The show ER, and all characters and situations borrowed from it, are property of Constant-C, NBC, Warner Brothers, etc. This fanfiction is for entertainment only, and no money is made from it. The story contains graphic scenes and words which may offend some readers, and as such, it is not appropriate for children under 18. This story is not to be archived or distributed without the permission of the author.
This story takes place around the time of "Gut Reaction."
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There's something in the way she moves
Or looks my way or calls my name
It seems to leave this troubled world behind
If I'm feeling down and blue
Or troubled by some foolish game
She always seems to make me change my mind
I feel fine anytime she's around me now
She's around me now almost all the time
And if I'm well you can tell that she's been with me now
And she's been with me now quite a long long time and I feel fine
--James Taylor
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The Present
By Jordan
jxp@my-dejanews.com
"Hey, Carol, wait." Doug ran down the hall to catch her.
She turned around to look at him. "I was just leaving. What's up?"
"I'm not going to be as late as I thought. Why don't you take the car and go home, get ready, and I'll meet you there. We can drive to the banquet together."
"Are you sure? I don't mind taking the El home."
He nodded. "Positive. You take the car, I'll take the El, and I'll be home soon."
She smiled, gave him a peck on the cheek and took the keys from his hand. "Okay, I'll tell Carter. See you later."
*****
As Carol drove home, it started to rain. Great, she thought. My dress will be ruined tonight. She recalled the day she bought it, a few weeks ago. It was the day she'd first heard about Doug's decision. She'd come home and was excited, wanting to show off the dress, but Doug was preoccupied. He'd become more and more introspective lately and was spending a great deal of time thinking. However, she didn't realize what he was mulling over until that evening. When he sat down to tell her, she was more than surprised. They had just finished the dinner dishes and he leaned back on the counter and looked at her.
"What?" she smiled.
"Got a minute?" he asked quietly.
"For you, sure."
"Sit down, I want to talk to you about something important."
Although she tried not to show it, Carol was nervous. He'd been over this once before, and she wasn't sure she was ready for it. How should she react? "Okay, what's up?"
"I've been thinking a lot about the future." He looked at her and she nodded for him to go on. "Well, I've had this fellowship now for a number of years, and it's time for me to decide what I wanna do about next year."
She leaned in, surprised. "This is about work?"
"Yeah. Oh, oh, didja get scared there for a minute?" he grinned.
"No, no, not at all...." Looking away, Carol tried to hide a guilty smile.
"Uh huh, sure. Anyway, hear me out. Over the last few years...I think my skills and my knowledge about pediatric emergency medicine has increased and...I feel like I'm ready for more. More responsibility, more authority. I also want more of a commitment, which my fellowship doesn't offer."
"I don't follow you. Do you want to leave County?"
"No. I want to apply for the position of Pediatric Attending Physician."
Carol looked at him blankly. "Doug, there is no such position.
"Well, I know that. But I think there should be. Carol, I've looked over the numbers...."
"You what?" she interrupted.
He grinned and continued. "I've looked at the numbers and one third of all the cases that come in are pediatric. Now, I know Mark and Kerry do a great job, I do. But there is no continuity of care, no one to monitor the decisions that are made, no one person to review the treatment to see that it's suited for this population."
Carol stared at him, not believing the words that were coming out of him.
"Carol, you with me?"
"Yeah, Doug, wow, I never thought..."
"What, you never thought I'd ever give anything this much thought, right?" he teased.
"No. Not at all. I knew how passionate you were about the hospital's care of children, I just never thought you would want to tackle something like this. But Doug?" Carol reached out for his hand. "It sounds wonderful."
*****
Once he was finished updating Scott Anspaugh's chart, Doug was ready to leave. He walked into the locker room, got his coat, and met Carter on his way out.
"Hey, Dr. Ross, you heading out?"
"Yup, I'm going home to meet Carol. See you tonight."
As he walked out into the downpour, he remembered his umbrella was under the driver's seat of his car. He ran to the shelter of the El platform and waited for the next train. He was glad he gave Carol the car so she wouldn't be drenched in this rain. Smiling unconsciously, he thought about her waiting at home as he stepped onto the train.
