Invisible Light
By Trish
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon,
etc. The idea of the "White-lighters" comes from the show, "Charmed"
which belongs to Aaron Spelling, etc. I don't own them either.
Feedback: Yep, send it to lovesangel_20@yahoo.com
Author: Notes: Well, my friends say this is sad, so you've been warned. Anything
in * * are character thoughts.
Part One
Angel was beside himself. He was in so much pain, felt so much anger. *Why couldn't I save her? Why did she have to die?* Angel hung his head in sorrow. Buffy had many tubes and monitors hooked up to her. The doctors and nurses tried everything they could, but she was too far-gone. Buffy had massive head trauma and internal bleeding. Even if she would've survived, the extent of her head trauma would have left her in a vegetative state. Angel sat beside her, holding her hand. He didn't want to let go of her. He sat beside her for hours, crying and silently cursing himself. *Why? Why did you have to die? It should've been me!* He laid his head on her bloody chest and sobbed.
Buffy rose from the bed and stood beside Angel. "Angel. Angel!" Angel continued to sob. He picked up her hands and kissed them gently. "Angel, can't you hear me?"
"Buffy, is that you?" *Angel, she's dead, it's just your mind playing tricks on you.*
"Angel, I'm right here!" she cried. "Why can't you hear me?" Then she looked down at her lifeless body lying on the hospital bed. "Oh my god! What's happened to me?"
A bright light shone from above her. Out of nowhere a young man with sandy brown hair and blue eyes appeared before her. "Who? Who are you?"
"I'm Trey, you're white lighter."
"My white lighter?"
"Yes, I'm your guardian angel, so to speak."
"I already have...had one of those and he's sitting right there," she burst into tears.
"Buffy, I was sent from a higher power. I protect slayers, witches and good demons. I've been with you ever since you became the Slayer. Why do you think you didn't die when the Master drowned you?"
"Because my friend, Xander performed CPR."
"No, it was me who brought you back to life."
"But, why am I dead now? Why didn't you save me this time?"
"It was your time. They wanted you."
"They? I'm not going anywhere!" They were interrupted by Angel's cries.
"Buffy, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I should be the one lying in that bed. I should've been the one to die! Your life was just beginning! I let you down and I broke my promise. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have died!" he cried uncontrollably.
"Angel, please don't!" She turned to Trey, "Why do they want me? What can I do for them?"
"They want you to be one of us, a white lighter. As a white lighter, you can take human form to help Slayers and witches to fight evil. You'll have magical powers and healing powers. You will be able to warn them when danger is coming their way."
"I can be human again?" her face brightened. "Why didn't you ever show yourself to me?"
"Yes, you will, but you won't always be with the same person for long periods of time. You're only there to help them."
"Will I be able to see Angel?"
"No, not really, unless you happen to be in Sunnydale and only from a far. Other than that you won't have any contact with him."
"But, you said..."
"Your job will be to protect Slayers and witches, not vampires with souls."
"Do I have a choice in the matter?"
"No, not really...unless you just want to die like your body did." He waited for her response. She looked over at her body and shook her head. "Good, let's go then, you'll need your wings of flight." He reached out his hand for her to take it.
"Hold on, I have to say good-bye." She walked closer to Angel and whispered in his ear. "Angel, my Love! You never ever let me down and you never could. I've loved you for a long time and I always will...never forget that! I'll love you always and forever...good-bye." She kissed his head and held out her hand for Trey to take it. They both transformed into the bright white light and disappeared forever...
Part Two
It had been two years to this very day since Angel had lost Buffy. He still wasn't over the fact that she was dead. He blamed and cursed himself every minute of every day. If only he had gotten there sooner, she might have lived. Angel walked into the cemetery with a dozen of long-stem red roses. Finally, he arrived at her gravesite. He kneeled down and laid the roses on her headstone. His eyes were flowing with tears and his heart full of angst and pain. The memories of that night came flooding back to him...
(Flashback)
They were supposed to meet an informant at the railroad tracks that night. Angel didn't want Buffy going alone. They informant could not be trusted and Angel knew it.
"Angel, I'm a big girl, I can handle myself," she told him.
"Buffy, I know, but you don't understand what a double-crosser this guy is. I don't want you going alone!"
"Angel, we may be engaged, but that doesn't mean you're my father and can tell me what to do!" she said angrily.
"Buffy, I'm just saying, wait another hour and I can go with you. It'll be safer."
Tired of listening to him complaining, she finally agreed with him. "Fine, I'll wait an hour. I'll meet you at the entrance of the train yard. I love you!"
"I love you too!" he told her.
(End Flashback)
"Why? Why didn't you listen to me? Why? Why did you have to be so stubborn?" he sobbed.
