Willow Rosenberg turned to look at her friend Buffy Summers. The Slayer. The one girl in all the world with the strength to battle the forces of evil. Make that Evil with a capital E. Buffy did, in fact, look bored.

"You're bored?" Best to make sure.

Buffy nodded and toyed with the zipper on the duffle bag full of weapons she'd brought along. "I'm bored," she confirmed. "Bored, bored, bored. Where the heck are the stupid vampires?" Seeing the look in Willow's eyes, she went on. "Yeah, okay, no news is good news on the vamp front, but in the past week I've come across exactly three vampires." She held up three fingers to illustrate her point. "I'm starting to think they're up to something."

Willow considered this. Buffy had a point. "You have a point," she said, "but we've had dry spells before. None quite this severe, no, but it's probably nothing. Sometimes the vampires just don't come out to play for awhile. We'll probably never know why." She turned to look around the cemetery they were sitting in. "And what the heck, it just gives us more of an opportunity to enjoy the view, right?"

Buffy looked at her scornfully. "The view," she stated flatly.

Willow grinned. "Sure. Isn't the moonlight pretty when it reflects off the headstones?"

That got a chuckle from the Slayer. "You're weird, Will. But I'm still bored. Man, I'd rather be home studying."

Willow's eyes widened. "Wow. You really are bored."

Buffy nodded. "This is what I'm saying, yes." Her head cocked to one side and she listened intently. "But hark. Sounds like something's coming."

Buffy dropped the dufflebag on the ground, and the two girls stood and turned towards the sound of rustling bushes. After a moment, a familiar figure walked into sight. A familiar figure that was carrying an unfamiliar figure on its shoulders.

"Xander!" Willow hurried forward towards her oldest friend, Buffy right behind her. "I thought you said you couldn't make it tonight. And who's that?"

"Hey, Will. Buff. Change of plans. Bob let me off early, so I figured I'd come on over and spend the night patrolling with my two best buds. But as I was trying to find you guys, I noticed this creep sneaking around and doing his Bela Lugosi impression." He knelt down and deposited his burden on the ground.

Buffy and Willow stared at the unconscious figure. He was formally dressed in black velvet, with a white frilly shirt. And, of course, a flowing black cape with a shiny red interior. Not uncommon for a certain type of fledgling vampire, but always a strange sight. "Well, I guess that makes four this week," Buffy said. "How come you haven't staked him yet? And why is he wet?"

Xander nodded sagely. "Two questions, one answer. Kinda. He's wet because I threw some holy water on him to soften him up." Buffy and Willow looked at him, startled. "Yep, that's right. Nada effect. That's one of the reasons I didn't stake him. The other reason would be the fact that he has a pulse."

His friends looked even more startled at that. "He's human?" Willow asked.

Xander nodded. "Sure seems to be."

"Then why did you knock him out?" Buffy's voice was mildly accusatory.

"Hey," Xander defended himself, "I didn't know he wasn't a vampire. He came out of nowhere, he looked like a vampire. What was I supposed to do? I hit him with the water and a right cross. The ol' one-two. I figured it would soften him up enough so I could get the stake in with no problem. But when he didn't burn and went out like a light I decided to hold off on the stake and check him out. That's when I figured out he's human."

Willow looked down at the figure with a puzzled expression on her face. "Who is he? And what's he doing in the cemetery at," she paused to reach over and lift Xander's wrist to glance at his watch, "one fifteen in the morning?"

Xander pulled a wallet out of his jacket pocket. "I found this inside his cloak. Cape. Whatever that ugly thing he's wearing is." Opening it up, he pulled out two cards. "He's got an Oregon license that says his name is Eugene Dillon, age eighteen. Probably a student at UCS. He also had this." He held the second card out to the girls.

Buffy took the card and held it so both she and Willow could see. It was a business card, of heavier stock than most, with incredibly ornate calligraphy lettering. It proclaimed the bearer to be named The Dark Lord and said he was a member of The Chyldrenne Of The Night. She read that part three times before looking up at Xander.

"Chyldrenne Of The Night?"

