(Excerpts from Chapter Two, Jax and Brenda finally had that confrontation and he doesn't believe Brenda's story about her illness and then losing his phone number as the reason she couldn't contact him after that fateful cruise. Jax is getting frustrated and doesn't want to hear any more, but Brenda drops a bomb shell on him)

"If that were true, you wouldn't have given up on me so easily. Why are you feeding me this line of-"

"Just stop it, will you?! I finally gave up because I know *everything!*" The anguished look on her face spilled over into her voice. "I finally found that number you gave me. It had slipped through a tiny hole in a seam of my jacket pocket, and I practically had to take the jacket apart to retrieve it…"

"Oh, *really?*" He sounded bored, but he didn't look it; he looked furious.

"Yes, *really!*" she spat out through gritted teeth.

"Funny, I don't recall any messages from you - or even hearing you'd called," he shot back, insulted that she was continuing this farce of an explanation.

For a very long, very tense moment they both just glared at one another, before Brenda finally shattered the silence. "You mean your *wife* didn't mention it?" she blurted out, as she broke away from his hold and stormed out of the café before he could even catch his breath.


Chapter Four


He caught up with her before she could reach the sanctuary of her post of duty - if indeed even it could have offered safety for her at this point. Grabbing her arm, he hauled her through the lobby and straight into this office, leaving the other employees gaping after them. It was humiliating, but Brenda had no time to think about that - and frankly, she was too angry at Jax to worry about office gossip.

Once the ornate door had closed behind them, he let go of her arm. "Explain!" he ordered flatly.

Trying to control her feelings, she said, "What's left to explain, Jax? When I finally got through to the number you gave me, a woman answered the phone. When I asked for you, she said she could give you the message because she was your wife." She bit her lip and looked away, the memory of that conversation still tore at her heart. "I didn't want to believe her, so I said, 'You mean you're married to Jasper Jacks?' And she laughed and said that was right; you'd been married for almost a month." Finally she forced herself to look up into his face. "So it's true, isn't it? You went home from our - the cruise - and married another woman."

His expression didn't soften. This was the first time she couldn't read what he was feeling, just by looking into those clear blue eyes of his. "That's right, but only after it became glaringly apparent that Miss Veronica Monroe, AKA Brenda Barrett, had no intention of keeping her promise. I hope you got a good price for that diamond, by the way - it cost quite a bundle, even in Saint Thomas!"

"Diamond? But I thought-" she frowned. "Didn't you buy it from that little gift shop aboard the ship? They had lots of pretty rings there… zircons and imitations…"

"Don't tell me some slick jeweler stiffed you on the sale!" He didn't look amused by the prospect.

Hugging herself tightly - a move Jax noticed whenever Brenda was feeling vulnerable or trying to protect herself - she moved towards the window, staring longingly outside. "No, of course not. I didn't sell it. I would never do that," she offered softly.

"Then where is it? I don't see any rings on your finger." Jax didn't seem moved in the least by Brenda's claims of having kept the ring.

"That's because- "she stopped short. It was in a tiny, velvet bag, at the bottom of her jewelry case, to be passed on to JJ when he was grown. It was intended to be the only remembrance his mother could give him of his father, the only man she had ever loved.

But she dared not mention JJ's name… If only she could have more time to think!

"Yeah," Jax said, "that's what I thought… No reason that you shouldn't sell it. After all, it meant nothing to you; it had no sentimental value whatsoever to you. It was just not an extravagant enough gift for you, was it?"

"It's not what you think," Brenda answered miserably, then remembered that she was the injured party here and lifted her chin. "At least I didn't rush home and marry someone else. You should be the last person telling me about what's sentimental or not. So what did you do - elope?"

"I was married in an enormous church wedding with all the trimmings," he answered matter-of-factly.

"But how-?" Brenda was flabbergasted at his admission.

"I was engaged when I went on that cruise. In fact, the purpose of that particular cruise was for me to decide whether or not I wanted to go through with the wedding. But after I met you, I knew that decision had already been made for me. When I told you I had business to take care of before I could call that diamond an engagement ring, that's the business I meant - breaking it off with Miranda."

"I...don't believe you." She dared not believe him.

