I probably should have. If I had, she wouldn't have been dragging me over to see Giles at the store. Giles has two Watcher-Caves now, you see, his apartment and the store. Diversification, wave of the future. Or something.

He's been spending way too many hours at the store since Anya left, if you ask me. I knew she was a big help, but none of us had any idea how much. And Giles can't even replace her, really. I'm sure he could find someone who could help him with the shop easily enough, but Anya had the advantage of being in on the whole Hellmouth thing and able to accept all the demon and vampire attacks without freaking.

I was surprised to find myself missing Anya. I missed having her around. I never thought I'd be saying that about her, but I do. She wasn't particularly nice, but she was always interesting. And she was honest, I'll give her that much. And she helped us out more than once, which I guess makes up for the whole vengeance demon thing. It's not like I can be upset at Xander for dating an ex-demon, anyway. I'm definitely living in a glass house on that one.

Strangely enough, I wasn't worried that my past with Angel would come between Xander and me. Xander never liked Angel, but he accepted my feelings for him, and I knew he wouldn't hold them against me, and that he wouldn't reject me because of them. Especially not when there were so many other reasons to reject me...

Okay, not the most productive way to think. But I was getting scared again. Every time I started to feel good about my feelings for Xander, I thought of some reason to be scared again. I hated feeling that way, but I didn't know how to stop.

So, even though I was dreading talking to Giles, I was relieved when we got to the store. Anything had to be better than bouncing back and forth between happy and terrified all night long.

Giles was struggling with the inventory list when we entered. That's something Anya always took care of, and she was damned good at it, if the amount of trouble it gives Giles is any indication. As soon as we came in, he looked up and smiled, relieved at the interruption.

"Buffy, Willow, Tara. How are you? Is anything wrong?"

I didn't say a word. I couldn't say a word. Willow shook her head and said, "Nothing evil-wrong, no. We need some advice. Guy advice."

Giles must have sensed something from her tone, or seen something in her eyes, because he didn't say anything at first. Finally, he nodded and got up. "Lock the door, will you? I'll make tea."

No one said anything until the tea was ready. We all sat down and busied ourselves with the milk and sugar. Honey for Tara. She smiled when Giles handed it to her. She told me once that it was when Giles started keeping honey in his cupboard for her that she felt like he'd truly accepted her as part of the group. I'm glad she feels that way.

I took a sip of tea. I was stalling, trying to avoid talking about why we'd come. Even though I realized it, I couldn't make myself get to the point. Finally, Giles broke the silence.

"So. You need some 'guy advice,' did you call it? Why don't you ask Xander? I should think he'd be of more use to you than I."

I looked down into my tea. Willow sighed and turned to me. "Buffy, if you can't even tell Giles..."

She didn't finish the sentence, but she didn't have to. If I couldn't talk about it with Giles, how would I ever talk to Xander? Part of me liked that idea, liked the idea of not telling Xander, of just keeping my feelings to myself and never letting them out. But it was the part of me that would rather be miserable and alone than take the risk of another rejection. I've never liked that part of myself, so I took a deep breath and looked up into Giles' eyes. His warm, understanding eyes. And suddenly it was easy.

"We can't ask Xander, because it's about him." Giles nodded and started to speak, probably to ask if he was all right. I cut him off. "I want to ask him out, and I don't know how."

Giles blinked and sat back in his chair before speaking. "Ask him out as in on a date?" All I could do was nod. Giles nodded back, then took off his glasses and cleaned them with his handkerchief. It's an old trick, but it works every time. No one ever interrupts him when he does that, and it gives him time to think. When he was done, he put his glasses back on and looked at me with a puzzled expression. "I'm afraid I don't see the problem."

"What if he says no?" I couldn't believe how small and scared my voice sounded.

Giles' eyebrows shot up. "Why on Earth would he do that?" He chuckled at the look on my face. "Buffy, I really don't think you have anything to worry about."

I bit my lower lip. "You really think so? You don't think he'll be mad?"

Willow shook her head in exasperation and Giles laughed again before answering. "No, I don't think he'll be mad. Why would he be?"

"Well..." I waved my hand to encompass all the many, many reasons I'd come up with that Xander would be upset. "I don't know. Because we're just friends. Because I'm the one who told him we could only be friends. Because of the way I've thrown myself at any guy who isn't him." I sighed. "I don't know. I'm just scared."

Giles' smile was kind. "Of course you're scared. There's nothing wrong with that, Buffy. Let me ask you a question." I looked into his eyes. "How do you feel about Xander? Do you want to ask him out to see if anything develops, or do you already have strong feelings for him?"

He already knew the answer, I could tell, but I said it anyway. "I love him, Giles. I mean, you all know I love him. And you all know I love you guys, too." A horrible thought struck me. "Oh God, you guys know I love you, right?" I looked at them in panic, but calmed down when they smiled at me.

"We love you too, Buffy," Willow said, and the others smiled their agreement.

