I figured it was Buffy, or maybe Giles. They were the only friends I had left, really. I know, I know, quality over quantity, but it still hurt.

To say that I was surprised when I opened the door and saw Willow would definitely be an understatement. For a second, I honestly thought I was hallucinating. Then I remembered the Hellmouth and figured that was it. But it was daylight, so she wasn't a vampire. And believe me, I spent a few seconds thanking every god I knew for that little fact. And then I spent a few more seconds just looking at her. I never knew how much I liked to look at her until I couldn't anymore.

I never knew a lot of things until I couldn't anymore.

She didn't look good. I mean, of course she looked good. She's beautiful. Radiant, even. But she didn't look happy. And that just broke my heart all over again. The whole reason we stopped being friends was so she could be happy, right? I know that's the only reason I did it. It sure wasn't to make me happy.

"Xander. Hello. Can I... Can I come in? Please?" She didn't sound happy either. She wasn't crying, but only barely. I couldn't speak. I should have said no, but I couldn't say no to Willow. Never happen, not while I'm alive. So, I just stepped back and let her come inside.

I followed her into the living room. She sat down on one end of the couch, so I sat down on the other end and looked at her. Then I looked at her some more. I could make a career out of looking at her. I still couldn't speak. I should have asked her what was wrong, if anyone was hurt, the usual questions. But I couldn't. I knew if I spoke I'd say something I'd regret. How much I missed her. How much I loved her. How good it was just to see her again. So, I didn't say a word.

Neither did she. She just sat there on the other end of the couch, three feet and a million miles away. She was just a little bit too far away for me to touch. Which was good, I suppose.

We looked at each other for a minute or two. She didn't seem any more ready to talk than I was, but I didn't mind. It used to be that we'd sit together for hours without saying a word. Those days were gone, but I still got some comfort from just sitting in silence with my Willow. As much as it hurt, it was still the happiest I'd been in a long time.

Until she started crying. I was so caught up in looking at her, I didn't even notice at first. She wasn't moving or saying a word, just sitting there with tears running down her face. And I did nothing. I sat there and watched the most important person in my world crying in pain, and I did nothing. Whenever I wonder what Hell must be like, I think about sitting on that couch, watching my Willow cry.

And then suddenly we were both moving. We met in the center of the couch and she threw her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. When I put my arms around her, she started sobbing, her whole body heaving against me. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just held her, and stroked her back, and rocked her gently, and murmured nonsense into her hair. Everything Willow used to do for me when we were kids. It was all I could think to do, and I wasn't sure that it would help, but if it didn't, Willow was going to keep crying, and I didn't think I could stand that.

We sat there for a while, I don't know how long. Her crying, me trying to help. Eventually she started to calm down, her sobs gradually fading to whimpers and then to silence. I continued to hold her tightly. I knew letting go of her now would be worse than never having held her in the first place. Willow and I learned that one together, years and years ago.

After a few more minutes, she sighed and relaxed in my arms. I could've let go then, but I didn't want to. She didn't want me to. We sat that way for awhile, comfortable together for the first time in far too long. All I could think about was how good it felt. How good it felt to hold her again. And even more importantly, how good it felt that she'd come to me to be held. Not to Buffy, or to Oz, to me. That's what I missed most of all, the way she would come to me for help when she needed it. The way she'd let me be there for her, just like she was always there for me. And no matter what it was that had made her cry, I knew I could make it better. She was my Willow, I was her Xander, and that's just the way the world worked. And it felt so good to know that again, even if it was just going to be for a little while.

I didn't want to ask what was wrong, didn't want to break the silence, but I had to if I was going to help her. "Will?" Very softly. I didn't want to upset her. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"You don't know that I aced my Calculus test." Just a whisper. I don't think anyone but me would have been able to hear her. I know no one but me would have known what she meant. But I heard. And I knew.

There's a game we used to play, "You Don't Know." Willow came up with it when we were nine or ten. She'd tell me something I didn't know about her, then I'd tell her something she didn't know about me. Important things or stupid little stuff, it didn't matter. I told her about my father hitting me, she told me that she wanted to name her kids Flotsam and Jetsam. I told her how I used to make my teddy bear talk with a cheesy Mexican accent, she told me how scared she was when her parents almost died in that car accident. It didn't matter what we said. We could tell each other absolutely anything, that's what mattered. And half of our supposed secrets were old news anyway. I don't think any of the really important things came as a surprise to either of us. We knew each other even better than we realized, which was just an amazing thing to discover. And we learned it over and over again, every time we played.

But this was different. Before, I would have been the first person Willow told about the test. She'd have come running up with a big old Willow-smile and would have been honestly surprised that she'd done so well. She was always surprised, even though she aced every test. From anyone else, it would have been annoying. From her, it was just Willow. So her Calc test was definitely not You Don't Know material, since I should have known as soon as it happened.

But I didn't know. Because she hadn't told me. Because we never talked. Because we weren't friends anymore. Which is why she'd come over and why she was crying like she'd lost her best friend. She had. So had I.

But she was here now. Crying in my arms. And it wasn't because she'd had a fight with Oz, or because something had happened to Buffy, or anything like that. It was because I didn't know about her test. It was because we had stopped being friends. It was because of what we'd lost, what we'd given up.

Which meant she wanted to get it back. She wanted us to be the way we were, for real and for good, not just for a few minutes so I could comfort her about her latest crisis. I'm not the brightest guy in the world, but I know a second chance when it jumps out and grabs me by the throat.

