ER: Doug and Carol Series
Story #6
A Change In The Weather
by: Courtney
Charlie opens her eyes and is greeted with the bright sunlight that is slipping through the bedroom blinds. She looks at the clock and sees that it is 8:30am. She doesnt remember falling asleep the night before. The last thing she remembers is letting Doug put his arms around her and crying on his shoulder. I shouldnt have done that, she thinks, but she had felt so safe in his arms, it was hard to let go. She sits there a moment longer, then decides to get up. She swings her legs over the side of the bed, not looking down as she hoists herself up. Before her feet can reach the floor, she inadvertently steps on a sleeping Doug. She squeals in surprise and jumps back onto the bed.
Doug, awakened both by her feet and her scream, sits up and rubs his eyes sleepily. Charlie is still staring down at him in shock as he looks up. Good morning, he greets her with a yawn.
Good morning, she says with a curious stare, obviously wondering why he is sleeping on the floor beside her bed.
I, uh . . . , he searches for an appropriate explanation. Well, you were upset, and . . . , his voice trails off as he fumbles for more words, but cant come up with any.
She looks away. Im sorry about that. I shouldnt have laid all of that on you.
No, Doug says quickly, It was no problem. Im just glad I was here.
So am I, Charlie thinks, but she says, Well, I still shouldnt have let myself go nuts like that. I dont know what was wrong with me.
Doug knows. At least, he has a good idea. There are so many reasons for Charlie to cry. So many things she has been through that would put anyone in tears. And, yet, she has so much control over her emotions the majority of the time. It is really amazing that someone so young has that much of a handle on herself. But, Doug thinks, its also very sad.
Charlie gets up and walks out of the room and into the bathroom. Doug picks himself up from the floor and sits down on the edge of the bed. His mind is going in a thousand directions at once. There are so many things for him to worry about right now. Charlie isnt his only concern. He is still pretty worried about Carol. Ever since she told him about Todd and that whole situation, he has noticed a change in her. Her emotions were more exposed now. He knows it is good for her to finally deal with her pain and to have him there to help her through it, but it also makes her very vulnerable. She is running the risk of opening herself up to so much pain. He hates that he cant be with her all the time, especially now. She needs me, he thinks to himself. But, now, hes not sure if it is Carol or Charlie who needs him the most. He thinks about calling Carol to see how she is, but decides to wait. Shes probably already gone to bed and he knows she hasnt had much sleep these past few days. Theyll just have to talk later.
Getting up from the bed, Doug makes his way to the kitchen to make something to eat. He walks in and starts a pot of coffee. Then, he opens the refrigerator to see what they have for breakfast. He finds eggs and bacon, courtesy of Carols recent shopping trip. He starts preparing the food, trying to get his mind off of all of his worries.
Charlie steps out of the bathroom just as Doug is placing the bacon and eggs on two plates. I hope scrambled is okay, he says as she approaches.
Sure, thats fine. She sits at the table where he has placed a plate for her.
Would you like some orange juice? Its fresh this time, I promise. He grins at her and his eyes crinkle at the corners. She nods her head and begins to rise to get the juice, but he stops her. Ill get it, eat, he instructs.
She sits back down, hesitantly, and picks up her fork. Doug returns with the glass of juice and hands it to her. Thanks, she replies, looking down at the eggs.
You dont like eggs? he asks when he notices she hasnt touched her food. I think I have some cereal, if youd rather have that. Or . . ., he starts to make a few other suggestions, but she cuts him short.
No, this is fine. She turns back to her food, eating a bite of the eggs. Doug shrugs and continues eating his own breakfast.
Not much is said between them for the remainder of the meal. It is evident that Charlie is embarrassed by her behavior the previous night. She isnt embarrassed by much, but showing how she really feels to someone is very out of character for her.
