ER: Doug and Carol Series

Story #31

And The Angels Sing

by: Courtney

December 24th starts off being the coldest Christmas Eve in Chicago history. By 6am, it's snowing and the temperature is hovering around zero. The weathermen are predicting the temperature will drop by at least 15 degrees by midnight. The entire town is bundling up and preparing for a very chilly holiday.

As the snowfall outside begins to pick up, Doug Ross and Carol Hathaway are snuggled together in bed. Doug opens his eyes and squints at the early morning sun seeping through the blinds. With the chill that permeates the room, it's hard to believe that the sun has even ventured out today. Doug shivers and pulls Carol closer to him. She is still sleeping peacefully in his arms. He smiles down at her. Thinking about Carol, Charlie, and the Christmas celebration they have planned for tonight sends a rush of warmth through Doug, despite the cold.

"Do you have time for breakfast?" Carol asks as Charlie comes into the kitchen.

"Sorry," Charlie replies. "I have to meet Josh at the mall in ten minutes. I'm already running really late."

Carol nods and smiles knowingly. "Here," she hands Charlie ten dollars. "Please eat *something* that isn't deep-fried," she says.

"Sure, thanks Carol," Charlie replies with a grin. She gives Carol a quick kiss on the cheek and dashes for the door. "See ya!"

"Bye. Be sure you're back by . . ." she hears the door slam, "six," she finishes. She shakes her head and turns back to the eggs she's preparing. Doug walks in and she turns and smiles.

"Hey, want some breakfast?" she asks.

He looks at his watch as he approaches her. "I can't. I'm already late," he replies as he wraps his arms around her waist and leans around to kiss her cheek.

"That seems to run in this family," she comments with a grin.

"Huh?" he asks, confused.

"Nothing," she smiles. "What time are you off tonight?"

"5 o'clock. I should be back in plenty of time for the festivities," he replies.

"Good," she grins. "Don't be late!" She turns and puts her arms around his neck to pull him close for a long kiss. "Have a good Christmas Eve," she says softly as she looks into his eyes.

He reaches to brush a wayward strand of hair from her eyes and smiles. "I will. I love you."

"Me, too," she replies, almost in a whisper. They stand quietly and stare into each other's eyes, their arms entwined, for several moments. Suddenly, the sound of the toast popping up breaks the silence. "I should finish making breakfast," Carol says.

"Oh, you went to all this trouble and I have to leave," Doug says apologetically.

"That's okay," Carol says. She pulls a paper bag from the counter. "I made this about ten minutes ago," she tells him as she hands him the bag. "It's an egg sandwich. And . . ." she reaches over to retrieve an insulated cup from the opposite counter, "coffee."

"You're too good to me," he grins and kisses her again. After a moment, he pulls away reluctantly. "I really have to go. I'll call you later."

"Okay. Bye," Carol says.

Doug leaves and Carol turns back to her eggs. She makes herself a sandwich and sits down at the kitchen table with her breakfast and coffee. She's thinking about all the things that she still has to get done to prepare for the holiday. Tonight, she, Doug and Charlie are having their annual Christmas dinner. Well, this is only the second Christmas the three of them have spent together but they intend to make this an annual event. Last year, this was the best part of the holiday and Carol expects that to be the case again this year. She is very excited about tonight.

She is not, however, quite as excited about tomorrow. That's when they're having Christmas with the rest of their family. Helen and Sarah will both be there and Carol's sisters, Lauren and Kate, are both flying in today. Kate and her husband, Rick, are coming in this afternoon with their two girls and Lauren and Phil are due in around 6 o'clock tonight. They are all staying with Helen then driving down in the morning. Although she's excited about seeing them all, Carol is tired just thinking about all the cooking that she has left to do. As she finishes her breakfast she thinks, 'It's going to be a long day.'

"Good morning, ladies," Doug says as he approaches the nurses station. Kerry Weaver, Maggie Doyle and Anna Del Amico are all standing around as he walks up.

"Good morning, Doug," Kerry says with a smile.

"Morning," Anna responds. "Where's Carol?"

"She's off today. She had a lot of preparing to do for tomorrow. Our moms and her sisters are coming over." Anna picks up a chart and heads for the lounge and Doug follows her.

"Sounds like you guys have a busy holiday planned," she smiles.

"Yeah, but I'm glad. She needs something to occupy her time. I mean, I don't want her dwelling on . . ." he hesitates, frowning, "things."

She nods sadly. "It must be hard, losing a child . . . especially when the holidays come around. I can't even imagine . . . you and Carol have been through a lot."