I was so amazed, so happy, that I almost didn't hear her when she spoke again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Her voice was muffled, I could barely hear her. I looked down and saw that her face was buried in my shoulder, so I couldn't see her eyes. Willow only avoided my eyes when she felt guilty about something. Almost always about something that wasn't really her fault. Or not entirely her fault.

"Sorry for what?" I knew, of course, but I had to go through the motions.

"For everything. For what I've done, the way I've treated you. For barging in and expecting you to hold me when I don't deserve it. For yelling at you last week." I flinched at that, then immediately wished I hadn't when she started to cry again. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry for that, Xander. I wasn't mad, I swear. I was surprised. I was just thinking that I missed you, missed being friends the way we used to be, and then you touched my hair and I felt so guilty, even though I knew I didn't have to. I mean, you always touch my hair, since we were five years old. I like it when you touch my hair, but all I could think about was the look on their faces when they found us in the factory, and I freaked, and I'm so sorry!" She started crying harder, just as hard as before.

So I held her. And I stroked her back. And I rocked her gently. And I murmured into her hair. Not nonsense, though. Not this time. "It's okay, Will. It'll be okay. I'm here. I'm sorry, too. Don't cry." That sort of thing. Still nonsense, really, but a different kind of nonsense. A better kind of nonsense.

The kind she needed, I guess. Or maybe she was just all cried out. Whichever, she calmed down quickly and whispered into my shoulder again. "You must hate me."

The words hit me like a fist. "No! I could never hate you, Will. You're my Willow. I could never hate you."

I guess I said the right thing, because she started crying again. Good tears this time. "Thank you. Thank you, Xander, thank you so much. Thank you for letting me be your Willow again. I need to be your Willow, and I need you to be my Xander again. Please, can you be my Xander again?" On and on like that for a minute or three. When Willow gets up a good head of babble-steam it's best to just sit back and ride it out. Not that I even wanted to stop her. She was saying everything I wanted to hear. Everything I desperately needed to hear.

Finally, she calmed down again and we just sat there for a while. A minute or a year, I didn't know and I didn't care. She was my Willow again, that's what I cared about. But I knew that if she were truly going to be my Willow again, if I were truly going to be her Xander again, we had to deal with what had happened. So, I put my hand to her face and tilted her head until she looked me in the eye.

"Tell me," I pleaded in my gentlest voice.

She sniffled and smiled her sad little smile. "I don't know where to start."

I was going to suggest she start at the beginning, but I had no idea where that was and I couldn't imagine she did either. So I figured we should start with what had made her come over.

"Tell me about your Calculus test."

She leaned her head against my shoulder. I couldn't see her face, but I could feel her smile. "I was sitting in my room today, trying to let you go. I thought that's what you needed. I thought you were better off without me."

I closed my eyes to hold back the tears, then leaned down to rest my head against hers. "Never," I whispered fiercely. "I'd never be better without you, Willow. I can't do this without you. I need you, Will."

She laughed shakily. "I'm real glad to hear you say that, because I can't do it without you, either. I thought I could make myself learn to live without you, so I wouldn't hurt you anymore, but..."

I cut her off. "You don't hurt me, Will." She pulled her head off my shoulder to give me a look that made it plain she didn't believe me. I shrugged. "Okay, you do hurt me sometimes. But I hurt you, too, right?" She looked away for a second, then looked back into my eyes and nodded just a little bit. I nodded back. "Right. Friends hurt each other sometimes. It's part of being human. And best friends hurt each other the worst, I think. But that's okay, because being your friend makes it worth it."

She leaned her head back on my shoulder and sighed peacefully. "You're worth it, too, Xander. But I'm still sorry I hurt you."

I gave her a squeeze. "Apology accepted, but only if you let me apologize for all the times I've hurt you."

"Okay."

I chuckled. "Glad you let me off easy. So, back to the story at hand. You were sitting in your room and..." I waved my free hand in a 'go on' gesture.

"And everything reminded me of you! I swear, every single bit of my room has at least one memory of you attached to it." She looked up at me. "Is that true for you, too?"

I smiled. "Of course it is. And not just in my room. All over the house. Over there," I said, pointing across the room, "is the spot where we decided to put our Crayola masterpieces on the wall when we were five or so. My mom had to use three layers of paint to cover 'em up. And if you look close, you can still see the outline of what I think is either a fire truck or a unicorn in that corner there."

Willow squinted. "I think it's an elephant, actually. Or maybe a robot. A robot elephant?"

I shrugged. "Sounds about right for us. Then there's the TV. You hit your head on the corner when we were ten and I thought you were dead." I shuddered at the memory, and Willow squeezed me gently. I smiled. "And, of course, there's the couch here. It's hosted many a chat, both serious and not so serious, and lord knows how many movie sessions."

I looked around the house. "It's all you, Will. Everything. If you took out everything that makes me think of you, the whole house would be empty. It wouldn't be home anymore, it'd just be the place I live."

She squeezed me again, harder this time, and reached up to wipe at her eyes. "Thanks, Xander. I needed to hear that."

I took a quick swipe at my own eyes. "Well, I needed to say it, so I guess we're even."

We sat quietly for a minute, then Willow started talking again. "Everything reminded me of you. And all I wanted to do was come running over here and beg to be your friend again, but I couldn't. I was afraid that I'd hurt you again. I was afraid I'd hurt you even worse. So, I tried to take my mind off of you by doing my homework."

