Absence of Fear

By Felicity

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except Jewel (and I don't really own her 'cause she's her own person and therefore owns herself...but the WB and Joss Whedon and all definitely don't own her! btw, they're the ones that own the other people)

Author's Notes: This takes place in early August and it pretty much goes with the show up through Graduation 2, but not exactly, there's one big difference I'm not gonna say cause most people haven't seen it yet, and I don't think there are any real spoilers. Anyway, besides that, the song "Losing My Light" is © Jewel Kaufman and Felicity Rose. "Absence of Fear" is by Jewel (not the one in the story, the other one) and "Sometimes" is by Britney Spears. Besides that, I love comments! I hope this isn't too long! Email me! Oh, and it's all dedicated to the real Jewel whom I love a ton, and I definitely would never have gotten this finished if it wasn't for her (not to mention not even writing it...)

Part 1

A sweet voice soared over the crowded Bronze. Buffy sighed and tried to focus on the conversation.

"Okay, name’s the same, and she’s singing the same songs, so I’m not seeing the difference here," Xander said. Willow rolled her eyes.

"Her name’s not the same! It’s Jewel Kaufman. Not Jewel. Jewel Kaufman. And she’s not singing the same songs!" Willow told him sternly.

"They sound the same," Xander muttered.

"Actually, it’s a whole different chord set," Oz put in. Willow smiled triumphantly.

"Oh fine, bring in the musician!" Xander cried. The singer was good, and she didn’t look or sound like Jewel. Well, okay, her music was in the same general category as Jewel, but besides that she was pretty unique. Her songs tended to be slower, couple-y songs, and watching all the twosomes dance was a little more than Buffy could handle. She sighed again, and tried very hard not to think of him. Not working.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked, noticing her friend’s lack of pep.

"I’m fine," the Slayer answered, though they could all tell it was far from the truth. She hadn’t been fine for three months. Three months and she still missed him. Constantly. The song ended and the MC announced there’d be a small break. Buffy glanced up to see the young woman leaving the stage, then slid out of her seat.

"I’m gonna go get a breath of fresh air," she said. "I’ll be back in a minute." Her friend watched her go with worry. They had known it would take her a long time to get over Angel, but this was starting to push it.

Buffy stepped out into the less-than-cool night air, wondering why it never got cold in Sunnydale. Even in December it was sweltering.

Except when it snowed.

Angel’s face as the snow began to fall flashed through her mind. His hand in hers as they roamed the streets of Sunnydale. That day he was safe. The sun didn’t come out and they spent Christmas together. And now he was gone.

She walked around the corner, wanting to get away from the crowded front entrance. She just needed to be alone. Except she’d been saying that for months and being alone hadn’t helped anymore than being with other people. All she wanted was to be with him, and that wasn’t going to happen.

There was shriek from around the corner and Buffy shook off her private misery in sacred duty. She ran into the next alley and saw the singer from the Bronze desperately trying to fend off three vampires, and not having much luck. Buffy shook her head.

"Now, now now, these aren’t fair odds," she said, clucking her tongue. The vampires spun on her, forgetting the girl.

"Slayer," one of them snarled.

"You called?" Buffy asked, then attacked. She kicked one down and spun around to punch another. She grabbed the other young woman’s arm, shoving her to safety behind Buffy. The girl—Jewel?—had stopped shrieking and watched wide-eyed as Buffy drop kicked the legs out from the third. The first was back, and grabbed her arms, pulling her. She kicked the second, coming at her from the front and managed to propel herself back against the wall, stunning the vampire that held her. He loosened his grip and she escaped, grabbing him and flipping him over her hip to the ground. She grabbed a stake and glanced up, then realized she’d made a mistake. She’d forgotten the third one.

And the third one currently had hold of the singer.

********************

Jewel tried very, very hard not to scream. This blond girl was obviously the only help she was going to get, so screaming wasn’t going to get her anywhere. And she didn’t want to ruin her voice; she still had another set to play.

But she was scared.

