The tall, beautiful Saurian and the short, wiry female Duck each sat at their respective computers, flocking to that ever-present domain of entertainment and insanity, "Sheeba’s Discussion Board."
Sheeba Marie, Saurian princess, posted the beginning of a story:
*you walk silently down a long, dark hallway not sure of what you expect to find at the other end. at last you see a faint light in the distance and as you walk toward it, you realize you've entered a high-ceiling, dome shaped room which is dimly lit by light from several large candles. there appears to be some sort of nest which is about five feet tall in the far half of the room with an white female and red male Saurian curled up together in it, asleep. you watch the two for a while, estranged by the material the nest seems to be made of, then suddenly the red male raises his head and growls at you. the female is awoke by this and she leaps out at you and knocks you down on your back, leaving you defenseless prey for the two Saurians. the red male slinks over to where you lay and glares down at you*. . . . . . . . . .
Who wants to finish it?
Seeing her chance and laughing to herself at Sheeba’s foolishness, Kaaryn T’i Leanna Quackstone quickly hit the “Reply” button:
:::like lightning, I leap up, press my sabre hilt to his breast, and ignite it. His screams of agony echo through the large dome, but it is too late. He cannot be saved. My work here is done, my sister has been avenged.:::
Gee, that was fun, let's do it again!!
“uuuuuhhh...” Sheeba hesitated, caught off guard.
“The female reaches out one clawed hand and rips your heart out of your chest. You have three seconds to see what your own heart looks like before you die.”
Kaaryn pouted at this. “That’s not fair! You take the fun out of everything!”
“Yes!” Sheeba agreed, “especially when people talk of killing Dragaunus!”
“Big whoopee!” Kaaryn yelled. “Name ONE of us Ducks who doesn’t want to!”
Just then, Kaladan logged on. “What would Dragaunus do if if his little brother died?” She wanted to know. “Would he go out in a blaze of glory, or just lie down and die then and there?”
“I’d rather not think about it,” Sheeba shuddered.
“Don’t worry; it’s not going to happen for a looong time.” Kaladan reassured her.
Kaaryn jumped in. “You mean we have to wait LONGER for that scumbag to be disposed of?” She snapped her fingers in disappointment. “Darn!”
Sheeba pounced on her, knocking her to the floor. “Never again!” she hissed.
Thinking quickly, Kaaryn head-butted her and rolled to the side. Before Sheeba could recover, she ran over, gripped the ornamental silver belt and, using the massive Saurian weight to her advantage, ducked and threw her over her back a good six feet.
At that moment, Wraith teleported in and cast a spell, resurrecting Dragaunus, much to Kaaryn’s dismay. “Oh great. This is like one big family reunion with all the Saurians I hate. Whoopitty-doo.” Absent-mindedly, she traced her finger over the scar on her left thigh, one from a fight with Wraith when she was eighteen, now cleverly camouflaged by a skull-and-crossbones-type tattoo. “I’m sick of associating with you scum!” She activated her shield and threw herself at Wraith, who simply backed out of the way. Shaking his head, he teleported out, his words echoing in the chamber. “Fighting with the Princess will only get you killed.”
Dragaunus backed up, content to watch the fight. A smirk crept across his lips as Sheeba slashed at the Duck with a dagger, causing a deep gash in her left bicep. Kaaryn squeezed her eyes tightly and bit back a scream. She bent down and drew her vibroblade from her boot, turning it to maximum power. With all her might, she flung it at Sheeba’s face, and then her left arm went completely limp, useless. But her aim was true, and the Saurian roared in pain as the blood flowed fresh from her cheek.
Flames erupting from her muzzle, she strode confidently towards Kaaryn and punched her in the stomach. Kaaryn crumpled to the ground, the wind knocked out of her. Sheeba stepped back, sportsman-like, patiently waiting for her to catch her breath. Kaaryn looked up, and slowly, crouching, backed away. Sheeba smiled, thinking she was retreating. But, with a surge of energy, digging her boots into the rough concrete for traction, Kaaryn charged towards Sheeba, and with a
“HAI—CHIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
that exploded from the very depths of her soul, crushed Sheeba’s gut with a flying side kick. She quickly ignited her saber with a flourish, but before she could finish the despised Saurian off, her saber was met with the impenetrable handle of a large battle ax. The clang of the collision resounded like a gong throughout the chamber.
Dragaunus had finally intervened. Jaws parted in a feral grin, he brought the ax swinging round in a smooth arc towards her neck. She somersaulted out of the way at the last second, the razor-sharp blade grazing past her, so close that when she rose, the thick clump of bangs that had hung over her right eye now stood cropped to show a repulsive, half-stitched, scarred socket where her eye should have been.
