"Uh, hey, Buff. How ya doing?" He sounded a bit confused. I suppose that might have had something to do with me just standing there staring at him like a pole-axed steer.

His voice snapped me out of my trance. I shook myself and did my best to ignore Dawn's soft giggles behind me. I plastered a grin on my face.

"Great!" Xander winced, and I turned down the volume. "I'm doing great. How are you, Xander? Doing? How are you doing? Xander." I was babbling. I knew I was babbling, but I was helpless to stop myself. All at once, I could see the train-wreck that was coming, as I babbled and blathered my way into oblivion, and ruined any chance I might have had with Xander. I opened my mouth to try to salvage the situation, then closed it. It was hopeless. Or maybe it wasn't! I opened my mouth again. Then closed it. No, it was definitely hopeless. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I could barely breathe. I looked around frantically, searching for a hole I could bury myself in. Or perhaps a blunt object I could beat myself to death with...

Mom saved me. "Xander, it's good to see you. I'm glad you could make it. Won't you come in?"

"I'd, uh, love to, Mrs. S," he said with a chuckle, "but your daughter seems to be in the way." He smiled down at me, and I melted. I was doomed. Doomed, doomed, doomed. I opened my mouth again, all set to say something that would completely seal my fate. Probably something beginning with "Ubbuh..."

Mom saved me again. Maybe I'll have to let her live, after all. She laughed and said, "Buffy, you have to get out of Xander's way. I know you're very tired today, but this is a bit ridiculous, don't you think?"

I certainly did think, or part of me did, anyway. The little part of my brain that hides inside the 'break glass only in case of emergency' cabinet waiting for moments like this finally took pity on me and got me moving again in something resembling a normal fashion.

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess so, Mom. Sorry, Xander, I'm just not really awake yet, y'know?" *Wow,* I mused to myself, *That sounded almost normal. I need to give my brain a raise.*

*Yes, you do,* my brain responded. I ignored it. I had enough problems without dealing with multiple personality disorder on top of everything else.

I stepped back a little to let Xander come inside. It was still a tight squeeze, though. His hand brushed my side and I felt a jolt of electricity race through my body.

*Doomed. I'm so doomed. But I like it.*

I blinked away the thought and turned to face the others. Dawn had taken Xander's coat and everyone was headed for the kitchen. I followed them, mentally lecturing myself.

*Okay, Buffy. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna go in there and charm the... socks off that boy. I want witty comments! And smiles, lots of smiles. And make sure to laugh, he likes it when you laugh. Maybe a few hair tosses if you feel up to it. And maybe the old "accidentally trip and let him catch you" bit?* I thought for a moment. *No, too much. Besides, this is Xander. He's liable to drop you on your ass.*

*Mmm... Xander's ass...* I mused.

*Stop that! Back to business, dammit! We can think about Xander's ass later.*

*Promise?* I asked myself.

*Promise,* I assured myself.

Shaking my head at just how doomed I was, I entered the kitchen to meet my fate.

Luckily, my immediate fate included yummy grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. It was a tight fit with six of us eating together, but that just meant I had to squeeze in close to Xander. Oh well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Mom had a big smile on her face as she handed out sandwiches and ladled out soup. She loves it when she has a big crowd to feed. Especially Xander, since he's a one-man fan club when it comes to Mom's cooking. I knew that wasn't the only reason she'd invited him over, though, and I made sure to give her my Glare O' Death (patent pending) when Xander wasn't looking. She didn't seem all that worried. Bah.

"So, Xander," Dawn asked when we all had our food, "what brings you out here today? I mean, we're all glad to see you and all, but I thought you said you were going to be working today?"

"Yeah," Willow added, "you've been putting in a lot of overtime lately."

Xander nodded while he chewed and swallowed a bite of sandwich. "I was supposed to work today, yeah. But there was some mix-up with the supplies, so they sent us home. I'm glad you called, Mrs. S. I was just futzing around the apartment and going through my comics collection. I'd much rather spend some quality time with good food and gorgeous women."

We all smiled at that, and Tara asked, "Your comics? Did you find the..."