At first, it had looked pretty good once the other young woman showed up. She was kicking some serious ass. Then one of these, whatever they were decided to forget the girl and grab Jewel. Not a good thing. The other girl paused and saw Jewel’s predicament. She winced and glanced at the other two guys. Jewel was not feeling extremely confident about this. The two guys attacked the blond girl, while Jewel stood frozen, afraid to move. The guy holding her snarled. He snarled. This was really not fun.

Suddenly, there was an exclamation and the hold on her ceased. Jewel leaped away and spun to see a dark-haired man plunging what looked like a . . . stake into the man that had been holding her. He burst into a cloud of dust. Jewel blinked, wondering if she was more tired than she’d thought. Or possibly dreaming.

She caught of glimpse of the man’s face as he passed beneath the streetlight, going to help the blond girl. Wow. Personally, she liked skinny and blond, but she had to admit this guy was gorgeous in the major sense.

Not that she was thinking about things like that at a time like this.

She watched in amazement and morbid fascination as together the blond and the newcomer finished off the next two attackers as he had the first. Then they stopped, and looked at each other, and Jewel almost felt pain just from the look on the girl’s face. Like she was dying. She couldn’t see his face.

"Angel," the girl whispered.

"Buffy," he replied. Jewel bit her lip. She didn’t want to interrupt what looked to be a reunion, but she had a few questions about the whole exploding-into-dust thing.

"What are you—what are you doing here?" the girl—Buffy—asked.

"I came to warn yo—" he began, then broke off, glancing at Jewel. She offered a tiny smile. Buffy winced and turned to her too.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Jewel nodded mutely.

"What-what were those?" she asked.

"Vampires," the girl replied shortly. Jewel blinked. Took a deep breath. Wondered if it was time to place a call to the looney bin.

"Vampires," she repeated.

"They exist," Buffy said shortly.

"Buffy," the man said warningly. The girl shrugged in response.

"She obviously knew something was going on Angel. Besides, I’m not in an excuses mood tonight," the girl said, something hard and very hurt in her voice. Suddenly Jewel started and looked at her watch. She was supposed to be back on stage.

"I-I have to go…go sing," she stuttered, gesturing in the direction of the Bronze.

"I’ll walk you back," Buffy said, and Jewel nodded, really wondering what was going on. And who this girl was. And hadn’t she just said vampires were real? The man, Angel, followed a few steps behind them.

"Thank you," Jewel said, when they reached the backstage entrance. Buffy shrugged.

"No big," she said, "Hey, you’re a really good singer." Jewel blushed.

"Thanks," she murmured, then heard the MC yelling for her inside. She winced. "I have to go." The girl nodded and gave her a little wave as she pushed the door open and walked inside.

"I’m right here," she said, getting the guy’s attention. He shoved her guitar into her hand and pushed her out onstage. Jewel stumbled forward and took a deep breath, summoning a smile and brushing a strand of light brown hair from her eyes. She walked forward, sat down, and tried to concentrate on not making a fool of herself in front of the crowded club. Hopefully she succeeded…she was too distracted to tell.

********************

Buffy didn’t move, couldn’t move. She was afraid he would dissapear if she did, like he was some kind of dream. God knows, she’d dreamt this enough. Every night.

"Buffy," he murmured. Her head snapped up to look at him.

"Is that all you can say?" she asked coldly. He looked hurt. Why was she saying these things to him? She wanted to run into his arms and sob and let out all of the pain and misery of the last months. She wanted him to hold her and tell her he loved her and he wasn’t going away again.

But he wasn’t holding her and she couldn’t let herself go. If she kept him at arms distance, maybe it would be easier when he left again. Maybe.

"I’m sorry," he said quietly.

"Sorry?" she repeated quietly, a deadly note in her voice. "You’re sorry?"

"I just came back to warn you." And then she knew, for sure. He hadn’t come back for her. He didn’t want to be with her after all. The three months hadn’t had an effect on him; they’d turned her into a wreck and they’d done nothing to him. He had come to warn her.

"To warn me?" she repeated, trying to make her voice sharp so he wouldn’t hear the pain.