A maniacal grin spread from ear to ear on the Duck’s mangled face. “Okay, now I’m mad.” She leapt to the edge of the nest, turned and, spotting her saber on the floor at the opposite end of the room, dove for it. But in midair---
“ENOUGH PLAY!” Sheeba suddenly shouted. In one swift motion, she drew a laser blaster and shot Kaaryn through the heart.
A gasping cry of surprise and pain escaped her beak, and she fell to the floor with a wheeze. From a dark corner, Luke Skywalker-like, a young male voice screamed a desperate denial, “NOOOOOOOOO!”
All six Mighty Ducks, led not by Wildwing, but this time by Nosedive, stepped into full view. Nosedive rushed to Kaaryn’s side, knelt, and gently cradled her head on his lap, stroking her hair. She looked up at him, her vision fuzzy. “Darn,” she said with a faint smile.
“What?” he asked hurriedly.
“I just bought a crate of mangoes yesterday, and now I’m not going to get to eat them.”
Nosedive shook his head, smiling sadly at the inevitable truth in her joke. She groaned, then started raising herself into a sitting position. Nosedive quickly, gingerly, pressed her back down.
“No, you are going to lie still right there until I get help.”
She got a stubborn look in her eye. “No, *you* are going to help me into a sitting position, or I’m gonna hurt you!”
“Sure you are,” he grinned, then grudgingly helped her to her knees. She coughed, then doubled over. He gripped her shoulders and held her up, his worried eyes silently questioning hers.
“I’m okay,” she lied, then gripped his hands and lowered her voice. “Listen, you have to do something for me. Dispose of Dragaunus. You’ll have to destroy that disgusting Wrath first; otherwise he’ll just resurrect him again.”
“I will,” he promised brashly, “I’ll do it for you!”
“No,” she pleaded, rolling her eyes. “not for me. For Avaline. I swore to avenge my little sister, and I failed.” She glanced at the scar on her leg, then stared at the ground, ashamed. “Twice.”
After a moment, he placed his hand under her chin, raised her face to meet his, and kissed her gently. She broke away, then clung to his chest, sobbing. He said nothing, only held her close. As her tears subsided, she whispered in his ear.
“I love you. Don’t forget that.”
He stroked her hair again, and in a few moments, she went limp in his arms.
He said nothing, only tenderly laid her down, stood and turned, armor stained with blood, eyes filled with hatred and brimming with tears that refused to fall.
“LET’S KICK SOME SLIMY SAURIAN BUTT!!!” He cried.
“Whatever you say, baby bro.” Wildwing grinned, then signaled the other Ducks.
And chaos reigned.
Just when it seemed the Ducks had gained the upper hand, 100 hunter drones materialized and teleported all of them to separate cages in the Raptor. After a stunned moment, Tanya drew her Omnitool and began cutting through her bars. Duke wasted no time in picking his lock, and had it undone in a matter of minutes. Grin simply bent his way out, and Nosedive, well, he was in a frenzy.
“DIE, SAURIAN SCUM!!” He cried, drawing his Puckblaster and shooting everything within range, and even some stuff out of range. His face twisted into an angry, pained grimace, and he swept the blaster in a wide arc, encompassing the room, never removing his finger from the trigger. Some things exploded, some were armored, some melted... and his blaster pack winked from low power, then went blank as the energy drained to zero. Dropping the spent weapon and sinking to the floor of his prison, he finally allowed his tears to flow. “This isn’t happening to me,” he sobbed to himself, “Any minute now, I’ll wake up, and it’ll all be a dream. I’ll be back in my bed at the Pond, Kaaryn will still be alive, and...” he heaved a shuddery sigh. “OH AUNTIE EM, THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!!!”
Across the room, the air shimmered, and Dragaunus stepped in, his lady Sheeba on his arm. An impenetrable energy wall flared up around all of the cages. Groans escaped simultaniously from six beaks.
Sheeba grinned sardonically. “How do you like our new invention?”
Duke sat up suddenly. The idea had sneaked up behind him, caught him by the scruff of the neck, and thrown him across the room. “Yeah? Well, let’s see what the boys at Disney have to say.” He activated his comlink. “Hey, you story people. Uh, yeah, we’ve got a mix-up here at the Raptor... Now, the last time I checked my contract, it clearly stated that the good guys *always* win, so, unless you’d like to be sued for a hefty sum---”
In the twinkling of an eye, the scene reversed. The two Saurians appeared in separate cages, the Ducks materialized back at HQ under the Pond, Kaaryn was resurrected, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Well, sort of...
epilogue
Sheeba roared, pacing her cage and clutching at the bars. “That’s not fair! I’m in no way affiliated with Disney!! I demand a sequel!!!”
Dragaunus growled at her. “Oh, shut up.”