Disclaimer and author's note in Part I.
Part IV
She woke before the alarm went off and reached across the bed. Her fingertips just brushed against his back. She opened her eyes to find him sitting on the edge of the bed pulling his boots on.
He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Morning." He leaned back and pressed his lips to hers in a quick kiss before going back to his boots.
Propping herself up on an elbow she ran a hand over his bare back. "Where're you going?" Her voice had a pouty quality that she didn't like.
"I a...I just thought I'd get started early this morning." Her hand dropped from where she was caressing his shoulder and a sigh escaped her throat. He turned to look at her. "Beverly, what's wrong?"
Her eyes were on her fingers which were fidgeting with the sheets. "Do you love me Jean-Luc?" She looked up at him with nervous eyes.
His shoulders dropped and his eyes filled with hurt and confusion. "Beverly, of course I love you. I though you knew that." His voice was low. He turned back away from her.
Beverly, now feeling rather contrite, slid across the bed pulling herself up behind him. "I'm sorry Jean-Luc. That was really stupid of me. It's just that...well...never mind." She wearily leaned her forehead against his back. "Forgive me?"
She could feel him sigh heavily. "Of course I do."
The low rumble of his voice was comforting. She slid her arms around his waist and rested her cheek on his shoulder.
He caressed her silky arms leaning his head against hers. "I do love you Beverly."
"I know Jean-Luc. I love you too." They were quiet for a long while before Beverly raised her head and asked, "Stay for breakfast?"
He turned to her to make a graceful decline but her eyes were smiling at him. How could he refuse those eyes?
Part V*
"Sir, will you be attending the play tonight?"
"What? Oh, yes." Picard tried to pull his thoughts away from Beverly and concentrate on what Data was saying , but his mind kept straying back to her. The way she smiled at him, the taste of her lips, the way she was always brushing stray strands of hair out of her eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes....
His thoughts must have been showing on his face for Data had stopped talking and was looking at him curiously. Data gave him a ridiculous grin that made Jean-Luc's ears turn pink with embarrassment. To his utter relief the turbolift came to a halt and the doors swished open. He escaped thankfully down the corridor.
It was dark in his quarters and he didn't bother to turn the lights on. He dropped the PADDs he was carrying onto his desk on the way to his bedroom. He knew better than to think he would get any work done now, not when his mind was on Beverly. He needed to sit down and think things over.
He sat on the edge of the bed and kicked his boots off. He jumped when a pair of hands slid up his back and across his shoulders. Warm lips placed gentle kisses on the back of his neck causing the short hairs there to stand up. He sighed happily turning to face her. So much for sitting quietly and thinking things over.
The play turned out to be just what Jean-Luc needed. It gave him the time he was looking for to think. He loved Beverly. That much was clear. It was everything else about the relationship that he was unsure of. His heart seemed to know exactly what it was doing, but his mind kept getting in the way. Kept creating questions he had no answers to and doubts he couldn't just pass off as ridiculous as much as he would like to.
The ship was what it basically came down to he decided. Back in France it was simple. There it was just the two of them. Now there was Starfleet to get in the way. Now they had their careers to worry about. Would their relationship change the way they performed their duties? Would it change the way the crew reacted to their Captain? To a man whose entire life had been his career they were heavy questions.
It was a big adjustment. Now his life was her, or it should be. He was doubting his ability to distinguish between personal and professional. How could he think of her as anything other than the woman he was in love with, the woman who was in love with him? Where did she stop being Beverly and start being CMO?
And then there was the privacy issue. He had a highly developed sense of privacy. He had to. He was alone a lot. It was his way of life. The thing he found was the hardest transition to make was that of a fiercely private person who kept things to himself to a person who shared everything with another person. Old habits die hard. In a way his privacy was a defence mechanism. If no one knows then you don't get hurt. Which brought up the crew. How would they react? What would he have to compromise in order to have a relationship with his CMO? Would they think she was getting special treatment? How would they act towards her if they did? How would they act towards him? He thought a long time about this. What they don't know can't hurt us was what he decided he'd better stick with for now.
They were rather ridiculous questions, something to make his actions seem justifiable, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that and was simply refusing to admit it to himself. Truth be told he wasn't exactly sure why it seemed so important to keep everything quite, but then feelings rarely see fit to come equipped with reasons. They just are.
Everyone was on their feet clapping emphatically. Jean-Luc clapped right along with them even though he really had no idea if the performance was any good. He looked over at Beverly standing next to him. She must have felt his gaze upon her for she turned and flashed him that devastating smile of hers. The one that said 'You make me happier than I have ever been and I love you for that.'. He suddenly had a horribly frightening fear of not being able to live up to her expectations. He pushed it away.
Jean-Luc watched her from across the room as she smiled and nodded to everyone who crowded around to congratulate her on putting together such a wonderful little production in such a short time. She glanced over at him now and then and smiled. Jean-Luc shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. He wanted to be alone with her, to put his arms around her, to be sure everything was real. The group he was standing in bust into laughter at a joke he had only half heard and he took the opportunity to escape from them.