I laughed. Willow had always used homework as the solution to her problems. Homework or ice cream. The ice cream I could understand, the homework always baffled me.

She laughed along with me for a second, then grew serious again. "Well, it helps. You know that. But when I pulled out my Calculus book, I found the test we took on Monday. I got a hundred." She looked up at me and smiled weakly.

I smiled back. "Of course you did. You always do."

Her smile turned into a petulant frown. "Not always."

I snorted in disbelief. "Yes, always." She opened her mouth to argue some more, but I cut her off. "And I'll bet you got all the extra credit questions right, too. Didn't you?"

She glowered at me for a second. "Maybe," she admitted grudgingly.

I chuckled. "Which is to say, yes."

Her glower deepened into a scowl. The same scowl she always gets when she's wracking her brain for a comeback. No dice this time. Finally, she elbowed me in the ribs. "Shut up."

I decided to be a graceful winner. "Yes, ma'am."

After a minute, she went on as if our little digression had never happened. "So I found the test, and the first thing through my head was that you'd be so proud of me when I showed it to you."

I gave her a quick hug. "I am proud of you."

She shifted to lean even closer against me. "I know. But then I realized I couldn't show it to you. And I started to cry."

She said it so matter-of-factly, but I could hear the pain she'd felt, the same pain that had made her cry earlier. But it was all better now. "Shh. It's okay now, Will." I brought my hand up to rub her back.

"I know," she said. "But it hurt so much. I was thinking that we'd never be able to talk about stupid stuff anymore. Like how they get the creamy goodness inside the Twinkies, or why all the actors in the Godzilla movies move their mouths out of sync with their voices, or how vampires do their hair if they can't see themselves in the mirror. I think that's the first time it really hit me, the first time I truly realized what it would be like to not be your friend. What it would be like to not be your Willow." She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. "It hurt so much."

I reached up to wipe at her eyes. "I know it did, Will. I know exactly how you felt. But we don't have to feel that way anymore."

"We don't?" Her voice was so small. So full of hope.

I smiled reassuringly. "Nope. Never again. Because you're my Willow again, aren't you?"

Her face lit up in a beautiful smile. "I sure am. Will you be my Xander again?"

I nodded. "I surely will."

She put her arms around me and squeezed me tight. "Thank you."

I held her and put my head down on top of hers. "No thanks necessary between best buds." She laughed, a beautiful little laugh.

We sat there for a long time, content just to hold each other. It was wonderful. Eventually, though, Willow shifted in my arms. She looked up at me, her eyes uncertain.

"How?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, even though I knew.

"How are we going to do this? There's..." she trailed off, waved her hand vaguely in the air, "stuff to deal with."

I sighed. "Cordelia and Oz, you mean?" She just nodded, so I went on. "Well, Cordy isn't a problem. She's made it pretty obvious that she doesn't want to talk to me or see me anymore." I smiled to hide the pain.

That trick never works. Willow saw right through me, like she always does. "I'm sorry, Xander. I should've been there for you when it happened."

I smiled down at her. "It's okay, Will. It's okay 'cause you're here now."

She nodded. "Yup. And I'm not going anywhere."

I closed my eyes and let myself feel content for a few seconds. Then I opened them and came back to reality. "What about Oz?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. He told me he wants us to be friends again. He trusts me. But he's always been jealous of you, and I really doubt that's going to change now."

"Why would Oz be jealous of me?"

Willow looked at me like I'd asked her why two plus two equals four. "We've known each other since we were five years old, Xander. You know me better than anyone else in the world, better than he ever will. He's never been too crazy about that, but he was okay with it because he was the one who I was going out with. He was my boyfriend."

I closed my eyes. I knew what was coming next. I was right.

"But then he saw us kissing, and he thought you'd stolen me from him completely. I was already closer to you, and now I was kissing you, too. He was always afraid that I was going to dump him for you, and that's what he thought was happening."

I felt her move, and I opened my eyes to look down into hers. She was crying again, but her face was firm. "I love Oz, Xander. I love him so much. And what you and I did, the kissing, we can't do that anymore. I can't lose him. I can't lose either of you. And if we do that again, that's what's going to happen. I'd lose the both of you. So we can't do that. Okay?"

I wanted to kiss her. How perverse is that? She gives me a speech about us not kissing, and it made me want to kiss her more than I'd ever wanted to before. But I didn't. I swallowed to clear my throat, and I nodded. "Okay, Will. You're right."

And she was right. Kissing Willow was the second most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me, and it was going to be hard to give that up. But the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me was being Willow's friend, and as long as I could be her friend again, I knew I could do without the kissing. I could live without being able to love her that way. I could live with only loving her as a friend. It wasn't going to be easy, but I could do it. For her, and for us.

Besides, Oz was better for her than I could ever be. He loved her, he really did. And even if he didn't love her as much as I did, I knew he'd treat her right. I knew he'd never hurt her the way I had. I'd hurt Willow so many times, and I knew that telling her I loved her would just hurt her again. Someday, I promised myself as I looked into her eyes. Someday, I'll tell you I love you. But not today.

I smiled, a little forced but mostly real. "You're right, Will. We work better as friends anyway, don't you think?"

She sighed in relief. "Yeah, I do."

"What if Oz gets jealous?" I didn't really want to hear her answer. I was afraid I'd lose her again.

