Episode 86
Just Say No! High
(discussing an improbable suspect with Fuller)
"Well, Darth Vader did turn out to be Luke's father." - Mac
Episode Description | Episode Review | Quotes | Screen Captures
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
At an outdoor party, two girls give little slips of paper marked with Xs on them to a guy who in return hands them a "hit" or pill of Ecstasy, the new popular drug of choice in the neighborhood. A minute later, the guy dies from an overdose of the drug.
At the school, drug crusader Jeff Chandler is handing out t-shirts that read "Say No To Drugs" on them and advocating a school-wide drug test. He convinces his assistant basketball coach, Doug Penhall undercover, to take a shirt. Inside, Doug catches up to Judy, who's posing as a student, and she explains that she voted against the test.
The vote results are announced, with the test winning by a landslide. Jeff passes out more t-shirts, but Judy doesn't want one.
At basketball practice, star player Bill Godwin is late. The coach advises all of his players to drink plenty of water the next two days, and Godwin says that he won't take the test. When Jeff tells him he has to, he storms off. Doug asks Coach Branden about the advice he gave the players, and the coach explains that he isn't their father, that he basically doesn't care what they do off the court as long as they give their all on it.
Judy talks to her classmate Janine about Ecstasy, and the girl gives her an address and instructions on how to get an X, which would get her one hit of Ecstasy.
Judy takes the drug test, and she's sitting in class when she receives the envelope with her results, but she doesn't open it. She's startled when Jeff wanders over and tells her that he's her drug buddy, assigned to help her kick her 'addiction.' She checks her results and is startled to discover that they are positive.
Fuller has no choice but to place Judy on suspension and take her gun and badge. She is very unhappy about it. He tells her to brief McCann.
At basketball practice, everyone gives Godwin the cold shoulder for his decision to not take the test. When Jeff and the rest of his team tell him that if he wants to play he has to take the test, he storms off the court. Doug chases after him and asks him what the harm in taking the test is, and Godwin still refuses to take it.
Mac is playing a hand-held video game when Fuller calls him into his office. When Mac doesn't immediately respond, Fuller takes the game from him and has Mac brief him on the details he'd gathered about the case. As he tries to leave and take his game, Fuller holds onto it, and Mac explains to him how to play. When Mac leaves, Fuller starts tentatively playing with the game.
Doug is alone at the gym shooting hoops when Judy pops in, looking for him and hoping to share her misery with him. He reminds her that even though she's suspended, it doesn't mean she can't work.
Judy goes to take a second test, but when she learns that it won't clear her of the previous test results, she decides to take a different test that will clear her and show "past drug use," as the nurse tells her.
Internal Affairs Inspector Nickerson visits the chapel while Judy's working in order to schedule an appointment with her and calls her a "user," of "scooping" drugs. The next day, Judy has a meeting with him that goes as badly; he accuses her of having a 'major league addiction' and he scares her with his ability to twist her life into what he thinks it is.
Judy tells Doug just how scared she is after she searches for the report on a bust that Nickerson thinks she 'scooped' from.
At school, Doug talks to Godwin, who is leaving the gym because the coach told him to take the test or he can't play. Doug supports Godwin's choice to not take the test, to stand up for his principles.
Mac meets Jeff, and as they're leaving the school, they see Godwin playing basketball outside, and he is in bad shape. Jeff believes that Godwin is the "cook" who made the Ecstasy. Mac reports Godwin's behavior and condition to Doug and the coach. After Mac leaves, Doug asks Coach Branden if he knows of any reason Godwin won't take the test, and the coach says he doesn't have any idea.
The Xs start circulating around school again.
Godwin's locker is searched, and drugs are found inside.
Doug and Mac go to Fuller and tell him they don't think that Godwin is the cook, they think he's been framed. Fuller tells Doug to go see Godwin as his coach, but before Doug can leave, Judy races in with her new test results, and she's exuberant. The test is negative and clears her. Fuller invites her back onto the case, but she says she has a stop to make first.
Judy throws the test results in Nickerson's face and he agrees to give her a written retraction for her file. To add insult to injury, she adds that she told his loan officer about his gambling habits. Oops, did she jump to a conclusion?
Doug talks to Godwin, who finally explains why he has the drugs in his locker. He's epileptic, and he needs the drugs for it. Coach Branden knows about it. Doug is startled and angry.