No one seemed to notice as he edged his way to the door. After a moment he managed to catch Beverly's eye from across the room. He motioned towards the door with his eyes but she shook her head and motioned for him to join her. He tried to catch her eye again to protest but couldn't. He began weaving his way through the crowd and then stopped behind her and waited to be noticed.
Beverly, following the eyes of a young woman she was talking to, turned to find Jean-Luc standing uncertainly behind her. Smiling, she reached out and tucked her arm in his pulling him to stand beside her in the circle of people. Glances and smiles were exchanged causing Jean-Luc to shift uncomfortably and pull his arm away from Beverly. She glanced over at him trying to decide whether to be hurt or angry. What was this little game he was playing? Smiling in forced sweetness she said, "Captain, could I have a word with you...in private?". He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could she grabbed his arm and hauled him over to a secluded corner of the room obscured somewhat by a large potted plant.
"Beverly..."
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Her voice was a harsh angry whisper.
"I...uh...well..."
"Is it really so difficult?"
He stared at her blankly. "Is what so difficult?"
"This!" she said, her voice rising in exasperation. Suddenly everyone who was supposed to be looking at each other were now looking at them. Beverly's voice dropped back down. "Being here, with me. Is it that difficult for you? Because if it is then it ends, here and now. I've had it Jean-Luc. I'm sick of your games and your secrecy." Her voice began to sound slightly less angry and more hurt. "You don't treat someone you love like this. I think I deserve a little more respect than to be treated like a glamorised prostitute." He seemed rather startled at her choice of words and for a moment her resolve faltered, but only for a moment. With renewed anger she continued despite the wounded look on his face. "You can't just love me whenever it's convenient, whenever you think no one's looking. Love doesn't work that way. Jean-Luc, I love you and that love encompasses every part of my life. I can't simply put my feelings on hold until it's convenient for you to express the way you feel. I don't want to have to question my rightness to even *touch* you in public. Grow up Jean-Luc. Start acting like a man instead of some randy teenager." With that she turned and walked away leaving him in stunned silence.
Part VI
He had considered marching right off after her and then thought better of it deciding to give her time to cool down. Avoidance began the following day. She of course avoided him out of anger and he avoided her for fear of losing the fight he felt sure would erupt as soon as they were alone together. Glances were thrown across rooms but nothing beyond that.
Two days passed...three...four. Beverly began to look forward to the fight just wanting to get it all over with. He would come to his senses, she would yell at him putting him in his place, and then they would make up and everything would be fine. That how fights go when people love each other...right? There were a few fleeting moments Beverly actually considered confronting him again. She missed him. But then she would remember why she was mad. Perhaps he really didn't love her and this was simply the end of another less than perfect relationship. The thought only served to make her angrier. What the hell was wrong with him?
Jean-Luc had decided it better to be fighting than to have nothing at all. An agonizing length of time began to stretch between them in which he grew more and more miserable.
Then, late one night sitting alone and lonely in his quarters, he finally came to fully realise just how right she had been. He had been stupid and childish and selfish. In light of Beverly's anger he could see just how irrational and downright ridiculous his fears had been and how much he would be hurt if the roles were reversed. Win or lose an apology was in order.
He stood and tugged purposefully at his tunic. He had always been a man that admitted his mistakes and this was certainly a mistake. He left his quarters and headed determinedly towards Beverly's.
As he stood outside her door awaiting admittance he tried to compose an eloquent meaningful speech that would express just how wrong he had been and how truly sorry he was.
"Come in," she called, wondering who it could be at so late an hour.
He found her sitting on her couch with her feet tucked under her sipping tea.
Beverly's eyes widened slightly in surprise and then narrowed as if in annoyance. "I'm tired Jean-Luc. I really don't feel like fighting with you right now."
"I didn't come here to fight Beverly. What I did is undefendable. I was childish and selfish and stupid. I didn't realise how much I was hurting you and I should have. I came to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I didn't show you the respect that I know you deserve. You don't have to forgive me and you don't have to give me a second chance because maybe I don't deserve it. I just wanted you to know that I truly am sorry and I will tell you that I am everyday for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. I love you Beverly and I shouldn't of let my irrational fears keep me from treating you the way I know you should be treated."
Beverly looked at him with a faint amount of surprise. She had been expecting at least a little resistance, for him to try and make her believe that he really hadn't done anything all that terrible and to try and get her on his side. Instead he had flat out admitted his guilt and hadn't tried to make her give in or relent on her feelings. She had to admit that that said something for his character. "I accept your apology Jean-Luc, but your right. I don't have to forgive you..." There was a moment of panic on his face, one that he deserved. She waited a moment before she continued, wanting him to get the full effect of just how wrong he had been and what it could have resulted in. "but I will," she finally finished.
Relief washed over his face. "Thank you," he said softly.