(Flashback)
Buffy hung up the phone and ran out of the house. She knew Angel would be angry with her, but she was jonesin' to get some answers out of the demon. *Sorry, Angel, but I can't wait.*
She walked to the train yard and looked around for the demon. Then something caught her eye. There were two figures up on one of the cars. *That double-crossing bastard! Wait till I get my hands on him*
She ran quietly over to the train car. She climbed up the side of the car and surprised the two demons. "Well, well, well what do we have here?" she said sarcastically.
"Slayer!" the medusa-like demon hissed. "Nice of you to join us!"
"Really? Thanks, for the invite, but I won't be staying long. Unfortunately for you, you won't be living much longer either!" she smiled. She switched into her slayer-mode and was prepared to fight. "C'mon, fella's, give me your best shot!" she smirked.
They started fighting on the car, each coming dangerously close to the edges numerous times. Buffy managed to knockout the informant, then killing him. Now, only she and the Medusa-demon were left...or so she thought. "Looks like it's just you and me, Snake-boy!"
"Think again!" he hissed. All of a sudden snakes came from his arms and legs. They were all over him and jumping off and coming towards Buffy. She ran onto the next car, but he was following her. *Where's Angel? I wish he were here!*
Angel awoke from a sound sleep and darted up from his bed. He sensed danger. *Buffy!* He picked up the phone to call her. There was no answer. He put his shirt on, grabbed his jacket and ran from the mansion to the train yard.
Buffy was under attack from the snakes and the demon. She couldn't keep up with all of them. She found a pipe lying on one of the cars and was using it like a bat to keep the snakes from attacking her. *Where's a crossbow when you need one?* She kept backing up further and further away. She never saw what was behind her.
Angel arrived at the train yard in a matter of minutes. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him. *Why the Hell didn't she listen to me? I told her what would probably happen! I should've known she was going to do it anyway. If something...*
Angel looked up and saw Buffy struggling. She was walking right towards the demon. "Buffy, lookout! Behind you!"he screamed. Angel changed into his game face and ran over to the cars and climbed up.
Buffy turned around and there the demon was. She cried out for Angel. *Where the fuck did he come from?* The demon picked Buffy up and slammed her back down onto the car. She got up slowly, but she was too slow. The demon was throwing punches and kicks left and right, one right after another. Every time she made an effort to fight back he blocked her.
Angel climbed up the side of the car and started fighting with the snake demon. Buffy struggled to fight back, but was continuously knocked down. She was in a lot of pain. The demon transformed and his hands become razor-like. Every time he hit her he would slice into her soft, delicate flesh.
"Ahhhh!" she screamed in agony, "ANGEL!"
"Buffy," he screamed back. He was so mad at that moment, he wished he was Angelus. "Hold on, I'm coming!" Angel punched the demon so hard, he was sent flying off the car. Buffy was about five cars away from him.
"Angel!"
The demon picked her helpless body off the car and slammed it down again. She was bleeding from at least a dozen cuts and her hear was also split open and bleeding from the back. The demon picked her up again, but this time he threw her off the car and onto a pile of rocks and train parts. She landed with a powerful force, causing her to loose consciousness.
"NO!" Angel cried, "BUFFY!" Angel threw himself at the demon and tackled him. He beat the demon to a bloody pulp and then broke his neck. He jumped off the car and ran over to an unconscious Buffy. She was loosing an extreme amount of blood and her head was now split open in two places.
"Buffy, no!" Angel sobbed, now back to his normal face. Angel picked up her motionless body and carried her to the hospital. "Buffy, stay with me! You can't die on me!" he sobbed.
(End Flashback)
Angel kissed his hand and placed it on her headstone. "I love you!" He stood up and looked at the flowers and then left. Ever since she died, Angel hadn't been able to do anything. He didn't go outside, he didn't do anything. He barely even ate. He just couldn't move on without her.
Trey received a message from the Grand Council to find Buffy and bring her to them. They didn't tell him why they wanted her, but usually when they wanted to see someone, it was very important. Buffy was in Australia helping a young slayer. She was about to leave the girl's house when Trey appeared out of nowhere.
"Trey! Hi, what are you doing here?" she asked. "Are you still watching me? It's been two years, I know what I'm doing now!"
"Buffy, I know. You've come a long way from the first time. I'm not here to spy on you. I got a message from the Grand Council...they want to see you, immediately."
"Why? What'd I do wrong?" she asked nervously.
"I don't know, they didn't tell me. We better get going." They transformed into the white light and disappeared.
"Trey, why do they normally want to see us?"
"I don't know, but it must be important. Here we are."
"Will you come in with me?" she asked.
"Yeah, sure," he smiled. They walked through the white doors and into the room.
"Buffy, nice to meet you. We've heard great things about you."
"Th. Thank you."
"We asked you here to show you something. The Powers That Be are worried about one of their warriors and they need your help."
