paled for a second, which looked interesting underneath the remaining batter, but he shook it off. He sneered at Willow and fired from the hip.

"Well then, I would imagine she also deserves to hear an explanation of how you lost your pants in the art room in seventh grade."

Willow's head snapped up and her eyes went wide. Then they closed to mere slits and she bared her teeth. "Oh, you think so? Is that what you think, punk?" She didn't wait for an answer. "What about your bonding experience with the sea lions when we took the class trip to the aquarium?"

That one didn't hit as hard, or maybe Xander was just bracing himself better. He immediately shot back. "That was nothing compared to the time you shot Miss Latimer in the butt with Jesse's BB gun."

Willow blushed scarlet at that one, and Buffy let out a snort as she tried to contain her laughter. I guess she knew this Miss Latimer woman too. I made a mental note to ask her later as I watched Willow compose herself enough to fire off another volley.

"Speaking of Miss Latimer, what about the time you lost control of the lawn mower and killed poor Virgil the garden gnome in the prime of his life on your way to demolishing her prize tulips?"

Now it was Xander's turn to blush, and Buffy let out a delighted gasp before she could stop herself. Xander's eyes flicked over to her, then narrowed in determination as he zeroed in for the kill. "Talking about gardens reminds me of the class picnic where you went off to pick wildflowers and got chased up a tree by that psychotic rabbit." He bobbed his head a little, as if to say 'Take that!'

Willow took it, all right. She rocked back on her feet a bit, then scrunched her face up and I knew Xander was about to get it. "Well then what about the time in fourth grade when the principal made you apologize over the PA system for pushing Harmony into the mud, and everyone made fun of you all week long?"

Buffy and I both started to laugh at that one, just like all the rest, until we saw the expression on Xander's face. By the time Willow finished speaking, his smile had vanished. He was standing there with his face as impassive as stone but a glow of pain in his eyes. I had no idea what was wrong, and I could see Buffy didn't either.

Willow obviously did though. I could tell she'd have given anything to take her words back. She bit her lip, and it was clear she had crossed over a line that only she and Xander knew existed. She looked at him with an apology in her eyes, then smiled and spoke again.

"Though I guess to be fair, I'd have to mention that the only reason you pushed Harmony was because she told me my parents didn't love me and wished I'd never been born." Her expression made me want to cry, and I could only imagine how horrible she must have felt when it first happened. But then she looked at Xander, and all the pain just disappeared. She smiled, obviously reliving his defense of her all those years ago.

I was sure the game was over but Xander started pacing and gesturing wildly. "I can't believe you'd bring that up after all these years!" At first I thought he was furious, and I could see Buffy and Willow did too. Willow started to say something, an apology I imagine, and Buffy half stood up to intervene. I almost stepped in myself but I caught myself. Even though he was frowning I could see the laughter in his eyes. "Some best friend you are, huh? If you're gonna talk about that, then I guess I'll just have to bring up the fact that you came over to my house and read to me every day when I had mono that one summer."

Willow got back into the swing of things faster than Buffy or I, which didn't surprise me a bit. She put her hands on her hips and her face took on the worst expression of fake outrage that I've ever seen. "Oh you will, will you? Well, in that case I'll have to tell Buffy about how when I broke my foot in eigth grade you carried me piggyback everywhere so I wouldn't have to use those stupid crutches. So there." Then she stuck her tongue out and made a face at him, ending by licking a bit of batter off her lips. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Xander brought his hands up to his head as if he was about to pull out his hair at the betrayal. Then he did his best to level a menacing glare at Willow. He failed miserably, of course. "Oh, you think so? You think so, do you? Well, maybe I'll just mention how when we were kids you and your mom would make chocolate chip cookies every Saturday and then you'd invite me over so we could watch cartoons and pig out. What do you think about that?"

Willow had given up the angry act. She just looked at Xander and smiled, the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face. On anyone's face. "I think I'd have to talk about how whenever we had sleepovers, you'd scout ahead when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so none of the monsters would get me."

Xander stopped fooling around too and smiled back, just as big as Willow's. "Well, if you're going to go that far, I guess I'd have to tell Buffy how grateful I always was that you'd let me sleep in your room when I had to get out of the house, no questions asked."

Willow's smile faltered a bit, but not because she was sad. She was too happy to smile, I think. I could see she was fighting back tears. She looked at Xander through shimmering eyes. "Well then I'd have to tell her how wonderful you were when my parents were in that car accident, how you sat up with me and held me every night until I fell asleep. I'd have to tell her how when I was with you the nightmares couldn't get in to hurt me."

That's when I started to cry, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'd heard about that time, but that wasn't it. It was the look on Willow's face, and the smile Xander gave her in return, and the happiness in Buffy's eyes as she looked at her friends. She was a little jealous, I think, that she'd never had friends like these two when she was growing up. But mostly she was happy for them, happy to know they'd had each other, happy to know that what they had between them existed at all, and happy to know that she was now a part of it.

Xander walked over to Willow and pulled her into a crushing hug. Very softly, he said "I can't forget to tell Buffy how you're the best friend anyone ever had, and how I thank God for you every day of my life."

Willow pouted a bit, but she squeezed him back just as fiercely. "No fair. That's what I was gonna say!"

Xander laughed. "Well, considering how many times you've let me copy your homework, I don't think I could complain if you stole my line just this once." He leaned down and gave her a little kiss on the forehead.

Buffy was crying now, just a little bit, but her smile came back in full force when Xander and Willow turned to her and each held out an arm without letting go of their hug. She jumped off the stool and raced over to join the embrace and I swear it's a miracle she didn't break any of their ribs, she was squeezing them so hard.

It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my life, bar none, and I wasn't about to disturb them. So I quietly slipped back upstairs, and dried my eyes, and went back to reading my book.

But if they don't get around to making some brownies for me to steal soon, I'm going to head back down there and kick some ass!


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