Funny Job Application
This is a job application a 17
year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in
Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and
funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still
looking.
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place would I.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000
a year plus stock options. If that's not possible, make an offer (any
offer) and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes, but it
doesn't seem to be paying off.
LAST POSITION HELD: A
target for middle management hostility.
LAST SALARY: Way less
than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, with a half-hour break
around 2:00 p.m.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment and I
don't like to get caught doing them at work.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I
think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that
runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the
job no, on my breaks yes, substance - I rather not say.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living
in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde super model who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Who am I kidding,
I'd like to be doing that right now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.