Xander shook his head. "Hey, don't look at me. I just knocks 'em out, I don't explains 'em. The whole time walking over here, I was trying to figure it out. I got nothing." Then he reached into his pocket. "Oh yeah, he was wearing these, too." He held out a pair of plastic vampire fangs.

Buffy and Willow looked at the fangs. "He was NOT wearing those," Willow said. It was as much a plea as a statment.

"He most certainly was," Xander said with a gleam in his eye.

Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose. She could feel a headache coming on. "The last thing we need is another vampire wannabe cult. And 'Chyldrenne of the Night?' Bleh."

Willow's brow furrowed in concentration. "Well, forget that for now. What do we do with him?"

Xander raised his hand and waited for Willow to nod her head at him in acknowledgment. "We could stake him anyway. He'd probably like that, actually. Make him feel like we're taking him seriously."

Willow's mouth twisted in a vain attempt to hide a smile. "We are not going to stake him, Xander."

"Are you sure? This guy's friggin' nuts, no telling what he'll do if we let him loose again."

Buffy glared at him. "We're not staking him. It's not his fault he's a moron who thinks vampires are cool." Then she gestured between herself and Willow. "And we're the psychology students here, bucko. We'll thank you not to misuse technical terms like 'friggin' nuts' while we're around."

Xander laughed. "Okay, then, what exactly do we do with Eugene T. Nutball, then?"

Buffy thought for a moment. "I suppose we could wake him up and ask him what he was doing running around the cemetery at one in the morning."

"Dressed like the loser of the Count Floyd look-alike contest, no less," Xander added.

Buffy looked at him curiously. "Who's Count Floyd?"

Xander sighed and looked at Willow. She shook her head in disappointment and said, "Kids these days, no appreciation of the classics."

Buffy stared blankly at the both of them, and Xander chuckled. "Doesn't matter, Buff. Let's wake him up."

Eugene was dreaming. It was a good dream. He was the Dark Lord for real, stalking the night, superior to all the mere mortals he preyed upon. And Melanie was with him. She'd realized how much cooler he was than Tony and had begged to become his Dark Queen. "Eugene," she said, as she took him in her arms and rocked him back and forth. "Eugene. Eugene."

"Eugene!"

He woke up suddenly, like he always did, and soon wished he was still asleep, like he always did. He was lying on the ground, and a pretty blonde girl with a stern look on her face was shaking him and calling his name. When she noticed he was awake, she let go of him and stood up next to her companions. One was a cute redhead who was smiling encouragingly down at him. The other was the dark-haired boy who had punched him earlier. He was not smiling encouragingly.

Eugene lay there looking up at the trio while he searched for something to say. Finally, he asked the question that was uppermost in his mind.

"Who are you?"

The boy and the redhead looked to the blonde. She said, "My name's Buffy. This," indicating the redhead, "is Willow, and this," indicating the boy who was now glowering down at him, "is Xander."

Eugene digested that for a moment as he stood up. He rubbed at his sore jaw and asked, "What happened?"

The redhead's - Willow's - smile widened as she spoke. "Well, it looks like there's been a little accident."

Eugene shook his head and pointed an accusing finger at the boy standing next to her. Xander, Buffy had called him. "It was no accident. He hit me!"

Willow's smile faltered for a moment, but came back even stronger. "Yes, well, it was an honest mistake. Xander, here, thought you were a..." She turned and looked to her companions for help.

"Mugger," Buffy supplied.

Willow nodded. "Yeah, he thought you were a mugger. You could see how that would happen, can't you?"

Eugene considered this. He looked at Xander. "Did you really think I was a mugger?" he asked.

Xander smiled. It was not a particularly nice smile. "Either that, or just some nut who likes to dress up as Dracula and wander around the graveyard in the middle of the night."

Eugene blushed scarlet. "I'm not a nut," he muttered.

Xander's smile grew wider. "I notice you're not disputing the dressing up as Dracula bit." He tossed the plastic fangs onto the ground next to Eugene. "Good thing, too, 'cause I'd say we've got you undead to rights."