Finding a seat, he closed his eyes and it came to him again: She was waiting for him. All his life, he had wanted someone like her waiting for him. Saving her sweetness for him. Someone he could shower with love and tenderness, someone he could open himself up to. He never stopped thinking that it was a miracle, Carol being in his life. The years he'd spent without her, waiting for her, silently loving her, had finally brought him to this. And the reality of being Carol's lover, the man she wanted in her life, was more fulfilling than he'd ever dreamed it could be. Looking out the rain-splattered window, he couldn't wait for his stop. To be with her again.
Carol pulled up to her house and sighed. While she supported his idea, she was afraid of what might happen if it didn't pan out. Hated to think about his disappointment, the possibility that he'd have to find work elsewhere. She couldn't imagine being at work without him. Lately things had been so good between them, she didn't want anything to change. Looking out the window into the rain, she realized how much she depended on him; how much she loved him.
Running into the house, she took off her coat and shoes and went in to get ready. She showered, put on her makeup, and thought for a minute. "Why not?" she said out loud. "Let's see how long it takes him to find out." Grinning, she finished getting dressed.
Carol heard another train come in, then heard him outside, stamping his feet, probably shaking off the rain. She walked out of the bedroom as he walked in. Smiling, she gazed at him and thought about how she loved the way his hair curled up when it was wet. Doug looked at her and stared.
"What do you think?" she said as she turned around in front of him.
"Oh, my." Doug walked closer and stopped, looking again. "You, uh, you ARE wearing something under this dress, right? Unlike before, that short, black dress...?" he grinned.
"Doug, please. So, I guess you like it, huh?"
"Uh, wow. Really." He started to walk closer to her. "Um...I don't suppose you'd have a minute...."
She laughed and cut him off immediately. "NO! Get in there and get dressed, don't even THINK about the possibility."
"Well, you can't blame a guy for trying..." Carol couldn't help but grin as she heard him chuckling in the bedroom.
About 15 minutes later, he came out. Now it was her turn to gape. "You look so good. You know, Doug, I miss seeing you in a shirt and tie. Makes you look so handsome." Carol kissed his cheek and smiled. "Mmm, you smell good, too." She lingered a minute.
"Well, thanks, I aim to please. Shall we?"
"Yeah, let's get that big golf umbrella from the hall closet."
Armed and ready, they drove to the banquet. Doug glanced over at her again, speaking in a quiet voice. "I never really said it tonight; you look beautiful."
"Thanks, Doug."
Feeling warm and happy, he put his hand on her leg and stroked it. Coming across something peculiar, he stopped, then felt again.
"Carol...what are you wearing?" he asked quietly.
Turning to face him, her eyes wide, she said, "What do you mean?"
"Under the dress, do I feel what I think I feel?"
"What do you think you feel, Doug?"
"I think I feel a garter here, right here." His hand lightly fondled her leg.
"Hmm. Well, I might be wearing something with garters."
Doug's mind raced, thinking about the present he'd bought her back in November. She hadn't worn it yet, although he asked repeatedly. He had stopped at a store on his drive home from California after spending the whole time in the car fantasizing about her, and seeing it, decided to surprise her when he got home. He'd imagined what she'd look like wrapped up in it. It was a little black thing that had hooks and eyes, that cinched the waist, had garters running down the legs. The part that intrigued him the most was the bra cups. They were skimpy and would never cover everything. He could visualize her wearing this, her nipples peeking over the top. It would cover just so much, leaving so much exposed. Just thinking about it aroused him.
He didn't say a word, but started gently pulling the skirt of her gown up. Looking over, he saw her knee, then her thigh, then the top of her black stocking. The garter attached. "Well, look here," he said in a warm voice. Doug ran his hands across the garter again, then ventured upward. Skin. Soft, warm skin. Deciding not to stop, deciding to see what else he could feel, he moved closer and closer, his fingertips barely touching her. Coming across thick, curly hair that was moist and hot to his touch. As he exhaled, a soft moan escaped his lips. One finger ventured further, finding the beginnings of arousal. Then she clamped her thighs together, pushing his hand away.