In Fuller's office, Doug shares the info with the others, and they plan to catch him. Mac is placed undercover as a postal worker, and when Janine comes in to pick up the mail from "Par-T-Dude's" postal box, he notifies Judy and Doug, who are waiting outside and follow Janine to a camper in the woods. Coach Branden gives Janine a bagful of Ecstasy in exchange for retrieving his mail. Doug and Judy confront Janine at her car, then Doug catches the coach outside, lighting a fire in a fire ring. He tackles the coach before he can destroy the evidence.
Back at school, Doug is on his last day as assistant coach, and Jeff apologizes to Godwin before Doug makes them do laps.
EPISODE REVIEW: Five stars. This is my favorite episode of the entire season five. Mac is his usual playful but helpful self. But it is the relationship between Doug and Judy that makes this great, as you can again see how close the two are. I especially love the scenes with Judy and the Internal Affairs Investigator. When she "jumps to a conclusion" when talking to his loan officer, the scene turns from one where you are happy for Judy to one where you can share her revenge. Don't miss this episode!
QUOTES:
(in the school hallway, about why Judy doesn't want to take the drug test)
"Doug, when was the last time you had to urinate into a cup?" - Judy
"I won five bucks." - Doug
(in the school hallway, about basketball)
"So, how's assistant coaching?" - Judy
"Ooh, painful." - Doug
"You're supposed to coach, not play." - Judy
"Oh, I'm not playing." (rubs neck) - Doug
"Then why does your neck hurt?" - Judy
"It's not my neck, it's my throat." - Doug
"Oh, no, you're catching my sore throat." - Judy
"No, no. From yelling. Drive to the hoop! Rebound! Rebound! Get out of the Girls' Locker Room!" - Doug
(at the Chapel, Mac is playing a handheld game)
"No! No! No! Wait! I thought there was an extra man here, what's the deal?" - Mac
"Ah, McCann." - Fuller
(Mac is still playing the game)
"No! No! No! Not the turtle. Come on, not the turtle. Come on." - Mac
"McCann!" - Fuller
(Still with the game)
"Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Come on. Come on." - Mac
"(unintelligible on my tape)" - Fuller
(Fuller walks towards Mac)
"Yes! Score! Ha! All right! Woohoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!" - Mac
(Fuller grabs game and pulls it away with Mac still trying to play it)
"No! No! No! No! No...no..." (lets go of game and faces Fuller) - Mac
"My office." - Fuller
(Fuller heads for his office as Mac starts to follow)
"Uh-oh." - Mac
(Mac catches up as Fuller studies the game)
"Aren't these things (unintelligible on my tape)?" - Fuller
"No, it's relaxing, sir." - Mac
"Oh, is it five o'clock already?" - Fuller
"No, I mean, focusing, sir. You see, when you're in synch with the game, you get these alpha rhythms, like meditation, you know. It can give you great insights." - Mac
"Oh, really? And did your horoscope tell you that you would meet your destiny today?" - Fuller
(about Fuller having to suspend Judy after her test results come back positive)
"He feels real lousy." - Doug
"Well, not quite as lousy as I am, Doug." - Judy
"So, what are you gonna do, just sit around and feel...lousy?" - Doug
"Actually, no." - Judy
"Good." - Doug
"Thought I'd sit around and make you feel lousy, too." - Judy
"You know all that stuff you heard about misery loving company?" - Doug
"Uh huh." - Judy
"Big exaggeration, terrible lie. (pause, they lean against the wall) You know we all know that suspension is a real crock. Fuller spent three hours on the phone after you left. There's nothing he can do about it until he gets the test results back." - Doug
"So, what am I supposed to do 'til then? Just sit around and wait?" - Judy
"Well, suspension means you ain't gonna get paid. But it doesn't necessarily bar you from the Chapel." - Doug
"Are you suggesting I work for free?" - Judy
"I didn't think this was about money." - Doug
(at the Chapel)
"Miss Hoffs." - Inspector Nickerson
"Detective Hoffs." - Judy
"You are currently suspended, Miss Hoffs." - Nickerson
(at Nickerson's office, Judy is sitting across from Nickerson)
(on the phone) So, why don't you just go ahead and do the paperwork on that little red car of mine? Ciao. (hangs up, to Judy) Loan officers appreciate confidence. Now, where, uh, you were just telling me why you made three large cash withdrawals in May." - Nickerson
"Well, I had three large bills." - Judy
(with a fake smile) "Uh huh." - Nickerson
"My dentist, uh, my mechanic, and I took a vacation." - Judy
"But cash, Miss Hoffs? I mean, most people pay in checks." - Nickerson
"Well, the truth is, I...I haven't been able to balance my checkbook since I was sixteen, so I tried cash, except for mortgage, gas, and electricity." - Judy