"The Powers That Be?" *The Powers That Be? Why do I know that name?* "Should I know who they are? Who is the warrior? The name does sound pretty familiar."
"Yes, they deal with Warriors who fight evil, like Slayers and good demons."
"What does that have to do with Buffy?" Trey asked.
"The PTB's most powerful and dedicated Warrior has been neglecting him duties. He's been like that for two years now, ever since his girlfriend died."
"Well, who is he?" Buffy asked.
"They just said he was a vampire with a soul."
"Oh My God! Angel!" Buffy exclaimed.
"You know this Warrior?"
"Yes, he was my boyfriend. I died two years ago! I'm the one who died!"
"That must be why they wanted you," Trey exclaimed.
"Will I get to see Angel?" she asked full of hope.
"Yes, you will help him get back in the swing of things, so to speak. Once that is done you will return to your regular duties."
"Oh," Buffy's face saddened.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know if I could leave him again. I love him too much and it would kill me all over again."
"Buffy, we understand. If you don't want to do it you don't have to, but you're their only chance. You know what he's supposed to do and you know the story. But, we'll tell them you can't."
"Can you give us a minute?" Trey asked.
"Sure."
"Buffy, are you crazy? He needs you. You would be able to see him...even if it was for a limited time. At least, he would know you were okay and he could fulfill his duties."
"Trey, I don't know if I can do it! I can't leave him again. It would tear us both apart."
"You could go to him, so he would think it was a dream."
Buffy sighed deeply and faced the Council, "Tell them I'll do it."
"Good, you're leaving in the morning."
Buffy nodded her head and walked out with Trey. "Why did I say yes? I can't do this!" she cried.
"Buffy, yes you can. I'll be there to help you if needed," he smiled, "you're the strongest person I've ever met."
"Thanks."
Part Three
Trey knocked on Buffy's bedroom door. It was 5 AM and they we supposed to meet before heading to Sunnydale. "Buffy, it's Trey. Are you ready?"
"Yeah, come in Trey." Buffy was sitting on the edge of her bed crying.
"What's wrong?" Trey asked concerned.
"Nothing, I'm just happy that I'm going to see Angel again. Even if we do make him think it's a dream or reality."
"That's true, but you'll get to see him and talk to him. Given, he may think it's a dream or he may not, but you'll know either way."
"I don't know if I can do it! What if I can't?"
"Buffy, I'll be right by your side. I'll help get through this," he smiled.
"But, he can't see you or...I don't know!"
"He won't see me or hear me, only you will."
"Oh."
Trey held out his had and they laced fingers. They both turned into the white light and disappeared.
Angel lay awake in bed. His hair hadn't been brushed in days and he hadn't showered or shaved in weeks. All he did was stay in bed all day and the only time he got up was to eat...and that wasn't very often either. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her face, hearing her voice, or dreaming of her. His eyes were bloodshot and he could barely see out of them.
Buffy and Trey stayed out of sight and watched Angel. Tears were streaming down her face. He looked so grief stricken, it broke her heart.
"Trey, look at him! He's just lying there, wasting away! The life is gone from his eyes...that's not my Angel!" she bawled.
"Buffy, he's hurting and grieving. He needs to get back on his feet and you're the only one who will be able to do it."
Buffy looked from Angel to Trey, "I hope so."
Angel couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, so he gave in and closed them. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to open them. He gave into the forceful power, pulling him into unconsciousness.
Buffy and Trey made themselves visible and appeared at the foot of the bed; the light still around them. "Now, he looks like an angel," Buffy said.
"It's time," he said.
"I know...I'm ready," she said.
"Okay," Trey said making himself invisible and hearable only to Buffy.
*Okay, here it goes...wait what am I doing? How am I supposed to do this? Calm down, it'll be okay...hopefully.*
(Buffy, take your time.)
She smiled at Trey and took a deep breath.
Part Four
Buffy sat on the edge of the bed beside Angel. She ran her fingers through his matted hair and caressed his face. Angel welcomed the touch and was beginning to wake up. *It's show time.*
Angel's eyes fluttered. He struggled to keep them open. "Buffy...is that you?" He was beginning to see a little more clearly. "Buffy!" Angel bolted upright and couldn't believe what he was seeing. *No, Angel, don't kid yourself; it's just a dream. She's dead.* He closed his eyes and slumped back down.
"Angel...Angel!"
*If this is a dream...she's talking back to me.*
"Angel, open your eyes...please. It's me, come on open those gorgeous brown eyes!" she pleaded. She touched his face again. *He thinks he's dreaming. This can't work if he doesn't wake up.*
She placed her hands on each side of his head. She brought her face to his and passionately kissed him. Angel brought himself back up into a sitting position and kissed her back. She kissed him back with such a hunger and he returned them with an even greater one. She had forgotten how much she loved them. They way his lips felt on hers. The way he touched her.