"Spike’s coming back. He’ll be here tomorrow or the next day," Angel said. "With Drusilla." Buffy’s mind tried to expand to take that in, but all she could think of was Angel. He didn’t miss her.

"Thank you for telling me. You can go now," she said, turning and beginning to walk away. She should go tell her friends what was happening, then she had better go to the library and consult with…with books or something, since Giles was on some kind of retreat. It had been a quiet summer and then when something *finally* happened, he was gone! Yeesh!

Part of her wondered how she could possibly think that clearly when he was there.

"Buffy, wait," he called, hurrying after her and grabbing her arm. She stopped and turned back to face him. He was so beautiful. "Buffy, I came back for another reason to." Her heart leaped.

"Why?" she whispered, not wanting to let the hope live.

"Because I needed to see you," he replied, and all her strength was gone then, suddenly, and the tears finally came.

********************

"Didn’t you make some kind of deal with him or something?" Xander asked. Buffy nodded.

"But he didn’t exactly honor it when he came and kidnapped you guys, remember?" she pointed out.

"There is that," Oz said.

"So why’s he coming back this time?" Xander asked.

"Well the guy said he’s back with Dru, so I’m thinking victory tour?" Buffy hazarded, shrugging. She didn’t really want to tell her friends that Angel was back yet. It was hard enough dealing with it on her own. And she still didn’t think he was planning to stay.

"We should probably go call Giles," Willow put in. Buffy nodded.

"That was my next course of action. You guys can stay though." The three looked at each other, then shook their heads.

"The band–er, the singer is done, so it’ll go downhill from now on," Willow said, glancing at the vacated stage. Buffy nodded again. It had taken her a little longer to talk to Angel than she’d thought, and she’d missed most of the girl’s second set.

"Right," she agreed, waiting for them to grab coats–not that they needed them, but you never knew.

"Excuse me…Buffy?" a voice said. Buffy turned to see the girl she’d saved earlier. She was tall–well, taller than Buffy anyway, and slender, with gold-brown hair and intelligent hazel eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you…some questions?" the girl asked. "I’m Jewel." Buffy shook her hand, summoning a smile.

"Sure. I’m sorry about dumping that on you earlier."

"No!" Jewel exclaimed, shaking her head. "You saved my life. Why did you save me life?"

"It’s my job," Buffy explained. The girl gave her a blank look. "Sacred duty actually." Questioning look.

"Like, with benefits and stuff?" Buffy sighed.

"Unfortunately no. No health insurance, no childcare–if I had any children–" Buffy frowned. "No money actually, so it’s kinda a bum deal." Jewel smiled quickly, then went back to looking puzzled.

"So you…fight vampires for a living? Except, no living?" she asked.

"Something like th–" Buffy began, and was interupted by Xander.

"Did she just say vampires?" he asked, overhearing the conversation, then looked at Jewel and demanded, "Did you just say ‘vampires’?" Jewel nodded. Buffy’s mouth twitched upward.

"Xander, this is Jewel Kaufman. Jewel, this is Xander Harris. I saved Jewel from vampires earlier and she kind of beat the truth out of me…okay, I told her what they were."

"How many times do I have to tell you, it’s ‘gangs on PCP,’ " Xander scolded. Buffy shrugged.

"We kinda have to go actually, are you done here?" Buffy asked Jewel. The singer nodded.

"I was about to go home and I saw you…" she said, trailing off.

"Great, why don’t you walk with us a little and I’ll try to do the explainy-thing," Buffy said, smiling. Willow and Oz came up, hand in hand. Willow’s face lit up upon seeing Jewel.

"You were so good!" she exclaimed. "I love your CD!" Jewel glowed at the praise.

"Thank you," she murmured, her eyes gleaming.

"Jewel’s been initiated into our secret cult," Xander informed them. Jewel looked alarmed and Buffy slapped his arm lightly.

"What this doofus means is that she knows about vampires. I decided explanations are in order," she explained. Willow smiled and Oz gave the singer a cool nod.

