Real Reality

	Stephen addresses the camera.


Stephen		Ladies and gentlemen, if you've been wearing your listening
		trousers at all over the last few time frames, it's not
		impossible that you will have heard the phrase Virtual Reality.
		You may have thought to yourself I virtually don't understand
		what that is, and even if I did, I virtually couldn't give a
		dalmatian's nephew. That's a shame. Because Virtual Reality
		represents a colossal leap forward in the field of computer
		generated images. But we here on A Bit of Fry & Laurie,
		anxious as ever to bring you only the very ripest, tenderest
		young happening grooves, have looked ahead to the even more
		exciting field ...

	Hugh shouts, off camera.

Hugh		And it is a field ...

Stephen		... and as m'colleague has so loudly pointed out, it is a
		field - the field of Real Reality. Hugh, what is it?

	Hugh is wearing a brightly coloured tie. He sports it for the camera.

Hugh		It's very exciting, that's what it is. This little beauty I'm
		wearing is a Real Reality tie.

	Stephen shouts across.

Stephen		Cripes. What does that do?

Hugh		What this does is enable me to stand here and experience
		everything around me exactly, but exactly, as if it was real. I
		can see people and lights and cameras, and m'colleague Stephen,
		all utterly indistinguishable from the real thing. I actually
		tried it out at home yesterday morning, and drank a cup of tea
		wearing this tie, and ...

Stephen		Did it taste just like a cup of tea?

Hugh		Stephen, I swear I couldn't have told the difference. Then I
		went to Morocco, and crossed the Atlas mountains without ropes
		of any kind, and it really was pretty scary. It had me fooled,
		anyway.

Stephen		Have you had sex while wearing it?

Hugh		Very briefly, yes.

Stephen		Identical, then?

Hugh		No difference at all. I suppose the only criticism I have is
		that when you're wearing the tie, you're vaguely concious of
		wearing a tie. Apart from that, it's as good as perfect.

Stephen		But what about the cost, Hugh? Surely that must be a worry?

Hugh		'Fraid so. This tie will set you back £475,000. But the
		manufacturers are hoping to produce a budget version sometime
		next year.

Stephen		Mmm. Can't wait. What are you going to do now, Hugh?

Hugh		I'm going to wear this tie in the next sketch.

Stephen		I am on the point of orgasm.

Stephen		(as woman) The local pizza delivery boy came round and I took
		one look and I said, never mind the super supreme, I'll take
		you, just as you are ... thin and crispy. That's how we met.
		You could have knocked me down with a court order when I
		discovered he was my son.