She frowned. "He'll have to deal with it. You're my best friend, Xander, and I'm never going to lose that again. Not even for Oz."

Her face settled itself into Resolve Formation and sat up straight, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I pulled her close. "It won't come to that, Will. We'll make sure of it, okay?"

"Okay." The tension drained from her body and she let herself lean against me again. "Thank you, Xander."

"For what?" I asked.

"For being such a good friend."

I smiled. "If I'm a good friend, it's only because you taught me how." That earned me a smile.

We sat there quietly for a few minutes. Then Willow sat up and moved out of my arms. Not far, just to the other end of the couch again. Her face was troubled.

"It's not this easy, is it?"

"What do you mean?" I had a sinking suspicion I knew, though.

"You and me. Us. Being friends again. We can't let it be this easy, or it won't last. We have to find a way to deal with everything that happened. We can't just ignore it, or it'll never go away."

I sighed. "You're right. I hate it when you're right."

She gave me a weak smile. "I want to make sure we do this right. If we mess it up, I won't be able to live with myself."

I nodded. "Me too." I thought for a minute. "So what do we do?"

She laughed. "I was hoping you could tell me. We have to talk about everything, we have to find a way to get past it all. But I don't know how." She looked down for a moment, then looked back up into my eyes. "I don't know if I can do this right now, Xander."

I felt myself sag in relief. "Me neither. It's just so amazing to have you here, to have you back, that I can't think straight. You're right, we can't ignore what's happened, but I really want to just pretend it never happened." It was my turn to look away, but I made myself look back at her. "Can we... Can we ignore it just for tonight?"

Her forehead crinkled in confusion. I love when it does that. "What do you mean?" she asked.

I blew out a nervous breath. "It's been a long time since we've been together like this, Will. Since before everything went to hell, really. You were always with Oz, and I was always with Cordelia. We haven't just hung out in a long time. We have to talk about everything, but can we just talk about nothing tonight? I like talking about nothing with you, and it's been a long time."

She smiled, a genuine Willow-smile. The first I'd seen in far too long. "You're right. We haven't had a night like that in a long, long time. We have to talk, but not tonight. Tonight, let's remind ourselves of what we're trying to get back. Let's remind ourselves what we're fighting for."

That was exactly what I'd meant. I'm not sure why I was surprised. Willow's always been better at figuring out what I'm trying to say than I am. I smiled at her. "That sounds good, Will. That sounds like what we need."

She picked up a pillow and leaned over to whack me across the face with it. She laughed at my expression of mock outrage and struck a snobbish pose. "I challenge you, sirrah, to a duel! 'You Don't Know' at thirty paces!"

I picked up another pillow and threw it to bounce off her head. "Challenge accepted! But let's make it one pace so neither of us has to get up, huh?"

She giggled. "Yeah, okay. Who goes first?"

"Well, you're the challenger. So, I guess I should go first." She nodded her agreement and I sat back to think of something to say.

It wasn't easy. Even though we'd decided to ignore our problems for tonight, they were all I could think about. I was so afraid that something would go wrong, that I'd lose Willow again. With an effort, I put the thought out of my head and decided to go for something simple.

"You don't know that I had a bagel for breakfast this morning."

Willow's look suggested that I'd started out too simple, but she played along. "You don't know that I had eggs this morning."

My mouth started watering at the thought. "Ooh, not eggs a la Willow?" She nodded smugly. Willow makes the best eggs in the world. If I kept thinking about them I knew all I'd want to do was eat, so I moved on. "Keeping on the breakfast theme, you don't know that Buffy made waffles for me last weekend."

Willow smiled. "Oh, yeah?" Then her smile died. "Were you over there because of what happened Friday?"

I wanted to kick myself for bringing it up, but I just nodded. "Yeah. Buffy helped me with it. She was great."

Willow wouldn't look into my eyes. "I'm glad she was there for you."

I reached over and raised her head with my finger until she was looking at me. "I'm glad she was there for me too, Will. And I'm really glad you're here for me now. Okay?" She nodded and smiled. "Okay," I said. "Your turn."

She thought for a moment. "Okay, let's get off of breakfast. You don't know that I bought a new toothbrush."

"Oho," I said. "Still purple, I assume?"

She looked insulted. "Of course!"

I smiled. "Good to know some things don't change. Okay, my turn. Let me think."

I wanted to tell her something real this time, not just a little thing about breakfast or toothbrushes. But nothing came to mind at first.

Then I had it. Something I'd wanted to admit to her for a long time. "I got one," I said. "You don't know..."

I stopped. I wasn't sure I could tell her. I was pretty sure she wouldn't get mad, but I wasn't positive. I didn't want to risk what we'd just gotten back, not over something as stupid as this.

But I had to tell her. It had been eating at me for years. I looked at her and let out the breath I'd been holding. It was now or never. "Will, you don't know...." I couldn't do it.

Willow put on that stubborn expression she's always been so good at. "Xander, tell me. You can tell me anything. You know that." Her eyes were full of care and understanding. I swear I don't deserve her.

"Okay, I can do this." I had to look away from her before I spoke. "Willow, you don't know that I sometimes used to cheat when we played Monopoly." It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still couldn't look at her, though. Not until I heard a strange noise come from her direction. It sounded like a muffled sob. Was she crying?