"Hey, I really liked your fingering," he said. Jewel grinned.

"My ambition in life," she said. "Do you play?"

"Oz is in a band!" Willow exclaimed happily. "I’m a groupie!"

"You’re the best groupie in the world," Oz murmured.

"What’s it called?" Jewel asked.

"Dingoes Ate My Baby," Oz answered as they all began walking out of the Bronze.

"Really? I love the Dingoes!" Jewel exclaimed. "My friend sent me a tape a few years ago and I’ve been addicted ever since! This is so cool!"

"Hey, thanks," Oz said cooly.

"Did you say you were going home?" Buffy asked, realizing something suddenly. Jewel nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"I thought you were from Canada or something," the Slayer said, frowning.

"Oh, I am, but this is the last stop on my tour and I have some time off before I have to go record my next CD in L.A. I thought I’d rent an apartment and stick around here for a while. So I did," she explained.

"Cool. I was supposed to be explaining, wasn’t I?" Buffy inquired. Jewel nodded with a good natured smile.

"Okay, picture this; beginning of the world, demons everywhere. Mortals come along and banish them, but the last demon left mixes their blood with a human, and vampires are born. Basically they live forever, can only be killed by sunlight, a stake through the heart, decapitation and so on. You become a human by having your blood sucked and then sucking blood from a vampire and it’s this whole big sucking thing," Buffy said, waving her hands around.

"Anyway, since there’s all these big bad guys around, there’s also someone to fight them. Namely me. Well, right now it’s me. In every generation there’s one girl born with the power and skill to fight the vampires, yadda yadda yadda. I’m called the Slayer and I have this sacred duty to save the world and all the people in it. Is any of this making sense to you?" Jewel nodded slowly, looking slightly confused, but pretty good.

"I think so," she said slowly. Buffy smiled. Xander patted her arm.

"It’ll come to you," he promised.

"It took us all a while to get used to," Willow said cheerfully. "Except for Oz." Jewel turned to look at the musician. He shrugged.

"Living around a here, it explains a lot," he said.

"So why haven’t I ever been attacked by vampires before?" Jewel asked Buffy.

"Well Sunnydale’s…um…special. In a bad way. Basically, there’s these rifts between dimensions and the one in Sunnydale goes straight to Hell. So all kind of nasties gravitate here, especially vampires. Come to think of it, you might not want to spend your vacation time here." Jewel chuckled.

"I’ll take that to mind," she said.

"Ooh, look gang, we’re here!" Xander exclaimed. Jewel looked up to see the darkened Sunnydale High School.

"What’s here?" she asked.

"Slaying HQ," Buffy answered. "You wanna come in? If you wait like ten, fifteen minutes I’ll walk you home, and that would be much safer than…well, than me not walking you home."

"Sure," Jewel said, still pretty shocked about the whole vampires-being-real thing. She followed them up the steps and waited as Buffy unlocked the door. "Hey, who’s that guy that was with you earlier?" she asked. Buffy stopped. "Angel?"

"Angel," Xander repeated.

"Angel was here?" Willow demanded. Buffy winced and turned to face her friends.

"He was the one that told me Spike’s coming," she said in as neutral a voice as she could muster. Jewel looked from the Slayer to her friends, wondering if she’d done something wrong.

"Why didn’t you tell us?" Willow asked. Buffy shrugged slightly, seeming to draw in on herself.

"I don’t think he’s staying. I just didn’t want to discuss it," she said quietly. Willow put a hand to her mouth and even Xander looked serious.

"You could have told us Buff," he said.

"I know," Buffy replied. "I just didn’t want to talk about it." And then Jewel got it. She loved Angel. And he had left her. And now he was back and she didn’t think he was going to stay. Did he love her too? And if so, why had he left? And he’d seemed pretty strong too, but he obviously wasn’t this Slayer-thing. There was a long moment of silence.

"Why don’t we go call Giles?" Oz suggested and the rest of them nodded and walked down the semi-dark halls of the school, Jewel following behind, wondering what she was getting herself into.

On to Part 2