"Don't go thinking your off that easy." The fear came back to his eyes. Beverly stood up for effect. "The next time I wake up to an empty bed or you ignore or otherwise push me aside pretending I'm nothing more to you than just another crew member that's it. You're finished with me. This is your second chance. You don't get a third. Understand?"
"Yes ma'am." The respect in his voice was genuine and she smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast then?"
"Tomorrow?" she asked, looking confused.
"I thought perhaps you'd like some time to yourself...to be sure you really want to forgive me."
"That's very thoughtful of you Jean-Luc but I'm sure. You're forgiven." She leaned into him and kissed him for emphasis. "Now let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."
"You sure you want me in your bed?"
"Promise to be there when I wake up?"
He smiled sheepishly. "Promise."
They fell into exhausted peaceful sleep as soon as they lay down and when Beverly woke in the morning and reached across the bed Jean-Luc was there just as he had promised.
Epilogue
"I hate these things." He hooked a finger in his collar and tugged at it.
"Oh stop being such a baby." Beverly reached up and pulled his hand away from the collar of his dress uniform.
"I am not being a baby," he stated defensively.
"Of course you are, you always act like a baby when you have one of these diplomatic thingies to go to," she said mater of factly, smoothing the front of his uniform.
"I do not!"
"See?" She smiled sweetly at him and he feigned annoyance. "Come on or we'll be late."
"Can we?"
"Stop it. These things aren't that bad. In fact I kind of enjoy them," she lied, as she pushed him out into the corridor.
Jean-Luc made a sound of disgust. "Beverly, how can you say such a thing?"
"Get over it Jean-Luc," she laughed.
He pouted in silence giving Beverly's nervousness time to show itself. It was the first time they had been out together since the incident after the play and she was feeling a little uneasy. She understood he wasn't the type to make his personal life known to all, but if he acted the way he had before that would be the end of it, and this was certainly something she didn't want to see the end of. But as much as she loved him she wasn't going to put up with anymore behaviour like that. The thought of loosing him to something so ridiculous created a sick feeling in her stomach. She hoped he had learned his lesson.
They sat down to dinner at a long table filled with admirals, ambassadors, diplomats, and the rest of the senior staff. Polite conversation about missions and tactics and 'how have you been?' drug on and on. The boredom of it all caused Beverly's mind to wander and she found herself staring at Jean-Luc as less than diplomatic thoughts began to thread their way into her mind. The boredom had persisted too long, it was time for some fun. Feigning interest in the conversation she rested her chin on one hand as the other crept under the table and up Jean-Luc's thigh.
His knee banged the underside of the table in surprise causing plates to jump and wine to spill. Eyes turned toward him and he gave a little embarrassed laugh and an apologetic smile to everyone before flashing Beverly a warning with sharp hazel eyes.
She smiled sweetly at him, pure innocence. He went back to his conversation. Beverly sighed, but didn't give up. Again his knee banged the table and again everyone turned to see what the problem was. Jean-Luc's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He glared at Beverly who was barley keeping her laughter under control. Gathering what little grace he could he stood and offered his hand to her after another apologetic smile to everyone. "Would you care to dance?"
"Why I'd love to." She took his hand and followed him to the dance floor where a few other couples were gliding about to a waltz.
He pulled her close whispering in her ear. "Can't you behave yourself for one evening?" His voice didn't sound as stern as the words.
She laughed. "Where would be the fun in that?"
"It may not be fun, but at least it's not embarrassing."
She studied him a moment trying to decide if he was joking. "Are you that embarrassed?" she asked trying not to sound as annoyed as she felt.
He laughed. "If I were would I do this?" he asked as he pulled her closer and kissed her in full view of all who wanted to take notice.
Several minutes later when Beverly finally pulled her lips away from his she looked at him caught between amusement and surprise. "Well I must say, I wasn't expecting that."
He laughed again. "I never make the same mistake twice...well not often anyhow."
"Yes, you do learn your lessons well."
"Lessons? Am I in training?"
"Someone has to teach you how to act properly when in a relationship," she teased. He looked away in embarrassment. "Don't worry Jean-Luc I'll stay with you and teach you all you need to know."
"Will you?"
"Of course I will, who else would put up with you?"
"I wouldn't want anyone else to." He smiled and kissed her again.
This time when their lips parted they noticed the entire table had ended all conversations, save for a few quiet remarks, and were watching them. Beverly looked at Jean-Luc faintly worried about his reaction. She soon found there was no need to worry. Jean-Luc simply smiled and nodded to everyone then turned back for another kiss. Beverly smiled against his lips as the rough spots of the last few weeks melted away to a distant corner of her mind. Life with Jean-Luc was sure going to be interesting.
The End (I think I might actually mean it this time...)
"Somewhere other than the night
She needs to hear I love you
Somewhere other than the night
She needs to know you care
She wants to know she's needed
She needs to be held tight
Somewhere other than the night"
--Garth Brooks