"Yep," Xander interrupted her, "I found the X-Men run I was telling you about. I left it in the car, though. Remind me to grab it for you after lunch." He took another bite of his sandwich and turned to Mom. "Speaking of, this is your best grilled cheese yet, Mrs. S. My compliments." The rest of us quickly agreed. It's a good thing I train so often, or Mom's cooking would've fattened me up by now.

Mom smiled. "Thank you, Xander, girls. It's nice to be appreciated."

The rest of the meal went by quickly. Too quickly, in my opinion, but it was great. I laughed, and smiled, and even pulled off a hair-toss or two. Xander seemed to be enjoying himself, and it was great sitting next to him. We were scrunched so close that every time he moved his arm he touched me. It was like Heaven.

*Doomed,* the little voice inside me whispered. I agreed happily.

After we finished eating, we watched Xander and Dawn make short work of the dishes, then meandered into the living room to sit and chat. Somehow, the others maneuvered so Xander and I ended up next to each other on the couch. I wasn't complaining. Without even thinking about it, I leaned my head against his shoulder. I smiled as he put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze. Mom and the others smiled knowingly, but I ignored them. I don't think Xander even noticed. I closed my eyes and concentrated on how good it felt to have him hold me.

Something Willow was saying brought my attention back to the conversation. "So, Xander," she asked with a wicked gleam in her eye, "what do you think of Buffy's outfit today? She thinks she looks horrible."

I promised Willow terrible retribution with my eyes, but had to cut it short when Xander turned to look down at me. I smiled up at him. "Hi!" I chirped inanely.

"Howdy," he said with a smile. "I think you look great." He ran his finger over one of the paint splotches on my shirt. "This is the shirt you wore when we painted my apartment, isn't it?"

I nodded, but I was kicking myself mentally. *Great going, Summers. Make him think about Anya, why don't you?*

Xander was still smiling, though. "Cool," he said. "That was a good weekend, huh? We had a lot of fun."

"Yeah," I whispered. "Yeah, we did."

I looked up into his eyes. I'd have sworn I saw something there, but I wasn't sure if it was real or it was just that I wanted so badly to see it. His smile made me think that maybe it was real, maybe I had a chance after all. Maybe he could have feelings for me.

So, naturally, I panicked.

"Okay!" I cried, turning away from Xander. "Who's up for Pictionary?!"

Everyone just stared at me. Xander seemed confused. Mom, Dawn, Tara and Willow were looking at me like I was the stupidest person on the face of the Earth.

They weren't the only ones. *Pictionary?!* I screamed at myself. *PICTIONARY?! What the hell were you thinking, fool? You had a moment going there, in case you didn't notice!* The emergency portion of my brain that had gotten me this far, climbed back into the glass case, muttering to itself about what an idiot I was and telling me I was on my own for this one.

I put my face into my hands to hide from it all. It was true. I'd had a connection with Xander there for a second, and I'd ruined it. I was an idiot, and I didn't deserve him. Which was a moot point, because no way was I going to get him even if I did deserve him. Which I didn't.

I felt his hand gently rubbing my back, and I looked up into his concerned eyes.

"You okay, Buff?" He was obviously worried about me. That made me feel better. A lot better. That gave me the confidence to get past the fear.

"I'm okay," I assured him. "It's just..." I faltered for a second, but a glance at the others brought my confidence back. They were all smiling encouragingly. It made me feel so much better. I smiled my thanks at them and turned back to Xander.

"Xander," I went on, "There's something I have to tell you."

He looked at me for a second, then looked at the others. They were still smiling. "Okay," he said, to himself as much as me. "What is it you have to tell me?"

"I..." I jumped up off the couch and started pacing. I always think better when I can pace. Which is not to say I think very well even when I'm pacing, of course.

Everyone's eyes followed me, which did nothing to calm my nerves. I thought about taking Xander into another room for some privacy, but immediately discarded the idea. I knew I'd never do it if I didn't have their support, the encouragement I saw in their expressions.

I saw Xander look at Willow, a question in his eyes. She smiled and jerked her head towards me. He got up and walked over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and waited until I looked at him.