I smiled back at them and went on. "I love Xander, just like I always have. But there's something more there now. I'm not sure what's changed, exactly, I just know that I want to be more than just his friend. A lot more. So, yeah, I guess I have strong feelings for him. And I want to know if maybe he has strong feelings for me too."

Giles poured himself some more tea before speaking. "Xander loves you, Buffy. You do know that?" I nodded and he went on. "To be honest, I'm not sure he loves you as more than a friend anymore. It's been several years now, after all." My heart plunged, but he wasn't finished. "What you have to ask yourself is, does that matter?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused. That was okay though, I was getting used to it.

"Even if you don't think Xander feels the same way about you that you feel about him, will you let that stop you from finding out?"

I started to answer, to say yes, but then stopped. That was the fear talking, and I didn't want to let it make my decision for me. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I said "No. I have to find out either way, don't I?"

All three of them smiled at me, and I knew I'd said the right thing.

"Precisely," Giles said. "And let us say Xander doesn't feel the same way you do. What will he do when you tell him?"

That was an easy one. "He'll tell me he loves me, but not that way." The light bulb went on in my brain. "Just like I did when he asked me to the Spring Fling. That's what you mean, isn't it?"

Giles nodded. "And did your friendship suffer after Xander asked you to the dance?"

I had to laugh at that. "I'd say no, given that he saved my life the next day and all." Giles just looked at me, and I filled in the next piece. "So I don't have anything to lose, do I? If he wants to be more than friends, we'll both know it. If he doesn't, we'll still be friends like we are now."

Willow had said pretty much the same thing, but it hadn't really registered. It was true. No matter what happened, Xander would still care about me. We'd still be friends. And maybe, if I was lucky, we could be so much more. But either way, there was no real risk.

I smiled in relief. Then I got worried again. "I still don't know how to ask him, though."

Giles gave me a wry smile. "That you'll have to work on, I suppose. Do try to make it a better speech than Xander gave you, will you? Though that shouldn't be hard, come to think of it."

I had to laugh at that. "Yeah, I think I can manage that. Especially with my crack squad of advisors to help." I looked at them. "How do I tell him?"

They all just looked at me, so I turned to Giles. "Giles?"

He shrugged. "Just tell him, Buffy. Be yourself, tell him how you feel. It's the only way."

That did me no good. "Willow?"

"Be yourself sounds good to me. Xander likes yourself, Buff. That's the way to go."

I turned to Tara and just raised my eyebrow. She smiled. "I was gonna go with be yourself, too, Buffy." I sighed and she hurried on. "There's really just no other way to do it. You just have to," she paused and threw her hands out in resignation, "do it, you know?"

I sighed again. "I know. It's not going to be easy, though. Why can't anything ever be easy?"

Willow reached over to take my hand. "We'll help you, Buffy. You know we will. We'll figure something out."

I squeezed her hand and smiled. "I know you will. And you're right, we'll figure it out. I just wish I knew how."

"I'm sorry I can't be of more help, Buffy," Giles said. "But I'm afraid Watcher training didn't cover how to ask a teenage boy out on a date. I suppose I should notify the Council of that deficiency..."

He trailed off as I glared at him. "Ha ha, Giles. Very funny." Then I smiled. "But you did help, of course you did. When we got here I was scared and didn't want to tell Xander. Now I'm scared and do want to tell him. I gotta call that progress."

He chuckled. "Well, I'm happy to have been of service. Perhaps you should sleep on it. Things are sure to look better in the morning."

Willow and Tara nodded. "That's a good idea, Buffy," Willow said. "We've come pretty far tonight, I'd say. We can do some more tomorrow. It's getting pretty late."

"Yeah, I guess." I sighed. "But I've still got to do a patrol tonight."

Giles shook his head. "You go home and get some rest. I'll take care of the patrol. It gives me an excuse to put these blasted inventory papers down for the night."

I wanted to take him up on it, but I didn't want to neglect the old Slayer duties. "Are you sure, Giles?"

"Of course I'm sure. You've more than earned a night off, Buffy. Go home and get some sleep for a change."

I jumped out of my chair and gave him a hug. "Thanks, Giles. You're the best."

He smiled and hugged me back. "I am in fact the best, yes. Just remember that the next time you don't feel like training."

I gave him my best scowly face. "You've always got to bring the moment down with the Watcher stuff, don't you?"

He nodded happily. "Oh my, yes. We had extra classes in that at Watcher school. Probably why they never taught us how to ask boys out."

I gave up on the scowl and gave him another hug. "Don't ever change, Giles."

He put his arms around me and squeezed me tight. "I shan't, I promise. Now off with you, get some sleep."

"Sleep I shall get. Bye, Giles."

Willow and Tara said their goodbyes and we left. I walked them home and made my way back to my house. When I got in, Mom was asleep on the couch with the TV on, as usual. I locked up and turned off the TV and the lights so she'd know I was home safe when she woke up, and went up to my room. It wasn't until I changed into my pajamas and slipped into bed that I realized how tired I was. Giles was right, I needed to sleep. As I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting off, I hoped my dreams would be about Xander.