After they have eaten, Charlie helps him clean the dishes. She stands by his side at the sink, silently drying plates, pans, and glasses as he washes them. When they have the kitchen back in order, they move into the living room. Charlie sits on the sofa and Doug in his usual chair, a black, leather recliner. He turns on the television. It is 9:30am and most of the stations are showing talk shows. He flips through several channels, stopping only long enough to hear descriptions like My Mother Dresses Like A Tramp or My Son Is A Female Impersonator before he finally decides to shut the television off. Charlie is picking absently at her fingernails and staring at the floor.
Is there anything youd like to talk about? Doug asks her.
She silently shakes her head no and continues to fidget in her seat. He knows she is confused and that last night was a huge turning point for her. Opening up to him now would take a lot of trust on her part. Doug knows she wont relinquish her trust very easily. For her, it is the only thing shes ever had that was hers to give and it is sacred to her. He takes a deep breath and considers the situation. What should he do? If he leaves her alone and lets her keep to herself, he wont be helping her any. But, if he pushes her too much to open up to him, he could end up pushing her further away. He struggles with this dilemma for a few more moments and finally comes to a decision. He decides he cant stand to watch her going through this and he has to do something, take some kind of action.
He gets up, quickly, from the recliner and goes over to sit beside her on the couch. She keeps her eyes focused on the hardwood floor below. Doug reaches out and touches her arm. She flinches at his touch. Its okay . . ., he says as she pulls herself away from him, wedging herself up against the armrest beside her. He moves closer and puts his hand on her shoulder. She shakes her head and turns away. But, Doug is not giving up. He can see the pain shes in and he cant just stand by and watch. He has to at least try to help her. Charlie . . . , he says in a hushed voice.
She continues to shake her head. Just leave me alone, she says as he continues to rest his hand on her slumped shoulder. She just wants to crawl back inside of herself. If she just keeps everyone out, no one can ever really hurt her. No one . . ., she thinks.
Doug eases even closer so that he is right behind her. He has both of his hands on her shoulders now and he speaks softly to her. Im not going to leave you alone. I want you to talk to me. I want to help.
With this, Charlie spins around to face him, pulling herself free of his grasp. But, you cant! she cries. There is nothing you, or anyone else, can do to help me! I dont need your help! I dont want it!
The pain and fear in her eyes speaks volumes more than her biting words. Doug blinks once, then, he looks straight into her eyes, saying, I know that isnt true. You cant lie to me. I see what youre doing. His words arent mean or hurtful, just honest and they hit Charlie like a slap in the face.
She pulls back, not sure how to respond. She stares at him, then opens her mouth to speak, I . . . You dont know me at all. She cant think of anything else to say.
Doug shakes his head, scattering her words. They are just another of her defense mechanisms, another way to push people away. He cant blame her for keeping people at a distance. She has no reason to have faith in anyone. Doug looks at her now, her face hard, trying to retain her all encompassing control, and his expression is not one of anger. He doesnt have the look of rage in his eyes that she is accustomed to from so many others. This scares her, his lack of hostility. She can handle anger, shes used to that. But, the caring and forgiving expression she sees in his brown eyes is something she cannot defend against. It is unlike any look she has ever been given. Her stark, defensive expression wilts and her shoulder fall. She looks down at her hands and a hot tear falls onto the front of her shirt. She shakes as she struggles to hold herself together, still. Doug eases closer and she doesnt have the strength to push him away as he pulls her to him and whispers kind, soothing words to her.
Dont cry, she orders herself. Dont do this again. Its too late, she cant hold back. As her eyes well up with tears, Doug sits back and looks at her face. Talk to me. Please . . .
She doesnt know how to respond. Her defenses have crumbled and all of the restraint she has nurtured for so long has left her. I cant . . . I . . ., her voice is lost as the tears spill down her cheeks.
Its okay. Im not going anywhere. He hugs her again and her tears soak into his T-shirt. She feels his hand as he gently rubs her back and hears his soft, melodic voice as he tries to calm her. His tranquil tone consoles her as she tries to stop her tears. As she gains a bit more control, she pulls back. Doug looks at her, expectantly, his arm still resting on her shoulder. There is a long interval of silence. Her words are buried very deep and releasing them is a difficult process. She takes a deep breath, then years of pain come gushing forth all at once:
Im scared. I dont know how to be scared and I cant make it go away. She rubs her eyes and looks away. I dont know what Im doing anymore, whats happening. Everything just . . . , she loses her battle for control and her voice, as well.