(Buffy, you have to wake him up. You were right; it won't work if he thinks he's dreaming. You have to wake him up.)
Buffy knew Trey was right and as much as it pained her, she pulled back and held his face in her hands. He opened his eyes and stared at her in disbelief. He didn't know what to do or what was going on or even if he was really awake.
"Angel, it's me!"
"Buffy...it's really you!" Angel cried, "I've missed you so much! How can this be?"
"Angel, calm down. I've missed you too...more than you know!"
"You came back to me...but how? I saw you die!"
"Angel, I came for a reason. You can't go on like this. It's been two years since I died. You're still on this earth and you just can't live like this."
"Why? Why can't I? It's my choice!" he fired, "I'm immortal and you're not...you're dead! I don't want to live a life without you in it with me!" he cried angrily.
"That's right, I'm dead! I'm the one who died that night, not you! Don't you think I don't know that? You have a duty to fulfill. What good are you if you're just going to stay in this dingy mansion and waste away? Huh, tell me!" she
demanded. "You're here to redeem yourself or you would still be in Hell!"
"Hell! This is my Hell! A life without you is far worse than any physical tortures that I have ever felt! I can't live without you and I can't...."
She took him into her arms and held him tight. They sat there for what seemed like hours holding each other. *This is where I should be! I should be with him! We were destined to be together and I had to go and get myself killed!*
"Buffy...I'm sorry, I let you down that night. You could still be alive and be here, if I had gotten there sooner. If I...."
"Angel, how can you blame yourself? You told me not to go and I didn't listen. It's not your fault...it was my own. Have you been blaming yourself all this time? I told you in the hospital, it wasn't your fault."
"No, it is my fault. I should've known you were going to go anyway, but I actually thought for once, you were going to listen to me!"
"Yeah, for once, I should've," she laughed.
"Buffy, it's not funny! You're dead and there's nothing funny about that," he said sternly.
"Angel, don't you think, I don't know that?"
"What do you mean you told me in the hospital? You were unconscious the whole time."
"Angel, there's something I need to tell you. I am real. I'm not really dead. I'm a white-lighter, that's why I came here today."
"What are you talking about? What's a white-lighter?" he asked confused.
"I'm like a guardian angel. I help Slayers and good demons and witches who fight evil. I warn them when something big and bad is going to happen. I can take a physical form like I am now or I can be invisible and I can transform into a white light. That night in the hospital, I whispered in your ear and said goodbye and kissed your head."
"I thought I felt something! But, why are you here now...with me?"
"The Powers That Be, contacted the Grand Council. They wanted someone...they wanted me, to help a warrior to get back to fighting evil and saving the innocent. You are that warrior." Angel looked at her in disbelief.
"You have to keep your promise and continue fighting evil or my death would have meant nothing. It wasn't your fault and I don't want you to blame yourself anymore. I don't want you to feel guilty for living your life. I may be dead to the physical world, but I will always live on in your heart and in your memories. You don't have to worry about me. I'll never leave you...never. I'll always be with you," tears streaming down, she touched his chest.
"Buffy, why does it sound like your leaving me?" he cried.
She looked down, "Because I am leaving you. I can't stay. I have my own duties."
"Buffy, I can't loose you again! I won't!"
"Angel, you have no choice in the matter. It's set in stone. You have to continue saving people and fighting evil here. I have my own innocents to help."
"Buffy, no!"
"Angel, you have to. If you won't do it for the PTB or yourself, then do it for me! I don't ever want to see you like this. It's tearing me apart."
(Buffy, we can't stay much longer.)
"Angel, promise me...promise me you'll clean yourself up and help save the world from evil...help me!"
"Buffy, a world without you is not worth saving. There's no meaning for me anymore, there's no purpose. You were my drive, you were the one I was protecting and fighting for. You're not here anymore and I have nothing to protect!" he sobbed.
"Angel, you're wrong! I am here, just not in the way I used to be or in the way that you would like me to be. I am on occasion, helping people in my physical form and I could die all over again. There's no guarantee for anything in life. I will always be with you, no matter where I am." Buffy started glowing.
"What's going on? What's happening to you?"
"Angel, I'm leaving!" she cried tears streaming down her face. "Promise me, please!"
"I promise...I promise. But, please, stay with me!" he begged.
Buffy's heart was breaking into a million pieces. She didn't want to leave him, but she had no choice. The light was getting brighter and brighter. "Angel, I love you! I'll always love you! Don't ever forget that! I will always be with you, in your heart and I will always be looking over you!" she bawled. "You may not be able to see me, but I'll always be with you!"
"Buffy, no! Please! I love you so much! I'll never forget!"
"Angel...I can't! Goodbye, I'll always be with you. I'll always be with you...."
Angel stared in disbelief at the white light. He couldn't believe he let her go again. She was gone and all that was left of her was a trace of the invisible white light.
The End