"And you moved your account to a new bank. First City-State Savings and Loan. February 6th." - Nickerson
"Well, that was my mother's suggestion. You know, start fresh, have every penny accounted for. And she gave me some extra cash for a cushion, you know." (at his fake smile) "My mother suggested it." - Judy
"Let me suggest a scenario. On January 28th, you busted a Speed operation. While your partner went for backup, you were left alone with one dead body and a large supply of Speed. Now, for a user like you, that's tempting. So you scooped a few bags, half for yourself, half for sale. You dumped it cheap: four-thousand dollars. You put it in cashier's checks and you used it to open a new account. Then you took the money from your old account and used it for your personal use. Now, by May, you had a major league habit. So you started drawing cash until the June bust." - Nickerson
"Well, I've got it. You think you're Humphrey Bogart." - Judy
"No, I think you're an addict." - Nickerson
"Oh, get a life!" (stands) - Judy
"Okay, let's wait for the test results, shall we? You know," (walks around desk towards Judy), "I couldn't have made you take that test." (touches Judy's hair) "I'm so glad you took it on your own." - Nickerson
(Judy glares at him and leaves)
(at the Chapel)
"Do you know what happened to me?" - Judy
"Yeah, you got a false positive. So what?" - Doug
"So false doesn't matter, Doug. Positive does. Positive gives me one big red mark on my jacket, and no matter how hard Fuller erases it, there's always gonna be this whisper, 'She tested positive once, you know,' 'Sorry, Detective, your testimony's no good, they'll pull up your record in court.' Or, 'Gee, Hoffs, we'd love to promote you, but, you know, there's that thing with the drug test, remember?'" - Judy
"What are you babbling about? Everybody knows you're not a user." - Doug
"Everyone who knows me. But guys like that...worm down at Internal Affairs, they can make my life into whatever they please. All I need is that hair test to come back positive, and I'm done." - Judy
"Well, you know it's not going to come back positive." - Doug
"I knew the other one wasn't going to come back positive, too, and it did." - Judy
(at Nickerson's office, after Judy gets her test results back)
(phone buzzes and Nickerson answers it)
"Nickerson. No, no. Don't let her back her. Just tell her I'm--" - Nickerson
(Judy appears in doorway)
"Dead?" (Nickerson turns) "Mr. Nickerson, I have something I'd like you to read." - Judy
"I've read it already." - Nickerson
"Oh, but I'd like the pleasure of hearing you read it aloud, again, to me." - Judy
(slams it onto desk in front of him)
"Miss Hoffs..." - Nickerson
"Detective Hoffs." - Judy
"Is this really necessary? It was an honest mistake." - Nickerson
"Well, it's just that I'm thinking about filing a complaint." (glares) - Judy
"All right." (opens folder and begins reading) 'Subject's hair showed no sign of prescribed drug use.' Terrific. 'Given the length of the hair, we would estimate the subject had not been involved in drug use in the last nine months.'" - Nickerson
"Excuse me?" - Judy
"Nine months." - Nickerson
"Now, would that cover the time that I developed my 'major league habit'?" - Judy
(mumbles) "Seem to." - Nickerson
"I'm sorry?" - Judy
"Yes, it would." - Nickerson
"Ah." - Judy
(continues reading) "'The original positive results seem to be a case of cross-reactivity. An antibiotic cough medicine taken by the subject produced an amphetamine-like trace which the test could not distinguish from actual amphetamines.'" - Nickerson
"That has a ring to it, don't you think? 'Amphetamine-like trace.' I will expect a written retraction for my file with your name on it." - Judy
(she turns to go)
"Of course." (stands) "Look, if there's anything I can do..." - Nickerson
(she turns back)
"And, Mr. Nickerson, about your car loan..." - Judy
(confused) "My car loan?" - Nickerson
"Well, you know, the little red convertible with the special speakers and the CD?" - Judy
"Yes." - Nickerson
"Well, I ran into that guy you had on the phone the other day, your, um..." - Judy
"My loan officer?" - Nickerson
"Yeah. Nice guy, nice guy. We had a nice little chat, but I'm afraid I let it slip about your gambling habits." - Judy
"Gambling?" - Nickerson
"I didn't get into detail, but he seemed disappointed that you even gambled at all." - Judy
"What gambling habits?" - Nickerson
"Well, your secretary tells me that you buy a lottery ticket every Wednesday, sometimes two." (a mischievously startled look crosses her face) "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! Did I jump to a conclusion? Oh, I'm sorry, gee, you'll probably get your loan anyway. I only flashed my badge once." - Judy
(she smiles and leaves)
SCREEN CAPTURES
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