Eugene's blush deepened as Buffy and Willow groaned at the pun. He quickly stooped to grab the fangs and thrust them into a pocket. He was about to say something when Willow spoke. She was still smiling, and it made him feel better about this strange situation he found himself in.

"Don't mind Xander, Eugene. He can be like that sometimes." Behind her, Xander rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. "And I know that he's sorry he hit you. Aren't you, Xander?" she asked over her shoulder.

Xander looked at her in disbelief. "The hell I am."

Willow turned so she was facing Xander. "I said, aren't you, Xander?" Her voice was still kind, but now it held an undertone of menace.

Xander didn't seem intimidated in the least, but he sighed and said, "I'm sorry I hit you, Eugene."

Willow turned back towards Eugene, her smile back in full force. "There. See, I told you he was sorry."

"Uh... Yeah, okay," Eugene said, taken aback by their exchange. "But it still doesn't mean he should've hit me," he grumbled. Xander rolled his eyes again.

Willow paused to think before speaking. "Well, it's complicated, Eugene. You see, we're all members of a..." Again, she looked to her friends for help.

"Neighborhood watch program," offered Buffy, who had been watching the proceedings with ill-concealed impatience.

"Right! A neighborhood watch program!" Willow said, with a grateful smile at Buffy. "We patrol to make sure no one gets hurt," she went on. "There's a lot of, uh, crime in Sunnydale."

"In the cemeteries?" Eugene asked dubiously.

"You'd be surprised," Buffy noted dryly. She looked over at Xander. He gave her a wink. She snorted.

"I still don't think he should've hit me," Eugene grumbled, getting back to what he saw as the important topic. He slumped sullenly against a handy tombstone.

Xander shook his head in disgust and glared at him. "You came out of the shadows dressed up like a psycho killer. What exactly were you planning to do if I *hadn't* hit you?"

"I thought you were someone else," Eugene mumbled in embarrassment. "They're around here somewhere, and I thought you were one of them. I just meant to scare you."

Buffy, Willow and Xander looked at each other in concern. "There're other people out here with you?" Buffy asked, alarmed. "Who? And where are they?" she demanded.

"Well, I..." Eugene stammered, "I'm not sure. They usually head for one of the mausoleums. For, you know, privacy." His face reddened in a blush, and his eyes dropped to the ground.

"Privacy, huh?" Buffy asked with a nasty smirk. "So there's two of them, I take it?"

"Buff," Xander said before Eugene could reply, "look what this nut's wearing. God knows how many of them there are. Goth freaks," he muttered under his breath.

"It's not like that!" Eugene protested. "It's just Tony and Melanie, okay? We're not perverts or freaks or anything like that."

Xander laughed in derision. "You dress up like a vampire, you wear fake fangs, you hunt each other through the graveyard, and Tony and Melanie like to slip away to a mausoleum for a little 'privacy,' but you're not perverts. Okay, I'll keep that in mind," he finished scornfully.

Eugene looked down at the ground again, so he missed the glare Willow shot at Xander. She walked over and put her hand on Eugene's shoulder. "We know you're not a freak, Eugene. What you do seems strange to us, yeah, but it doesn't make you a bad person. Xander just has his own issues, I guess."

Xander opened his mouth to reply, but Buffy cut him off. "Issues, Will? He's not the only one. I'll give you issues. I have issues with these morons who want to be vampires. We have enough trouble out here, without having to baby- sit a bunch of idiots who are all fired up to get themselves killed and turned into demons!"

She turned to Eugene. He had been about to speak, to say something in his defense, but the sudden fury he saw in her eyes stunned him into silence. He merely stood and listened as she went on.

"If you and your friends want to die, I don't care. I really don't. But this isn't the way to do it. You're just putting a whole lot of innocent people in danger, yourselves included. Vampires aren't cool, dammit. They're not mysterious, or exotic, or any of that crap you read in the books. They're nasty and murderous and evil. I mean, what the hell do you expect to happen when you finally run into a real vampire? Do you think he's going to be nice to you because you're dressed like that? He won't. He'll kill you, and he'll laugh while he does it. And then you'll come back to life and kill everyone you've ever cared about. Unless I kill you first."

