Surprise!
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love.
When it came apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, “He is such a sweet and gentleman, and he would never go for this
carrying on." So she made supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke
down on the way home from work. Since she lives in the country, she called
her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On the way she pass a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than she
could stand.
Since she still has miles to walk, she figured that she could
walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So she stopped at
the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked
beans. All the way home, she putt-putted.
Upon arriving at home, she felt
reasonably sure that she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to
see her and exclaim delighted, “Darling, I have a surprise for dinner
tonight.” He then blindfolded her and led her into her chair at the
table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold
from his wife, the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans that she had consumed were now beginning to affect her. The pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room, she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one cheek, and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like cabbage cooking in a high school locker room on a hot August afternoon. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more. At this point it smelled like a bulk in Lincoln (wherever the heck Lincoln is).
When the phone farewells signaled the end
of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin placed it on
her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband
returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked if she had peeked, and
she assured him that she have not. At this point, he removed the
blindfold, and there was her surprise! There were 12 dinner guests seated
around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!