"Yeah," Doug replies sadly. "We're making it though. Things are getting easier." He thinks a moment, then says, "You never forget though. I've lost people before, people I loved, but nothing has ever been this hard to get past. I never imagined anything could be so hard."

Anna looks sadly at him. He's sitting on the arm of the sofa as she is standing nearby at the coffeepot. She puts her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. He turns his gaze up to look at her and gives her a sad smile.

"So," Doug says, getting up from the sofa, "you and Carter are dating now, huh?"

"Who told you that?" she asks.

"No one. I didn't need to be told. I see the two of you together," he says. "You seem happy," he observes.

"I am . . . we are," she smiles. "He's sweet."

"Carter has everyone fooled," Doug chuckles.

Anna laughs. "Well, I better get back to work. Listen," she says, growing more serious, "if you ever want to talk . . ."

"Yeah, thanks Anna. I appreciate it."

"Sure, anytime," she says, then she turns to leave.

"Charlie! I was getting worried!" Josh says as she approaches the food court at the mall.

"Sorry," she says as she walks over. She gives him a quick kiss then says, "I was running a little late this morning."

"Big surprise!" he says with a chuckle, placing his arm around her and leading her away from the food court and into the main part of the mall.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" she asks with a coy grin as she begins to walk slowly beside him, her arm tucked securely around his waist.

"Nothing, nothing at all," he says, grinning even wider.

"Watch your step buster!" she says, punching his arm playfully.

"I surrender!" he laughs. "So, which stores are we hitting first?" They are at the mall to do some last minute shopping.

"I need to go to the toy store and get something for Marybeth and Bonny. They're Kate and Rick's daughters, Carol's nieces. I also need to get John something. Any ideas?"

"Do I know what my girlfriend should get for another guy? Uh, no," Josh replies.

"Oh, come on," she says with a grin. "We're not just talking about some guy. John's one of my best friends. You don't really mind that do you?"

"No, I don't," Josh says. "Besides, he has a girlfriend doesn't he?"

"Yeah, Anna. They've been dating for a couple months now. They're still trying to tell everyone they're just friends, but I know things are more serious than that."

"How?"

"I told you, John and I are good friends. He tells me."

"About he and his girlfriend?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

"You two just have a strange friendship is all," Josh says.

Charlie looks at him, "Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, I guess I've just never had a friend I talked to about that stuff . . . at least, not a girl."

"Well, John's a great guy. Don't you like him? He likes you," she tells him.

"Oh, I like John. I didn't mean it like that. I guess it's just unusual, that's all. Actually, I'm glad you and he are such good friends. He keeps you out of trouble," Josh says with a grin.

"I'll show you trouble!" Charlie giggles.

"Oh, you will, will you?" Josh laughs. They stop walking and he spins her around to face him. She starts to make another comment but he quiets her by pulling her close for a kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck, oblivious to the crowds milling around them. It seems that the old Charlie, who never wanted to let anyone get too close, is now a million miles away.

Carol opens the oven to check the turkey. It's still got several hours left to cook. She has all of the desserts ready for tonight and tomorrow and the side dishes are all but finished. All that's left to do is stick everything in the oven when the time comes. It's only lunchtime so she figures she's doing pretty well. She, Doug and Charlie have spent the last few days cleaning to get the house in order so most of that is finished. All she has left to do is wrap some gifts and maybe vacuum once more.

She walks upstairs, deciding to go ahead and start on the Christmas wrapping. All of the paper is still in the attic because she hasn't wrapped anything yet. There just hasn't been much time. She walks up the stairs that lead to the attic and enters the dark, musty room. Clicking on the light that is just beside the entrance, she glances around, trying to remember where she put all that stuff at the end of last year. She walks over to the far corner and sees a roll of paper sticking out of one of the cartons on the floor. She picks up the box and carries it back down to the master bedroom.

It takes three trips, but Carol finally manages to get all of the wrapping supplies to her room. Everything is laid out before her and the bed is piled high with unwrapped gifts. She opens the first box of wrapping paper. Inside, she finds paper, tape, and scissors, all of the supplies she remembers putting away last year. She removes a roll of gold paper with tiny sprigs of holly on it to begin wrapping the first gift.

There are lots of presents to be wrapped, so it takes quite a while. By two o'clock, Carol has most everything finished. She has only a few packages left on the bed. The next one is a Barbie doll for Marybeth. Carol looks through the box of paper in front of her but sees that all of the kids paper has been used from the roll in there. She reaches over to pull another box towards her. This box has not been opened yet. She pulls off the top and looks inside. Her breath catches at the sight before her.