I whipped my head around to look at her just as she lost all control and collapsed into helpless giggles on the couch. "Xander..." She lost it again, laughing like a fiend. "Xander..." And again. And again and again and again.

After the ninth attempt to speak (I counted) she stopped laughing long enough to talk. "Xander, of course I knew that! Do you think I'm an idiot? You are the lousiest cheater I've ever seen!! I'd go into the kitchen to get some sodas and you'd have almost no money left and I'd come back out and you'd have two five-hundred dollar bills and a stack of hundreds sitting under your side of the board. Did you really think I didn't notice?" All I could do was nod weakly, and she collapsed again. I sighed and sat back to wait her out. They say you can't hurry love, but love's in an all-fired rush compared to a Willow giggle-thon, believe me.

Finally, she got herself under control again. "There's one thing I never understood though, and I guess now you can tell me." I knew there was no way it was going to be good, so I just nodded at her to go on. "Okay, fine, you cheated every chance you got. So how come I still won every single game? I mean, God, you'd think with the amount of money you stole from the bank you'd have won eventually!" I just buried my head in a pillow and rolled off the couch, trying without success to drown out the latest laugh-fest. I wracked my brain to recall why I loved her so. Then I took the pillow off my ears and listened to her laughing, and I knew. Willow's laughter. It's like angels singing.

Willow was blushing furiously, which is usually a good sign that she's about to dish some serious dirt. Given that she was with Oz, though, I wasn't sure I really wanted to know how dirty she was, if you know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean.

"Xander, you don't know that I still have your shirt." She didn't look at me as she said it, and she didn't say anything else, like she expected me to know what she was talking about.

After a second, I did. The shirt she was wearing when she came on to me because of that damned love spell. The shirt that was the ONLY thing she'd been wearing. Oh, boy. Images like that were not what I needed in my head just then.

"I'm sorry." It's all I could think to say. I never understood why she forgave me for what I did to her. I didn't deserve to be forgiven.

She finally looked at me, and her eyes were kind. "I know you are. I'm not mad anymore, really." I knew she was telling the truth, but I still didn't understand. But I got used to not understanding how Willow could be so wonderful a long time ago, so I just nodded and kept my mouth shut, hoping she'd understand that I couldn't say anything. She did, of course, and only paused a second to smile at me before continuing.

"I had the shirt with me when I came after you with the axe." She looked embarrassed, and it was my turn to smile at her, to let her know I didn't blame her for trying to kill me. There aren't too many people I can say that about, believe me, and Willow is at the top of the list. I shook my head and stopped my musing when she went on. "I wasn't really thinking too straight after the spell wore off. I just went home and collapsed, pretty much. When I woke up the next morning and went to change, I realized I still had it. I was pretty mad at you just then, so I just threw it in the back of my closet and forgot about it." She shrugged a little bit, I'm not sure why. "I didn't find it again until a couple of weeks ago." She blushed again and stopped talking.

"Will, what is it? You can tell me."

She looked up and smiled. "I know." But she still hesitated before going on. "I've been wearing it to sleep in instead of my PJs." She blushed yet again but didn't look away from my eyes. "I just missed you so much, y'know? Even when I was ignoring you and trying to get back with Oz. And even this last week, when I was telling myself you were better off without me. I guess part of me knew that wasn't true. And I missed you. I missed us being friends. I missed what we had before, and what we have again now. I didn't want to admit it, couldn't admit it, even to myself, but I missed it so much. When I'd wear your shirt, it was like you were holding me, hugging me like you used to before everything went bad. I missed having you hug me, Xander. I missed it a whole lot."

Her voice trailed off, and I was afraid she was going to start crying again. I was afraid I was going to start up right along with her. I didn't say anything, just got up and moved over to sit beside her and hold her. We put our arms around each other and just sat there for a bit, her head on my shoulder, my head resting on hers.

"I missed it too, Will. A whole lot. But we don't have to miss it anymore. And if you want to keep the shirt, you're welcome to it. It looked better on you anyway." She laughed and hugged me tighter. "Even though I do have better legs..."

She laughed at that too, but not before she hit me in the stomach. Hard.

But she didn't let go of me and I didn't let go of her, so that was all right.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I couldn't. Actually, she knew I loved her. She just didn't know that I loved her as more than a friend. That's what I wanted to tell her, but no way was I going to open that can of worms. Not after I'd been given a chance to be her friend again. I couldn't tell her, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't risk losing her again. Just the thought of it sent a shiver of fear down my spine.

But I had to tell her something about how I was feeling. I couldn't keep it inside any longer. It felt like I was walking a tightrope, with my friendship for Willow and my love for her both pushing me, trying to make me fall to my doom.

And suddenly I knew what I needed to say to her. I was afraid though, afraid she wouldn't understand what I was saying. Afraid she wouldn't understand exactly what the words meant to me.

I thought about it a few more seconds while she waited patiently. I looked up into her eyes and saw nothing but trust and acceptance. That's what decided me. She was Willow. Of course she'd understand. I forget that sometimes, impossible as it seems. Trusting Willow is like breathing. I've done it every second of every day of my life. It's only when I stop to think about it that I run the risk of messing it up. So, no more thinking about it.

I swallowed my nerves and just said it. "Willow, you don't know that, because you're mine, I walk the line."

She looked at me for a minute, looked into my eyes, and I knew that she understood exactly what it was I was telling her. I knew she understood everything, the tightrope and the friendship and the love. And the fear, she definitely understood the fear.