Buffy was breathing hard by the time her speech wound down. She'd obviously poured a lot of energy into it, and the scorn and hatred in her voice stung Eugene. He stared at her in amazement for a few seconds, then finally spoke.

"Real vampires? What the hell are you talking about? Vampires aren't real, lady. It's just a game!"

It was Buffy's turn to stare in amazement. Looking at the others, Eugene saw that they wore the same expression.

"You don't believe in vampires?" Buffy asked, after a few moments of silence.

"No!" Eugene shouted. "No one does!"

"Oh," Buffy said, nonplussed. She turned to Willow and Xander and shrugged, as if to say "Now what?"

Eugene looked at all of them suspiciously. "You don't believe in vampires, do you?"

"Of course not!" Willow said quickly, pasting a smile onto her face. "We just had to make sure you didn't."

"Why?" Eugene demanded.

"Well, uh," Willow began, only to be cut off by Buffy.

"We get vampire cults," Buffy said. "People who believe they're real and want to be like them. I thought you were one of them."

Eugene thought about that. "Okay, I've heard of people like that. But why'd you scream at me?"

"Well..." Buffy started.

"Good cop, bad cop." Xander supplied.

"But you're not cops," Eugene pointed out.

"Good neighborhood watch member, bad neighborhood watch member," Willow said, her smile never wavering.

"You guys are weird," Eugene said.

"Said the pot to the kettle," Xander taunted. Then he nodded. "But you do have a point. I suppose we can't lay too many claims to normalcy. But you're not the one to be throwing stones at us on that score, am I right?"

Eugene smiled ruefully. "True enough, I guess. But really, it's just a game."

"You said that before. What game?" Willow asked.

"Vampire the Masquerade," Eugene answered. "We like to do the live-action version. It's called LARPing. Live-Action Role-Playing."

Xander's face twisted into an expression of distaste. "You're LARPers? Vampire LARPers?"

"Yeah," Eugene said. "So?"

Xander shook his head and turned to his friends. "Now can I stake him?" he pleaded.

"No!" Willow and Buffy answered together.

"You don't like LARPers?" Eugene asked. "Why not?"

"'Cause it's sick! Sick and wrong!" Xander shouted.

"Role-playing is not sick and wrong!" Eugene shouted right back. "It's not satanic or anything like that, either! It's just a game!"

"I don't think it's satanic, and I don't think all role-playing is sick," Xander retorted. "Just the live-action crap. You don't even use dice! If you're gonna game, you should do it as God intended - with your ass firmly seated in a comfy chair, and plenty of junk food and weird-shaped dice within easy reach. And it's not storytelling! It's gaming, dammit!"

"You game?" Eugene asked, shocked.

"You game?" Buffy asked, equally shocked.

"We used to," Willow answered for Xander. "Not this vampire stuff, though. D&D, mostly. Jesse got us started," she went on, for Buffy's benefit. He ran the first few games, until we got hooked. Then I took over. But all the books were Jesse's. His mom gave them to me after he, uh, died, but we haven't gamed since."

"Yeah," Xander said softly. "It's not the same without him. And it wasn't the same after we started hanging out with you, y'know?"

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "That makes sense, I guess."

The three of them grew silent, obviously lost in memories. Eugene stood by quietly, loathe to disturb them.

Finally, Xander shook his head and walked over to pick up Buffy's discarded weapons bag. "We'd better grab Eugene's friends and get them back home safe, don't you think?"

"Definitely," Buffy said. "Do you know where they are?" she asked Eugene.

"Somewhere back that way," he told her, gesturing towards the part of the cemetery where Xander had found him. "They shouldn't be hard to find."

"Okay," Buffy ordered. "Let's go, then."

They started off, Eugene leading the way, with Buffy right behind him. Xander hung back, and after a moment Willow slowed down to keep pace with him.

"Hey, you," she said.

"Hey, you," he replied. "God, I miss him."

"Me, too," she agreed, putting her arm around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder as they walked.

Xander put his arm around her shoulders and lowered his head to gently bump against hers.

Together, they followed Eugene and Buffy into the night.