"You can tell me anything, Buffy. You know that." It wasn't a question. That made me feel good, knowing that he didn't doubt how much I trusted him.

He was facing away from the others now. I could see them behind him, and they all motioned for me to go on.

"Tell him!" Willow mouthed at me with a mock glare.

I nodded and looked up at Xander again. "It's like this, Xander. I, uh... I... Well, it's kinda like you were saying last night at the Bronze, actually. I mean, that's not really the way I would put it, although it kinda is at the same time, but..."

"Buffy!" He shook me lightly to break me out of the babble. "Just tell me."

I looked into his eyes, and I knew I could tell him. I opened my mouth to tell him how I felt. To tell him that I cared about him as more than a friend. That I wanted to see if we could make a relationship work. That I knew I'd told him I didn't feel that way about him, but that I had changed, and I hoped he could forgive me for the way I'd treated him. I opened my mouth to say...

"I want some Xanderlovin'!"

Silence. Dead silence as the words echoed off the walls and sank into our brains. I blinked. Blinked again. Blinked a third time, and finally realized exactly what I'd said when I heard my mother laughing.

My hand flew up to cover my mouth in a classic "lock the barn doors" maneuver. But it was too late, far too late. The horses had been stolen, the words had been said, the damage had been done.

I couldn't bring myself to look at Xander yet. Instead, I looked over towards the others. Tara, Willow and Dawn were just staring with their mouths open, completely unable to believe what I'd done. Mom, on the other hand, was cackling like a hyena. I was worried she was going to pass out, she was laughing so hard. I wished she would, so she'd at least stop laughing.

Finally, I looked up at Xander. His eyes were vacant and he wore an expression of absolute incomprehension, as if he had simply been unable to understand what I'd said.

For a crazy second, I let myself believe that was the truth. *Maybe he didn't hear you! It's possible, right? I mean, anything's possible. Right? Right?*

But no. He'd heard. He just couldn't believe it, or he couldn't make any sense of it, or...

*Or he can't figure out how to tell you he doesn't feel the same way! That's what it is! He doesn't care about you like that and he doesn't know how to break it to you and...*

I was startled out of my terror-filled thoughts by a loud thump. It couldn't be... I looked over and found that yes, it could be. Mom had actually fallen out of her chair, she was laughing so hard.

*That's it,* I thought to myself as I watched her roll around on the floor, laughing even harder. *I have to kill her now. Right after Xander breaks my heart...*

I looked fearfully up at Xander. He didn't look like he'd be breaking my heart in the near future. He still looked confused. His eyes were looking at me, but I'm not sure he actually saw me.

I was starting to get concerned. Before I could do anything, Willow stood up and walked over to the two of us. Tara, Dawn and Mom watched her curiously. Mom even stopped laughing, thank God. She got up and sat down in her chair, wiping at her eyes.

Willow stood next to me and put her arm around my shoulders, giving me a quick hug before she turned to look at Xander. His eyes lost some of their confusion and he looked at her. She smiled warmly at him and started to speak.

"What Buffy meant to say, Xander," she began, "is that just recently she's realized she has feelings for you. Non-friendly feelings. Or not-just-friendly feelings, I should say. Boyfriend- type feelings. She's given it a lot of thought, and she'd like to try to start a relationship with you, if you're willing. And if you don't feel the same way, she really hopes this doesn't change the way you feel about her, because you're a great friend and she couldn't live with herself if she ruined your friendship. Is that about right, Buffy?" she asked, turning to look at me.

I still couldn't speak, but I nodded my head as hard as I could. She'd said it perfectly. Willow smiled and gave me another squeeze. Then she moved to stand beside Xander. She took his hand and looked up at him.

"Xander?" she asked softly. He looked down at her, and they stared into each other's eyes for a minute. Finally, Xander nodded slightly and Willow's face broke out into a huge grin. She threw her arms around him and pulled him into a fierce hug, then stood next to him with her arm around his waist. They both turned to look at me. Xander still looked as overwhelmed as I felt, but Willow was grinning from ear to ear.

"Xander has asked me to respond to your statement, Buffy," she said. "He wants you to know that he's been feeling the same way you have but didn't know how to tell you. He's very glad you finally got up the courage to tell him, and he wants to see if you two can make a relationship work. And no matter what happens, he will always be your friend."

