Summary: a plain romantic one I hope. Just my two favourite guys finding love in the most unexpected place.
Rating: another ‘feelings’ one I’m afraid. I’m building myself up gradually - honest!! These are my first slash stories and its scary stuff :/
Disclaimer: Characters and world are owned by Paramount. No money is being made of this, its done purely for fun. Story is copyright by me.
Again feedback wanted :O)
It was all he could do not to look at the man. Sat here hour after hour with that golden blond head right infront of him. It was torture, torture of the sweetest kind but it was torture. Torture because he knew he couldn’t have the man, knew he couldn’t feel what that golden hair felt like or what that silken skin tasted like.
Tom Paris was the ship’s resident play-boy, womaniser, flirt of the grandest scale; and about as straight as they came.
Chakotay stared at the back of Tom’s neck and closed his eyes, trying to imprint the memory of it. As luck would have it the shift was almost over. Chakotay could trail back his quarters alone and immerse himself in all those reports that needed doing and get away from the constant reminder of his unattainable desires.
He wasn’t sure when it had started, the sudden change in his feelings for the hotshot young pilot. It had been gradual though. So gradual the commander hadn’t spotted it until it was too late. Until his own feelings had betrayed him and dived into something without informing him.
He had turned round one day and he was *there*. At that spot where you know, you just know and he couldn’t deny it any longer. Not to himself, not to his spirit guide who had lain on the floor next to the stream and looked up at him with as much of a ‘at last’ look as a wolf could muster.
He grimaced and sighed.
“What’s up Commander?”
Oh what a choice of words......Chakotay turned and smiled whilst fidgeting surruptisciously. “Nothing...just a long shift that’s all.”
“I know what you mean,” Janeway leaned back in her chair and stretched. “Quite shifts are really nice, but they do tend to make the time drag rather. Not that I want anything to attack the ship,” she hurriedly said smiling, “but you tend to notice the time more when there’s nothing much to do except...think.” She gazed off at the viewscreen and Chakotay nodded in sympathy. It was all this thinking time that was giving him the trouble. His mind had the opportunity to wander and suppose about things he really shouldn’t. He sighed again and elicited a smile from Janeway again.
When the end of shift came Chakotay watched as Tom got up after being relieved by the next shift’s pilot. His eyes followed him as he joined Harry in the turbolift and watched as he disappeared as the lift doors closed. Just as the doors were closing Tom looked up and for a split second their eyes met and locked, quietly surprised blue eyes meeting intense dark ones. Chakotay cursed inwardly, gathered up his padds and headed for the next turbolift after a parting smile to the Captain.
Captain Janeway watched the departing back of her first officer and pondered, turning to face the lift where Tom had just vanished. With a tiny smile on her face she retired to her ready room after greeting the relieving staff.
That evening Tom was in Sandrine’s playing pool with Harry. B’Ellana was hovering around the bar watching them both, occasionally making comments that caused grins from both the men and a friendly bout of teasing form Tom’s corner.
The three of them were perfectly at ease with one another. It had taken time mused the Captain from her corner, but over the past three years they had cemented a strong bond of friendship between them. It made the Captain smile to see them, her maternal instincts taking over. She felt responsible for all of her crew there were her family and it was her responsibility to get them home, something she didn’t take lightly. Though for some reason she felt more strongly about these threesome and in particular Tom Paris.
Ever since she had first met him in that penal colony she had felt there was more to the young man than he liked to show. Her first impression had come from the report she had read telling her that she would be taking an ‘observer’ to help her track the Maquis ship and she was not proud to admit her first impression of Lieutenant Tom Paris, had been the most common and expected one. But after meeting him and seeing him in person, and seeing in his eyes a terrified young man. Oh, he had hidden it well. Under layers and layers of barriers and defences, but she had seen it in those eyes. A scared, lost, lonely and terrified young boy. A young man who had seemed to have seen and experienced far too much for someone of his age.
She had felt pride at his achievements since his arrival on Voyager. She had watched him grow and mature. He was though in some ways still the little boy she had seen back at New Zealand. Ever so often she would see it again. See the hesitancy; the nervousness coming through. She could see that he still saw himself as the outsider, the one who doesn’t belong, who doesn’t deserve to be where he is, even if that were out here in the delta quadrant. She knew little about his past only what was in his records but she had a feeling there was a lot more to the young man than anyone suspected.
Her attention moved as she looked towards the door and who had just come in. She watched Chakotay enter the bar somewhat hesitantly. His eyes cast over towards the pool table briefly before he headed for the bar and ordered a drink.
Chakotay sat on the bar stool and took a sip of his whisky. He wasn’t usually a whisky drinker, preferring non-alcoholic beverages but tonight he needed something more. He let the burning liquid trail down his throat and closed his eyes to the sensation. Boy he was a fool, and an old one at that. He opened his eyes and was saw Tom laughing. His eyes were dancing as he watched Harry who seemed to be only just getting the joke. He saw Tom watch Harry as a slow grin spread across the Ensign’s face and crack up again, leaning against the pool table to steady himself.
