Disclaimer as in first apart....
Rating: Tom experiences a rather disturbing episode with his spirit walk.
The results of Tom’s first spirit was were not what either of them anticipated. Tom had gone to Chakotay’s the next day not wanting to leave it long enough for him to talk himself out of it and Chakotay had been waiting everything set up and ready. Chakotay was apprehensive himself. All night he had gone over his thoughts of the day before and replayed his reaction to Tom when he had seen the young man’s distress, the look in those blue eyes and the feelings that had stirred disturbed him. Not in a horrible way, but they strange and not at all what he would have expected.
He’d catalogued varying degrees of protectiveness towards Tom throughout the session, times when the desire to take him into his arms and hold him gently, whisper to him that it was going to be aright and that he was there for him and always would be. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. The intensity of his feelings at points were both familiar and strange, giving him a weird sort of deja vu.
But by the end of the session all feelings, except ones of utmost concern had been forgotten. Tom had entered the spirit walk easily enough and had seemed to be at ease with finding his spirit guide. The look of wonder and joy on his face had been amazing. But then after he guided Tom to ask his guide the questions he wanted help with, things had started to go downhill. Chakotay had never seen such a strong or violent reaction during a spirit walk before. Usually the spirit guide was able to take a person through their problems slowly, at a rate that the person could digest all that was being shown or told them.
But just under ten minutes into the session Tom was lying on the floor screaming, clutching his stomach and chest. Great gasping breaths were wracking his thin frame as he struggled for breath. Chakotay had been down beside him in an instant, wrapping his arms around Tom and trying to calm the young man down. He could feel slim frame shaking violently under his touch, great heavy gasps of air taken into his lungs as he fought for breath in-between agonising screams.
It had taken almost fifteen minutes to bring Tom back from whatever nightmare he had experienced to a state of somewhat calm. Gradually, holding Tom close against him and stroking his hands along his arms and head to soothe him, Tom stopped screaming, although how much longer he could have gone without doing serious damage to his already torn up throat, Chakotay wasn’t sure. Murmuring soft words soothingly, Chakotay slowly calmed him down as much as possible, just holding him. Showing him that he was not alone.
When at last his breathing returned to a varying degree of normal Chakotay turned Tom in his arms so he was leaning back against Chakotay’s chest, his arms still around him. He had the feeling that if he let go Tom would collapse back onto the floor. He looked at Tom’s face, his eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his mouth slightly open as he drew in quiet but raspy breaths. He watched as his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
“Tom?” The question was soft, a gentle whisper in his ear. He felt Tom inhale deeply and his eyes opened revealing blue eyes shining with fear.
“Cha.....” The sound was barely more than a gasp. “I.......”
“Slowly.” Chakotay eased him more into a sitting position. “What happened?”
“I.....” Tom closed his eyes again briefly before opening them to stare at some point on the floor, but not really seeing. “There....there was pain...and...and....they....they were hitting me and...kicking....” Tom’s voice was breaking. “It was dark...and I couldn’t see them...but they.....I couldn’t stand it....I was alone and...and....you...” Tom turned his eyes full on Chakotay and Chakotay felt himself wince under the intensity. Tom’s expression was one of puzzlement.
“You...you weren’t there...but you were.” Tom closed his eyes as he swallowed. Chakotay couldn’t think what Tom could mean. *He* was there?
“Tom? What do you mean I was there?” He took a breath and continued. “I wasn’t hurting you was I?” He couldn’t bear the thought that he might be involved in the cause of he pain that had lain infront of him before.
“No!” Came the surprisingly firm reply. Tom eyes looked up at Chakotay’s in wide shock. “No, you were the thought that was in my mind. I kept focusing on one...thing...and that was you.” He finished quietly, gazing at the Commander with a mixture of sudden realisation and awe. They suddenly clouded over and Chakotay could feel Tom body begin to tremble again. “I’m scared.” His voice was almost a whisper and half a plea.
“We’re going straight to sickbay. See if the doc can shed any light on this.” Chakotay started to support Tom into a standing position.
“Can’t...don’t you know.....”
Chakotay, supporting Tom towards the door paused. “I wish I did know, Tom. What’s just happened I’ve never seen before.”
Tom could read the honesty in his voice and relaxed slightly. He let himself be guided towards the door, still feeling strangely weak.