"I don't give a-" he stopped, sucked in a deep breath and continued calmly. "When you failed to call, it didn't seem to matter much what I did. Since it meant so much to her, and to both sets of parents..." He shrugged as if he'd satisfactorily explained everything. Only he hadn't - especially when his eyes narrowed and he took a step towards Brenda. How could he look at her as if he had some insane idea of picking up where they'd left off six years ago, when he had just admitted he had a wife sitting at home in San Francisco?


***************************


Brenda hardly knew how she was going to get through the rest of the day. Everywhere she looked, she felt Jax watching her… always watching her. She hoped she was the only person who noticed that assessing look in those blue eyes.

As usual, she shared her afternoon break with Ruby in the tiny employee lounge. The grandmotherly woman had been Mr. Grover's secretary since the Miner's Point opened, and now Ruby was about to fulfill the same function for the new owner.

"But I haven't agreed to a thing yet," Ruby declared, blowing on her coffee to cool it. "He's been nice enough so far, but I'm reserving judgment. Men that good looking aren't to be trusted." She slanted a measured glance in Brenda's direction. "So they tell me you already know Mr. Jacks…"

Brenda clenched icy fingers into a knot in her lap. "We ...umm… met a few years ago."

"Uh-huh." Ruby's eyes were very shrewd. "It's all over the hotel that he took you to lunch." She suddenly looked sympathetic. "Did he chew you out for being late this morning?"

Brenda nodded. Well, he had!

"I figured as much," Ruby said grimly. "That's just the sort of thing that worries me. Doesn't he know how hard it is to be a single mother-"

"Oh, Ruby, please tell me you didn't say anything to him about JJ!!" Brenda exclaimed, terrified Jax knew about the existence of her child. It was only a matter of time before Jax put two and two together and learned that he was the father.

Ruby frowned. "Well, no - but maybe I should."

"Don't! Promise me you won't say a word or let any of the others say anything either." Brenda leaned forward earnestly. "I should be judged on the job I do here, just like the rest of you. I don't want any special favors or considerations because of my... my family situation. Mr. Grover was so nice to me that maybe I *did* take advantage of his good nature."

"Hogwash! You've never taken advantage of anyone in your life, Brenda Barrett."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence." Brenda looked at her friend with gratitude. "Still, rules are made for everybody. I'm going to do my darnedest to be on time from here on out."

Ruby sighed, "Maybe that'd be a good idea, considering none of us have any idea of what we're up against." Cocking her head, she added thoughtfully, "Except maybe you..."


*************************************


When Brenda and JJ arrived at their small, hillside home above Port Charles, they found Jared, Lois, and baby John waiting for them. Lois jumped out of the Jeep Cherokee at the sight of them, a stack of pizza boxes in her hands, while Jared followed with the baby.

Lois smiled broadly. "You're late," she said, watching her sister-in-law and nephew climb out of Brenda's little car. "We were beginning to wonder if we were going to have to eat these two huge pizzas all by ourselves."

"Cheese pizzas?" JJ asked hopefully. He was going through a phase where he picked everything else off, even his immediate past favorite, pepperoni.

"One of them is cheese, just for you." Lois leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How's my boy?"

"I'm good, Aunt Lois. I caught some bugs today- Wanna see 'em?" JJ asked, happily opening his treasure box of bugs for Lois to sneak a peak.

They moved together toward the house. Smiling, Brenda turned to greet her brother, while holding out her arms for John. Jared deposited the baby in her embrace, and she covered his chubby little cheeks with kisses. "How's my angel?" she cooed. "Oh, Jared, he's growing like a weed!"

"He sure is," her handsome, dark-haired brother smiled with evident pride. "How's it going, little sister?"

"Never better," she lied as she led him toward the house, picking her way carefully, since her feet were bare.

By the time Brenda and Jared got inside, Lois had already opened the cardboard pizza boxes on the kitchen table and was doling out paper plates and napkins. JJ chattered away, helping his aunt, tickling the baby's chin, and giving his mother a hug in passing. It was a pleasant family scene, and yet Brenda found she wasn't in the mood for it. She had some other things on her mind - or rather some other person. And every time she looked at JJ, she felt a pang of worry, although she tried to ignore it.

They ate; they talked about mundane family matters; but mostly they just concentrated on stuff they loved. JJ ate three, big slices of cheese pizza, then asked to be excused so he could build a "bug house" for the collection he'd caught at the baby-sitter's. When he'd gone, Brenda sighed and leaned back in her chair. She hadn't realized just how tense she'd been, watching her son - Jasper Jack's son.

