Chapter Nine



"Brenda dear, Mr. Jacks would like to see you in his office right away."

Balancing the telephone headset on one shoulder, Brenda groaned and closed the registration book with a snap that nearly knocked it off the counter. "Not again!" she begged. Jax summoned her to his office at least a half-dozen times a day, and he had ever since he'd taken over the hotel, nearly two weeks ago. Everyone who worked at Miner's Point had noticed and was talking about it. Worse, he didn't seem to mind the gossip in the slightest.

Ruby's warm chuckle came across the wire. "Must be something good! You haven't been late since the first day he arrived."

That was true, but probably because JJ was still visiting his aunt and uncle... And besides, she didn't want to arouse Jax's suspicions as to why she was constantly being late for work.

Brenda sighed, "All right, Ruby. Tell him I'll be right there." Hanging up, she glanced at Faith, her co-worker. "I'm sorry, but the boss wants to see me," she frowned.

Faith grinned. "Geez, Bren, anyone looking at your face would think you were just called into the dentist office to have your wisdom teeth pulled out. We should all be so lucky."

Brenda didn't consider herself lucky. Jax was driving her crazy, and she knew it was deliberate. He looked at her as if she were an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, and he never missed an opportunity to touch her – accidentally, of course. He tried to entice her to lunch, to dinner, to tour his suite, but she knew what he was really after – her body.

Well, he wasn't going to get it! He was a constant threat to her self-control but an even more dangerous threat to her dearest love: her son. He hadn't believed her explanation of her failure to contact him after the cruise, and as a result he obviously didn't trust her. If he ever realized that she'd kept from him one of the most important pieces of information a man could receive, he'd despise her. And then he'd take her child from her, as surely as she lived and breathed.

Squaring her shoulders, she knocked on his door with firm strokes, then waited for his invitation to "Come in."

His smile was dazzling. "I made some notes about our historical preservation plans and thought perhaps we could discuss them tonight over dinner."

Say what you will about Jasper Jacks, but the term "giving up" was not in his vocabulary. Heck... she wasn't sure he'd ever even heard of the word. "I'm sorry," she said, her face stiff, "but I have other plans."

His blue eyes narrowed. "Can't you change them?"

"No, I can't."

"Can't or won't, Brenda?" He knew he was pushing here, but he just wanted to spend some time with her, no matter what the excuse was. And though he had his own ulterior motives, he did want to go over the plans with her.

"It amounts to the same thing, doesn't it?"

"Well, hell!" Turning, he tossed several folders onto his desk, then slanted a dark glance in her direction. "I'd be careful if I were you. I tend toward surliness when I get too frustrated."

"Well, that's your problem, isn't it? I refuse to accept any responsibility for your 'level of frustration,' as you put it." Brenda drew in a deep breath and lifted her chin. "If that's all-"

"No, Brenda, it's not all." He advanced and she retreated, step for step. "You're making this unnecessarily difficult, you know. There's no reason why we can't pick up where we left off."

No reason that he knew of. "We can't go back, Jax. We can't just turn back time and pretend that the last five years never happened. You told me that I couldn't ignore the attraction that still exists between us, just because I want to. Well, we can't just go back and pick up where we left off just because you want to."

"Sure we can."

She reached the wall and had nowhere else to retreat. Reaching out, he stroked her set jaw with his hand. She arched her neck and turned her head away, a traitorous part of her wanting to purr with satisfaction as his fingers slid up behind her sensitive ear.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her throbbing pulse in her forehead. "You want me, Brenda. Why are you fighting it?"

"For the last time, I am not fighting anything! … What? The great Jasper Jacks isn't used to a woman turning down his advances? I want you all right! I want you to leave me alone!" Bracing her hands on his muscular biceps, she gently pushed him away. She was breathing hard, and she felt tendrils of hair against her cheeks; tendrils he'd dislodged. "Don't do this to me, Jax! We can never regain what we lost. Times change; people change-"

"But some things remain the same." He didn't try to touch her, but he didn't have to; his steady, burning gaze kept her anchored before him. "What we feel for each other… physically, at least… hasn't changed at all. If anything, it's grown stronger." And deeper in his case, he thought.

She groaned. "Nooo-"

"Yes, Brenda. We're older, and, we can only hope, wiser. This time we'll both go in with our eyes wide open. There won't be the usual strings attached – strings about love and commitment and happily-ever-after. That's the part of our relationship that failed, not the act of love itself."

Brenda pressed back against the wall, exquisitely aware of the rush of blood through her veins. Somehow this man made her feel more intensely alive than she had ever imagined she could feel. But even without JJ to consider, she knew she couldn't possibly fall into line with his plans for their future.

She had loved Jax with every fiber of her being, and look where it had gotten her… He'd broken her heart once, and she wasn't going to let him do it again. The next time she wasn't sure she'd ever recover.

With a conscious act of will, she straightened. "There are always strings attached, whether we plan it that way or not. I'm not interested in some cheap affair with-"

"Cheap?" He looked astounded, his brow arching on his lean face. She'd hurt him with that statement, but he carried on as if nothing had happened. "No affair with me could ever be classified as cheap. You should remember that from our last love affair."

