Farmer: Yeah?
Scully: Uh, Virgil Nokes? I'm Agent Scully. This is Agent Mulder. We're with the FBI.
(Mulder, in dark sunglasses, leans against one of the porch supports very bored and grumpy, he swats at a bug that lands on his neck.)
Farmer: Jehovah's Witness?
Scully: No, sir. Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Mulder: But we do have a free copy of "The Watchtower" for you if you'd like.
Farmer: Oh, you people. Come on in . . . Sugar beets.
Scully: Excuse me?
Farmer: I grow sugar beets. I figure I got better things to do with my fertilizer than going around blowing government buildings sky high.
Scully: Yeah. Well, as we said, sir this is just routine.
Mulder: (quietly to Scully) So routine, it numbs the mind.
Mulder: Running down people that buy fertilizer? This is scut work, bozo work-- the FBI equivalent of being made to wear an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash by the side of the highway -- they mean to humiliate us.
Mulder: Now, the sun will rise in America tomorrow regardless of whether or not we're at yet another farm investigating yet another enormous pile of doo-doo. We can be in and out in a day. Nobody has to know.
(Mulder waggles his eyebrows at her - like YOU'D be able to resist that =)
Scully: Mulder, it's me. You know how to pick them, I'll tell you that.
Scully: And Mulder, I've called the CDC. They're on their way but Patrick Crump may be infected. So you need to quarantine his cell and make sure that anybody who's had any close contact with him whatsoever has been quarantined as well, and that means you, Mulder. You're to have no contact with him whatsoever.
(Mulder sighs)
Scully: Mulder?
Mulder: Well, that's going to be a little tough, Scully.
(In the car's back seat, Crump takes the phone from Mulder's ear looks back at the patrol cars following them, and continues pointing the gun at Mulder.)
Crump: Drive.
Mulder: How about if we just pull over and let me out, too, huh? I must be cramping your style.
(Phone rings. Crump looks at it in frustration then throws it out the window. It bounces down the highway behind them.)
Mulder: Hey! No! (furious) That is . . . so stupid, Crump.
Crump: Shut up.
Mulder: That is so stupid.
Crump: What are you doing?
Mulder: What? What am I doing?
Crump: What the hell are you doing?
Mulder: (sarcastically) I'm composing a sonnet. What does it look like I'm doing? I'm slowing down for a light.
Mulder: Crump? Is this what happened to your wife? This same thing? If you stop moving, you die? I think I saw this movie.
Scully: How did Crump know to avoid the roadblock?
Captain: That's the question. I was hoping your Agent Mulder would manage to steer him toward it, but . . .
Scully: Maybe Agent Mulder steered him away from it.
Captain: Why would he do that?
Scully: Maybe he knew something that we don't.
AD Kersh: Agent Scully.
Scully: Yes, sir.
AD Kersh: (very condescending) How is Southern Idaho? Agent Scully? Southern Idaho? Think carefully.
Scully: Sir, I am not currently in the state of Idaho.
AD Kersh: No, you're not.
AD Kersh: Oh, Agent Scully . . . I think, at this point I want to see him alive even more than you do.
Mulder: Crump? Crump, what else can you tell me about what's happening to you?
Crump: Mr. Crump. You call me by my last name, you say "mister" in front of it.
Mulder: "Mister." I got you.
Crump: Not Crump. Mr. Crump.
Mulder: I can think of something else I'd like to call you. I could put "mister" in front of that, too if you'd like.
Crump: You know, what kind of name is Mulder, anyway? What is that, like . . . like, Jewish?
Mulder: (disbelieving) Excuse me?
Crump: Jewish . . . It is, right?
Mulder: (mad) It's Mr. Mulder to you, you peanut-picking bastard.
Mulder: What caused it?
Crump: What do I . . . I'm . . . I'm, like, Quincy? How the hell should I know what caused it?
Mulder: Well, on behalf of the international Jewish conspiracy I just need to inform you that we're . . . almost out of gas.
Crump: Yeah, yeah. That's good. Okay. Hey, uh . . . The Jew stuff? No offense. I mean, uh . . . A man can't help who he's born to.
Mulder: (sarcastic) That was an apology, right? Gee, I don't know if I can see to drive my eyes are tearing up so bad.
Mulder: Hey, you got to stay alive if you want to stick it to the government. If you die, you let them off the hook. Am I right? Huh?
Crump: (trying to be positive) You're right. You're damn straight.
Mulder: We'll figure this out.
Crump: Better figure quick. We're runnin' out of west. (They pass a California state line sign)
Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: Yeah, aside from terminal cell phone withdrawal . . . That, and I got to pee. Where are you?
Crump: (hopefully) But I'll live, right? Well, that's what it's all about. All right, man. (whacks the back of Mulder's seat) Let's do it. Mr. Mulder, could you go a little faster, please? Just a little more is all I need.
Mulder: Sure.
(Mulder goes up to 90.)
Crump: (very weak) Go a little faster, please? Just a little bit faster.
Mulder: Why don't you bill me?
AD Kersh: I'll bill your partner instead. You too obviously relish the role of martyr.
Mulder: Okay. So are we done here? Back to the bozo work investigating huge piles of manure?
AD Kersh: (needling Mulder) You can always quit.
(Mulder looks at Scully, then walks out of the office, slamming the door behind him.)
Scully: (under her breath, but loudly enough to be heard) Big piles of manure.
6x01 6x03