Inside this box, she finds wrapping paper, bows, tape; the same things that are in all the other boxes. However, one roll of paper catches her eye. She immediately recalls buying it. She reaches in and lifts out the familiar roll. It's white and on it there are tiny babies in Santa hats. In red and green letters all across the paper, it says, 'Baby's First Christmas.' She had bought this last year at a little card shop nearby. She remembers thinking how cute it would be to wrap all of the baby's presents in it this year. It would have been Sarah's first Christmas.

Finally, after going almost the whole holiday season pushing these thoughts away, Carol loses the control she has worked so hard to maintain over her own emotions. Tears spill down her cheeks and she hugs the roll of paper to her chest. Squeezing her eyes shut, she sees Sarah's face. A thousand thoughts enter her head at once. She breathes deeply and tries to regain her composure. She pushes herself up onto the bed and sits there a moment.

Christmas . . . she knew it would be a difficult time, especially this first year. This was supposed to be her first Christmas with her baby daughter. She and Doug and Charlie were going to have such a wonderful holiday; spending hours introducing Sarah to the traditions of Christmas. Carol would have bought her a little red velvet dress, there would have been tons of toys under the tree, the table downstairs would have held cookies and milk for St. Nick as they told Sarah how he would come while she was sleeping and leave her toys. What was so wrong with wishing for all those things?

Nothing, you just don't always get what you wish for. Carol knew that all too well.

She wipes a stray tear from her cheek and gets up from the bed. Across the hall, the nursery door is still closed. It almost always remains tightly shut. No one ever ventures inside. It's been months since Carol's been in there. She reaches for the knob and turns it slowly.

Inside, she finds the room as she last remembers it. The nursery walls are still painted a pale yellow, yet everything that was hanging in the room has been removed. The crib is gone, as are all of the clothes and toys that used to fill this space. The only thing that has been left behind is the wooden rocking chair. It sits all alone in the vast space, Doug's old teddy bear it's only company. Doug had wanted to get rid of the chair, too. He'd told Carol he felt like she didn't need all of these reminders of what they had lost. For the most part, she agreed. Keeping the nursery the way it had been would have just been too painful. She'd spent so much time in here while she was pregnant, imagining herself here with the new baby. Knowing that place in her fantasies was just beyond that door in the same state it had been in before . . . well, that would have been too much. Besides, the room had been Sarah's. Even if they had another child, Carol wouldn't want the room to stay the same. It just wasn't right.

But, that chair . . . she couldn't let Doug get rid of it. Sure, it was painful to see the chair and think of all the things she'd lost. Whenever she came in here, she thought of all the books she never got to read to Sarah in that rocker, all the lullabies she never sang, all the dolls that never got a chance to sit there and wait patiently for their turn as Sarah's playmate. There are so many things her little girl never got to do; and there are so many things Carol had missed as well. But, in the end, she knew she couldn't get rid of that chair. As painful as it is to see it, it would be worse to know she had gotten rid of all of Sarah's things. She needs something. She had told Doug that, if they ever did use this room for a nursery, she'd want that chair to be part of it. She wanted a place to sit with her children and tell them about their sister, Sarah. What better place to do that than in Sarah's chair? Doug had still fought the idea, saying Carol didn't need to be constantly bombarded with the past. She knew, though, that he felt the same way. They couldn't just throw away their memories of her, why should they get rid of every object that reminds them of her? In so many ways, Carol knows this chair brings her more joy than pain. It's strange that all of her feelings can be so entwined on a single piece of furniture.

She sighs as she thinks about this. She's still standing there, looking down at the chair. She picks up the bear from the seat and smiles sadly at him. He arrived here one year ago tomorrow. She's glad Doug didn't get a chance to throw away that package. This little fellow would have made a good friend to their child. Carol's certain he'll still get his chance.

That's a conversation she and Doug have been having a lot lately. She wants another baby and so does he. They just haven't decided if it's the right time. But, how much waiting do they have to do? She knows they won't have forever. Life has proven to her that changes you would never except are always just around the corner. What's to say she has all the time in the world? All she knows is today and she doesn't want that to slip by them too quickly. Doug has heard this argument and recently agreed they'd start talking more seriously about having a baby very soon. They've agreed to let the holidays pass before they make any real plans.

Carol sets the bear back down and turns from the room. Hopefully, this time next year, she'll have someone to tuck in here at night. Until then, though, only the past lives here. She closes the door on those memories and on this room, at least for now.

Doug puts his stethoscope and lab coat into his locker and closes the door. He is putting on his coat when Mark comes into the locker room. "Hey, headed home?" Mark asks.