It hurt her terribly to hear him call it that. "First and last," she forced herself to say. "Find someone else to… to bedevil! I'm sure there are plenty of candidates out there who are more than willing to take you up on your offer. But I'm definitely not one of them. So if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

He didn't say a word in reply, and Brenda didn't trust herself to say anything else without completely breaking down in his presence. She turned and left his office without a backward glance. Leaning against his door, only then did she allow the tears to trickle down her cheeks.

He let her walk out his office and close the door, but even with a solid wall between them, he couldn't stop thinking about her... and thinking about her... and thinking about her.

*******************

"Ruby!!" Jax hollered. "Where are those layouts that I asked you for hours ago? I'm working against a deadline here, and I need those papers now!"

That was it! Ruby had had enough of Mr. Jacks's bad attitude, and she was going to give him a piece of her mind. Shaking her head, she got up from behind her desk and walked into the open office.

"Look, Mr. Jacks, I know that you're my boss and all, but you'll soon be looking for a new secretary if you keep up with this attitude of yours," Ruby chastised. "You've been like this all afternoon. It's not like you, Mr. Jacks."

Taking a deep breath, Jax ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "Oh, Ruby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that." What was wrong with him? You know exactly what's wrong with you, an inner voice answered. "I've had some things on my mind, that's all – but that's no excuse for my behavior. It was inexcusable, and once again I apologize."

"Apology accepted, and I'm sure that things will work out for you." She had an idea what was on her boss's mind – rather, who was on his mind. He'd been in a bad mood since he'd called Brenda into his office earlier. She knew that there was something going on between the two of them. Brenda had never actually said anything about her and Jax, but the look in her eyes whenever Jax was around was a dead giveaway. Brenda was like a daughter to her, so Ruby would be there for her if she ever needed anyone to talk to about this growing situation.

"Thanks, Ruby," Jax said with a half-smile. "You're a valuable employee, and I never want to take you for granted... I need you on my team," Jax paused. "So, now that we've cleared things up… I still can't find those layouts that-"

"It's right there in the left pile on your desk, Mr. Jacks," Ruby indicated, pointing at the stack of files on his desk. "It's been there ever since you first asked for it, sir. But you probably don't remember me coming in earlier because you were obviously thinking of other things, and I didn't want to disturb you," Ruby laughed.

Great! He'd just made a complete ass of himself, when the papers were right on his desk all along. "Thank you, Ruby. What would I do without you?" he added jokingly.

"Let's hope you never have to find that that out, Mr. Jacks," Ruby said in an equally joking tone. "Now, I have to get back to work. Talk to you later."

"Bye, Ruby."

Jax leaned back in his black leather chair, savoring the fresh Port Charles air from his open window. It was happening again. She was turning his world upside down, and there was nothing that he could do about it. Brenda Barrett was a part of him; a fact he'd always known… even after their love affair on the cruise ship had ended. Even though he had eventually come to terms with the fact that she had no intention of calling him, that hadn't stopped him from pining over her and thinking about her. The days and months after Brenda were some of the hardest he'd ever faced, until his son's death.

He would imagine her in places where she wasn't. Memories of her were everywhere. Anything would remind him of her. Walking down the street, he thought every petite brunette was his beloved Brenda. Day in and day out, he lived and breathed Brenda Barrett. He'd even awakened one night in a cold sweat because he'd had a haunting dream about her. It was as if he'd lost her all over again.

Miranda knew about Brenda. She had sensed the change in him once he'd returned from his vacation. She hadn't questioned him about it, but when he'd finally told her about his love affair, she told him that he'd called out Brenda's name several times in his sleep.

From the moment he saw Brenda again, he knew that he was in big trouble, and time had proven him right. Everyday he looked forward to coming to work and looking at that beautiful face of hers. Her voice was the first thing he wanted to hear in the morning; it was like music to his ears. Just being around her brightened up his days and cured his bad moods. He loved joking with her and used his humor to hide the true depth of his feelings for her.

But her words kept echoing in his mind: "So, just leave me alone… It's over, Jax; it's been over for a very long time. The sooner you realize that, the better we'll be… Just leave me alone… It's over, Jax… Just leave me alone…" But what she wanted was impossible. How could he stay away from her? He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

Putting his face into his hands, Jax realized what he had to do. He'd seen the flicker of pain in her eyes today, and he hated that he'd put it there. He would rather leave her alone than cause her any more pain. Brenda's happiness was the most important thing to him, and he would see to it that she was happy. He would leave town after he'd laid the final groundwork for the renovations on the hotel.

Life goes on; he'd lived without her before, and he certainly could again.

Then why couldn't he imagine his future without Brenda Barrett in it?

********************

The telephone on Brenda's bedside table rang, and she lunged for it with a mother's first thought: something's wrong with my child! But the voice that answered her anxious "Hello?" was rich and deep and sexy.

"Hello, Brenda. Did I wake you?"

Instead of calming down, her heart raced even faster. "N-no, I was reading." She glanced at her alarm clock and saw that it was nearly eleven o'clock. "Is something wrong, Jax?"

"Yes, and you know what it is."