She looked at me, and she smiled softly. "Of course I know that, Xander. I've known that my whole life."

I smiled back at her, wondering how I could have been worried in the first place. She was Willow. She understood.

"You don't know that sometimes in the morning I pretend I'm a cookie."

I gave her the full three-blink salute. Blink. Blink. Blink.

She giggled and blushed. "Is that all you have to say?"

"Well, let me think. Yeah, I think guess all I have to say." Blink. Blink. Blink.

"I suppose you want an explanation?"

Blink. Blink. Blink. As threateningly as possible. You might think it's not possible to blink in a threatening manner, but I've had a lot of practice with Willow over the years. Of course, she knew they were empty threats. Blank blinks, if you will. But she always played along, and I'd always broken her down by the third volley.

And today was no exception. "Okay, okay! Put those things away before you hurt someone. Sheesh. Okay, where was I?" Oh, the minx. She wanted to play?

Blink. A warning shot. Right across the bow. Or stern. I don't know, I'm not a sailor. Which one's the left?

She put the most over-acted expression of fear and horror I'd ever seen on her face. I nodded, satisfied I'd gotten my point across, and sat back to wait.

She didn't make me wait long. "It's the blankets, I think. When I wake up in the morning I'm always all nice and toasty, and I don't want to move." She was right about that. I mean, sure, I like to sleep in myself, but Will takes it to a mythic extreme. Getting her out of bed in the morning is a job and a half. Most of the experts recommend high explosives, but if keeping the house intact is a consideration, a kamikaze tickle raid will get the job done, nine times out of ten. And let's face it, blowing something up is fun and all but tickling Willow until she swears she's gonna pee her pants has it beat hands down. Of course, as soon as you let her up she'll grab her pillow and beat you about the head and neck, but that's only fair. The worst part is, once she's up she leaves her secret identity of Willow Never-Woken behind and turns into Incredibly Annoying Morning Lass, scourge of morning haters everywhere. I swear she's schizophrenic. I tried to have her committed once, but the guy at the mental ward said something about needing a psychiatry degree, years of training, all that garbage, and that he didn't think a 12 year old kid was qualified. Just another example of The Man trying to keep me down.

A pillow bouncing off my head brought me back to reality. I looked up to see Willow glaring at me with her "Do you want to hear this or not?" face. Willow Rosenberg, Woman of a Thousand Faces. I smiled an apology. "Sorry, Will. You're all warm and toasty and lying in bed like a slug. Pray, continue."

The slug comment earned me another smack with the pillow, but she started talking again. "Well, I start looking for reasons to stay in bed, y'know?" She saw my face and added, "Not that I ever have to look far, no, but still. So one time I got to thinking about how nice it was to be warm and cozy, and that led to thinking about other things that are warm and cozy. Like cookies." At this point I just looked at her. I've never thought of cookies as cozy, myself, but it didn't surprise me that she did. She smiled at me before going on. "I think of myself as the cookie and the warm covers as the oven, baking me to tasty perfection." Tasty perfection. I swear, that's exactly what she said. Tasty perfection. I couldn't make that up if I tried. "And you know how it is with baking the perfect cookie. You can't take it out of the oven too soon. So I have to stay in bed a little longer than most people, to make sure I come out just right. You understand, don't you?"

I know she was expecting me to work the term "half-baked" into my answer, but I didn't want to. I just looked at her and said "Of course I understand, Will. How could I not?"

And I did understand. Which was a scary thought, come to think of it. But it made sense. Being Willow takes some extra time and effort, even I could figure that one out.

She beamed at me, lighting up the whole room. My eyes fixed on her lips, I don't know why. Tasty perfection, that's what they looked like. I knew that in a second I was going to lean over and kiss her. Which would have been the absolute worst thing I could have possibly done.

So I hit her in the head with a pillow, and she hit me back with her pillow, and pretty soon we were well on our way to Pillow War MCMXLVIII or so.

Well, what would you have done?

"You don't know that you're as cute as a bug in a rug."

"I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, one lousy bug in one measly rug?"

"Allow me to expand. You are as cute as a whole bunch of bugs, a swarm even, in a big carpet store."

"So what you're saying is, I'm every bit as attractive as a plague of locusts descending upon an innocent place of business?"

"Yes. Yes, indeed. That is what I am saying."

"Thank you, Xander. It feels really good to hear you say that."

"Don't mention it."

"You don't know that they say this cat Shaft, he's one bad motha-..."

"Shut yo' mouth!"

"I'm just talkin' 'bout Shaft!"

"You don't know that I read A Tale Of Two Cities last week. Cover to cover."

Her face lit up like I'd just told her I'd cured cancer. "You did?!" I don't think I'd heard that excited squeal in her voice since the last time I surprised her with a box of fudge ripple ice cream when she was helping me study. "Why'd you read it?"

"After that English test where I used the Cliff Notes, you told me I'd have enjoyed reading the real McCoy. And you told me how much you loved it. Well, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands lately..." I hurried on as I saw the pain cross her face, "...and so last week I took it out of the library. Nearly gave Giles a heart attack when he caught me reading it back in the stacks."

Willow giggled and sort of hopped up and down on the couch. It was about the cutest thing I'd ever seen. "That is so cool! What did Giles say?"

I snorted. "Well, at first he accused me of being an impostor. When I told him it was because you had recommended it, he just nodded and smiled. He was a lot of help, actually - I had to ask him all sorts of stuff about the background and the history. I'm not sure I understood the whole thing, but I read it."