"Doug, stop." Her eyes were closed.
"Carol, how can I stop?" He tried again, but she grabbed his hand this time.
"We're here. It's pouring out. Save this for later."
"Ah, so close...." Doug sighed and pulled the dress down over her legs. "Okay, hang on, let me drop you off at the door." Doug pulled the car around and after she composed herself, Carol got out, and turned around, an enticing smile on her face.
"I'll wait inside. See you in a few minutes."
Steering around muddy potholes, he parked the car and turned it off. Looking down at his pants, he groaned. I'd better wait a minute, he thought, for this to subside.
*****
Running with the umbrella, he managed to miss the mud. He walked in and she was waiting for him. "What took you so long?" she said, grinning.
"Ah, I had to wait for things to settle down."
"The rain, you mean?"
"No," he chuckled, "you know damned well what I mean."
They made their way to the bar and when he saw no bartender there, he mixed a drink for himself and poured some wine for her. "Here, he won't miss a little alcohol." They saw Mark and went over to talk to him, but Carol knew Doug was impatient to be alone with her. He walked away quickly, and found refuge for them under a huge, ugly moose head.
Leaning up against the wall, Doug grabbed her. "Carol, c'mere. What are you trying to do to me? I'm gonna spend this entire evening imagining how beautiful you are in that lingerie."
Carol leaned close to him. "That's the point, Doug."
"Yeah, but how can a man be expected to wait like this?"
She quietly breathed in his ear, "Who said you had to wait?".
Doug backed up to look at her and whispered, "Are you...serious?"
"Sure," she smiled, "why not?" He responded by kissing her neck and started laughing quietly, telling her what he wanted to do, but she interrupted him. "Hey, Carter, over here, by the moose."
"Hey," Doug echoed.
They talked to Carter briefly, but Doug had other things on his mind, and within seconds, pulled her away. He led her down an empty hallway and backed her against the wall, pressing his body to hers. "C'mon. Let's see if we can't find any secluded rooms here."
"So, you don't want to wait? You want to see right now?" she whispered, dragging a finger across his lower lip.
"Carol?" He held her shoulders back and kissed her softly, then deeply, rubbing against her, breathing on her neck. "Can we?"
Carol found herself melting, his lips, his kisses making her legs weak, making her damp in anticipation of his body. "Yes, but on one condition, Doug. I don't want to ruin my dress." She kissed him back, her tongue seeking his.
"I promise, your dress will be perfect. It will be fine. I promise. Please, let's go." He nuzzled her neck.
"Mmm hmm, okay."
He took her hand and led her down the stairs, to the basement. He tried one door, then two, but they were locked. He sighed in frustration, and walked further down the hall. They could hear music upstairs, the sounds of the banquet overhead. Seeing a set of double doors, he tried one; it opened up to another banquet hall, a smaller one that looked like it was set up for a wedding. Doug scanned the room and saw a flowered settee in the corner. They walked in and he closed the door behind her, locking it. "Here, over here." He led her to the corner and turned around, smiling at her. He stroked her hair, then her face, as he watched it become softer, full of desire. "You are so precious. Carol Hathaway, I love you. And I want you. Right now. I promise to be sweet. I promise your dress will be untouched. I promise."
"Then come here and watch this dress come off so you can see just what I'm wearing."
With that, she reached up underneath her hair and unhooked the straps to her dress. Staring at his face, Carol worked slowly. The top of the dress fell away, exposing what he'd only imagined seeing. There was his present. Her breasts were pushed up and together, spilling over the bra, right there, just for him. Her skin looked milky and smooth, nipples standing out in the dim light. Carol ran her fingertips over the tops of her breasts, down her waist, to the back of her gown and began to unzip it. With her arms behind her, her breasts jutted out even more. "Oh, now, look at you." Doug gazed upon her, spellbound. He walked around her, to the back, and unzipped the rest of her dress, helping her step out of it. He carefully laid it on a nearby chair and turned back to look at her.
What a view it was for him. Her breasts softly moving up and down as she took a breath, her waist so small, the garters extending down, the soft triangle of hair highlighted between them. The black stockings covering her legs. Her hands skimmed over the lace to the tops of her thighs.