Gods, he looked......mesmerising, when he laughed. Chakotay felt
his breath catch in his lungs at the sight of that smile, the openness
of his face. He felt a small smile creep across his own lips in accompaniment.
He groaned inwardly, “Good evening, Kathryn,” Ever since the event on New Earth they
had mutually agreed to call each other by their first names when not on
duty or with no crew members to over hear them. The time spent on
that planet had made them both realise how long it was since they’d heard
anyone call them by their given names and how much they’d missed it.
“Evening, Chakotay, want to join me?”
Chakotay smiled and sat down in the chair opposite. “I don’t see
you here often.”
The Captain smiled warmly. “Every so often its nice to come down
and see my crew when they’re off duty. Keeps me in perspective.
Reminds me of....”she hesitated, ”reminds me of who and why I’m fighting
to get home,” she finished quietly. Smiling she turned to face him.
“I could ask you the same thing, Chakotay. Its not everyday we see
you down here.”
Chakotay grinned. “As you said its nice to see the crew when they’re
off duty. Gives you the chance to see who they are. Remind
you that we are a family, not just a crew. We have off days as well
as duty days.”
Raising his glass again he took a drink and caught her looking at him.
He knew *that* look. “Spit it out Kathryn. I know that
look. It means there’s something going on in that head and you’re
deciding whether or not to share. You might as well.”
Janeway laughed. “I’ve been around you too long, you know too
many of my quirks.” She shifted in her seat and turned a studious
look at him. Chakotay squirmed, the fidgeted with his cuffs before
letting out a exasperated sigh.
Janeway laughed again. “Sorry. I’ve just noticed that you
seem a little pre-occupied lately and a little nervous. Anything
you’d like to talk about. I’m a good listener.”
“No,” Chakotay said a little *too* quickly. “I mean, no, well,”
his eyes flickered briefly back over to the pool table. It wasn’t
missed. “Its nothing. I’m just going through a sort of re-evaluation
at the moment. You know with all the spare time we’ve had recently,
its just given me time to thing about things.”
“And people.”
Chakotay looked at her sharply. What did she know?
“He’ a very handsome young man isn’t he,” she said softly looking at
Tom who was now leaning against the bar silently, watching as Harry played
against B’Ellana. Chakotay turned and looked. The expression
on Tom’s face was perfectly contented. He was like a teacher watching
his students.
“Kathryn....”
“I’ve seen you Chakotay. The way you look at him, the way you
behave when he’d around. I wasn’t going to say anything, interfere,
but you two have been dancing around each other for years.”
“I didn’t think I’d been that obvious.”
“You weren’t,” she smiled. “But I’m a Captain remember?
It’s part of my job to know my crew.” She paused to take a drink
from a glass Chakotay hadn’t noticed she was holding. “You need to
speak to him.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Kathryn!” He caught *that* look again and sighed. “He’ll
laugh, or just look at me like I’m stupid....or mad.....or both.
I mean the history between us hasn’t been all that wonderful. What
on earth would he think? I know what I’d think!”
“Is it worth the risk though?”
Chakotay studied her before quietly answering. “I wouldn’t know
where to start. We’ve only just become what you would call friends.
To even think of taking things further. Even if he did agree, which
he’s not going to do.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because he’s straight.”
“Yes.”
“So?” Chakotay looked at her incredulously. “You don’t know
until you ask, Chakotay.”
Chakotay sighed taking another sip of his drink. “Talk to him,
Chakotay. At least then you’d know. And he won’t laugh at you,
Tom’s not like that. But you need to know. I know you, you
won’t rest otherwise.” Taking another drink she leant back.
“So, tell me. How long have you felt this way about, Tom?”
“I thought you were the all-knowing-Captain?” Chakotay teased.
“Oh I am but its nice to know the little details,” she grinned.
“I don’t know to be honest. I think it just kinda crept up on
me. I wasn’t expecting it I can tell you,” he laughed softly.
“All the time in the Maquis I thought he was annoying, aggravating, a smart-ass
and....well...he still is,” Janeway chuckled gently. “But its taken
a long time for me to see him for who he is not what he is...or was.
Over the past three years I’ve had to live alongside him whether I liked
it or not and that’s given me the chance to get to know him, properly.
Not just that first impression image that he likes to portray, you know?”
Janeway nodded almost imperceverbly. “I mean I don’t *know* him but
I find myself *wanting* to get to know him better. Wanting to spent
my time with him, *all* my time with him. Hear his voice, touch his
skin, his hair......”
Janeway could feel her mind drifting and forcible dragged herself back
to the here and now. Boy he had it bad. She could see from
the way he was speaking. She’d guessed it was like this from what
she had observed, but she was glad to be proven correct.
“Talk to him, Chakotay. You just night be surprised.”