"Yep," Doug replies. "I told Carol I'd be there by 5:30 and . . ." he looks at his watch which reads 5:10, "if I leave in the next five minutes I should be just in time."

"I won't keep you then," Mark says.

"Wait, was there something you wanted to talk about?" Doug asks.

"No, nothing important. It'll keep for a few days. Go home and be with your family. We'll talk later."

"Mark, what is it?" Doug asks.

"I told you, it's really not such a big deal," Mark replies.

"I'd like to judge that for myself if you don't mind," Doug tells him. "Sit," he commands. Mark reluctantly takes a seat on one of the benches and Doug sits beside him. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"You're going to be late," Mark says.

"I'll worry about that. Carol will understand. Besides, how many times have you sat around and listened to my problems? I owe you the same courtesy. If something is bothering you, I want you to tell me."

"Nothing's bothering me, really. I just . . . well, Nina and I have been talking and . . . remember how I said I didn't think I'd be getting married in the near future and I thought Nina felt the same way?" Doug nods. "Well, I think I might have been wrong."

"On which count?"

"The second for sure. But, maybe I was wrong about myself, too. I know I love her. Why shouldn't I want to be married to her?"

"I don't know, there are lots of reasons. Did Nina say she wants to get married?"

"Not in so many words, but I know what she's getting at. She doesn't want to wait forever if nothing is going to come of this relationship."

"Who says nothing's coming of it? Just because you aren't married doesn't mean it's a waste of time," Doug says.

"I know, I just think Nina wants that, eventually. She wants to get married again. She doesn't want to be in limbo forever. Maybe I don't either," Mark says.

"That's something you can't let her decide for you though," Doug says.

"I know. That's why I've been giving it so much thought. I want to get it straight in my head exactly how I feel about this."

"Do you love her? I mean, in a forever kind of way?"

"Yes, at least, I think so. Of course, I thought I was making that same 'forever' commitment to Jennifer, too, and look where that led. But, I know I love Nina and I hope it's forever. I want it to be."

Doug nods. "Can you see yourself as a husband again?"

"I think I can. Living together and depending on one another, I'm sure all of that will be no problem. I really don't know what it is I'm even hesitating about to tell you the truth."

"There has to be something though. Otherwise, you wouldn't hesitate. Think about it before you jump in head first, buddy."

Mark looks at Doug and nods. "Yeah, I know. I guess I still have a lot left to think over. Well, thanks for talking to me and for listening. I'll let you get going now." He starts to get up and head for the door, but Doug grabs his arm to stop him.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk some more? I told you, I'm not in that big of a rush. I can hang out a few more minutes, at least."

"No, really, go. I'm fine. You've helped a lot." Mark smiles at his friend. "Tell everyone I said Merry Christmas, okay?"

"Sure buddy, you know I will."

"Hey Carol," Charlie says as she enters the living room. She has an armload of packages, which she sets on the floor near the couch. Carol is on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, arranging the packages she has just brought down from the bedroom.

"Hey, how'd the shopping go?" Carol smiles at her.

"Great! I finished, finally! And they're all wrapped and everything," Charlie smiles proudly.

"That's good. Were you and Josh at the mall all day?"

"Yeah, pretty much. We were going to go to the park but it's just too cold to sit outside. We ended up doing our gift exchange in his car. Josh is going to his grandmother's house this evening and he wouldn't be back until Sunday. You want to see what he gave me?" she asks excitedly.

"Of course!" Carol gets up quickly and goes over to the couch to sit beside Charlie. Charlie holds up her wrist. Carol sees a gold bracelet dangling from it. Upon closer inspection, she sees it has a gold charm hanging from it. The charm is round and on it there is an inscription engraved. It says, 'My love forever, Josh.'

"Wow, how sweet!" Carol says.

"I know!" she pauses for a moment, then continues, "Carol . . . do you think it's too soon for me to love him?" she asks softly.

"I, uh . . . well, I don't know. I don't really know that it's ever too soon to love someone. I can't even remember when I starting loving Doug. It just sneaks up on you before you know it. Do you love Josh?"

"I think so," she smiles. "He told me today that he loves me. When I'm with him, I can't think of another place I'd rather be. And, when I'm not with him, I spend half the time thinking about him. He makes me happy. Isn't that what love is supposed to be about? Being together and being happy?"

"That's part of it, yes. Don't rush yourself though. Love is a wonderful thing when you're in it, but when it ends you have to be careful. As high as love seems to take you, you feel like you fell twice as far."