"Xander, I'm so proud of you." I blushed and she reached over to take my hand in hers. "Don't be embarrassed, there's nothing to be ashamed of." I couldn't do anything but nod, and she went on. "So what was your favorite part?" Her smile got even wider, which I'd have sworn was impossible. She probably never thought she'd be involved in a discussion of classic literature with me.

"The end, definitely the end. Sydney Carton and the seamstress." I had to duck my head down before going on. "I, uh, I cried at the end, Will. Felt like a big old wuss, but I couldn't help it." I looked up through my eyelashes and saw that Willow looked like she was about to start crying herself. But she still had that huge Willow-smile on her face. I smiled back. "Giles found me in the stacks as I was cleaning myself up. I thought I was going to die, but he smiled and said he gets misty every time he reads it, too. And he promised to give me a book with a happy ending to read next, something easier. Then he left me alone. When I came down a few minutes later, he handed me The Scarlet Pimpernel. It's pretty good." I nodded towards where the book sat on the coffee table. I finally brought my head up to look her in the eyes. The pride I saw in her face almost made me look away again, but I couldn't. It was all for me, and for just a second she made me believe I deserved it. She's good at that.

"Xander, that is the most amazing You Don't Know I've ever heard. I love A Tale Of Two Cities, and to know that now I can talk with you about it is just the coolest thing ever. Ever!" The expression on her face made me laugh, and she joined me for a second before she got serious. "You're a lot like Sydney, y'know."

I let out another disbelieving snort. "Will, we're about as far apart as two human beings can possibly get. Yeah, I'm a lawyer with an identical twin running around out there somewhere." I didn't want her to know how good what she'd said had made me feel. I'm not sure why.

Willow would have none of it, of course. She reached over and took my hand in hers. "No, Xander, that's not what I mean, and you know it. I'm not talking about the way you look or what you do. I'm talking about what's inside. That's what's important. And in every way that matters, you and Sydney are exactly the same." I moved my head to look away from her, but she brought her other hand up to my cheek and kept me there to look into her eyes. "Xander, you've proven yourself willing to do the far, far better thing more than once, for me and for our friends and for the whole world." I looked away again, and this time her fingers dug into my jaw and dragged my eyes back to hers. "Dammit, Xander, you look me in the eye and you tell me you're not willing to die to save my life, or Buffy's life."

It was surprise that made me look at her again. "Of course I would, Will. You know that." Then I realized what I'd said and ducked away again.

This time she let me go, but not before making sure I'd seen her triumphant grin. "Of course I know that, silly. Which means you're like Sydney. Don't you realize you're never going to win one of these arguments with me?" Her tone had gotten all sympathetic, like she was explaining something very simple to someone very dumb. When I looked at her, she had that "gotcha" grin on her face.

So, I did the only thing I could. I launched a surprise tickle attack that knocked us both off the couch onto the carpet. And for the next few minutes there was nothing but laughter.

Finally, we calmed down, and after we caught our breath she turned to rest her head on my shoulder, and I put my arm around her. "How'd we end up on the floor?" She seemed honestly mystified.

I chuckled. "Your fault. All your fault."

"Bah." She hit me gently in the stomach. "I suppose I can take the blame off you though, just like I always do. 'Tis a far, far better thing I do' and all that." She sighed melodramatically.

"Oh sure, and you say *I'm* like Sydney." I was teasing, but I could tell she was serious when she hit me again, harder.

"Stop it, Xander. I hate it when you badmouth yourself or try to stop people from complimenting you. You're a great guy. And you're brave and kind and caring and everything else I've ever said about you. And when you deny it, it hurts me. So don't do that anymore, okay?" She was shaking against me, and I was afraid she might cry. I squeezed her to me as tight as I could.

"Okay, Will. I'll take your word for it from now on. I promise." My own eyes weren't exactly dry, if you must know.

She hugged me so hard I thought my head would explode, and when she let go and looked at me she was smiling again, a big old Willow-smile. "Okay then. Ice cream?"

I laughed. "Ice cream. Definitely ice cream."

As she put away the ice cream carton, she looked at me, and her eyes were serious. "You don't know how sorry I am about how I handled everything." She waved her hand vaguely, encompassing the Fluke and us getting caught and us drifting apart and her yelling at me and everything else that had gone wrong lately. Everything we'd been so carefully not talking about all evening.

I wanted to smile, but I knew she'd take it the wrong way. So I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms. "I do know, Will. Me, too."

She shook her head against my chest. "No. It was my fault, I'm the one who wasn't willing to go back to being friends again. You tried, but I wouldn't let us be the way we used to be. The way I want us to be again." She looked up at me and the love in her eyes wiped away all the pain I'd felt since we stopped being friends. All the pain I'd felt my entire life. None of it mattered anymore.

I leaned down a bit and bumped my forehead against hers, just because I knew it would make her giggle. "I want us to be like that again too, Will. But I'm not going to let you take all the blame." She started to speak again, but I brought my hand to her lips to stop her. "I don't want to argue about this. You're not going to convince me, and I've known you long enough to know that I'm not going to convince you either." That earned me a smile, and I grinned back as I went on. "But it doesn't matter, not even a little bit. Because that's over and done with, and we're not going to let it happen again. Right?"