Lois offered the baby another chunk of pizza crust to chew on. "So," she said, as if she'd been waiting for her chance, "did you have a nice lunch?"

Knowing exactly where all this was leading, Brenda wanted to groan but didn't. "It was all right," she said noncommittally, hoping this would end the conversation, but she knew better. Instead of backing away, Lois was about to open a whole new can of worms. "Faith told me that was your new boss who took you to lunch today."

Brenda devoutly wished her co-worker would mind her own business. "That's right."

"What's his name?" Jared asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

"'Jasper Jacks,' but he prefers being called 'Jax.'" Brenda thanked her lucky stars that she had never told him her son's real middle name to them, or the jig would be up. "Apparently his father owns a chain of historical hotels throughout this country and Europe."

Jared frowned. "He took you to lunch? Don't tell me he's already trying to hit on you?"

"No, of course not!" The conversation was making Brenda more and more uncomfortable. "He's interested in local history, that's all. In fact, just before closing time, he was asking about our local ghosts."

"He's really good-looking," Lois chimed in. "Smooth-"

Jared grimaced, "Like the guys you knew back in Brooklyn? C'mon, Lois. Brenda's not interested in some smooth operator from back east."

"How do you know what kind of guy your sister is interested in? You'd find something wrong with every guy, including Prince Charming!"

They both looked at Brenda, waiting for her to jump into the fray. Instead, she said helplessly, "He's not from back east; he's from California."

Lois burst out laughing, but Jared looked thoughtful. "If this Jax character gives you any trouble, you let me know," he said. "I mean it."

"I know you do, and I appreciate it. But there's not going to be any problem." At least, Brenda hoped and prayed there wouldn't be any trouble. "Uh, Jared, I was wondering..."

"Yes, li'l sis?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in anticipation of Brenda's request.

"…If the invitation still stands for Jared to spend some time with you and Lois at the ranch?" Brenda finished, hoping that she didn't seem too pushy in asking.

"Oh, Brenda, that would be wonderful!" Lois leaned in enthusiastically. "We'd love to have him with us anytime - you know that! Jared bought a pony. Did he tell you?"

"No, but I'm not surprised," Brenda smiled. She had the best brother around, but if he had any flaws, he tended to take over everyone he loved, including his sister and nephew.

"Anytime," Jared agreed. " As a matter of fact, we could take him with us now and-"

"No, no!" Brenda held her hands up to slow everything down. Maybe it wouldn't be necessary at all. If Jax kept their relationship strictly business, then perhaps he'd never find out about the boy. "I haven't figured out the timing yet," she admitted. "As soon as I do, I'll give you a call".

They accepted that and the conversation turned to other matters. Brenda tried to concentrate on what was being said, but she found it nearly impossible. Jax was on her mind, and she couldn't stop thinking about him. For the first time since she could remember, she found herself wishing Jared and Lois would cut short their visit.

At last they stood up to go, and Lois gave Brenda a final hug. "Are you sure everything's all right, Brenda?"

"I'm fine, Lois - just a little tired, that's all," Brenda lied. She was more than tired; she was emotionally exhausted.

But Lois didn't look convinced. "You're sure it's not something else? You seemed a little... distracted this evening. I hope we didn't keep you from something. I keep telling Jared to call before we barge in on you like this."

"No, of course not. You're always welcome here." Just a little less tonight, she thought.

When they'd gone, Brenda straightened the kitchen before calling JJ in from the backyard. His toys were strewn from one end of the house to the other, and in keeping with family rules, it was his job to pick them up and put them away. This he did, but not without his usual stalling and complaints, this time ending with, "Who picked up all these toys before you got me, Mom?"

Brenda hauled him into her arms for a big hug before making the expected answer, "Before I had you, Mommy didn't have any toys, sweetie." They laughed together, and she felt emotional tears leap to her eyes. JJ was the most precious thing in her life. In fact, she loved him more than life itself and would do anything to protect him - anything!

Swallowing hard, she held him away from her. "Okay, buster, time for a bath, and then it's off to bed."

"I'm not dirty!" he protested, looking down at his grubby T-shirt, caked with dirt and mud. He made a few inconsequential swipes with his hand and then followed happily when she went to run his bath.

She thought she would never get him to bed, but finally he was tucked in securely, with repeated warnings that tomorrow Mom absolutely had to be at work on time.

