Nothing has ever hurt this bad. I don't think anything ever will.

That's not true. I'm pretty sure seeing the two of them together is going to make the pain I'm feeling now seem like nothing. I should just leave, but I can't. This is home for me now.

I don't understand how she could do this to me. I thought we were good together. I thought she loved me. I guess not. She says she does, but no way can she love me and treat me the way she did. Especially not after everything I've done for her.

When Logan left last fall, Marie was devastated. She didn't let him see it before he took off, and she tried to hide it from the rest of us, but I could tell. I could see it in the way she clutched at those stupid dog-tags when she was thinking of him, and in the way her face would cloud over with pain when she thought no one was looking.

But I was looking, and I saw it. And I wanted to help her. I wanted to take the pain away. I wasn't even thinking about her as girlfriend material, not at first. I just figured she'd gotten a raw deal, and I wanted to help. It wasn't until later that I started falling for her.

It didn't take long, though. Less than a month after we'd met, I asked her out. I was scared half to death. I've never had much luck with girls, and I was afraid that all the time we'd been spending together had made her peg our relationship as "just friends." But when I asked her if I could take her to dinner, and specified it was an actual, honest-to-God date, she just smiled that shy smile of hers, and looked down at her shoes, and said yes.

I think right then is when I fell in love with her. And as we started going out, I thought she was falling in love with me, too. By Christmas, I was sure of it.

We made love for the first time Christmas Eve. And I mean the first time for both of us, not just our first time together. It wasn't easy, what with neither of us knowing what we were doing, and with her skin, but we managed. And it was wonderful. And when I woke up the next morning, her face was the first thing I saw. She'd been watching me while I slept. As soon as I opened my eyes, she smiled and told me she loved me. I almost couldn't speak, but I told her I loved her, too. And from then on, it was perfect between us.

Until Logan came back yesterday.

I was in the garage, working on the Phantom that the Professor picked up at that auction last month. Considering he never drives himself, he has great taste in cars. Sometimes, I think he only buys them because he knows how much Mr. Summers, me, Rahne and some of the other kids love working on them.

When Mr. Summers came in, I thought he was going to give me a hand with the car. I was looking forward to it, because I always learn a lot when I work with him. But that's not what he was there for.

"Bobby," he began, then stopped and shook his head.

"What's up?" I asked, as I grabbed a rag and cleaned off my hands.

"Logan's back."

I just looked at him. He'd said it like it was the worst possible news, but I didn't really see why. I knew Marie loved me, and I knew she was over her crush on Logan. Or I thought I knew, anyway.

I followed Mr. Summers out to the back lawn, and he pointed to where they were sitting together on Marie's favorite bench. Logan had his arm around her, and she was leaning against his shoulder as they talked.

I smiled. She looked happy in his arms, so happy that her friend was back. I'd never really gotten to know Logan in the short time he was at the school, but after he left I didn't like him at all. Marie was so unhappy for so long, and it was easy to blame it all on him. But seeing them sitting together, laughing and talking, I was glad that he was back. I knew Marie cared about him, and I realized that he cared about her, too. I was glad he was back, because Marie had missed him so, and I figured anyone who could make her smile like that was okay by me.

I smiled towards them and decided not to interrupt their reunion. I just turned around and walked back to the garage. I wasn't worried at all. I knew Marie loved me.

I started to get worried at dinner. I hadn't seen Marie all day, which isn't that unusual. We always eat dinner together, though, every night. I figured she'd want to eat with Logan, and that was okay with me. I was going to sit with them, but they weren't in the cafeteria. I just shrugged and sat down to eat with Kitty, Peter and Rahne.

Kitty was looking at me sympathetically, and Rahne was avoiding my eyes. Peter seemed oblivious, but then he usually does.

"What?" I asked Kitty.

"Nothing," she whispered, and turned her attention to her food.

None of us talked much as we ate. I knew what they were thinking, but I also knew they were wrong. But I didn't feel like arguing about it. They'd learn who Marie really loved soon enough.

Marie didn't come to my room last night. We don't spend every night together, since that doesn't look too good to the younger kids, but she'd always come by every single night to say goodnight. Last night, she didn't.

That's when I really started to worry. It took me a long time to get to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, Marie was sitting in my armchair. She was looking at me like she always does when she wakes up first, but I couldn't read the expression on her face. She had herself closed off. She hadn't done that around me for a long time.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried, as I sat up in bed and put my back against the headboard.

"Bobby..." she began, then trailed off, and I knew. I knew exactly what she was going to say.

I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry.

"Why?" I asked. Pleaded.

"It's not that I don't love you," she said, and I laughed. There was no humor in it, only pain.

"You just love him more. Is that it?" I demanded, opening my eyes to look at her.

She didn't have an answer for that, and she wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Where's he been, Marie?" I asked calmly, while inside I screamed in anguish. "Where's he been for the past year, while I held you and loved you and did everything I could to show you how much you mean to me?"

She started to say something, but I cut her off. "You told me you love me. You've told me that every day since Christmas. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does!" she insisted, bringing her head up to look at me. "You know it does." I looked away. I didn't know any such thing. Not anymore.

"Bobby," she said, pain in her voice, "I love you. I do. You have to believe that."

"But you love him more? Is that it?"

"It's not like that," she said, closing her eyes. Tears started to fall down her face.

"Then what's it like, Marie?" I asked. I could hear the anger coming out in my voice, and I welcomed it. If I didn't get angry, I knew I'd start crying. I've cried in front of Marie more than once, and she's always held me and told me it was all right. But it wasn't all right anymore. I felt like she didn't deserve to see me cry.

"What's it like?" I repeated, when she didn't answer me.

"I... I don't know how to explain," she said.

I laughed again, even more bitterly. "Then let's just make this real easy, okay? You don't want me anymore. You want him now. Is that it? You don't have to explain if you don't want to. You can just go."

She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. She just got up and moved towards the door.

"That was quick," I accused. "You're that eager to get away from me? Or that eager to get to him?"

She was facing the door as she whispered, "I'm sorry, but I can't waste another second."

I don't think she realized what she'd said. And I know she didn't mean for me to hear her. But I did. I heard her. I didn't say a word as she opened the door and walked out to find Logan.

I've always been good at math. Not as good as Kitty or Doug, but I do okay. I sat there on my bed and I did some math in my head. I'd asked Rogue to go out with me on October 15th. Today was September 29th. That came out to three hundred and forty-nine days. Twenty four hours in a day. Sixty minutes in an hour. Sixty seconds in a minute. Complicated, but I wasn't going anywhere for awhile.

It came out to thirty million, one hundred fifty-three thousand and six hundred seconds. And every one of them wasted, according to Marie. Funny, I'd thought of the past year as the best time of my life. I was in love with Marie, and she was in love with me. That's what I thought, anyway. Now I know that the best year of my life was just wasted seconds while Marie waited for the return of the man she really loved. Now I know that every time I thought we were making love, she was just marking time until Logan came back to steal her away from me. Not even steal her, really. She walked away of her own free will. I just wasn't enough for her. My love just wasn't enough.

I want to hate her. I really do. I'd give just about anything if I could hate her. But I can't. I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anything in my whole life.

True love. Ain't it a bitch.