She nodded, but she wasn't entirely convinced. "What if we mess it up again, Xander? What if I mess it up again? I don't want to do that, but I don't know how to fix it."

I smiled and pulled her tighter against me, then let her go and stepped away. "Fortunately, I have a cunning plan that will solve all our problems."

She gave me her most wicked smile. "Xander, you wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself blue and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing `cunning plans are here again!'"

I reeled back, bringing up my hands to cover my heart and plastering my best wounded expression on my face. "Oh! A touch, I do confess it! Skewered by the words of my idol. How could you, Will?" I tried to look reproachful, but I have a feeling I didn't pull it off.

She tried to look repentant, but didn't even come close to pulling it off. Maybe it was the smug look in her eyes. Or maybe it was the evil grin on her face. Or maybe it was just that I knew her so well. Every bit as well as she knew me.

We looked at each other a minute or so before she broke the silence. "So what's your cunning plan?" Her tone was light, teasing, but her eyes were serious. She was counting on me to make everything better, to make it the way it used to be. And I knew I would. If I didn't, I'd be letting Willow down, and that just wasn't going to happen. Never again.

I took a few seconds to reply, gathering my thoughts. "Well, it seems to me that all of our problems here are coming from the fact that we stopped being friends. Stopped being best friends, anyway. We went from best friends to so-so friends and then just stopped altogether. It hurt too much for awhile there, I guess. And now we want to be best friends again, but we don't know how. We can't just go back to the way things were right away. Not with what we had.

"So we can't be like we were?" God, she sounded even worse than when she first got here. I was doing it all wrong.

"No! That's not what I meant. I just meant we can't go right back to that. It's going to take time. God, Will, it took us, what, thirteen years to get that way in the first place? It's not going to take nearly that long to get it back, but we can't do it right away either." I looked at her and smiled, a little sad but mostly happy. "Tonight has been amazing, Will. Just what we both needed, I think. Remembering what we had before, not thinking about what happened. But we can't keep ignoring the problem. If we do, we'll never get back what we had. And I need us to be what we were, Will. I need it a whole lot."

"I need that too." Her lips were quivering, and her eyes looked a bit teary, but she was smiling.

"I know you do, Will. Which brings me to my stupid plan."

"Stupid? You said it was a cunning plan." She was teasing, knowing damn well I was back-tracking in case it didn't work.

"I do not recall the word 'cunning' being used in my description of the plan. Nope, didn't happen."

She raised an eyebrow, but decided to let me off the hook. "Okay, let's hear the plan."

"We start over. From scratch. I've never met you and you've never met me. We introduce ourselves right here, right now, and go from there."

She closed her eyes and I knew she was thinking about it. I knew she'd go along with it just to make me happy, even if she didn't think it was a good plan. But it was. It just felt right.

When she opened her eyes, I knew she felt it too. She looked up at me and smiled. Not a Willow-smile, not any of the smiles she reserves for her friends. Just the small, polite smile she'd give to anyone she was meeting for the first time. And when she spoke, her voice was different too. Just a little more guarded, a bit hesitant. "Well, hello there. I didn't expect to meet anyone here, but I'm glad I did. My name's Willow. Willow Rosenberg. What's yours?"

I smiled back at her. Nothing special, just the goofy grin I get whenever I meet a cute girl for the first time. "Willow, huh? That's a pretty name. It fits you very well." She blushed and my smile got wider. "My name's Alexander Harris, and I'm very pleased to meet you." I reached out and we shook hands, barely touching.

Then we just stood there looking at each other. I was suddenly glad I'd reclassified my plan as stupid, because I had absolutely no idea what to do next. I was terrified that I'd ruined it all, blown our chance to be friends again, but Willow saved me. Willow always saves me.

She pursed her lips and cocked her head as she considered what I'd just said. "Alexander, huh? That's a bit of a mouthful, don't you think? You don't really look like an Alexander to me. You need something shorter, something that fits you better. Alex?" She shook her head. "Nah, too ordinary. Al?" She pretended to think it over, but shook her head again, despairing of ever getting the right answer. Then her eyes lit up. "Hey, I know! Maybe I could call you Xander? It just has a ring to it, doesn't it?" She blinked her eyes a few times and looked at me, the very picture of innocent expectation.

My smile was so wide my head should have split in two. "Xander. Xander. Xander." I rolled it on my tongue, just to delight in the name she'd given me. I was happier in that moment than I think I've ever been. "Yeah, I think I could live with that."

She was just as happy as I was. Her smile was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. "So, Xander, do you think we're going to be friends?"

I mulled it over for a few seconds. "Hmm.... Xander and Willow. Willow and Xander. They just go together, don't they? Yeah, we can be friends."

"Best friends?"

"Oh, yes."

She looked into my eyes. I looked into hers. I can't describe what I saw, except to say it was exactly what she was seeing in me. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out for long seconds. Finally, hesitantly, she managed to speak, soft and unsure.

"Forever?"

"Forever. Forever and ever." Easiest question I've ever answered.

She smiled up at me. Not a big smile, not a wide smile, not a toothy grin or anything like that. Just that little, peaceful smile you get when you know everything is exactly the way it's supposed to be, all is right with the world, and will be for the rest of your life.

I held my arms out and she walked into them, squeezing me tight. I leaned down to rest my forehead on the top of her head and breathed deep, inhaling the scent of her hair. Willow was in my arms again, and I was in hers. She was my Willow, I was her Xander.

Forever and ever.