"Okay, Mom, I promise," he said, looking at her with earnest blue eyes that nearly broke her heart.

She smoothed the damp hair off his brow. "I was talking to Aunt Lois and Uncle Jared today, and they were wondering if you'd like to come spend a few days with them at the ranch this summer?"

His eyelids drifted down, silky lashes touching his cheeks. "And baby John, too?" he asked sleepily.

"Baby John, too," Brenda assured him, smiling at his love for his baby cousin.

"But you'd be lonely without me, Mom," he answered with such confidence - and he was right.

"Of course, I'm going to miss you. But part of learning to be a big kid is being separated from your mother - even for just a teeny, weeny bit." She gave him a fierce hug.

"You're squashing me, Mama!" he protested with a grin.

"Sorry," She released him, smoothed the sheet around his shoulders and stood up. "We'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay, Mom… love you!" It came out on a sleepy yawn.

"Goodnight, sweetie, and I love you, too." She gently kissed his forehead and slipped out into the hall, quietly closing the door. It would be good for him - spending time with his aunt and uncle - but she dreaded coming home to an empty house. That five-year-old filled her life with such joy and meaning. She would always be grateful to Jax for that, if for nothing-

A brisk knock on the front door halted her in mid-thought and in mid-step. Frowning, she turned to answer the summons. It was after ten o'clock, and she rarely had visitors this late. Who could it be? She swung open the door and looked straight into the sparkling, blue eyes of Jasper Jacks.


******************************


"What are you doing here?" she asked, completely taken aback by his unexpected appearance on her doorstep at this hour.

"Not simply passing by, you can bet on that," he shot back. He stalked inside, turning in the middle of the room to face her. He wore faded denims and a soft knit shirt, with white leather sneakers on his feet. In fact, he looked very much like the man she'd met and fallen in love with on the cruise ship.

"How did you find me?" she asked, knowing full well as the new owner of the hotel that he had access to all employee files.

"It wasn't hard," he replied simply, knowing that she already knew the answer.

"Then *why* did you find me?" she asked weakly.

"I had to." His reply was curt and so as his tone.

"You didn't." She shook her head wearily. "It's hard enough having to deal with you all day long at work. You can't just barge into my home and start tormenting me-"

"Tormenting *you*? I don't think so," he shot back. Before she could respond, he took four, long strides, closing the distance that separated them, and reached out to grasp her by the waist. He held her there and just stared at her face as if he was trying to memorize every detail. Without wanting to, she returned his gaze; all rational thought blasted aside. Even when he pulled her flat against him, she couldn't move one muscle in resistance. "Jax", she whispered, wishing he would...

What? Hold her? Kiss her?

Yes, she thought. She wanted him to kiss her.

A humorless smile touched his well-shaped mouth. "Whose tormenting whom?" he asked, and then he slowly lowered his lips towards hers.

At the first touch of his lips, an answering spark, low in her belly, burst into life. Brenda felt as if she'd been yanked through a time warp. Nothing had changed - not a single thing. His kiss still awakened in her feelings that she never thought she'd confront again. His body was as lean and hard as she remembered, and her own felt completely incapable of resisting the languorous spread of passion that reached to her every extremity.

He cupped her face with both hands and angled her face just the way he wanted; the way that matched his perfectly. Lost in a glow of sensuality, Brenda touched his waist with her hands, lightly... experimentally… as if to find out whether that, too, was the same. And then she wrapped her arms around him and hung on; for where he was taking her, she'd never gone without him as her guide. It was like the first time that he had kissed her: a stunning shock of electricity coursed through her entire system. But unlike that first time more than five years ago, she knew now where this kind of surrender could lead.

Still she didn't have the power to resist him when he drew her to the sofa and down into its depths, without ever taking his mouth from hers. Lost in his kisses, she couldn't find a shred of resistance. With his hands roving over her, his mouth trailing kisses down her throat, she felt as if he'd stripped her of her will in just a matter of a few, short seconds.

He shifted over her, and she moved eagerly to accommodate him. But then he let out a short exclamation of surprise, followed by a flinch, then she saw him reach into the crease between the couch cushions to pull out-

One of JJ's books!

Brenda lunged for it, but Jax held it beyond her reach. She saw the frown creasing his forehead, while he turned the oversized storybook over to look at its cover. And then he flung it across the room; his slashing glance chilling her to her very toes. "So you have a *child?*" he demanded angrily.




We Belong Index