"Turn around," he said, his voice choked with desire.
She did. Looking back at him over her shoulder, she quietly said, "Like this?" Her fingers traced the garters in the back, which hugged the curves of her bottom. He was transfixed. "What do you think, Doug? Does it fit okay?"
Doug thought he'd never seen a more fetching sight.
"Carol...." he tried, but he was absolutely speechless.
Walking toward her, he lifted her hair off her shoulders and ran his tongue over the nape of her neck. Slowly, softly, he kissed her back, marveling at the silkiness. His hands gripped her waist as his mouth continued its journey. Finally, on his knees, he kissed the skin at the end of the lace, onto the curve of her bottom, near the garter in the back, to the top of her thigh. He parted her thighs and his tongue searched her pink skin in between, finding her arousal, making her moan. Gently putting a finger in, watching her hips move involuntarily. If he spent just a minute more pleasing her like this, feeling so aroused, he thought he might come then and there. He stood up, turned her around and surrounded her with his arms, running his hands down, over the garters, feeling her soft skin. Their lips met and then his hands crept to the top of her breasts, to her nipples, and he encircled them with his thumb and fingers.
"Umm..." she moaned, "Right here." She put her hands on his, encouraging him to continue. Pulling and tugging on them, then bending his head down, he pushed her breasts together so the nipples were close and flicked his tongue over one, then the other, as she called out to him, pleasure in her voice. Her hands reached down, seeking him out, feeling the hardness straining against the material in his pants, and the feel of him made her even more aroused.
"Doug, give me your hand, feel this. Look what you've done to me." Carol took his hand and guided it downward. He slowly ran his fingers down over the bustier, between her legs, and found her soaking wet with desire for him. Taking her hot moisture in his hands, he spread it all around, feeling her clitoris and her inner lips swell under his touch.
"Carol," he gasped, "I'm going to turn you around again; I want you from behind. Hold on to the back of this couch." Carol complied and Doug ran his hands from the back of her thighs to the skin above her stockings. He gently spread her legs and groaned out loud at this vision of her again, the garters stretched, her breasts hanging down, her body open for him, waiting for his love. Doug unzipped his pants and then guided himself to her. "You're always ready for me, aren't you? Let me in."
Carol was breathless, anticipating him. He rubbed the head back and forth through her slickness and she rocked back to meet him, ravenous for him, making him enter her. This was the moment she loved most, the first feel of him, how he slowly made his way into her, how her body craved this. She started moaning to him, "Ohhh...I love you. I love the way you feel inside of me. I love the way you move. Don't stop."
Looking at her from behind like this, watching himself disappear inside of her, seeing her muscles tense and her body move, her wetness on him, was the most erotic thing he could remember. "Carol, put your hands between your legs, stroke yourself, let me watch you make yourself come." He saw one hand venture between her legs, then it moved around and around as she spread her legs even wider. Taking a hold of her waist, he slid in and out of her, trying to delay his climax, waiting to feel hers.
The combination of her hand stroking furiously, and his motion, was extraordinary; she took all of him, wanting him deeper, moving her hips back and forth. "Doug...I'm gonna come...it's gonna be big. Come with me. Come."
This was too much for him and he felt himself losing any shred of self-control. He could feel her clutching, squeezing, contracting around him and she called out his name again, but this time it was a plea for him to join her. Then she could feel him, the subtle change in his rhythm, pumping his warmth into her, holding on to her tightly, pulling her hips back, grunting and groaning, burying himself deeply into her heat.
He leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, planting gentle kisses along her back. He wasn't ready to withdraw yet; he had a hard time letting go. Her hand reached back and stroked his hair. Turning her around again, he touched her face, then her shoulders, looking into her eyes for the beauty he'd always seen there. She smiled back at him and put her arms around him, pressing her breasts against him, kissing his neck softly.
"Carol," he whispered into her hair, "that was...." He stopped and kissed her cheek, not knowing what to say.
"I know, Doug. Me too," she said, finding his lips once again. When they were settled, he helped her put her dress back on, fixed her hair, and zipped her up. "Your dress is still lovely," he said quietly.