Charlie nods. "I'm taking my time. Josh and I haven't . . . well, you know. We decided to wait. It's so amazing, though. He told me he'd wait for as long as I wanted. No boy has ever treated me like this. Josh makes me feel like the only girl in the room, even in a crowd of people. It's like no one matters but me."

Carol smiles. "I think you two are doing fine. Just keep a level head about this relationship and things will work out. Josh is a very nice boy. I feel like you're safe with him."

"Me, too," Charlie smiles. Carol smiles too and wraps her arms around Charlie. She may be missing a lot this season, but she still has a daughter. And she couldn't have asked for a better one.

"Merry Christmas!" Doug bellows as he comes into the kitchen. It's 5:45 and Carol and Charlie are just putting dinner on the table.

"Hey sweetie! Merry Christmas to you, too!" Carol says as she sets a basket of rolls on the table and comes over to hug and kiss him.

"Merry Christmas, Doug," Charlie says, smiling.

"What, no hug?" Doug asks.

"You look like you have your hands full," Charlie chuckles. "I wouldn't dream of interrupting the 'lovebirds'."

"No way, you aren't getting off that easy!" Doug says. "Get over here!" he commands with a smile.

She smiles back and walks over to join the embrace. "Okay, can we get on with dinner now? I'm starving!" Charlie says.

"Sounds like a winning idea to me! I'm famished, too." He heads upstairs to wash up while the girls finish getting things ready for the meal.

"I thought I'd find you here, doctor," Anna says as she enters the lounge. Carter is sitting on the sofa. He smiles as she walks in.

"I was wondering how long it would take you," Carter says with a glint in his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know Maggie told you I had your gift with me. She's terrible at keeping secrets. That's why I told her, I knew you'd be sure to find out. Plus, as an extra precaution, I told Doug Ross. Either way, I knew I was covered."

Anna smiles, "Okay, you caught me. But, that's not the only reason I came looking for you. I thought you might be interested to see what I got for you, too."

"What happened to Christmas morning?"

"Well, we have to be at my parents house at 9am and we'll be at your grandmother's tonight until at least 11pm. Why don't we just swap gifts now?"

"You don't even have mine here," Carter says, smirking.

"No, but we're off in fifteen minutes. We'll go back to my house, change clothes . . ."

"Nope, you'll have to wait."

"Aw, John!"

"Sorry, Santa makes the rules, I only enforce them."

"Yeah, yeah. Since when am I dating an elf?"

"Hey!" Carter says. He gets up and chases Anna playfully around the lounge. He catches her arm as they are just inside the doorway. He wraps his arms around her as she giggles and tries to squirm free. "Look up," he whispers. She does and there she sees a sprig of mistletoe.

"What a coincidence," Anna whispers.

"No, fate," Carter responds.

"I didn't know you believed in fate Dr. Carter," she smiles.

"I do now," he whispers and then he leans in and they share a long, passionate kiss under the mistletoe.

It's nearly 9 o'clock that evening when Doug, Carol, and Charlie finish opening their gifts. Everyone received things they wanted and there were a few surprises. No one was disappointed though. It has been a great Christmas Eve.

"We should clean up and get to bed," Carol says, starting to rise.

"Yeah, I'm tired, too," Charlie agrees, getting up to help.

"No, sit down. I have one more gift for you two," Doug says.

"What? Something else?" Carol asks.

"Well, yeah. It's sort of . . . sort of a family gift. I left it upstairs. Hang on." He disappears up the stairs as Charlie and Carol both continue to sit on the couch. They look at each other, both clearly unsure what this last gift could be.

Doug returns with a huge smile on his face and a plain white envelope in his hand. "This came two days ago but I thought I'd save it for today. It sure beats any gift I could have bought either of you anyway."

They look at him curiously and Carol takes the envelope from him. She pulls out the papers within and starts reading the letter on the first page. Charlie reads over her shoulder. Within seconds, both of their faces light up.

"This is real? It's finally official?" Charlie asks.

"Yep!" Doug beams. The papers in the envelope are from the courts. Only two days ago, the judge decided in favor of Doug and Carol as Charlie's parents. The adoption is now official. The letter confirms it.

Carol and Charlie both go over and hug Doug. "Look at this," Doug says. "We're together, we're happy, and now we are officially a family, even in the eyes of the state of Illinois. This has to be the best Christmas ever." Carol nods and continues to beam. Charlie bites her lower lip as a happy tear slips down her cheek and she hugs them both again. Though the weathermen were right about the forecast, it's never felt warmer to the Ross family.

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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998

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