She didn't even bother to ask Xander if she'd gotten it right. I could see by the look in his eyes that she had, and my heart started beating double-time. I barely heard Willow when she went on, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"Xander also wishes to apologize. He knows now that he should have listened to the advice of his best friend, who has never steered him wrong in the past and has been advising him to just tell you, already, for, like, weeks now. But no, he had to be Mr. Fraidy-Cat and refuse to talk to you about it. And for that, he's very, very sorry."

It took a second for that to sink in. When it did, I glared at Willow. Xander glared, too, and we both found our voices at the same time.

"You didn't tell me!" we cried. I was seething, remembering how awful I'd felt the past few days, hoping desperately that Xander wouldn't hate me when I finally told him. I'm sure Xander was thinking the same thing, but he'd been feeling that way for weeks.

That thought gave me pause. *Weeks,* I marveled to myself. *He's felt like this for a long time...*

I put that thought away for later and glared at Willow. She smiled sadly.

"I couldn't tell you, Buffy. It wasn't my secret to tell. I told you not to worry about it, though, and that you should talk to Xander. Besides," she added with a shrug, "I kinda wanted you to know what Xander's been feeling like these past few weeks, never knowing. I thought maybe you two would understand each other better that way."

She turned away from me to look up at Xander. He wasn't glaring anymore and she smiled at him. "As for you," she said, "I only found out about how Buffy felt last night. I wanted to give her a chance to tell you herself, but if she didn't tell you today I was going to come over and talk to you about it tonight. Okay?"

Xander nodded and smiled. "It's okay, Will." He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "It's very okay. And, uh, thanks for helping us out with the whole vocalization thing, huh? Couldn't have done it without you."

Willow giggled, and after a second I joined her. The whole thing was sort of funny, if you thought about it. In any case, the important thing was that it was all out in the open now. Xander knew, and he felt the same way I did! It was all going to be smooth sailing from here on out.

Or so I thought for about five seconds, until a terrible thought occurred to me.

*What the hell do I do now?*

I looked up at Xander, terror in my eyes. He was looking back at me with the exact same expression on his face. That's the problem with those huge first steps, there's always a huge second step right beyond them. I'd spent so much time agonizing over what I was going to do if Xander rejected me that I hadn't given any thought to what I'd do if he didn't. Obviously, Xander was in the same boat.

Willow's laughter broke us out of our thoughts, and we both looked at her.

"Okay," she said. "Here's how it's going to work. You're going out tonight. Buffy, Xander will pick you up at, say, seven?" She looked to Xander for confirmation, and went on after he nodded gratefully. "Seven. That gives you about six hours to get ready, which should be enough. We can only hope, I guess. In the meantime, Xander will be thinking of the perfect first date to take you on..."

For a second, Xander looked even more afraid than he had a moment ago. Then Willow went on smoothly, "...ably assisted by his gorgeous red-headed social secretary." Xander sagged in relief, and I had to smother a giggle.

Willow looked back and forth between us. "Does that sound okay to you guys?" We both nodded, and she smiled. "Good." Turning to our audience on the couch, she said, "Can you guys take care of Buffy? I have to go help Xander get dressed up all sexy-like." Xander and I both blushed at that one, but she ignored us.

Mom answered for all of them. "I think we can handle things on this end, yes. You go make Xander sexy." She looked him up and down. "Sexier," she amended with a wicked grin that got a laugh out of Dawn and Tara and a deeper blush out of Xander.

Dawn went off to grab Xander's and Willow's jackets, and Willow went over to say goodbye to Tara, leaving me and Xander standing there alone.

I had absolutely no idea what to say, of course.

Xander smiled at me. "This is gonna be great, Buff. You'll see."

I smiled back as the tension drained from me. Xander's so good at making me feel better.

"It's already great," I told him. His smile widened, warming my heart.

We didn't have time to say anything else, because right then Willow came over to lead Xander away. I caught his eye as he turned for the door, and we smiled at each other again. And I knew we were both right.

It was already great.

But it was going to get even better.