"Hey." She jerked a little, then turned to me. She must've been more distracted than I thought if she hadn't heard me coming up. A deaf drunk man I could maybe sneak up on, but not the Slayer. But she was so messed up right then that she wasn't the Slayer anymore, not really.

"Xander. Hi." She wasn't glad to see me, but I didn't mind. There was only one person she wanted to see right then, and he was gone. Gone forever.

"Did Angel see you before he left?" I knew I shouldn't talk about him, but I also knew she needed to let it out.

She looked at me, and I could see the tears starting to form. "He saw me, I saw him, but he left anyway."

"I know."

She started to get mad. Not at me, not even at Angel really. "How do you know? Huh? How do you have any idea how much this hurts? You don't know anything!" She was trying to keep the tears inside, but I knew that wasn't going to work anymore.

I reached over and pulled her close to me. She struggled, but since she didn't break free I knew she wanted to be held. Needed to be held. I squeezed her tight and she finally stopped fighting it and let go, sobbing into my chest.

For the next little while I just held her, rocking her back and forth and letting her know I was there for her. We got some strange looks from the other people in the park but one look at my face told them to take their questions somewhere else. They left us alone.

Like we always are.

Finally she wound down and stopped crying. I kept hold of her, kept rocking her. I brought my hand up to her face to brush away the last of her tears, and she turned her face so I could do both eyes.

"Thank you Xander." It was so soft that I almost missed it. I'm still not sure if I actually heard the words or just knew that she'd said them. I don't imagine it matters one way or the other.

"Anytime. You know that." That earned me one of her patented Slayer-squeezes. When Buffy hugs you, you know you've been hugged. I turned my eyes down to see her looking up at me, a small smile on her face. It wasn't much, but it was real, and it was a start.

"I do know, but I forget sometimes. I'm glad I have you around to remind me." Her eyes grew serious. "I'm sorry about what I said. You do know what it's like, don't you?"

I had to smile at that. "Yeah, but it's not the same. Me and Will work fine as friends, so it's okay. And she's still here. It's enough." That wasn't entirely true, but it was close. And I didn't want to add any of my own pain onto Buffy's shoulders, not then.

She saw the half-truth in my eyes, of course. She knows me far too well to take a statement like that at face value. But she didn't call me on it, so I didn't have to worry about making things even worse for her. They were bad enough.

I think she just then remembered that, because her face clouded and her smile died. She twisted in my arms and I thought she wanted out. I started to let go but she caught my arms in a grip of steel. When she had turned around she leaned back against my chest and brought my arms together again around her waist, leaving her arms folded over mine.

We just stood like that for a minute, not saying a word, watching the kids run and scream and play. Watching the parents talk and joke and laugh. Then she sighed and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I just want a normal life, Xander. Even if I can't have it with Angel, I want a normal life. I know I don't get to have one, and mostly that's okay, but right now I want it so bad." Her voice started to break and she stopped speaking. I squeezed her closer to me and rested my cheek on the top of her head. She rubbed my arm a bit and I knew she was okay when she went on. "It's just not fair. That sounds so childish, but it isn't. I don't think I even mind the idea of dying anymore, not really. But I want to be able to be in love without it hurting anyone. That's not too much to ask, is it?" She turned her head to look up at me, and her eyes were lost and confused, full of pain.

I shook my head and put on the best smile I could manage. "No, it's not too much to ask Buff. You deserve that. I wish I could give it to you." Too late I realized how she might take that, but she cut off my stammered attempt at further explanation with another small smile.

"I know what you meant Xander. And thank you." She turned away from me again to look at the kids and their parents. The normal people. The people who don't spend every night of their life fighting to save the world. The people who don't wake up every morning asking themselves if this is the day they're going to die in agony. She waved her hand to indicate all of them. "I want that. I want to have kids and bring them to the park. I want to push my daughter on the swings and kiss my son's scraped knee. I want to talk to the other mommies and daddies about baking cookies and little league practice. I want to argue with you and Will over who has the cutest kids. I want to throw birthday parties and invite all the kids in the neighborhood. I want it so bad I can taste it. You want that stuff too, don't you?"

I said it out loud even though I knew she felt my nod against her head. "Yeah Buff, I want that too. I want to wrestle with my kids in the front yard and let them beat me up. I want to take them to ballet or band or football or whatever it is they want to do. I want to hand out Halloween candy every year. I want to be the coolest dad in town, get all the kids in the neighborhood together for hide and seek or take them all to see the Godzilla marathon at the Imperial. I want it too, Buff."

She turned to look up at me again, and her eyes burned straight through me. "But we don't get to have that do we? We're going to die before we get any of that, aren't we?" Her voice was cold and flat, like she was already dead.

I wanted to lie. I would have sold my soul right then if I could have lied to her, but I couldn't. I couldn't even look away. I looked into her eyes and said "Yeah, Buff. We're going to die before we get to have that."

She just nodded and leaned back against me again, almost relaxed. She sighed once more and my heart broke as I realized part of her was looking forward to it, looking forward to not having to fight anymore, to not having to hurt anymore. Looking forward to the chance to finally rest.

"They get to have it though." My words surprised even me I had no idea where they'd come from, but I thanked God for them when Buffy spoke. Her voice was alive again, and even if it was with confusion instead of joy I'd take what I could get.

She didn't turn to me, but I knew I had her attention.

"What do you mean?"

I waved at the people in the park the same way she had earlier, starting to understand what I'd meant. "They get to have lives. They get to go to bed every night and know the world will be there waiting for them when they get up in the morning. They get to love each other and laugh with each other and do everything we want to do." Now she turned to me again, turned her whole body so she was facing me and looking up into my eyes. Her hair had fallen over her eyes, and I reached up to brush it back. Her eyes shone as I went on, and I knew I was getting through to her. "If you hadn't killed the Mayor the other day they'd all be dead. Them and everyone else in town. But they're not. They're alive. They're happy. Because of you. All because of you."

She shook her head and I was afraid I'd lost her. I opened my mouth to try again, but she put her finger to my lips to quiet me. "Not because of me, Xander, not just because of me. Because of us. We did it together, all of us. All of us."

Her eyes searched mine, looking to see if I understood her, agreed with her. She gave a nod of satisfaction as a silly grin took over my face, and turned around once more to lean back against me. And when she sighed this time it was because she was content, not because she was in pain, and I wanted to cry at the difference.

We stood there in silence for a long time, watching all the people we'd saved. Watching them laugh and play. Watching them live the lives that we had made possible. The lives that we would never know. Finally I leaned down and whispered into her ear.

"Is it enough?"

Her laughter floated across the park, as much surprise as joy. Everyone turned to look at the happy, pretty girl, the girl who wore the widest smile any of them had ever seen. A smile she seemed amazed to be wearing. Everyone looked at her, but when she spoke her words were for me alone, and they brought that same smile to my face.

"It's enough."