"You're incredible, you know that?" Carol replied warmly.
"You look fine now. Are you ready to go back upstairs?"
"Yeah." Carol let him walk ahead of her. "Doug, what if they've missed us?" she giggled.
Doug grinned and looked back at her. "Well, if they know this place has a basement, they'll figure it out sooner or later."
*****
By the time they got back, the food was being served. Doug kept looking at her and smiling, and she couldn't help but smile back. After dinner, as Mark started to speak, he laid his head on her shoulder and let his hand roam under the table. "Doug, stop," Carol whispered, "Weaver's right next to me."
"Shh..she'll never know."
"You are terrible, stop it." He did, but he kept his head on her shoulder just the same, wanting to remain close to her.
Later on in the evening, he invited her to dance. In his arms, she was oblivious to everyone else around her.
"Carol, this evening...you were unbelievable. When we get home, can I have an encore?" he asked.
"Oh, well, are you sure you can wait until we get home?"
"Well, I just thought it would be nice to take our time, you know, nice and slow..." his arms grew tighter around her.
"I would like that," she replied, and she pulled his head to her own for a kiss.
*****
When they got home, she was hungry and tired. She walked into the kitchen to make herself some toast and poured a glass of milk. By the time she walked into the bedroom, she expected him to be asleep. She paused at the door, and smiled. He'd lit three candles and was waiting for her, propped up on some pillows. The sight of him, lying back in her bed, the candles illuminating his naked body, just took her breath away.
"Didn't you have enough fun at the Shangri Lodge?" she asked, teasing him.
He smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkled. "Well, I had lots of fun. That doesn't mean I don't want to make love again tonight. Let me watch that dress come off again."
He laid back, anticipating. Carol reached up behind her neck and undid the straps, once again letting the dress fall. She kept her arms above her head for a moment longer, which caused her breasts to remain suspended over the black lace. Wriggling the dress past her hips, she bent down, and he got another eyeful. She walked over to the bed and sat down, kissing him gently.
Extending his arms to her, he pulled her on top of him and let his hands run over her bare bottom, to the top of her stockings. "These are the first to go," he said, as he unclasped the garters in the back. He rolled her over so he was on top of her, and kissed her neck, breathing in the scent of her, tasting the sweetness of her skin. His mouth was hot and wet on her cool skin, and he kissed his way down her chest, to her breasts. "I like the way they look, over the lace like this." He took them in his hands, squeezing them gently. As he licked and sucked his way around her nipples, his right hand worked on the front garters. He undid them and then sat up to pull her stockings off her legs, one at a time.
Carol became more aroused just looking at him. His shoulders, strong and broad and smooth, his chest, the muscles contained just under his skin. His trim waist, the hardness of his penis, smooth and erect and waiting just for her. His face. His face, so handsome, so perfect.
He leaned over her and started undoing the hooks and eyes, slowly and evenly. She put her hands near his to help him, but he stopped her. "Doug, why are you taking this off?"
His voice was sensual, rich. "I bought it with the intention of seeing you in it...which I have, and then unwrapping it, taking it off your body...which I haven't yet. I want to feel your skin against mine. I don't want anything between us tonight." Unhooking the last of them, he peeled it back, one side at a time, and sat back to let her, the sight of her, soak in.
"Doug?" Her hand crept between her legs. He extended his arm, and his hand joined hers, wet fingers touching, searching. She thrust her breasts towards him and his lips played with her nipples, making them harder, darker, as his fingers sank even deeper into her body. Searching with her left hand, she found his penis and lightly caressed the soft skin, finding moisture on the tip, rubbing it around the ridge of the head, causing him to groan.
She opened her eyes and whispered to him, "I don't want to wait, I want you now." Sitting up, she laid him back and straddled him quickly. Easing herself onto him slowly, she threw her head back, a quick, involuntary gasp escaped her throat. "Ahhh...Doug...let me make love to you tonight. You lay back and let me do everything." So he did, his hands on the tops of her thighs, watching her move up and down, close her eyes and moan, feeling the rhythm of her hips change according to her desire.