More tears come forth as Doug begins to speak: What are you scared of? What is it that scares you the most?
She thinks about this for a long moment. Her tears spill forth again as she says, Living.
Doug looks at her, sadly. Your going to be okay. You know that dont you? Everything can change. You dont have to be scared anymore. But, you have to change. You have to want it.
Charlie looks at him. I dont understand.
The streets, Doug says, you cant keep living out there, the way youve been living, and expect your life to get any better. You have to stay away from that if you want things to change for you.
Thats easy for you to say, she says with a new found fire in her voice. Some big time doctor with a big apartment in this neighborhood, a fancy car, a pretty girlfriend, the whole bit. You can sit there, from where you are, and tell me I can change my life. But, you dont know. Youve never been where I am. Youve never had to live my life. So, dont tell me it can change, because you have no idea! Her words are sharp and Doug takes a moment to take them all in. He knows shes right, he doesnt fully understand Charlies life. He cant imagine how she can get through it the way she does.
I know, he begins, that I have never been where you are. I know that you have a rough life. I know you feel like you cant depend on anyone but yourself. But, I want to try to understand. I may not have been on the streets and in your situation, but I have seen some pretty dark days. Ive had times in my life when it felt like no one cared, like I could only count on myself. Its scary as hell to feel that alone. I want to try and help you turn your life around. I dont want to see this keep happening to you, over and over again. His eyes glisten with tears. Please, let me try to help you.
She shakes her head again. This time, when she speaks, her words are less angry and more bitterly straight forward. I just dont think you can. She looks at him and her face has a hopeless look.
Why? He isnt letting this go that easily.
Because, what good will it do? If you waste all
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the foster home so I can deal with their shit again? No, thank you. I can
take care of myself. I dont need your help.
Who says youll be in a foster home?
Charlie looks at him. Where else would I go? Nobody is going to adopt me, she gives an incredulous smirk to this thought. And, Im not going back to live with my mother. You can forget that!
What if I said you could stay here? Charlies surprised look at these words mirrors his own. He isnt sure where that came from. He was just listening to her and all of the sudden he heard himself speaking those words.
Why would you want to do that? After all of the trouble Ive caused you, why would you want me to stay? Suspicion permeates her question as she looks curiously at him.
He thinks about this for a moment. His answer is a surprise to them both. Because we need each other.
Charlie stares at him, still weary of this newfound kindness she is experiencing. She isnt sure how to take these words that Doug has issued forth. He isnt sure how to take the words himself. They both sit, silently, puzzled by this recent turn of events. They are sitting across from one another on the couch. Doug cant help but think that the two of them are so much alike, yet so different as well. He cant think because of all of the convoluted thoughts and emotions that swim in his head. So, when he finally speaks, his words come not from his head, but from his heart, his soul. You need me. You need a place to stay and people to take care of you. I need make up for . . . , his words catch in his throat. He takes a deep breath and starts again. I need to do this. I need to be there for you. I want you to stay. He has been looking at the ceiling as he spoke and when he finishes, he looks back to Charlie. She has fresh tears teetering beneath her eyelids. She looks into his face and sees something. She isnt sure what it is about him, but she somehow knows he couldnt be more sincere in his words to her. She blinks and the tears cover her flushed cheeks. Okay, is all she says.
He smiles. The familiar creases in the corners of his eyes become more prominent with this grin. It is a true Doug Ross smile that lights up his whole face. Charlie looks at his smile and cant help but smile back. She is still crying, a little, but her tears seem different now. It isnt pain that brings them forth, but happiness. She broadens her smile at this thought.
Doug looks over at the window and something catches his eye. He walks over and looks up at the sky, then down at the street below. It is snowing. The first snow of winter has begun to blanket Chicago. He turns away from the window and looks back at Charlie. He knows his whole life is about to change. As he turns back to the snow, he is still smiling.
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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998
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