Title: Confusion
Author: Elamae
Fandom: Mighty Ducks (Movies)
Pairing: Charlie/Adam
Rating: R - for pre-slash
Series: Discoveries Series. Wasn't originally going to be as series...*sigh* but the muses took over and there are another five parts to come
Summary: Adam is having thoughts over his feelings towards a certain Duck...
Feedback: Gods yes! Flames no. I'm a sensitive little soul....
Disclaimer: Mighty Ducks do not belong to me, Disney own them all. This story has nothing to do with Disney and the author intends no infringement of copyright.
Authors Note:

Confusion
by Elamae
Adam's POV.


I think I may be gay

I can sense your eyebrows rise. Well, put yourself in my position, I've only just come to this conclusion. 

Well.....possibility.

Because, you see, I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm....confused.

Heh. Figures right?

It's all sort of crept up on me. But I keep telling myself I'm still young. Too young to know anything for sure. Aren't I?

I feel like I'm going round in circles and I think I have been for a while. Ever since I joined the Ducks, if I'm honest. 

And the cause of all this confusion? Well, it's all down to one person.

Charlie Conway.

Ever since I met Charlie, back when they were still District 5, I felt a pull towards him. I wanted to get to know him, be his friend. But of course I was a Hawk and he was just District 5, the loser's team and of course later the Ducks. We were at opposite ends. But, he just seemed like a nice guy that I would have liked to get to know. 

When I joined the Ducks, Charlie was the first one, the only one at first, to try to welcome me to the team. I couldn't believe it, after all that we had or I had done to him as a Hawk.

After we won the state championships, it was Charlie who made me feel like I was part of the team, a real Duck. All of them welcomed me, even Jesse, but it was Charlie who helped me to join in and although we weren't best friends by a long shot I felt we *were* friends and that was something that I treasured. I'd been right to get to know him. He was every bit as....wonderful as I'd believed him to be. 

Maybe that's what triggered it, I don't know. These feelings I have for him. I've tried to understand it; tried to work out just what exactly it is I feel, but I'm scared. Scared of what it means; or what it might mean.

Sat here in the dorms with the others listening to them drone on about girls, I'm convinced I am though. Gay, I mean. Everyone else is joining in enthusiastically and I'm feeling a bit left out; again. I try, but my hearts not in it. I wonder if anyone notices.

I like girls. I have a few friends who are girls. I've got nothing against them. I just can't see what all the fuss is about. I feel I should be 'noticing' girls by now, everybody else seems to be. Maybe I'm just a slow developer or something. I do *have* feelings, they're just not for any *girls* that I know. Girls just don't hold no interest for me.

Maybe I'm not the only one.

As I glance around the room, my eye lights on Charlie, as it usually does. I notice that not all of his attention looks focused on what the others are saying and his smile looks rather fixed. Not the genuine Charlie smile that I'm used to seeing. As I look at him, he seems to sense my gaze because he looks up and his eyes meet mine. He shoots me a smile, a real one this time and I return it somewhat shyly before he turns back to the discussion. 

I have a horrible suspicion I may be blushing. I duck my head and try to look as inconspicuous as possible. I try hard not to read anything into his look, but I can feel my heart race anyway. I allow myself to wonder if maybe Charlie feels the same as me. Joining in with the others because he feels he has to, that he should, but that he doesn't have any more interest in girls than I do. I shouldn't allow myself to dream like this, because that's all it is; a dream. A dream that Charlie would feel for me what I feel for him. 

I don't even know what I feel......

Is it the types of feelings that other boys have for girls? I don't know. I've seen Guy when he's with Connie and part of me believes it is. That what I'm feeling for Charlie is what I should be feeling for a girl. Of course another part of me scoffs at the idea, the same part though, that is scared rigid of the idea.......

Do I want to hold him? Kiss him, like I've seen Connie and Guy kiss?

All at once I feel my body go hot. Blood rushes to my face and I feel light-headed. Oh God, I pray that no one has noticed. I glance against my will, over at Charlie and jump slightly when I realise that he is watching me, a concerned expression on his face. 

With a muttered 'sorry' I scramble to my feet and head out of the dorm room. There's a muttered 'hey' as I catch someone's hand on the way out but other that that no one seems to notice my exit. It's after curfew but no one is around outside. I don't go out of the building though, just up the corridor to the bathroom to splash some water on my over heated face. 

As I'm leant over the sink I hear the door behind me open and its like a sixth sense, but I know it's Charlie. 

"Hey, Adam. Are you okay?" His soft voice is gentle in the darkness of the deserted bathroom. 

I look up and meet his eyes through the mirror. He's stood there in boxers and a T-shirt and for some reason this makes me feel uncomfortable. I muster a smile though. 

"I'm fine. Just got a little hot in there, I think. Stuffy, you know."