"Carol, I love watching you touch yourself," he said as her hands tugged at her nipples and disappeared between her legs. She leaned back, putting one hand behind her on his thigh, and rode him, getting him wet, making him close his eyes and press his head into the pillow. He couldn't hold back anymore and pulled her body on top of him, close to him, to feel her skin against his as he wanted to, covering her neck with his kisses, then he rolled her over, to be on top of her, to thrust faster as he needed to. "This is what I want. This is what I need tonight." And he ravished her, satisfying her desire and his own as they climaxed together again, reaching out to each other, wrapped up in each others' love.
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Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning
And I find myself careening in places where I should not let me go
She has the power to go where no one else can find me
Yes and to silently remind me of the happiness and good times that I know
But I said I just got to know them
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He opened his eyes and didn't see her. "Carol?" It was almost two in the morning. Throwing the covers back, he walked into the living room. "Carol?"
"Hey, Doug."
He saw her sitting in the dark, curled up under a blanket. "It's lonely in bed without you. What are you doing here?" he asked.
Carol looked out the window. "I can't wait until it gets warmer, when spring really gets here. Did you ever notice how all of the sudden, the air is soft?"
He raised his eyebrows, not understanding. "Soft?"
"Yeah. Like in the winter, it's so harsh on your face, on your body, but then all of the sudden, in April, you walk outside and the softness of the air just...I don't know, it's just soft."
Doug sat down next to her and smiled. "I guess so. Why'd you get up?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Why?"
"I'm thinking about you, your fellowship. The attending position."
"The attending thing? Is that what's keeping you up?"
"Partly." She looked up at him warmly. "Mostly."
"Weeks ago, you told me you were all for it. Have you changed your mind?"
"No, Doug. In fact, I think it's wonderful."
"Then, what are you afraid of?"
"What happens if it doesn't work out? Then what?" What will I do? She thought silently.
Doug drew her to him. "Then we'll deal with that later. One decision at a time." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head and she laid back against him, pulling his arms around her. Something occurred to him. "Hey, Carol? What does 'insouciant' mean?"
She laughed. "It means 'carefree; heedless; lackadaisical'."
His voice was very quiet. "Is that how you think I practice medicine, how you think I am?"
Taking his hands in hers, she turned to face him. "You know," she ventured, "I watched you today with that baby girl, the twin. I was so impressed with your ability. You stayed calm, you didn't panic, didn't rush to the quick fix."
"Quick fix?"
"Well, Mark was ready to trach that baby, but you knew just what to do."
"Well, anybody would want to avoid a tracheotomy."
"The point is, not everybody would know how to avoid it. I just wanted to tell you, you're a gifted pediatrician and sometimes I'm just in awe of you."
Doug was very still, very quiet. Her words touched him to his core. "It's nice to know someone feels that way. Sometimes between Mark and Kerry, I think they are locked in some long-ago vision of me. It makes it hard, sometimes, not being taken seriously."
"Doug, Anspaugh takes you seriously. After all, who's taking care of his son?"
"Well, that's just because I'm a pediatrician."
"No, it's not. It's because he knows what kind of doctor you are and he chose you based on that knowledge."
"So, maybe I'm not insouciant after all?"
"Well, I didn't say that," she chuckled. "But, I like you just the way you are."
Doug kissed her. "Come back to bed."
"Only if you promise to cuddle me." She kissed him back.
Standing up, he took hold of her hands and helped her to her feet. "Try to stop me," he replied.
They walked to the bedroom and he pulled the covers back on her side. She laid down, anticipating his embrace. He laid down beside her, wrapping her in his arms. "Sleep well, Carol," he whispered into her hair. Feeling her relax, her body molding to his, he thought to himself as he fell asleep that life did not get any better than this. Not any better.
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It isn't what she's got to say
Or how she thinks or where she's been
To me the words are nice the way they sound
I like to hear them best that way
It doesn't much matter what they mean
But she says them mostly just to calm me down
And I feel fine anytime she's around me now
She's around me now almost all the time
If I'm well you can tell that she's been with me now
She's been with me now quite a long long time, yes, and I feel fine
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The end