"Yeah, it can get a little 'ripe' in there, shall we say." Charlie grinned and I grinned back, suddenly feeling a little easier. 

"Were you as bored in there as I was?"

Charlie's question takes me by surprise and I start. "What do you mean?"

"Girls. I mean, they're nice and all that. Connie's great, but the way they were talking in there you'd think they were...I don't know...." He smiled and rolled his eyes. He leant up against the wall and sighed. "God, I'm tired."

"Are you okay?" I turn to face him, water dripping from my face and reach over to snag a paper towel. 

"Yeah." He cocks his head at me, still leaning against the wall and smiles. "Just wiped that's all. Catches up with you after a while."

"Yea," I scrub my face dry, "I know what you mean."

"How long do you think these guys are going to be up yakking?"

"I have no idea, but they showed no signs of quitting when we were in there."

"No. If anything, I *think* they were getting louder."

"Yeah."

"Portman and Fulton have a room of their own. Do you think they'd mind if we swapped and took their room tonight?"

"I...I don't know." My heart suddenly doubled in time and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like Charlie and I hadn't slept in the same room for the last two weeks anyway. "We can ask I suppose."

"Yeah, come on. I don't think I'm going to last much longer."

As he turned, his mouth opened in a massive yawn. I chuckled and followed him through the door, smothering one of my own. 

Fulton and Portman were more than happy to swap and within five minutes Charlie and I were settling down into their room. All our beds were changed this morning so its into clean fresh smelling sheets that I sink down into. I hear Charlie groan softly as he does the same and the sound makes my skin tingle. I bury my chin into the sheets. 

"Night, Adam." There was some shuffling sounds as Charlie moved around and then stillness as he settled. 

"Night, Charlie," I manage to get out. How unnerving is it, I ponder, to be musing about the possibility that you are gay and then end up sharing a double room with the object of your confused feelings?

I wake once during the night. The room is dark and as I look over at Charlie's bed all I can see is a lump in the sheets and the suggestion of curly hair. I turn over to face Charlie and settle back down again. 

In the morning I blink as sunlight floods the room, catching me in the eye and waking me fully straight away. This is Portman's bed; odds are he closes the curtain at night if the sun does this every morning. Shifting to one side I glance at my watch and note that its still fairly early still. We've a few hours before our morning practice. 

Charlie is still asleep. He's turned over on his front during the night and is curled around his pillow, hugging it. He looks so cute like that and I know I sound like a complete girl saying that, but this morning I don't care, its true. His face is relaxed and his breathing even. He looks so peaceful. 

There's a loud crash right outside the door plus some swearing as someone drops what sounds like all of their stuff on the floor. Charlie jerks awake instantly, his eyes on the door, his body poised to flee. I watch as his wide eyes fix on the door and my brows furrows slightly. His gaze flickers to me after a moment. 

"Morning, Charlie."

"Morning." He sits upright on the bed, back against the head rest and scrubs his eyes. Rubbing his hand through his hair it sticks up even more than it was. 

I push myself upright under the covers and wrap my arms around my raised knees. "Are you okay?" I query. "You seem a little jumpy."

"Yeah," he croaked in a sleep infested voice. "Just startled me that's all." He shook his head slightly as though to clear it and then turned and flashed me a grin. "What time is it?"

"Just past six."

"Do you think the guy's will be up yet?"

"Depends on how late they stayed up," I smirked. "They may be up in time for practise. Don't know about breakfast though."

Charlie grinned.

"I'm going to go hit the showers." I grabbed the towel I had brought with me and slid out of bed.

"Sounds like a good idea." Charlie grabs his own towel and stands up stretching as he does so. I avert my eyes and snagging my wash bag, head out of the door, hearing Charlie pad after me. 

A torturous ten minutes later and we're picking our way through our dorm room to collect some fresh clothes. Torturous because they have communal showers here, Charlie had to borrow my shower gel and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I had no idea where to look even though I knew where I wanted to look. Its times like this morning where I'm convinced I'm gay, there is no other explanation for the way I'm feeling. I pretty sure I'm still flushing red even now and I feel even more confused than I have been, which, considering the last few weeks, is a lot. 

We collect out clothes and head down to the canteen for breakfast, meeting the two girls on the way. The others roll out of bed and stumble down just as we're finishing and heading out. As I follow Charlie, absently listening to Connie and Julie chatting behind me, I realise I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do. To be honest I'm not sure what I *can* do other than nothing. I mean, seriously, what can I do? Charlie isn't going to feel the same way as me. All I would end up doing is losing the best friend I ever had, the best *friends* I ever had, if the others ever found out. I'd like to think that the Ducks, the people I call friends now, would stand by me no matter what I told them about my sexuality, but I'm not ignorant. I know this is something I need to keep to myself. Something to keep private, until I can figure out what *is* going on inside my head; and my heart.

I just know that Charlie figures in there somewhere.

The End.

Onto part 2